Monday, December 28, 2009

Book Review: The Ex-Files, by Jane Moore

It's that time folks- book review! Because instead of cleaning my house this extended weekend I ate treats and read books. Because I? Am fabulous like that.

This book was a really quick read and kind of fun. Was it fabulous? No. Was it super predictable but mildly entertaining? Yes. Actually- the description on the back of the book is misleading which is kind of weird because it's not what really happened, but that's ok. Luckily- I didn't read the back of the book until I had alerady started the book so that worked out.
For a chick-lit book I really expected more sex. Is that raunchy of me? I don't know- my chick-lit books have to have a little somethin somethin to keep me going. Fortunately, there was NOTHING on tv so that was what kept me going with this book.
The premise is that two people, who are so different and really not compatible at all are getting married. And because they are gluttons for punishment or idiots, they invite their ex's to the wedding. And then all hell breaks lose because it bounces back and forth between the present day and their respective pasts which only makes you realize how badly they should just call the wedding off, yet there they are, the night before having a party. And lots of their friends/family express reservations yet they think they will continue on. But then there's a twist and all kinds of nice things happen that tie the story off nicely. I thought it was super predictable which is always a downer for me, but it is a good book to just read when you get bored.
So if I haven't turned you off completely from the book, the first person to comment on this post to say they would like to read it, I will send it to you! For FREE! :) Yay!! Only losers don't like free stuff.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

For your anal pleasure & home project #1 of 2010

Wow- I bet you thought I was going to go somewhere naughty there? What might be disturbing is the number of you who wanted me to go there. Perverts.

Anyways. So I was perusing one of my favorite blogs, FinnyKnits, the other day when I read this post about her reorganzing her under the sink cabinets. So I commented that yay! Mine are already organized.
And then I was challenged. She wanted me to post a picture. And I don't back down from challenges.
Welcome to my retro-ghetto kitchen. Things to note: The awesomness we call cabinets are original to the house. They are painted hunter green which is the most recent of colors but let me assure you- there was some pink on there at one point. This house is 100+ years old and nothing is aligned anymore.

Ta-da! Baskets organize all of my cleaning stuff. The left one is like every day messes, the right is like heavy duty. Then I have my blender (rarely used), my Rachel Ray dutch oven (used a lot) and an extra roll of paper towel.

Ignore the mess on my counters. I'm in a Xmas Eve frenzy. But notice the green? Notice the door doesn't shut. That's as close as it gets.

Yay! My uppers. But I'm short, so I need a chair to get to the tops. The doors are as closed as I can get them.

Ew- the grossest built in cutting board ever. I have never used it because it smells so bad. It's falling apart, but pulls out like a drawer. I'm 99% sure there is decayed stuff behind the cupboards.

But guess what Finny? When opening my cupboards today I'm like "Fucking gross- what the hell is this shit?!" and I cleaned them (notice the towel in picture one). Well guess what? My fucking pipes or whatever they are leak. Like bad. So I had standing water in there. So I call Matt in to you know- investigate when he informs me that the one pipe thingie that goes into the floor or wherever is cracked in half. Fan-fucking-tastic.
Matt and Jackson inspecting the problem. Jackson works better with his hand down his pants while holding a spray bottle and towel. I think Matt does too but he was busy with a flashlight.
So Merry effing Christmas to us. Thank god we didn't buy each other anything. Well we did, but just 2 small crappy things. Because now instead of buying my treadmill on payday, or buying more new cabinets to replace the pieces of shit currently in my kitchen, we'll be replacing plumbing. Matt assures me we're ok for awhile since he's using some good ole duct tape on the pipe thingie.
So Finny? If you'd like to donate to this cause, LET.ME.KNOW. :)

Book Review: The Sweet By and By by Sara Evans

It's that time for yet another book review. This is another one for Thomas Nelson Book Review Bloggers and this was like a bonus book I got. :)

First off I have to say I was really skeptical when I saw that Sara Evans (yes..the country singer) wrote it with the help of another author. I automatically think " much of this did she actually write?" I don't know- but I do know it was a good book.

