Thursday, July 29, 2010

Guess what? I'm not super fat anymore. YAY.

I do feel kind of bad for slacking on my weight loss stuff. Mostly because I know I could have been losing a ton more all this time happens. The good news is that I haven't gained anything back so that is fabulous. I have gotten back to my nightly walking routine which isn't as unbearable in 80 degree weather as 90 degree weather, so whatever. I don't like walking in the morning as much as I do at night. In the morning I'm pushing a double stroller with almost 80 pounds of kid weight (not including how heavy the stroller is on it's own). I also can't rock the hell out in the morning. There are more people walking around that *apparently* frown on me singing Manchester Orchestra's "Pride" loudly (If you don't know the greatness that is Manchester- you need to educate yourself and push play to the right. Seriously. Listen to that and tell me you aren't rocking the hell out).


But I wanted to give you some updated pictures! Because all of us are just really simple folk and are entertained by pretty pictures.

So yesterday I went for my walk and decided to make Matt take a picture before I took a shower and my hair would look all retarded. Like my "hurry the fuck up- the pedophile is watching" pose?
Fun fact- this shirt? Yeah, I got it in March. WAY TOO SMALL. Basically, it was all that was left and then I got a free one, which was the same size. And being the awesomest friend EVER, I sent it to my BB (blog bestie), Mr. O because he missed out on the Muse show in Atlanta. Big SADS. Well his didn't fit either and we were both bummed that boo---our shirts don't fit. He was able to be an awesome friend and give it to one of his friends and she got to wear it and be all cool. But then I was all pissed that I was stuck with a shirt that didn't fit.

Guess what whores? IT FITS. Despite my boobs going from a 38D to a 36DD. WTF?
And can we talk about my ass/thighs? Of course we can. So my pants here? Are a MEDIUM. Medium bitches! I haven't been a medium anything in forever. And you can't really tell but I still have an ass (bonus), but my thighs are drastically smaller. You can go HERE to get one comparison.

Anyways. So I was a size 16 pant, and I'm down to a 14, sometimes a 12. This? Is a big deal. I have not been less than a 14 in like seven years. Some of my size 14 capris from back then don't fit anymore. The thigh are is WAY baggy. So I look ridiculous trying to rock these out. They look (no joke) like capri Hammer pants. And you know you know what those are.

So I'm trying. Most days it sucks ass but I have to keep trying. My mom said pictures from Christmas she just got printed shows exactly how huge I was. Yikes. I can't wait to see those. (SARCASM)

OK- so last minute business before I let you go for the evening so I can go on my walk. Have you heard of the Panty Pyramid? No? You are a loser. Basically, we send you panties in the mail (free), along with the address of two people. You send them panties. Your address gets passed on to someone else who sends you panties as well. We just keep it going from month to month. It's a super fun exchange circle and you need to be a part of it. Obviously it's for chicks but if you're a guy and you like wearing women's panties, join us too. It's open to international people as well. So join us- the new round of panties starts in the next week so if you want to join.......go to the blog, follow us, and send me an email at: Seriously. It's fun and you don't want to be "that kid" with the ugly underwear. AND as a bonus...there is a CHANCE that I might be the one sending you if you're a freak that might be exciting for you. Right? Of course it would be. :)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Who let the girls out in Chicago??

Ok, so the Chicago trip was mainly all about the Kings of Leon concert but since Jennie and Kelly had never been to Chicago I figured we had to do some of the free touristy things so they could say they popped their Chicago cherry. I wouldn't be much of a friend if I wasn't willing to pop a cherry, now would I?

We woke up fairly early considering we got in kind of late AND we all had to shower after being rained on, so at about 8 am we were all feeling bright eyed and bushy tailed. OK, that's a straight up lie. I think Kelly was the only one who was gun ho about being awake. And so as we're getting ready we hear this knocking on the door. Now, none of us brought a boy back to the room so we're thinking it's someone who's clearly confused. No- it's housekeeping asking us when we're leaving.

Hi- check out is at noon, bitch. I know you are all excited about not really cleaning but making it look like you did, but jesus. We still have three hours to make a mess if we want to. Whore. Good thing it wasn't me answering the door and good thing I have nice friends.

So after leaving and loading up the van with our shit, we decided that since our hotel offers no food (despite paying $323 for the night after taxes), we were going to hit up a Starbucks to feed Kelly and Jennie's addiction to coffee. I opted for orange juice and a donut. Both of which were disgusting. I took 3 sips of my juice and 2 bites of my donut before tossing them. Goodbye $5.71 I'll never see again.

But we saw the Chicago Bean in Millennium park. Super weird when it's all sunny and bright out. When I was here in March it was all rainy and gross so yeah. It's REALLY reflective in the sun. So here's Jennie and Kelly popping their Chicago cherry.

And then I had to get my dork on. Obviously.

OK, so I got my touristy dork on twice. Sue me.

But one thing that I didn't get to do in March was see the view. It was so cold and rainy out while we were there, not to mention foggy as hell, so when I visited the Hancock Building for a view we saw pretty much nothing. Which on it's own was kind of creepy. But this time I paid for the girls and I go up to the Observatory on the 94th floor because I? Wanted to see the damn city. And see the city I did.
To say it was gorgeous is a huge understatement. Seriously- it's Chicago for as far as you can see. I'm already itching for another girls weekend trip- this time focusing on Navy Pier and the beach.

So some of my more with it followers remembered that I started my Chicago trip by getting my period. The fun thing about me is that I'm nothing if not predictable. On every fun thing I have ever done in my life, any kind of trip, any kind of anything- one of two things will happen. I'll either get a migraine or I'll get my period. I had my period on the kayak trip. Any woman alive will just know how much you don't want to be having your period when you are stuck inside a fucking kayak for 6 hours. You also don't really want to be at a concert where you are going to get rained on. And because my girly bits are all not where they are meant to be, tampons are not an option for me. So yah- it's gross anyways and I gag thinking about it but seriously. Throw me in a car for 8 hours with my period and I? Am going to get cranky. Jennie and Kelly didn't tell me to settle the hell down so maybe I was ok after all. But walking all day Sunday? Dis-gus-ting.

