Manifest some goals with me.

It has been a long six years since my AFE and I have struggled with a purpose after it. Everyone tells me "you're here for a reason", and that's great but nobody tells you what's that supposed to be. It not like you survive death and you're given a card telling you what you haven't done yet, you know? 

So in that theme, one of the things I am currently working on is working through advocacy training for MoMMA's Voices, more specifically, the Patient Family Partner Certification Training. It teaches you how to take your story and use that to help other moms and families who are entering the birth trauma circle. I might be six years into this, having gone through many ups and downs, but somebody somewhere is right now going through it and feeling incredibly overwhelmed. 

I may not remember anything from that time, I know that Matt does and he still struggles with feelings from it. Nobody knows what to do when their spouse dies and comes back, but doesn't come back fully alright. 

My hope is to somehow help other women and families wade through overload of feelings and information. I do remember not really understanding what happened to me, so I was Googling everything that I could about amniotic fluid embolisms, birth trauma, depression, all of the things. Everybody encouraged me to not do that, just move forward, focus on being lucky to be alive, and I just couldn't do that. I really needed to understsand what had happened to me and why I don't feel any better, why do I not feel lucky? 

Some of the things I'd really like to do is a blood drive, and possibly turn it into an annual thing. I'm terrified to plan it and have nobody come, you know? I'd like to turn it into something to highlight birth trauma and the resources available to them, locally but also online. I know the absolute relief I felt when I found the AFE Foundation and support group online. Having an entire group of women who also had an AFE to talk to and ask questions of? Priceless. 

I'm trying to think of some other things I can do to be helpful, but also not require a lot of time. Realistically, I know that health wise (energy, overall feeling, and mental health) I am not reliable. I hate that, but I do know that is something I deal with now and am getting better at recognizing my limitations. 

So that's where I am. I'm trying to get better in life. If I'm going to be here, I may as well do something, right? I don't want to go the rest of my life, however long it is, and not be able to say I did something with my life. I want to see and do some things. I've told some friends that I really just feel this urge to finally do the things I've thought about, like now is my moment. I trust my gut, so here I am. 

Book Review: Breaking All the Rules

TGIF, folks. TGIF. It feels like a long week but also not really at all. I don't have much in the way of plans for this weekend and I'm OK with that. Matt is going to bring me grocery shopping, because oh yes, I can't do that by myself. Love the loss of independence, it's really so much fun. 

Breaking All the Rules - Amy Andrews

Sometimes you gotta toss your whole life into a burning dumpster to find what’s most important...

Beatrice Archer has always done everything she’s supposed to —worked her ass off, ignored her non-existent personal life, and kept her mouth shut. Now she’s over it. The rat race, respectability…the underwire bras. She’s taking her life back. Starting with moving to Nowhere, Colorado to live life on her own terms.

Now Bea gives exactly zero forks. Beer for breakfast. Sugar for everything else. Baggy sweats and soft cotton undies FTW. Then a much younger and delightfully attractive cop is called to deal with her flagrant disregard for appropriate clothing outside the local diner (some folks just don’t appreciate bunny slippers) and Bea realizes there’s something missing from her little decathlon of decadence…and he might be the guy to help her out.

When it comes to breaking rules, Officer Austin Cooper is surprisingly eager to assist. He’s charming, a little bit cowboy, and a whole lot sexy. But Bea’s about to discover that breaking the rules has consequences. And all of the cherry pies in Colorado can’t save her from what’s coming…

I loved this book!! I didn't realize this was going to be a reverse age gap (Bea is older than Austin) romance, but I was here for it because I'm trying to read things I haven't seen a lot of and reverse age gap is just that. I loved Bea's character, I feel like if I were a literary character, I also would give zero forks, if you will. Austin really is charming, and their chemistry is FIRE. For all of that alone, you need to add this to your TBR for 2023, hands down. What sealed the deal for me though is the humor, I love romance with some good humor, and the author balanced it perfectly. I really liked that Bea is going on a limb and asking for exactly what she wants and Austin is eager to please. If I had to offer a critique, I would say I wished the epilogue wasn't mostly Bea, and not them as a couple/their future. This is a series though, so I'm assuming we'll see more from them in future books so I can't be mad about that. This was my first one from Amy Andrews but it definitely isn't going to be my last, I loved her writing style and the personality in her characters. 