The story is of a woman named Jade, who had a not so ideallic childhood and clearly not coping with her abadonment issues. I have to say I hate characters, and people in general, who aren't able to move past things in their past. OK- so your dad left you. GET OVER IT. So this book really frustrated me because you just want to slap Jade up and let her know she's being an idiot. Get over yourself. But I did like how the book went back and forth from the present day to the past and how the story of her past unraveled as you went through the book. Jade is preparing to get married and her motto (and her fiance's) is "the past is the past" and neither has really talked about each other's pasts and so a lot of things are learned in the weeks/days leading up to the wedding.

I thought the relationship between Jade and her mother, Beryl, was relatable if not frustrating. I can definitely see a "part two" of this book happening because the ending left some loop holes (i.e- the relationship with the dad- what happens? What is it like for Beryl at the end? What happens with Willow? How does Jade and Max handle marriage? Are there more secrets to come out? etc)

Overall? It's a good story. It's a page turning, hard to put down book. It's a fast read and the story progress quickly and doesn't get lost in descriptions and plot set ups.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Book Review: Obstacles Welcome, Ralph de la Vega

Another day, another book review. I swear, book reviews are going to be my weekend thing. I finished TWO books this weekend and started a third. Rockstar...that I am.

This book I received, free, from Thomas Nelson publishing to review. Again, like the last book, I really didn't think I'd like it. I'm very much not into the whole self help, learn something books. But you'll notice me sticking both feet into my mouth when I try to say that this book? Was really good. Not only did I learn that I couldn't be a manager because I'd be all pissy with people, but I also learned I could never work in telecommunications.
But more to the point- the book was great for people who are working towards career advancement and want to someday be big wherever they work. It's a how to guide basically to not be an asshole manager. Because really? I think we've all had one of those. At least one. Throughout the book there was terrific one liners that I thought, "Dammit- I need to write this down for work". My favorite two were:
"Hope is not a strategy" which seems straightforward but it kind of made me chuckle because I remember growing up my mom used to always say when things got tight financially "a check will come- don't worry, it always does". :) Now, nevermind the fact that it really did always come from somewhere. The point being is that you shouldn't just be waiting for something to happen- you have to make it happen.
And one that I kid you not will be used at a meeting at work: "God gave you two ears and one mouth. So listen twice as much as you talk." Really? I think that is priceless.
SO! Is this a book that you think you'd want to read? Then the first person to comment to this post saying you want it and will give it a good home, will have this mailed to you for free. Yay! It's like mother effing Christmas here every day!

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Book Review: The Girl From Charnelle by K.L. Cook

OK- looking for a really good gift for someone? You should buy them this book. It is AMAZING. I can't even begin to tell you how incredibly AMAZING it is because folks? It's that good.

The quick and dirty of this book is that it focuses around a family of 5 kids, specifically the middle child, Laura Tate. The mother leaves- which is the catalyst for lots of things in Laura's life specifically her relationship with a married man. One she babysits for no less. But what is amazing about this book is that you really kind of root for Laura and John, even though you know that it's wrong. You sympathize with Laura because at the tender age of 16 she doesn't really understand that every action has a reaction. She believes that if nobody knows then nobody really gets hurt and everything is ok- which hello? I think we all learned in college that life doesn't work that way. :)
The other part of the book that really kind of tugged at me was the mother leaving. Through the whole book you are trying to look for clues because it's like you want to solve that mystery for them. You can assume what some excuses would be but really? Who could do that. There is a part where Laura wonders if maybe the life her mother had, a husband and children, even though it's what she had always wanted- maybe it really felt like a cage to her. Like she was trapped and couldn't leave- that that was her life forever. And really? I can sympathize that. I mean I have always wanted to be married with kids and all Suzie-Homemaker and here I am. But sometimes I feel like this is it. This is my life and I'm not quite satisfied. Like I'm missing a big piece of me or something. Does that make sense?
But this book really hooked me. And even though some things you know are morally wrong are happening (like the affair) you really do kind of root for her. Probably because you know in your own life you can't do that.
This is a FANTASTIC author and highly recommend his book. I look forward to other books in the future of his- great writing that really pulls you in.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Christmases of the Past