We ended up leaving Chicago around 2:30ish, but then didn't actually leave the city limits until 4ish due to traffic. But guess what we got to drive next to for awhile??

A mariachi band! I am loving how the driver is kind of smiling.

Anyways. So while Jennie and Kelly watched the rest of season 2 of True Blood in the backseat, I drove us home as fast as I possibly could. We arrived in Superior at what- 11:30 pm? That was after a stop in Madison to get gas and eat dinner at a gas station Taco Bell where our order taker guy had hardly any teeth, and a stop at Rice Lake so I could pee and get french fries and a soda. Poor Kelly had another 20 minutes to go since she lives in a town outside of Duluth, but it wasn't bad. AND I didn't feel like falling asleep while driving so that's always a plus.

But this trip just reminded me how much I love the city. I thrive in the city. I feel like I'm in my element. Like at any given time there are a million things I could be doing at the exact moment and it's up to me to decide which thing is cool enough for me to go to. Whereas in Superior....not so much. A trip to Target is about as exciting as I'm going to get. :)

Monday, July 26, 2010

Kings of Leon. Minus Bird Poop.

So after MONTHS (seriously- since March) of waiting....finally I went to Chicago to see my lovers, Kings of Leon. First off, I can't even tell you how much I love KOL because all of you would be here for days and by the end you would wish I permanently lost my voice or that my fingers would just seriously fall off already. Because I could go on for days about them, their music, and their talent. So please, hit play to your right to rock the hell out with me.

So I'm going to post more about the rest of the weekend tomorrow, but I seriously felt like this concert deserved it's very own post. The concert was actually held in Tinley Park in the amphitheatre there- which to be honest, made me nervous. Two reasons: number one being our seats were in row ZZ out of MMM and two, all of the reviews of the venue that I read Friday night were awful. I kept reading about poor sound quality and that sucks. But seriously- nothing would prevent me from going to KOL.

Jennie and I, pre-concert 

At the concert we realized our seats were fucking awesome. Almost in front of the stage, just enough back that we could see AND we had cover over our heads. This would come to be pretty damn important about an hour into the show.

Me and Kelly, pre-concert

Two opening bands played, The Stills and Built to Spill. I had only heard maybe two songs from each band prior so I didn't really know what to expect. Usually this is fine because I've discovered a lot of bands I love by them being opening acts so I am always there early to catch them. I feel like a lot of opening acts don't get the credit they deserve when really, they want it just as bad as the headliner.

The Stills were good. They seem new, they seem like they are trying to find their performing niche so to speak, but they were pretty good. Good enough that I'd like to hear more from them.

Built to Spill sucked so fucking badly I felt like my ears were going to bleed. Seriously, I was one step away from covering my ears and hiding under my seat saying, "Mommy make it stop" because that band? WOULD.NOT.STOP. Seriously. Nobody was feeling them. Hardly any clapping was happening between songs. The singer either had an abnormally large tongue, a speech impediment, or was drunk as fuck because everything was slurred. They had to start a bunch of songs over, and really? Save yourself the embarrassment.

I'm sad you can't really see this. But the tragedy is not just her unfortunate shorts, but her legs? Looked like they had a herpes outbreak. Seriously. It was disgusting. They were all red and rash like. DISGUSTING.

AND we got to sit behind the fat family. Yup. The mom? Had afro hair and I couldn't see around her. The dad who wouldn't just sit the fuck down (seriously- he was forever getting up to get them all food and drinks) was so sweaty and fat. So he would fan the sweat from his hair onto us. DISGUSTING. And they kept eating these hamburgers that smelled like ass and then proceeded to fart all night. Oh- and the teenage girls? Had skirts so short I'm pretty sure we saw vag.

In the middle of the Built to Spill set my dear, dear bestie Mr. O texts me about the KOL concert in St. Louis. And the bird poop. And because I don't watch the news and hadn't been in touch with the internet since 5am on Friday, I had no idea what he was talking about and thought he was messing with me. Coincidentally- he wasn't.

Jennie and I waiting for KOL. It was 99 degrees and 100% humidity. Goodbye makeup. So glad we spent time on you.

When KOL came out obviously everybody started losing their shit.

HEY! It's me with really bizarro lighting and pigtails!

Anyways, so they opened with "Crawl" which is just a good opening song. One thing about KOL is that they? Are so incredible live that I am willing to say they are better live than they are on an album. Don't get me wrong- I have all of their cd's and know the words by heart. I can listen to any of their songs and immediately feel the emotions behind it. But they are true musicians. They don't need auto tune. They don't need machines and shit to make them sound good. They work at it until they perfect it on their own. And that? Is a real rock band.

But at about five songs in, Caleb says, "Well- we made if five songs so far", no doubt in reference to the bird poop incident in which they had to leave after three songs. (Which seriously- I don't blame them. That is fucking disgusting and Caleb is a germaphobe. I think big props to him for even going out because I certainly wouldn't have. Grossness.) And like right on cue- the rain started. Along with thunder and lightning. It was AMAZING. I like rain storms anyways and the scarier the better, but this was just awesome to see. I did feel bad for the assholes on the lawn but not for long because the wind switched and then we were getting drenched. Which was actually fine because it was so mother fucking hot outside.

To which Caleb says, "We'll keep playing until the birds start shitting."

Oh Caleb- I heart you. *swoon*

Anyways. So they played hard. I started to get jealous about the bitches on the lawn because guess what? It is REALLY hard to rock out when you have a super heavy purse on you. And are in narrow aisles that slant downward. Because that? Has broken ankle written all over it. But I did at a few points. I had to risk possible ankle injury because this concert was worth it. I called two friends during "Sex on Fire" because if you could been there? ELECTRIC. I love the sound of an entire crowd drowning out the band while singing. They did it during "Sex on Fire" and obviously again on "Use Somebody". Surprise sing along of the night? "Knocked Up". I love that song anyways, but I am surprised at how many people sang along to it because nobody knew it at the Minneapolis concert this fall. Shame. I was also surprised that I appeared to be the only one anywhere around me to know "Molly's Chambers" and "Fans". What the hell, people?! I will say for the record that "Molly's Chambers" is in my top 5 of favorite KOL songs and also one of the top three of their songs that seriously will get me hot and bothered. A lil Sara Fun Fact for ya.