Thank you to Entangled Publishing and TLC Book Tours for having me on this tour and sending me a copy for review! 

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Book Review: Pirate's Paradox

It is Wednesday...but I am so screwed up on which day of the week it is since my kids were off of school Monday and Tuesday. Then I decided to keep Lucy home today because she threw up in th emiddle of the night. I'm pretty sure it was just the pizza she ate for dinner that didn't sit well in her tummy but still, better to be safe than sorry. So she's home today, Jackson has a doctor appointment, I have a bunch of emails to catch up on and a book to read. Lots to do. 

Pirate's Paradox - Lisa Kessler

Pirate Caleb Graves may be an immortal, but he’s also a navigator and a man of science. And yet he can’t explain the erratic tides threatening Savannah. Nor the terrible dreams of sailing through a vicious, supernatural storm that he keeps having. But when fascinating, petite dynamo Diana Williams marches up to his ship and demands to speak to the captain, Caleb is caught up in a wave of unexpected fear…and an electric frisson of longing for this captivating woman.

Diana wouldn’t be a true psychic if she didn’t listen to her spirit guide. So when dream after dream compels her to visit specific coordinates in the Atlantic, she can’t ignore it. Now, she just needs a ship. Good thing she knows about a particular pirate ship that’s in tip-top shape. Complete with a surly, albeit hot, navigator who doesn’t immediately believe in her visions. But no matter how much Caleb objects, she’ll risk sending the entire crew—including herself—to the uncharted ocean.

But both their dreams could be the key to saving Savannah and may even be a clue about the fabled lost city of Atlantis. Or it could damn them all to an unforgiving, watery grave.

Right off the bat I'm going to tell you if this synopsis does it for you, read the books in the series that come before this one. Technically each book is a standalone, but I feel like I would have enjoyed this even more had I read the others. There is quite a bit of backstory that I had no idea about, and while the author did a good job doing really fast summary, I wish I had read the others. With that said, I enjoyed thhis. It was a fast read, it centers around pirates, immortal ones at that, and I can honestly say I don't remember reading a book with immortal pirates. 

Let's talk about some of the things I enjoyed: 

• The romance! Caleb and Diana are a great couple and I loved their arc. I so appreciated communication between the two and the trust! FINALLY a romance that makes it work!
• I liked the dynamic between the pirate crew, I need to read the other books before this in the series, I want those stories. 
• The book also features a.... being that I've never read about but I can't tell you more because it kind of ruins it. I do hope they are featured again, and I think they will be given some of the things that happened in this one. 
• I really liked the diversity! I appreciate authors taking more chances on diversity in their books, it can only make them stronger and more interesting. 
• Diana is a great character on her own and I love that she's strong and confident in herself but truthful enough to be uncertain and be OK with that. Caleb is great, too, he is so old fashioned and I thought it was charming. 

If you're looking for something out of the box, something that there aren't multiple of on the shelf, this is a solid option. Thank you to Entangled Publishing for having me on this tour and providing a copy for review! 

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Book Review: My Three Men

Happy Valentine's Day, lovers! Do you have any plans? We don't plan on doing anything because we are bro-kay, but that's OK. I always do a little something for my kids, nothing big, but it's just fun. If you're not busy and need a little somethin', somethin', I've got a read for you! 

My Three Men - Petra Sharpe

No job. No money. No prospects. When I get the offer of a lifetime from a hot stranger, what choice do I have but to take it?

When I shared a hot hook-up with a stranger at a bar to get my mind off my recent job loss, the last thing I expected was for it to turn into something more.