OK, so since we're all trying to get Christmas spirity I suppose I thought I do holiday related posting. And every year, as I buy for my kids, I get to thinking about the Christmases of my past and which ones I remember because they were awesome. Only a few REALLY stick out in my head:

6th Grade: My brother and I got TV's for our rooms. Like the little 13 inch ones, but they had their own remote control. Which was fabulous. Even though from my bed I could easily hit the buttons on the damn tv, which was on the other side of the room, because my room was that small. But I remember thinking I was so cool because FINALLY!!! I could watch the late night shows, without my parents knowing, and totally be able to talk about it in school.

8th Grade: The cd player. Wow- was I the bad ass who was like the last kid in school to get one. Even the kids on public assistance got one before me. But what was truly cool was that my mom didn't care which cd's I asked for. I always got the ones I wanted.

9th Grade: A Discman! Again, last kid to get one, but dammit I didn't care. I listened to my Discman every chance I could. I went through batteries like it was nobody's business. I carried that thing around everywhere with no less than 20 cd's at any given time. It was also the year I got the Orgy cd, and I remember my mom saying, "Orgy?! Jesus christ, Sara- this better not be graphic." No mom, no band named Orgy would be graphic. ;)

10th Grade: Oh yes, I got my Led Zeppelin box set. AMAZING. Still have it, love it.

and other miscellaneous gifts I remember getting, but can't remember what year I got them:

1. The Cabbage Patch Doll my grandma hunted all over for the year the big craze happened. I hated it.

2. Oh! One year I got this pink pillow, but it had ears, and a big face on it. I loved that thing. I wonder what happened to it...

3. This had to be 8th or 9th grade when I got the double disc set of Smashing Pumpkins' Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. Those discs changed my life. I still have them, the case is literally falling apart but I can't get rid of it. Everytime I listen to it, I think of my friend Allena.

4. I remember in 8th grade I think, getting a pair of brown boots and a red dress with daisies on it. I had the red matching socks that you like scrunched up. I was one hot bitch, let me tell you.

5. I got a pair of jeans one year that was like a size 13 and I was so pissed because I was like a size 8 (I know, I really was that skinny before) and I was like, "You think I'm this fat?!" So I shoved them in my closet. Little did I know, fast forward a few years, I'd be a size 13 and they'd be my favorite jeans. Until I got fatter. We won't talk about my size now.

6. A few years ago, my mom made me a scrapbook of pictures the first year she watched my daughter. And my mom isn't a crafty person per say, she knows I love scrapbooking, but the fact she made this for me- full of pictures of Olivia doing things I never saw because I was working? Priceless. Very touching. I love that book. And I can't believe my mom would take the time to do that, it was probably in the top 5 of gifts of all time.

7. And last, but never the least, the mountain bikes Travis and I got when I was in like 5th or 6th grade. We obviously can't ride bikes here in the winter with the subzero temperatures and snow so they sit in the garage/basement/wherever until Spring. Kind of a bummer. So come spring, my dad takes us out "on the trail" to teach us how to ride a mountain bike. Can you guess what happened to uncoordinated Sara? Well while my dad was teaching Travis the art of braking he told me to "ride slowly down the hill" which to be honest- was really steep. So I figure I could do this. Not even two feet down I hit what turned out to be a half covered barrel. Yup. I proceeded to do mid-air flips, landed on railroad tracks at the bottom and just when I thought I hurt enough, my bike landed on top of me. My dad and brother took their ginger time walking their bikes down and when they got down, my dad made me take off my pants because I said my leg felt wet. Luckily, nothing was broke, nothing was bleeding, I had a bruise on the inside of my thigh the size, I kid you not, a small melon. Like a cantelope. It was instantly bright purplish/black. Gross. And puffy. I had to walk my bike home. I tell can tell you 2 things. 1. I never rode in the gully nor a hill after that. 2. I learned that you should never, ever, use your front brake.

So of all the Christmases I remember- these are the things that stand out. I'm missing a few others, but I totally remember these and love the memories I have of them.