OK, so after the encore performance it was REALLY raining. And I mean REALLY raining. Anybody on the lawn were so far gone drenched they were in no rush. For those of us who were only wet on our backs we wanted to stay a little more dry but it wasn't happening. It took us maybe 20 minutes to get from our seats to my van in which we arrived totally soaked. Soaked beyond soaked. It was so worth it. My bra was retaining water. My shoes were retaining water. My underwear was soaked. My jeans were so wet I had a hard time getting them off.

Annoying thing- when venues don't have traffic control and make exits a free for all. With the ridiculous amount in fees we pay just to see a concert you think they could at least get a rent-a-cop or something. It took us a really long time to get out of the parking lot.

So here's me when we got back to the hotel. My hair had started to dry and my shirt was stinky. Makeup is gone. Yucky.

All in all? Fantastic fucking concert. Probably the best concert I've ever been to? Yes- definitely would say that. Muse is going to be a close second, but Kings of Leon put on a great show. I think they had about 20-25 songs in their set and even though Caleb mentioned having a sore throat and haggard vocal chords, you never would have known it. They rocked it out and they rocked it hard. They interact just enough but they are there to play for you and that's what they do. Their set looked great (my camera sucks so fucking bad- all my pics are blurry. Sorry.), they had a little bit of pyro, they had a million screens so no matter where you were you were seeing the band. And even though you know a lot of time and money goes into these shows, to me, it still felt like you were seeing a band on the edge of being discovered. Like the last stop before they make it huge. That? Is talent. I think it just confirms that they are still in touch with their fans, they are there to perform and make great music- not to indulge in all of the excesses that eat a band up. True musicians. I wish there were more of them.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

I'm a minivan...

...and I won't be back until late Sunday night...

(repeat that in your BEST Elton John voice.)

That's right hookers! This bitch is going to Chicago in approximately 20 minutes. By the time you read this me, Jennie and Kelly are (hopefully) in the middle of Wisconsin (if you're reading in the morning/early afternoon) with the intention of arriving in downtown Chicago at 3pm.

THEN.....I will attempt to woo Caleb Fallowill from row ZZ at the Kings of Leon concert. It sounds bad, but the rows go until MMM, so maybe it won't be so bad. CROSSING MY FINGERS.

And what better way to kick off an eight hour car ride than....dun dun dun.....

having your period. That's right- Mother Nature is once again proving that I'm actually HER bitch by giving me horrendous cramps, a headache, and yes- bleeding which may require stops. Which can only mean that I may be forced to use *GASP* gas station bathrooms.

Fuck you, Mother Nature. Fuck you.

See you all Monday!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Toddler Fashion.

Over the course of a few days I decided to take a picture of my kids right before they went into my mom's house...which is where they go when I work. Mostly because someday this will be embarrassing for them and I would fail in my parental duties if I didn't have this kind of evidence.

Day One.
You'll notice Olivia with a dress I actually love- her rainbow stripe dress. Accessorized with Tinkerbell sandals, a stuffed puppy, 4 bracelets, 4 necklaces, the pink flower glasses and her sequined "britney" hat. Jackson is showing off his beloved puppy, sandals on the wrong feet, the scarf I made him, a suspender extender as a bracelet and his plain outfit. Their facial expressions will give you an indication of their mood that day.

Day Two.

Well you'll see Olivia has a new dress on but the same sandals. Instead of yesterday's puppy she now carries an elephant. BUT we're up to 5 bracelets, 5 necklaces (including her Iron Man happy meal toy necklace), her Dora glasses but the same hat. What you DON'T see is the streaks of eyeshadow on her eyes and her lips caked in gloss. Jackson has his outfit and sandals still on the wrong feet but he's traded his jewelry for his UMD Bulldogs hat. He still has puppy but his beloved duck is with us, as is my jelly purse which he's claimed as his own. Inside the purse is his own makeup (don't ask), his own chapstick (again...don't ask), his "digger" trucks, some random lego's and part of a pop tart.

Day three.
I think they were sick of me doing pictures. But Olivia refused to wear clean clothes so here she is in the dress from day one. Except today she's wearing her dress shoes that are at least a size too small, but with only 3 bangle bracelets. Not only does she have three necklaces on, but she also has another scarf I made her. I talked her out of the hat this day only because she wanted to wear the headband that doesn't stay on her head. Jackson was kind of feisty this day. He refused to wear his sandals but he's wearing his skater shoes (on the right feet!), his shirt he's decorated with stickers, his MN Twins hat (just like uncle's), and his Iron Man sunglasses.

Folks- these? Are creative, fashionable kids. Every morning I battle Olivia with the amount of makeup she can wear (she's 4...jesus) and some days she wants to put her underwear on backwards. And as much as I want to say she obviously got these traits from her dad...I can't. I remember trying to leave the house in a see through black lace shirt to go to school. Eighth grade. One of the downsides of having your mom at home in the morning is that she'll occasionally tell you to get your ass upstairs and change out of your hoochie outfit before she kicks your ass from here until Sunday. Don't even get me started on the retarded trend of wearing socks... with SANDALS. Ugh. Who the hell told me THAT looked attractive?? Jebsus.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

I shouldn't be allowed to drive alone at night. Ever.

For those of you who are late to the game, I went to Lilith 2010 on Sunday with my friend Krysten. The concert was supposed to be a Canterbury but thank god it wasn't because I don't know where that is I don't think. Anyways.

The concert was at the Target Center, which I've been to about a gazillion times. Thankfully I got into the parking garage on my first attempt unlike every other time I've been there and somehow ended up near a men's shelter which you can assume how nice of a neighborhood that is. Anyways. I'm sure Krysten is happy I didn't take us that route either. So getting to the Target Center was pretty uneventful. I had heard that there was a lot of construction and honestly I didn't see any of it, so I figured it was done or at least finished for the season or something. I wasn't worried.

UNTIL.... dun dun dun....