But it turns out that stranger was a high-flying CEO named Tyler, who runs a major company alongside his best friends, Will and Nate. And he needs a favor. His father won’t sign off on Tyler’s ownership of the company until he shows up with a wife on his arm.

Which is where I come in. Tyler’s paying me an insane amount of cash to play at being his fiancee on a vacation with his family. When it’s over, my money troubles will be done with and the company will be his.

But once we leave the city, I realize it’s not going to be so easy to play at romance with someone I’m so attracted to. And, with Will and Nate joining us, he’s not the only one I’m having to fight off feelings for…

When was the last time you read a MMMF romance? I honestly could not tell you when the last romance I read that wasn't just your standard MF, so I jumped at the chance for this when it popped up. In My Three Men, we begin with Anna, fresh off of being fired and out of options, she reluctantly decides to go for a night out on the town with her friend/roommate Suruthi, and that's where we meet Tyler. He's clearly got money, but he's handsome and listens to her woes as she drinks the night away. One steamy rendezvous later, and Anna is back to worrying about her next step because rent is due whether you have a job or not. 

Tyler then has an interesting proposal...literally for Anna, pretend to be his fiance on an upcoming family vacation to dupe his dad. Tyler won't be left control of the family company unless he can show his dad that he's responsible and has "plans for his future", which in his dad's eyes, includes a wife....and maybe kids eventually. Tyler has no interest in getting married, he quite enjoys the lifestyle he currently enjoys. Anna, for her part, is quite reluctant, but when she sees the dollar amount Tyler is offering her, she really would be an idiot to say no. Also, who is really going to say no to an all-expense paid vacation to Hawaii?? Anna soon learns that this technically isn't a family only trip as Tyler's business partners Nate and Will are also coming, both of which Anna is attracted to, and all three men have wildly different personalities, so Anna begins to feel confused over feelings she seems to be developing. 

I won't go over more than that since it's the bulk of the story, but let's talk about some hits and misses for me with this book. I am a fan of books that aren't dragging a story out, though I do wish this one gave us a little more. It felt like we never really got a full ending, some things were mentioned and that was that. I never got a clear explanation of how this MMMF was supposed to work long-term, and maybe that was the point, but I would have liked to have more, at least in that area. It almost felt like the author had more ideas and literally ran out of time so had to tie it up quickly. I also was really tired of hearing Anna's inner thoughts on being fired, how she's getting paid well for this, how she needs money, etc. At first it was fine because it's story development, but we don't need to be reminded of this every few pages, we get it. It makes it seem like her situation is far more dire than it probably is, I mean, go work at McDonald's or something, you'll find a job, calm down. 

I did really like the development of her relationship (is that what it is?) with Tyler. I really wished that we had gotten more from that because it felt like the author was exploring it and then just dropped the idea towards the end. He seemed like a really good guy at heart, and he was capable of the kind of relationship his dad wanted for him, he just didn't want to go there (for reasons never made clear). Also, for the premise of this being a MMMF story, the author also focused on the MF relationships (all three of them) equally and it felt like Anna had something distinct and special with each one, but collectively it was great, too. The steam of level is pretty high, and the book is short, so if you're in the mood for a quick read that will uh.... get the job done, this is definitely one to consider. 

Thank you to Red Clover Digital and author Petra Sharpe for having me on this tour and sending me a copy for review! 

Book Review: The Love You Save

What day of the week is it? Who knows! I keep telling my family that it feels like Friday, everyday is feeling like Friday, so I have no idea what is even going on anymore. What I do know is that this is now the second day in a row that I've kind of forced myself to get dressed, try to look like a functioning adult, and I think that's helping. Also, I bought some new pants and the fact they are the same size as I was at my biggest isn't getting me down. I'm just happy to now own two pairs that fit me, lets just hope they don't shrink in the wash. Now I just need shirts, but I'm poor, so baggy hoodies it is! Anyways, lets talk books. 