Friday, December 11, 2009

New Music- Yay!

OK so it's not a lot of new music, but I'm pumped to have heard 2 new songs this morning that I secretly love. Now before you look at Ashley Tisdale on my player (#2) don't roll your eyes and judge me. It's awesome.

And Little Jackie? Yes, please!

And of course. I don't care what anybody else says, but Britney Spears' Blackout album was fun-fucking-tastic. The singles she released? Not so much. But I assure you if Toy Soldier had come out? MASSIVE HIT. I'm just saying, that's all.

Do YOU have suggestions for me? Leave me a comment and I'll head over to Playlist and check it out.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

December might not suck after all

Because it usually does, that's all. December usually blows huge fucking chunks because I'm stressed out and forced to be all well mannered because I'm at various things that require me to socialize. Politely and try REALLY hard not to use swears.

It's hard.

But this month- oh my, might actually be ok. First off- I'm not having a holiday party at my house. It's too much damn work. Plus then I end up eating the majority of the food because people are all frugal and trying not to gain any weight. Whatevs. By doing this, you only make me feel fatter.

Second of I decided that we aren't doing multiple holiday celebrations. No. We're doing Matt's family Xmas Eve, and I'm doing us on Xmas Day. Anybody else wants to see us will have to come here. I have no intentions of leaving my house Xmas Day. Unless my house is burning and even then I'll weigh the options.

Third, I'm going shopping with my awesome friend Tammy. We haven't shopped together in forever but this time we're both broke. Which is code for "we're going to spend a shit load of money, feel guilty, then eat food court food until we feel better". I'm looking forward to it.

Fourth, my AMAZING friend from forever ago, Allena, is coming to Superior next week. I haven't seen that girl since the very beginning of 10th grade. And for the record...that was awhile ago. And we've talked very sporadically through the years since she is in TX and I'm in WI and we're busy with families and whatnot. But holy crap- if we can get together? Will make my year. It'll be a GREAT ending to this dump hole of a year.

Fifth, um, Christmas is coming. I love Christmas. I love decorating but most importantly- PRESENTS! I have been dropping mad hints ALL YEAR for Matt so we'll see if he paid attention. Some things I want. Desperately:

1. Remote car starter (because really?? I hate winter and I hate having to go out in my pajamas to start my van and run the risk of it getting stolen)
2. Kings of Leon: Live at the O2 DVD/CD
3. Gift certificates: Barnes & Noble, True Colors (scrapbooking place), or just Visa. Because I like shopping.
4. Leather mittens from Target.
5. CD's (Alicia Keys' new one, 50Cent before I self destruct, new one from One Republic, Sara Bareilles, etc)
6. Blackberry or PalmPixi
7. Curb Your Enthusiasm and/or The Office DVD Seasons (I have none, so let's start with season 1, mmkay?)
8. A really great kit to learn how to knit.
9. Babysitter...for like an extended weekend so Matt & I can (maybe) go to Vegas this coming Spring.
10. My Dilbert calendar (I get this every's practically tradition)

Oh and there is so much more but really? I don't think I'll get any of this. Actually, I'd just rather get gift cards because I want to shop. I find great deals and I have this insane addiction to jewelry and now shoes. *sigh*

So in order for me to get "in the mood" for Christmas I have to watch the best Christmas movie of all time: Christmas Vacation. I aspire to be that. One day Matt will enjoy lighting our house. This year we are being publicly spanked because our decor? Ghetto compared to the neighbors across the street.

Next year?

It's on like fucking Donkey Kong.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009


Because I'm lame and got sucked into playing Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook for a long time I forgot to post the winner of the Northline book.

That would be Jen- from It's My Life!

Jen, I already know your address so I'll mail it with you Christmas card. :)

Sunday, December 6, 2009

All I ask is that you carry

Today I had to go grocery shopping. For some people, this is a lot of fun. People who enjoy this are the people who usually enjoy eating a wide variety of foods, including but certainly not limited to, fruits and vegetables. I'm not one of these people.