I go to leave. As you leave the Target Center parking thing where I was, you automatically go left and over this little bridge thingy. No problem. And no matter what, my GPS, Maggie, ALWAYS gets confused when I leave the Target Center which means I'm circling until she figures out what the hell she's supposed to do. And usually this isn't an issue because I have other people with me who kind of know where we should go or are capable of reading road signs which I seem to not be able to do at 11pm . Whatever.

So I'm driving and driving and realize that Maggie is WAY confused. Like she's still in the parking ramp. So I make a left turn so I would end up driving towards the Target Center again when ALL OF A SUDDEN she starts DEMANDING that I go right. Fine- I'll go right. Whatever- just get me home hooker.

I drive on the freeway and I'm seeing signs for 35 North and I'm like "Go Maggie!" until.... dun dun dun.... the road is closed. It's taking me a different way telling me there are detours. Cool- so I'm looking for detour signs. Which you would expect when you are on a detour route-- you would like some god damn fucking SIGNS to tell you where you should go next.

Unfortunately, the budget cuts for the State of Minnesota mean that MnDOT can't afford these signs. So people who don't know their way around Minneapolis are left looking like jackasses. And by this I mean driving through the scariest parts of downtown Minneapolis. Near midnight. In a mini van with a "feel your boobies" bumper sticker. I'm like 99% sure I saw a drug deal happen right in front of me at a stop sign. Obviously a stop sign doesn't mean you stop for a full two minutes but I was not about to honk to indicate that I too, would like to go somewhere. Preferably home.

Once I got the complete tour of downtown Minneapolis, I got the tour of the outer circle of Minneapolis. All while trying eight different routes to get onto 35 North. I will say that Maggie tried and she tried hard to get me home. EVENTUALLY, I found a lone 35N detour sign, mostly covered by trees in the corner of somebodies yard, with a left arrow. I took a left and MIRACULOUSLY, 35 North appeared. I soon saw the exit for 694 or whatever and then I saw a big sign that said DULUTH. It was glorious. Had I not been so fucking exhausted from driving almost two hours around Minneapolis I would have made more of an effort to smile.

So I'm driving. I don't really remember my drive between White Bear Lake and Forest Lake because I'm pretty sure I blacked out from exhaustion. Thank god there were no other cars near me otherwise that could have been awful. So from Forest Lake to Hinckley it was an absolute struggle to stay awake. I altered between warm and cold air. I had the windows all down, windows all up. Music as loud as it would go. I had caffeine and I was chugging it non stop, bladder be damned. Nothing was working. After what seemed like forever, I get to Hinckley and have to pull off. I ended up peeing (a lot) while I was there, got some muffins, walked around the parking lot of Tobies. Then I saw that Hardees was open so I thought maybe if I ate something that would help.

Guess what is really disgusting to eat at 1:30 in the morning? Hardees. I took maybe 6 or 7 bites out of my big roast beef and promptly threw that out the window. Maybe deer would like it better? The fries were equally disgusting so those went out the other window. (But don't worry- I threw the wrappers out when I got home.)

And I pulled onto my street at exactly (from my scribbled note in the van) at 2:58 a.m. Whoopsy- I thought it was 2:30. Whatever- I was tired. I texted three people around 2:30 to say I was home, but now I remember that was as I was pulling into Superior- just over the bridge and waiting at the light. So it took me almost 4 hours to get home. I was getting home as Matt was getting ready for work.

The moral of my story? I am not going to be driving home from Minneapolis/St. Paul by myself unless I absolutely have no other possible option. It's too dangerous. I am much better with someone else in the car even though I'm exhausted. I? Am not young anymore. I've officially become an old person.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Lilith 2010- The Wrap Up

So about a week ago, one of my most favorite bloggers and quickly becoming real life friend, Krysten won some tickets to the Minneapolis leg of the Lilith 2010. Which obviously is fabulous since I wanted to go but being EL BROKE-O (Gini- my Spanish may be wrong here..) it wasn't a possibility. But Krysten is my hero so there.

Anyways. So we met up in Roseville at our new favorite restaurant, Flame. Seriously folks, if you go for no other reason (great food, fabulous server who wasn't even weirded out that I asked where she gother shirt, cheap prices, the BEST seasoned fries, smores as a dessert, fire up in there and really weird guys with fucked up hair walking by) you need to go for the bathroom. Seriously.

The sink? Is a trough with rocks. Sadly, the toilets don't have rocks but that's ok. I am wondering if the urinals have rocks because I think that would be nice. So my hope is that when I make Matt drive 2.5 hours to go out to get there (one way) that he will report on the urinal. Obviously, my duty as your Lambwhore Leader is to report back. But anyways- if you ever go to Flame or are deciding on a restaurant, you will love this place.

OK- so we went to Lilith and first thing I noticed: hardly anybody there. Now, it started at 2 with people going every 40 minutes or so with Sarah Mclachlan at the end so obviously people might skip the openers. Big mistake.

Chantal Kreviazuk

Amazing. If you don't know who she is- you are a loser. She's a FABULOUS singer/songwriter. I loved her set and she was so personable. Plus- if you've ever watched Dawson's Creek (Team Pacey) then you know her:

Vita Chambers
Ok- I'll admit, she was new to me. Actually, I heard one song of hers before but thought she was a flash in the pan. Dead wrong.
You need to get to know her. First thing I thought was that she sounded almost EXACTLY like a young Gwen Stefani- circa Tragic Kingdom. And those are big shoes to fill. Also- her stage presence?? AWESOME. I hate to say this but I love Hayley Williams from Paramore and think she was born to be on stage...but Vita? Better than Hayley. No question.

I liked Vedera. I liked them a lot. Krysten said she saw them open for Jack's Mannequin and they were good- she was right.
Such a pretty and melodic voice. This band could seriously go far. She reminded me of Natalie Imbruglia.

Now, I'm relatively new to Metric and on record, I really like them. A little different but I think they are still kind of getting into their groove. AND now that they are on the Eclipse soundtrack they are probably going to get big. Sadly, they didn't play the soundtrack song which is odd since most of the audience may know you from that one song. AND either the audio was messed up or the singer can't sing well live- but I couldn't really hear what she was singing. So either the band needs to come down a bit or she needs to sing louder. I don't know. BUT she had a GREAT outfit. No lie.