The Love You Save - Goldie Taylor

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings meets Educated in this harrowing, deeply hopeful memoir of family, faith and the power of books—from acclaimed journalist and human rights activist Goldie Taylor 
 
Aunt Gerald takes in anyone who asks, but the conditions are harsh. For her young niece Goldie Taylor, abandoned by her mother and coping with trauma of her own, life in Gerald’s East St. Louis comes with nothing but a threadbare blanket on the living room floor. 
 
But amid the pain and anguish, Goldie discovers a secret. She can find kinship among writers like James Baldwin and Toni Morrison. She can find hope in a nurturing teacher who helps her find her voice. And books, she realizes, can save her life.  

Goldie Taylor's debut memoir shines a light on the strictures of race, class and gender in a post–Jim Crow America while offering a nuanced, empathetic portrait of a family in a pitched battle for its very soul.

Profoundly moving, exquisitely rendered and ultimately uplifting, The Love You Save is a story about hidden strength, perseverance against unimaginable odds, the beauty and pain of girlhood, and the power of the written word. 

Wow. If you are doing any reading challenges that are asking for a memoir, let this be the one you pick. Today is actually its book birthday so go to your local bookstore and pick this one up. It isn't very long, 277 pages, but WOW. 

As a white woman, who was once a white little girl in the public school system in a rather poor neighborhood, I have absolutely no idea what life would have been like for Goldie Taylor, and this book was eye opening for me in so many ways. I try hard to learn the things I do not know and I'm coming to realize that no matter how hard I try or how much I learn, I will never get to the end. I'm sad about that, but that doesn't mean I'm going to quit. 

In The Love You Save, Goldie's father is brutally murdered, her brother is beaten and robbed, and if that isn't enough, Goldie's mother moves them to a mostly white neighborhood, which, in the 1970's, was bound to be difficult on all of them. Most of all anyone being sent into the school system because children are assholes. They can be sweet and loving, but we all know children are assholes when the adults leave. Goldie is then raped, her mother isn't the support she needs, so she is moved yet again. Her entire upbringing is a serious of chaotic moments, and at times dangerous, and we have this little girl trying to walk around all of it. The entire story is harrowing and that is really putting it lightly. 

I will say the times where they are left alone for long hours because mom is at work, I know what that feels like. I can't be mad at my mom, we have to have money to pay for an apartment and food, but man. It would have been nice to have a mom who wasn't so stressed out and tired. Or have a mom that would take us to cool after school events like the other kids. I'm not mad at her, as a mom of four myself I absolutely get it. I also found a home in my school work, and the few teachers who saw me and saw what I needed. Honestly, thank god for them, really. I am so grateful Goldie had those same kinds of teachers because without that, the entire course of her life could have been wildly different. 

If you are focusing on specific books for Black History Month, The Love You Save should absolutely be on that list. I know it's the end of January but this might actually be my memoir of the year. Sorry, Prince Harry. 

Thank you to TLC Book Tours for having me on this tour and sending me a copy for review. This one has made a mark on my heart. 

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Book Review: Accidentally Famous

It is Friday Eve and I'm here for it. Olivia is in Boston for a school thing, Jackson is busy doing pep band stuff, Pep and Lu want to do a bingo night at school, and I'm just... tired. I'm really tired. The last two days I took a five hour nap, was awake for four, and then went to bed for the rest of the night. What's wrong with me? I have no idea. In the hours I have been awake though, I have gotten quite a bit of reading in, so there's that. I can't hate that. 

Accidentally Famous -  Marissa Clarke

Jack Winston may be Hollywood’s biggest action hero, but he’s seriously burned out. He can’t even save himself from his PR team’s latest scheme: dating a starlet. But when his assistant accidentally tags Cassidy James from Blink, Maine (wherever that is) on social media, the paparazzi decide that she’s Jack’s latest fling. Now Jack needs to do some serious damage control…starting with the adorable home reno pro in paint-splattered overalls.