Don't get me wrong, I love to eat. My favorite foods are spaghetti, almost anything from Wendy's, and an item or two from pretty much every fast food restaurant I've ever been to. I get the same thing at the same places because I don't like trying new things because at the end of the day I know I probably won't like it.

I'm a picky eater.

So every two weeks, payday, it is my sole job to figure out what my family is going to eat every single day. Multiple meals. Which really sucks because I hate 99% of what I cook because it involves healthy choices, things that will make Olivia poop, and things that Matt will want to take for lunch the next day. I like cooking, I just don't like to eat what I cook. If I could afford to eat out everyday and not worry about my organs shutting down from fat build up then I totally would.

Today I planned our non-exciting menu for the next two weeks which is mostly made up of what I refer to as "ghetto meals" because they are easy and cheap. I planned the menu based on what we have, what coupons I had, what's on sale, etc. I clipped the coupons. I made the very detailed list (in order by department obviously), and I set off on my journey. But before I left, I asked Matt to be handy to help me carry stuff in. I hate carrying stuff in.

I get to the grocery store and the fact I had to park on the road was a clear indicator that church was obviously out and that said churchgoers were in full force at the store. Goodie. I get the last available cart that wasn't a motorized chair and lucky me, only one wheel actually works. This wasn't a big deal to begin with but after my loop around the outer perimeter of the store it was blindingly clear that this was now going to be an Army style workout. In the meat department as soon as I picked up a package of chicken breasts with a price so high I almost died knowing for a few dollars more I could probably buy an entire chicken, I turned around to see a guy puke on the floor.

Now, I don't know if you know this about me (you would if you paid attention to previous posts) but I don't *do* puke. Anything fluid like coming out of a body, I don't do. That applies to everything.

So I high tailed it out of the meat department, but before I could the smell of raw meat and puke wafted towards me. I basically gagged my way through the dairy section. I am appalled to find that the only kind of premade cookie dough (in the tubes) is sugar. WHAT.THE.FUCK.?! I need peanut butter, ginger, and chocolate chip to start my cooking baking extravaganza. DAMN YOU.

In my rage I finished getting everything else on my list and debating the merits of making my own cookie dough when WHAM! Some old lady, on a cell phone no less, rams her super full cart into my leg. I almost went down, folks. But thank god the wheels on my cart didn't move, because by it standing still I was able to remain standing. And the topper? She tells me to watch where I'm going. If she wasn't so old I would have just laid into her.

BUT, I make it to the checkout and see the lines. I almost lost hope and then there she was- a cashier with nobody waiting. So I run (as fast as I can push the wheeless cart) into her line. I immediately figure out why there is nobody there. She's new. She's confused and looks scared. Fuck. My leg hurts so I decide to chance it. How hard can it be? It's not like I've got food stamps or something. So she's ringing everything really slowly. I had over my coupons and she starts almost hypervenitlating. She tells me I can't use more than $20 in coupons. Oh honey- today is not the day to try this shit. A manager obviously saw my face and comes over, instructs the cashier there is no coupon limit. I get my total, $121.78 and almost die knowing I haven't spent more than $100 in a two week grocery trip in YEARS. I panic. No lie.

So I start bagging and as soon as I lift my barely full bag of canned goods- the bag gives out on me- cans everywhere. Bastards. So I end up having to double bag everything because our local grocery store thinks a way to cut overhead is by providing useless bags that can't hold 8 cans.

After bagging I make my way out to the van only to realize that a cart with non-functioning wheels doesn't push so well on pavement. Lots of noise and skidding, I almost get run over by a guy who said he couldn't see or hear me coming. Really? The noise of metal on pavement is too quiet for you?

When loading my goods into the van, I almost get hit by a lady backing out of her parking space. Her vehicle is doing the "you are close to hitting someone" beeping that mine does, yet she doesn't stop. I kid you not- that lady only stopped when I banged on her back window, then she gives ME the finger. Right.

After driving home, I pull up to see the house looks mighty quiet. I start carrying two bags in, and fucking Matt has locked the doors. Oh.No.He.Didn't.