Kate Nash
My dearest Benji Hardcore and Dr. Brainspiller. I tried. I tried really hard to like Kate Nash. She's adorable and spunky. She swears and says "cunt". I can get behind these things.
But she sucks so bad live it's unbelievable. Seriously. 99% of the time she's literally screaming and talking gibberish and the other 1% she's wrecking her stuff. I get it- you're young and antsy. But pull your tampon out of your ass and that might help.

I? Am a huge classic rock fan. I grew up listening to Heart and they rocked. They rocked it HARD. They sounded no different than they would have in the 70s and 80s. I was so excited to see them.
If I hadn't been so tired I would have lost my shit during Magic Man.

Court Yard Hounds
Do you like Dixie Chicks? Then you should like this. Except...while they were good---- without Natalie it isn't the same. They brought on their daughters (I think) for a song which was cute. And even though Emily's voice isn't strong enough to be a live lead vocal, as musicians they are great. There is no denying that.

Mary J. Blige
This is were I get stone. I? Am not a big Mary J. Blige fan. Now that she's all married and found Jesus I'm kind of over her. And there were a few times where she wanted to bring it to church but thankfully she didn't. I was disappointed that her set was mostly slow, but she did bring it out for me once.

And dammit if she didn't do it in 5 inch heels.

Sarah Mclachlan
I love Sarah. I have all of her albums (except the new one..I'm working on it) and I have always adored her. I'm a little over "Angel" but that's ok. She is so fantastic live and I'm so glad I got to see it. Sad that her set was so short, but that's ok. I was EXHAUSTED at the end.

Tomorrow? I'll post about the drive home. Hysterics ensue. You know me- I never disappoint.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

More Q&A, Fun Stuff

Well this weekend is already shaping up to be awesome. Today I went shopping with my mom and brother and not only did I find two shirts AND two bras- I found new jewelry. I know- I'm a sucker for jewelry. Thankfully, I have it put away and the tags in the bottom of the garbage so Matt won't even notice. :)

Tomorrow I am going to the Lilith Fair in Minneapolis, courtesy of Krysten who won the tickets. The lineup looks pretty solid: Mary J. Blige, Heart, Court Yard Hounds, Metric, Kate Nash, Vedera, Chantal Kreviazuk, Vita Chambers, Bella Ruse, and Sarah McLachlan. Now, some of these I know, some will be new to me- but I'm excited nonetheless. I'm only slightly nervous that all the ones I want to see are later in the day and I know that there is NO WAY I can stay passed 8 or 9. I have a 2.5 hour drive back home...AND I work on Monday. *bleary eyes*. Ugh. We'll see. Maybe I'll rally. Which is why I'm posting NOW because I'm going to bed early. ;)

Anyways. So I also got a fun surprise from Mr. O, whom everyone knows I adore, in the mail today. He sent me the one Anberlin CD I can't find anywhere locally, Lost Songs. It's bascially all covers of awesome songs and I'm really excited about it because I love me some Anberlin. I also got the nicest handwritten letter. I don't think I've ever told Mr. O how much I adore getting handwritten things in the mail so that was an excellent surprise.

Lastly, one of my readers posted a few questions on my post from Thursday...and since I try not to disappoint- here you go:

Q: Where is the weirdest place that you've done it. I haven't been very adventurous as far as having sex in places that aren't a bedroom, but I've done it once! It was in a park in Superior that was only a few blocks from where my boyfriend at the time lived. We were in the middle of the field, at night, right next to two busy roads. I think it only happened because I was wearing a dress. Whatever. It was a short encounter, anyways. Coincidentally- they later built a skate park on the area we um...were.

Q: Have your kids every found um...your 'stash of pleasure' if they ever did, how would you respond? If they have, I don't know about it. Except we have it pretty well hidden. It also helps that our bedroom is right off the living room, so if they were playing in my room I would know it. AND I'd heard my closet doors open. AND they'd have to drag in a step stool. ;) But it wouldn't phase me if they did find it. Depending on their age, I would just explain that these's are mommy & daddy toys only. And that our room is meant to be private.

Q: Have you ever fallen asleep during sex? I don't remember ever doing that. Usually if I'm really THAT tired, I let my hubs know it's not going to happen tonight and he respects that. But I have to think that would be horrible if you are doing what you think is your best and your partner is snoring. Oh well. BUT I have woken up to Matt initiating sex- and that's always kind of nice.

Q: What are you views with regards to eating in bed, does your cleaning compulsion drive you nuts? OK- I will admit, I have been known to snack in bed. BUT, I usually get a small towel and set it on my lap. ;) But usually if I am eating bed, it's when Matt runs and gets us ice cream. So I eat ice cream while watching dirty movies with him. And if I do happen to make a mess I've been known to change the sheets ASAP.
Q: Which cheese best suits a burger? I know when I eat a burger I like to have Cheddar AND Swiss. If a place doesn't have Cheddar, I'll settle for American. I can't eat a burger without cheese. I don't like any other stuff on it (except ketchup. Obviously.).

Q: weirdest fantasy (not including the venerable, articulate Mr. Pattinson). Hmmm... well I'll admit to being part of the club that doesn't really fantasize. Usually that does nothing for me because I either have a shittastic imagination or I require the real thing to get me going. But I will tell you that I read a LOT of super trashy romance novels. I can't help myself. I like to live vicariously through them. And the ones I've always really liked were the ones with men in either the Navy Seals, Black Ops, undercover/not-really-a-person-listed-anywhere programs and me. But in these scenarios I'm the one they fall for and I'm the one that they are trying to save from danger, etc. I totally understand how dangerous these careers are and how these books kind of glorify them- but I can't help it. Just ONCE I'd like to be in a situation with a super hot guy saving me and falling in love with me. Like all of the planets lining up at the right moment. :) With that said, I'm reading a bunch of Lora Leigh books, specifically her Navy SEAL series (the hotness) and so far, all of the guys are into really rough sex. And if we're being honest, I will say that I prefer to having semi-rough sex. I don't like the tender/gentleness...I prefer that fast and hard sex, the more primal, the better. I don't know. I get so impatient with the slow and tender and I want to GO. And I want to go for a long time. One time? Not enough. Don't bother if that's it. ;)

OK- anything more you want to know? Just ask. :)

Have a fabulous weekend and hopefully Monday I'll have some pictures from Lilith Fair to share with you!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Cat Vagina Problems, Deformed Cat, and Sara's TMI questions answered.