Cassidy is not prepared when the Jack Winston shows up in her quiet little town—and whew, he is that gorgeous in person. Before she can pick her jaw up off the floor, his PR team is bombarding them with a whole new plan involving “fake girlfriend,” “optics,” and “sign this NDA” (whatever that is). But no one warned her that Mr. A-List Action Star is hot, funny as all get out, and loves old houses as much as she does.

Now they have two weeks to convince everyone they’re in a fake relationship—two weeks that will drive Cassidy’s reno business through the roof and help Jack reclaim his “spark.” The plan is going fine, dare she say, perfectly...until she discovers something that will change everything.

I am so glad to be back in Blink, Maine with Marissa Clarke's latest, Accidentally Famous. Right off the bat I liked Cassidy, and I really liked Jack. I felt like it would have been an easy route to take to make Jack a real jerk but the author did a really good job at balancing his fame and his normalness. Cassidy was a fun character too and again, she could have been almost an angry heroine, and while she had some moments where she was definitely uncomfortable with something she was wearing (or the lavender nails), but she was a sport and she didn't want things to go badly for Jack. 

I also have to talk about the town, who we learned from book one, are all good and decent people who aren't easily starstruck. A star can come here and truly relax, and get some really great food but also not be absolutely hounded. 

Though a romance, it would be considered a very clean one, with only a few kisses. I normally like more (alright, a lot more), but I felt like this was the appropriate level given the story and how it was set up. Anything more would have been trashy and not totally appropriate, to be honest. I also don't know how anyone wouldn't melt a little inside when a hot guy texts you, "I'm coming for you, babe", am I right? 

Final rating? 4.5 stars rounded to 5. I had a hard time putting it down, I found myself smiling throughout, and I had that immediate, "that was cute" when I finished. I can't wait to see how this series folds out with a third installment (it has to be Cassidy's friend, right? RIGHT?) 

Thank you to Entangled Publishing for providing a copy for review, I thoroughly loved this one!

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Book Review: Come What Maybe

I cannot believe this is the last full week of January. I've been working hard at trying to set up systems and reliable notes to really keep me on track this year. Well, at least a little better and last year. You know the biggest hurdle right now? My medication list/basket. I am losing track of what I'm taking when and why. I have like 13 medications split up over three times a day and it's just a nightmare.  

ANYWAYS. 

Come What Maybe - Kerri Carpenter

Social media strategist Lauren Wallace plans everything. But when she returns to the charming—if not too small for comfort—town of Seaside Cove, it’s only about a second before her tough-love Grams is already on her case. So when Grams tells her not to go to that bar, Lauren decides it’s time for a temporary rebellion. Which is exactly when the trouble starts.

Grams was right. The bar was not a good plan. Because suddenly super-cute bar owner Ethan McAllister has gone from being Lauren’s (kind of) high school nemesis to a very unexpected one-night stand. And worse, Lauren’s attempts to resume her ultra-responsible life keep getting thwarted by more unwelcome spontaneity. And a pregnancy.

Now there’s a baby on the way, Lauren’s the talk of the entire town, and all her planning has gone right out the window. All that’s missing is childbirth to make her pain complete. But it’ll be nothing compared to Grams’s reaction when she finds out that Lauren broke the biggest rule of all…falling for the wrong guy.

I'm going to tell you right off the bat I am giving this one 3⭐'s, but not because it's a meh story, that isn't the case at all. When I look at the Goodreads rating, a 3 is "I liked it" and that's exactly how I feel about Come What Maybe. It is an absolutely promising beginning to the Seaside Cove series and I am all in for it. I will absolutely be reading the rest of them as they come out. Kerri Carpenter has masterfully set this series up for success. 