I dropped my bags on the porch, unlocked the door and hear the unmistable sound of Matt snoring. Must be nice. Asshole.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Book Review: Northline, by Willy Vlautin

This is actually another lesson on why I really need to stop judging books by covers, because yet again- the cover did nothing for me and I really LOVED this book. Loved it. I am insisting you read it.

This is another book I got mailed to me, for free, from Haper Collins' Publishing. I'm slowly making my way through that stack. But I also received another book of Willy's called The Motel Life which I gave away earlier. I'll talk more about that but let's get on with the review!

Amazing book. This is an incredibly fast read, I literally got it done in one evening sit down consisting of 4 hours. It is basically about our main character, Allison, who is fucked up 7 ways from Sunday in her own right, but she is in an abusive relationship. I found it curious that we didn't read a lot about the actual abuse- you get brief snippits throughout, but yet you knew that it was extremely abusive in every way possible right off the bat. The writing is really superb- maybe that's why you just knew all of this stuff without having to actually read it. Does this make sense? Probably not, but that's my operating thought at 8 a.m. today.

You are totally rooting for Allison through the entire book but everytime she makes a bad choice you are literally smacking your own head because it's like she can't really see what she's doing. I loved the ending of the book as well. It kind of ended it in the middle of nowhere, but I felt hopeful for her in the end. Like maybe she finally made the right decision and her path has changed.

Definitely a good read you should check out. The book also comes with a CD that is essentially the soundtrack to the book, performed by Willy and his band. I have to confess I didn't listen to it. Maybe you should put it in when you read. Dammit- why didn't I think of that before?! Well it's a brand new CD for you to enjoy.

Now, are you really wanting to read this? Like really, really? OK- so here are the rule:

1. You must be a follower of the blog.
2. Leave a comment on this post.
3. Be awesome.
4. Do all of this by Monday, December 7

and I will pick a winner Monday night and post it on my blog then. And then I will mail it to you, you will receive it, read it, love it. Because I said so. :)

Friday, December 4, 2009

How To Be Better

In the spirit of being all honest and open, mainly because it's Christmas and that gets me to thinking about life and the people in mine, I'm going to share a bit about myself. I've heard you learn a lot about a person based solely on their family and how they grew up. You learn a lot about yourself and those around you once you move out on your own and are away from them. Now granted, I'm literally only a few blocks from my family but still. It's different.

But I've reached a point in my life where I'm not really sure where I stand. It's that awkward position of having my own family yet feeling like I'm letting my parents down because I'm not doing things they necessarily want me to do. I have also discovered I'm not alone in this. I would say at least 80% of my friends are struggling in the same way. We have a hard time growing up and standing up for ourselves when our parents expect us to do or be something else. I imagine I'll learn the other end of it with Olivia and Jackson are older but maybe I won't get it either. Maybe I'll just think they are being selfish and rude in their acts of growing up.

The way I raise my children is very different from how my brother and I were raised. And that's not a dig at my parents- they did an excellent job. They did the best they could with what they had. They worked hard and quite honestly, we didn't see them a lot. We didn't do a lot of family stuff together. Not to say we did nothing, because I remember afternoon car trips and stuff like that but we never really did the vacation thing, and I don't really remember my parents participating in stuff with us. Not that it's mandatory. I just noticed that my parents were a lot different than my friends' parents. And I was jealous. I wanted my parents to be the annoying chaperones on field trips, to make friends with my friends' parents, to get more excited about the things we wanted to do, etc. Does this sound lame? But my parents weren't like that and it's ok. They just aren't super social people. It gets to be a bit uncomfortable to come up with excuses when my inlaws want to do stuff (like holidays) as one huge group- but maybe I should stop making up excuses and just say they aren't social. They don't like parties and group settings. They prefer TV at home on a quiet night. I flip flop depending on my mood and my anxiety levels.