OK- so without linking back to old posts I think you all remember my struggle with Rosie. You know, the feral kitty who Matt raped? Yeah- I think that is worth a refresher. Well Matt and I have really debated for the last month or so on what to really do with her. Do we spend the almost $400 (that we don't have) to get her vagina all fixed up, or do we give her up to a no-kill shelter and hope she gets fixed by them and then re-adopted? Well while my cousin Rhonda was here I pretty much hit the peak of my patience with this cat. Rosie...has learned how to spray. And honestly? This was my first encounter with a rank smell coming from a pet so I didn't realize what it was in the beginning. But then I realized she is constantly spraying the jackets and shoes my kids wear, which means I was washing the same jackets and shoes DAILY. Then the real kicker is when she did the carpet by the front door. Do you even KNOW how hard that is to get out? I just hit my patience-o-meter and told Matt she was going to go to the shelter ASAP.

Then I told my daughter that Rosie was going to live with her mommy- she really misses her mommy. And at first that was ok. But then literally, 10 minutes later out of NOWHERE, Olivia starts balling. Wants me to take a picture of her and Rosie for "her memory".

So clearly, you can see how this little girl's face is going to make me feel like ABSOLUTE SHIT. But the kicker was that I was just as sad to see Rosie go. I mean, especially after trying to help a girl out with a q-tip, and how she pretty much left you alone. Except for all the moaning and now the spraying. I don't know. Plus I don't have $400 to get her fixed and honestly? It's irresponsible to not get your pets fixed. So Matt took Rosie to the shelter.

To which he tells me they are no longer a no-kill shelter and he had to sign off saying if she wasn't adopted soon that she would be put down. Again, I felt like mother fucking shit. And I had two crying kids for 3 days. And I cried too- no lie.

So then the following Friday comes and at our never-ending yard sale my sister in law decided to bring her cat's kittens to get rid of for free. And one look at the only male kitty in the box, complete with deformed tail, and I was hooked. I mean, Lenny has extra toes on his front feet so he looks like a freak, so this cat would surely fit in.

Sorry- turn your heads to get a good view.
This is Stumpy. Stumpy is gray and white- has a black freckle on his nose and a short tail. Literally it's like a stub. He? Is an absolute CUDDLE BUG. In fact, he's a cuddle whore. He is on you- and not on your lap. Like on your head and shoulders, or he curls up under your chin and purrs. He likes everybody. When he's happy he wags his tail like a dog. But it looks retarded because it's a stump. And the kids? Love him. Good choice. SO, we're going to get Stumpy fixed soon for the low-low price of $59. Score.

OK, so yesterday I tagged a few people in a question/answer thing and I've learned some things. The most obvious is that while my readers apparently like to read about me and really out there Q&A's, you don't like to do them. Well- at least ones that will make you squirm. Second of all, I realized that the MAJORITY of my readers are super shy. *snicker* God help you if you hang out with me- I am not shy about this kind of stuff and as I said to one tagged person, it takes a lot to embarrass me. And I will respect you still if you chose not to play along. BUT...someone emailed me and said it was only fair that I answer them too. And I agreed because I would never ask something of someone that I wouldn't do myself. So here goes.

If you are family/friends- stop reading now. If you continue reading, do not call my mother and say I'm a terrible person. Do not get offended because I've put this handy disclaimer up.

1. At what age did you discover masturbation and how did that happen?  I was 17, and had already lost my virginity. I didn't really have luck with sex because I thought it sucked to be honest, but then my friend gave me a vibrator for my birthday. It became my new BFF and I used it until it literally died.

2. What's the worst sexual encounter you've ever had? This would be my second boyfriend. He wasn't meant to be a serious relationship, he was strictly rebound. We had gone out of town for the night and while at the hotel room, we started having sex. Except I wasn't really feeling it, I had decided the day before I was going to break it off, and so I wasn't um...enthusiastic? So he's watching tv while I'm barely doing my thing and then I fell asleep. It was pretty bad. If he wasn't feeling it, I don't know why he initiated but it was annoying. Plus he never lasted long and was REALLY heavy and would put all of his weight on me. So I literally felt like I was being crushed. Awful.

3. What is one thing that will get you all hot & bothered almost every time? Being tied up, kisses on my neck/ears and when the guy seems super eager to get going.

4. What is one thing that you haven't tried sexually that you think you might want to do. Eventually. Honestly? I think we've tried most everything. There isn't anything that's ever been in a Cosmo or Talk Sex with Sue show that we haven't tried. And I'm pretty open to a lot of things. Just tell me before hand- don't spring it on me right before I'm about to climax. Mood killer.

5. If there is one thing that you would change about your partner's sexual technique- what would it be? Ok- so basically his technique is great. Matt has a um...talent....that I love. He knows what it is. ;) But at some point he learned that *some women* like it when you hum while giving oral. I don't. It's annoying and does nothing for me. And it's weird. What the fuck is that supposed to do? Guys- if you are doing it-- stop.

6. Top or bottom? Definitely on top. I don't really like the slow & gentle (for awhile it's in the beginning) but honestly? The hard & fast is the way to go for me and the best way to do that is for me to be on top. OR, me on my back with legs straight up in the air.

7. Talking or no talking? I don't like to talk. I like being in the zone and concentrating on what's going on. If the guy talks it's fine- but jesus. There is a point where too much is too much. But dead silence is weird too. I'll tell you if you're doing something wrong or something you are doing is really right- but aside from that, I'm not going to talk dirty to you. I think it's silly and I'll start laughing.