My biggest issues with this one is Lauren. I really didn't like Lauren and for all the times she speaks poorly of others/the town because of gossiping and judgement but she really took the take, in my opinion. I didn't like how she made assumptions of her sisters, and her Grams' reaction, and Ethan in general. I liked Ethan a lot, and I really could understand his thought process and the poor guy. He's clueless in the psyche of women and it shows! Overall Lauren was so childish that I really started rooting for Ethan to find literally anyone else. (I have to put in a plug from Grams because she is the Grams we all need.)

Alas, we do have a happy ending, it's a clean romance, the book is very fitting given the coastal Maine setting, and I really love her sisters and look forward to their stories. 

Thank you to Entangled Publishing and NetGalley for providing a copy for review! 

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Medical Update: PTSD, diapers, almost diapers, and more!

I haven't given a proper medical update in... months. Honestly maybe even a year. I will be all over the place, but as always, if you have questions, feel free to leave a comment, email me, message me on IG, and I'm happy to do my best to answer them. 

Well, the best way to start the year is with a broken mirror, am I right? Well this was this summer courtesy of Pickles and it is still right there and it is still just as broken. At this point it really just feels like a metaphor for my life, you know? 

Let's talk about PTSD though, because I am finding out that lots of people don't actually know what it is. To be honest, I would have been in that group because when you think PTSD, I think we all automatically think combat veteran struggling when they come home. Right? I remember maybe three months-ish after having Lucy my doctor flat out held my hands and said, "You aren't crazy, you have PTSD. This is normal." I know I huffed, and I refused to believe it. 

Until stupid things would happen and I would find myself struggling, sometimes out of nowhere, and I didn't really have any other explanation for it. I've been in therapy for six full years now and I am able to recognize my triggers, I have coping strategies for different situations, and I also know how to manage my self-talk so I don't get to the point of needing the coping situations, if that makes sense. 

Cue December. 

Olivia and Jackson were finishing up their senior project hours for school, which was them participating in the Penney's From Heaven project. Different businesses in the community have Christmas trees full of tags with items the family(ies) chosen need. It's always a family (or multiple families as donations allow)who have been hit with especially hard times outside of their control. (We were a recipient in 2016, the same year we had Lucy and it's been important to our family that we give back, very much a pay-it-forward for us.)

We bought a lot of items, lots of different tags and I didn't even look at the tags I was picking up. One of the tags was a pack of diapers. Now, a normal person would walk in, grab the diapers, and keep it moving. Not me, lambs! 

Instead, I break into a cold sweat, that turns into a gross, weird sweat, my face, neck and chest turn read, and I start shaking because I feel like my blood pressure is going out of hand. Enough for Jackson to notice and nicely ask what the hell is wrong with me. There isn't anything wrong with me, I'm just freaking out for whatever reason. Baby things are really hard, even still. 

Also hard? The OB office. I hadn't been in here since November 2016, where I had the worst panic attack I had ever had (except I didn't know that's what it was). I learned that it isn't OK to break out in tears and tell people I died having a baby, and that they might die. Yup. I'm not even kidding. 

Fortunately, this time when I had a panic attack, I was steadily going through my coping things and I was able to get through the time in the waiting room. I cried, but quietly, and not to the point that I'd scare anyone. I do need to have a follow up OB appointment but it'll be in a new office so that was officially the last time I would ever see this waiting room. Which is bittersweet. *sigh*

Let's talk adult diapers though. Thankfully, I am not there. My god, I'm only 40, almost 41. I will say that four children has really taken a toll on me but also, the last two were REALLY hard on me and my insides. (I'm not naming anyone specifically, but Penelope was the largest baby, so..) None of my abdominal muscles do a damn thing so it is a surprise to nobody that it is the worst experience having a chest cold when your bladder and muscles have become squatters doing nothing in this house. Every time I would cough, I pee. Sneeze? Pee. God forbid you get the combo of a sneeze/cough, big trouble. I also have no idea where the hell it is coming from because if I pee, you'd think there would be nothing to sneak out, right?? RIGHT?? 