But when I was born my mom was so young (I ended up being the same age as her when I had Olivia) and she was married to my birth father. Now I don't remember him a lot. Scratch that. I don't remember happy times. I only remember the yelling, fighting, things being thrown, my brother crying, my mom crying, visiting grandma & grandpa's a lot, and wondering what I did wrong. Because for a long time I really thought maybe I did something wrong to make my parents fight. I didn't know why my dad was so mean to my mom, why he'd hit her and why stuff was always broken. I remember the very last night we were in the house with him vividly and dream of it often. I don't know that I could ever forget it. But I know now by having my own kids exactly how my mom must have felt. I felt it when things were bad with Matt. Not that things are great now, but they certainly could be worse. I know how scared she must have been striking out as a single mom with two kids with absolutely nothing. She had family that supported her and from that I learned that no matter what the disagreements may be- your family is family. You help each other out no matter what. Even if you don't like them- your job as a family member is to help out when someone needs it.

I had contact with my father about a year ago. When I turned 18 I paid a fee to find him and I wrote him a long letter. I wrote about me, my plans for the future, that I graduated high school and was going to college, how my brother was, what kinds of things we were in to, etc. I mailed it with the hopes that maybe he'd care. About a month later I received it back, but it had been opened, re-taped shut and had "return to sender" written on the front. I recognized his handwriting immediately. At first I was hurt that he didn't keep it but then I figured he read it- so at least I had that. A few years later I paid the fee again, wrote another letter when I had gotten married and was pregnant with my daughter. This letter never came back so I have no idea if he ever received it. Then out of the blue a year ago he called me. At work. I was so taken aback, I had no idea what to do. I was stunned. He obviously remembered I had married and did an internet search for me. Which I come up on the MN Senior Corps Programs website because I work for a program of MnSC. We spoke about 3 times on the phone but I was pretty sure he was drunk on all 3 calls. And I heard a ton of people in the background in one call so he could have been calling from a bar. And then about a month later I received a box that looked like it had been through hell and back. It was a photo album and a card. A belated birthday card. It was the first one I ever remember getting from him. I was so excited to think that maybe my dad really did love me and think about me. When I read the letter I realized he really was just a bum and a drunk. I copied the pictures I wanted and mailed the entire thing back to him. I haven't heard from him since.

In the process I did manage to contact a few aunts and an uncle from my father's side. That has been really fun. I like hearing about the family I missed out on. I don't know if we would have stayed in Florida if it would be any different. But when I met my Aunt Debi on our FL trip this year she was awesome. Super fun and outgoing and I just saw myself in her. Like I really match up with someone. Like I found the part of family that I belonged and took after. It was a big deal to me.

Now with my own family I try not to make the mistakes that my parents did. I am trying to be a better person than I was and I think that continually trying to better is what your parents want you to do. I want Olivia to be a better mom than I am. I want my kids to be smarter than me, more successful than me and so on. But as some of my friends have observed in their own family relationships, not all parents want that. Some parents assume that because the children want to be better it means they weren't good enough. Which I don't think is true at all. I don't know how my parents feel about that and it doesn't matter. I'm trying to be better. And one way to do that is that I am trying to make friends. Trying to give myself the outlet and escape from my kids and husband some days. You need that. Sometimes I feel like if my mom had a group of girlfriends where she could have gone out once or twice a month without us she wouldn't have been so stressed out. And as her daughter I feel guilty about something I had no control over. Like if we were better kids maybe she would have been happier. Maybe she would have wanted to do more with us. That might not be true, but it's what kids think. So when Olivia asks me to play with her and I'm in the middle of cleaning- I have to make a conscious effort to stop what I'm doing and play. Because someday she won't want to play and I'll be sad. I want her to look back and remember that I played with her a lot and that I went out of my way to make things extra special for her. And maybe her children will benefit from that.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

I'd like to thank my agent...

...and I totally would if I had one. Would YOU like to be my agent? I pay basically nothing but I can bake cookies and make a baked spaghetti that will rock your cocks off. And someday when I finish my book I'll even put you in my acknowledgement page. But until then-

I was gift another award! This time it is by a fabulous, would totally be my bestie if only she didn't live far, far away on the other side of the world (literally). Her and I actually have a lot in come what with our husbands and um...moods...yeah- we'll use that word, and other stuff. So I am not only honored that she follows my blog and emails me periodically, but totally thrilled she's bestowed an award onto me. Jandy- You Rock My Socks Off. (I'd say cock, but if we're going to be anatomically correct I can't really say that because you parts are different.) Moving on.