8. Oral sex- yay or nay? Yay for receiving. Definitely. And this is where I'm going to get a lot of guy haters- I hate giving. I really do. Not only does it do nothing for me, it's just boring to me. BUT...I will on occasion. Every night/time? No. And don't ask me to swallow. I won't eat vegetables so don't expect me to eat that. ;)
OK- if there is anything else you want to know about me or have a topic you want me to cover- I'm not shy. Post a question on here OR you can shoot me an email at slinkies_r_us AT hotmail DOT com.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Getting to know you...

...getting to know all about you....

OK, so my chicky Mel over at Tweeded has tagged me in a getting to know you post. Basically she's giving me 8 questions to answer, I then pass it along to some people with 8 new questions I create. OK.

So here are Mel's questions for me:

1.If you could spend the rest of your life doing only one thing, what would it be? Promoting a book I had written. I think I would do really well with interviews even though I would probably get censored a lot. But more importantly, I like being around people who think I'm the shit. Because I am the shit and those are my kind of people.

2.What's the best thing you can bake/cook? OOH.. I make really good spaghetti. Seriously- it's super good and I have no fancy trick, it just is. And I can eat an entire pot full of it. And I probably would if I was one of those people who have no shame and could care less that their ass is spilling off of the side of a chair or that in the folds of their ginormous neck they have gross moles and a beard.

3.What household chore is your LEAST favorite? Well that truly depends on my mood. I generally like cleaning and over the last eight years Matt has learned that if I bust out my red cleaning bucket out of nowhere, I'm probably really pissed off or stressed out. Because I? Get my OCD cleaning on when I'm stressed, mad, anxious, etc. But I really don't like mopping. I don't know what it is, but it's such a fucking procedure to mop. You have to get your bucket, find your mop, make sure your mophead isn't more disgusting than the floor, find your cleaner, debate on the 8 cleaners that you find, get the water scorching hot, add the cleaner, and then mop. After you've swept and used your stick vac of course. And I mop twice because I'm all about even numbers.

4.If you could bring three things to a deserted island, what would they be? Robert Pattinson, lubrication, and my iPod. I don't think any of these things require explanation.

5.What's the next big thing that you are thinking about splurging on? Ha! Like I can narrow it down! OK- so I really want a Nook. And I also want the biggest iPod I can purchase. My little 8GB Nano is full and the fact that I don't even have a 1/4 of my cd's uploaded is annoying. I also want a Wii, and Xbox 360 and Rock Band. I am so behind the times it's ridiculous. Having to pay for a mortgage and property taxes is bullshit.

6.What would you do if you won the lottery and you only had one day to spend your winnings? Hmmm.. is ordering Robert Pattinson an option? Because I'd like to do that. Or I would like to do one of those all day adventure camps where you just do one adrenaline filled activity after another. It's really expensive and they usually happen in jungles which is scary.

7.Post a current photo. If you wish to remain elusive, an abstract or close up will do just fine.
So these were taken yesterday. No, Sunday. Yeah- they were taken Sunday on my spur-of-the-moment trip to the craft store to buy more yarn. I love my Rock Band shirt now that it fits hair grew. Kind of. Not really. But it's JUST BARELY long enough to do my pig tails again! I am so pumped about that.

8.If you could have ANY pet EVER, what/who would it be? ooh.. this is a GREAT segway into my post for tomorrow. HAHA! Suckers. Seriously- I like cats. Cats can be bitchy AND lovey and really? It's just like me. So tomorrow I will give you the lowdown on Lenny-Rosie-Stumpy. Jigga, wha?? Stumpy?? Yes. We've had a lineup change on the pet front line and I will have the story (and pictures) tomorrow.
SO.. I bet you want to know who's going to get tagged, huh?? Without further fucking around: Danielle (because you got sassy on Mel's comments!), Chicken (because you like these), Annah (because you rock), Gini (because you said you needed topics), Jamie (because you just finished a challenge and this will keep you on your toes), Amber (because we are going to be real life besties), and Krysten (because we are going to be concert buddies). That's only 7 but fuck off. My linky thingie is being a whore. BUT... if anybody ELSE wants to do this, please feel free and post a link (in the comments section) so I can look for myself.
And you just KNOW I am not going to asking pussy stuff. Nope- not my style. ;)
1. At what age did you discover masturbation and how did that happen?
2. What's the worst sexual encounter you've ever had?
3. What is one thing that will get you all hot & bothered almost every time?
4. What is one thing that you haven't tried sexually that you think you might want to do. Eventually.
5. If there is one thing that you would change about your partner's sexual technique- what would it be?
6. Top or bottom?
7. Talking or no talking?
8. Oral sex- yay or nay?
OK- I'm super anxious to see your posts now.... aren't you glad I think you're awesome?! ;) No squirming out of these, ladies.
Oh- AND if you are brave, give me your answers in the comment section. Night whores!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Book Review: COMMUTERS by Emily Gray Tedrowe

So about a month ago or so I was approached by TLC Book Tours and was asked if I would like to read this specific book and review it for all of you. Which made me super excited for the following reasons:

1. I like to read.
2. I liked the cover of the book.

COMMUTERS by Emily Gray Tedrowe (her website is HERE)

Commuters: A Novel (P.S.)
So to start out, I'll provide the brief synopsis from the back of the book: "At seventy-eight, Winnie Easton has finally found love again with Jerry Trevis, a wealthy Chicago businessman who has moved to the small, upstate town of Hartfield, New York, to begin his life anew. But their decision to buy one of the town's biggest houses ignites anger and skepticism- as children and grandchildren take drastic actions to secure their own futures and endangered inheritances. With so much riding on Jerry's wealth, a decline in his physical health forces hard decisions on the family, renewing old loyalties while creating surprising alliances. A powerfully moving novel told from alternating perspectives, Commuters is an intensely human story of lives profoundly changed by the repercussions of one marriage, and by the complex intertwining of love, money, and family."

OK- so the story basically is following three characters, Winnie (the new bride at 78), Rachel (Winnie's daughter), and Avery (Jerry's grandson, fresh out of rehab). I have to be honest (because I'm nothing if not honest)- I really disliked Winnie and Rachel. I liked Avery because I felt, at the core, he really wanted to be a better person, that he was aware of the things around him and he wanted to be better. Winnie, while I think it's kind of sweet that old people fall in love and get married, is selfish. She is so fixated on building a pool, while removing a super old tree that is important to the community, just so Jerry can swim and feel better. I mean, I understand that swimming helps relieve aches and pains. I get it. But realistically? I have to think that most seniors understand that their time to die is coming soon. And I think her fixation on this pool and how unrealistic the dream is really stole her time with Jerry. It's like she couldn't really get beyond it. As a reader, it was really frustrating to me because I just wanted to shake her shoulders. In retrospect, maybe it was a way for her to cope with the inevitable loss of Jerry? I don't know- but it drove me nuts.

But Rachel. Oy. I really disliked her character. Not only was she mean to her husband, who survived a devastating accident that affected him permanently, but she was selfish. She's the type of person that is materialistic and more concerned about what people thought of her and her family than looking at what was truly important. And it's sad because everybody knows at least one person like this.

While I really started out disliking two of the main characters, I could really relate to the relationship between Winnie and Rachel. It echoed a lot of the things about the relationship I have with my own mom. Specifically times when Rachel questions her mother's motives and realizes she really doesn't know her mother. At another point Winnie realizes that through her pool project she either looks past Rachel's marriage which is on the rocks or doesn't see it in the first place. And honestly? It hit home.

I consider my mom and I to be close, but at the end of the day I wonder. I mean, she doesn't really know who my friends are, the things that make me tick, the things in my heart, the fears I have for the future. She doesn't understand why I do or say the things I do. And in turn, I don't really know my mom. Just because you've lived with someone for 28 years doesn't mean you know them. I don't know a lot about my mom after she had me. I hear childhood stories and I know some things from when I was little but there's a point in the timeline where I know nothing. And one of my fears is that someday, when she's gone, I'm going to find all of these things out and I'll feel sad that I never got to have a discussion with my mom. And it's nuts because there could be nothing there and it's all in my head, but what if there's something? So I felt like Winnie and Rachel are the same. While you just wish Rachel would wake up and appreciate her husband, her children, and the life they've built- you kind of know she won't.

And I have to say, without giving too much of the ending away, the way the Jerry character is phased out? Annoying. I honestly would have liked to have more Winnie vs. Annette (Jerry's daughter)- at least Annette hear some of the reasoning. I don't know- but I wish that character had been developed a little more.

I want to touch on Avery's character too. I loved Avery. He'd be the kind of guy, if I were single and dating, that I would automatically be drawn to. Kind of a bad boy, although recovering, a sensitive soul, the kind of guy you just want to hold his face and tell him he's special. He sounds dreamy. :) And I loved his relationship with Nona (his girlfriend) and the ending for his character? Fabulous. It almost feels like Avery & Nona could have their own book and I think that's a sign of some great character building- when you want to see more of them.

So in closing, this falls under my "good read" category. I really liked it, it made me look at the relationships in my life a little different. It was kind of nice to be able to step back and look at the same type relationship but as a third party. Maybe it's what I needed.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Is the bitch you know and love gone??

I mean seriously- I looked back on my last few weeks of posts and even I am disgusted with myself. Where's the snark? Where's the bitch even I love so much?

I assure you- she isn't gone. I just haven't felt passionate enough about something to really bitch about. But today, lambwhores and goatsluts, I bring to you a question that rivals such important ones such as "chicken or egg" or "jesus versus monkeys".


Seriously. You know what I'm talking about. This kind of asshole:

Seriously- every where I went today I got stuck behind some jackass with an entire back window full of stuffed animals. Some assholes have them in not only their back window, but their dashboard too. And the Garfield that sticks to the window that's older than me and hanging by dear life by rotting suction cups?? LAME.

What's the point? I mean, I know that some people like their cars to be an expression of who they are, which sometimes factor into the actual vehicle they drive. Like guys driving Hummers are typically beefed up white guys with the tribal art or barbed wire arm band tattoos. And I'm willing to bet they have shriveled dicks from years of "protein shakes" from trying to get all huge. It's all I can do to not ask if they are over-compensating for something.


In my own vehicle, which is a minivan that I don't personally feel fits my personality (but all the storage...and the extra seats sold me. That and the 6disc cd changer.), is adorned with things that remind me of my coolness. Like my "feel your boobies" and "sit down, buckle up and shut up" bumper stickers. These are things I say to people regularly anyways. I have mardi gras beads hanging from my mirror. My shamrock ones are from my recent trip to Chicago and the blue star one is Matt's first gift to me. He was drunk and was proud that he remembered, on our third night of dating (he was getting drunk at a bar while I was studying for a test) that my favorite color is blue. So I've got beads in there. I also have a TON of cds. My GPS system (Maggie...who's record is spotty at this point), my adapter to play my iPod, notebooks, coupon organizer, lotion, chapstick, hand sanitizer, baby wipes, air freshener. Not cool things is the basket of toys, diapers, and I'm pretty sure a lost sippy cup. But you won't see anything visible to the outside world that screams "loser" because I? Am not a loser. 

I will say, that for the most part, it's old people with the stuffed animal addiction. Granted, I've also seen middle age people with this but today? I saw a kid in his mid 20's with a back window FULL of South Park characters. Now, I love me some South Park. I was watching that show when it first started so fuck all yall who think you're cool because you've seen the recent shit. I? Can speak like Cartman which I do when I haven't had a lot of sleep. But I would never, under any fucking circumstance, have a South Park stuffed animal. Let alone an entire back window full of them. What the fuck is wrong with you?? 

My brother says this kind of stuff is "gay", which I think is a complete fucking disgrace to gay people. I have known lots of gay people who would never resort to decorating a car with stuffed animals. Losers do that. 

So I'm begging you, if you or someone you know is guilty of this- help them out. Obviously if it's you, you should be ashamed and you need to go out there right fucking now to remove them. Don't be a pussy. If it's someone you know I am giving you permission to vandalize the vehicle and remove them. 

OK- so now that I have that rant off my chest (feel your boobies), what's in YOUR car? (See, it's like the Capital One commercials...get it??) (I'm low on sleep so pretend I said that in my best Cartman voice.)

OMG- they killed Kenny!!

OK- sorry. ;)