And ew- there are rules and such like giving this to 15 other worthy bloggers. And because I hate rules and quite honestly, I can't limit myself to 15- I'm opening it up. If you follow my blog I want you to take this award because I follow you, and I love each and every one of you. You all have very fun blogs for all different reasons and I feel like if we all got together in one place- we'd have one hell of a super fantastically fun party. Yee-haw.

But I promise you that tomorrow I will post about something so you can learn a little more about me. And no it will not involve stripping and/or nude photos. Or sexting. (I just learned that word today and am trying to infuse it as much as possible.) Because if we're going to be honest here, I don't think anyone would be interested in learning that much about me because hi? I've had two babies. And if I'm going to continue on the honesty bit- I haven't exercised in awhile. And not like it'd help because I feel as if I'm teetering on the "I need a personal trainer to torture me" line.

We're close, yall.

So I'm going to go ahead and eat my bowl of tin roof sundae ice cream and think about what I can be doing to lose weight. :)

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Gay Cat + Feral Kitten = Friendship

I've written about Lenny and his ways before. Oh, and here. And I think I spoke very briefly of a new kitten that was coming to our house, unplanned, named Rosie Flower.

Well I should inject right here that Rosie Flower is feral. I don't care what anyone says- that cat was born and her formative weeks were under my mom's porch. Her mom was a pretty cat but scared of people, and she had two brothers one named Stormy and the other Stumpy. Stumpy had a different name originally but after it was discovered he only had 3 legs courtesy of some animal under the porch, the name change was obviously needed. And because my mom isn't a crazy cat lady (yet), and our house (with the gay cat and two kids) is in no shape to handle all these cats. I mean, really.

So the other two kittens and momma cat went to the Animal Rescue Federation. I hope they get homes. We decided to keep Rosie because Olivia loved her, and she's pure white- super cute furball. And purrs like a maniac.

The introduction between Lenny and his new forced BFF happened right after our vacation and actually, it went well. There was a lot of hissing, chasing, and ass biting but really- that's like any other first date. Wait...was that only me?? Moving on...

But now it's been about a month since the introductions and the cats get along really well. Lenny is still very gay what with his humping of our various blankets but I can happily report he has really taken a liking to Jackson's favorite stuffed duck. Sexy time happens usually during our dinner which is just fun too. Tell me my kids won't be confused when they get to Sex Education in school!

And Rosie acts just like a feral cat would- she's bat shit fucking crazy. She eats bizarre things (as Lenny has apparently mentored her to do) such as bread (chews right through the bag), licks pine needles off the floor in the porch, likes the outside of diapers, chews on dresser knobs, and her new thing- chewing the Christmas tree.

They also have taken to laying on the bottom branches of our perfect artificial tree which is now looking lame. Like we may have to cut the bottom branches off because they are flattened to the ground and looking stupid. Like our tree shit himself of branches. Totally dropped a load on the floor. They also lick each other and it's gross and disturbing. I mean, not to be too disgusting, but it kind of resembles the good ole standby of 69. (I see you and your horrified face)

But most importantly- the two cats play together. Unfortunately this usually happens in the middle of the night and that means we wake up to broken lamps, tore up couch pillows, mail spread all over the kitchen, chairs knocked over and occassionally a big and little puke pile. Super.

Get Your Holiday Fix, Shameless Self Promotion

I had to post on here that I had my FIRST ETSY sale (to a non-relative). YAY! So that totally put me into crafty mode since I realized that HELLO- my stock of Christmas cards was low. Like I had one left. Not good.

So I put 4 more sets up there (3 different designs). I re-posted some picture frames and other crafty bits I had literally laying around and so my shop officially has 20 things up for grabs, yo.

And don't forget- I make custom frames, scrapbooks, cards, invitations, announcements, etc- just let me know what you need and we'll work out the rest!

My Shop