WRONG, loser. Wrong. 

Enter the incontinence pads and the little old lady doing me a solid at Target. Not only did I hear her entire journey from romps in a car with her husband when her hip was still good and he was alive, how she has three children but only one is grateful and in the will, and she's onto full diapers herself, but helpfully pointed me to the pads she recommends. (And then told me to get diaper cream because I might chafe and that it is no fun.) (I did not buy the cream and it was no fun.)

So that's where I'm at now. 

Between that now wishing I took eye serum more seriously in my early 30's because I'm paying for it now, that's for sure. (Get a good serum, ladies! Moisturize your damn face! Wear sunscreen!) My eyelashes are lightening, my hair is changing, my skin is thinning, wrinkles are popping up, and I feel like I'm in that weird zone that people panic in. I'm scared to get old, but I'm also not going to sadly cling to the youth that is packing up and leaving out the door. It's funny how we were desperately to be a grown up and now here we are and we want to stay young. 

Crazy times. 

But stay tuned because this coming week I'm going to update medical stuff by specialty, because I have hit them all, I think. Well, no. But if this was a Girl Scout badge, I'd have a pretty full sash, we can say that. 

Book Review: Never Cross a Highlander

I feel like I owe you a life post, and I promise you'll get one. It'll probably be a doozy. Just have some snacks at the ready. 

Never Cross a Highlander - Lisa Rayne

Ailsa Connery has waited three long years to finally escape her enslavement at Stirling Castle and reunite with her clan. But her carefully laid plans are completely destroyed by the arrival of the infamous Highland warrior known as Dubh Mahoun, the Black Devil...who has plans of his own.

Kallum MacNeill's fearsome reputation has long allowed him to keep hidden his secret double life of freeing enslaved captives across the land. It's only when he kidnaps a servant lass—quite by accident—that he finds himself facing a wee predicament. He must accompany the lass home or risk her exposing his true identity. It'd be easy enough...if the feisty hellion didn't fight him at every turn.

As they make their way to the Highlands, the perils the two must face are surpassed only by their constant sparring. Soon, their heated sniping sparks heat of a totally different kind. The kind that ignites a hunger that could consume them both. Yet the difficult journey is no match for the dangerous secrets they're about to uncover.

You know I love a good series, but I love getting into the series for the FIRST one. I am perpetually finding a series in the middle of it and feel like I don't know what's going on, with who, and where. Clueless and I'm slow, so there's that. But we're coming into The Shadow Lairds series and woo-boy... I am here for it. Lisa Rayne has made me decide that my new favorite thing is highlander based romances, so I'll just be picking those up left and right, thanks. 

Setting itself apart from others, Never Cross a Highlander uses actual historical facts of Black history in the United Kingdom way back in the 1700s day. (Trigger, the book does feature abuse, physical and sexual.) I love how everyone is always trying to get back to their clans, such is the case with Ailsa. Enter Kallum, a warrior who helps slaves escape, who accidentally kidnaps Ailsa and that's where their story converges. (I mean, haven't we all accidentally kidnapped someone?) Both of them are independent, strong willed, but also highly intelligent and absolutely against the idea of marriage. Ever. Like forever and ever, you guys. Of course you know this means their chemistry is literal fire so a large part of this book is their brooding and brewing romance until... you know. Stuff happens. 

Ahem. 

If we're being honest I didn't think any of their sexy time was explicit, it was fairly PG from what I normally read, and I didn't particularly get the feels from this book. I do like their relationship and how it developed, and it probably works for that couple (imagining it as a real life couple), but not for me. Overall though? I liked the story. I think the series is set up well, I like that we're going to likely see Ailsa and Kallum again. I liked the light humor in this, I loved finally seeing a historical romance with some damn diversity! It's there, it existed, let's write about it! 

Overall this was a solid 3 for me. I liked it, I definitely want to see where Lisa Rayne does next with this series, this was a great start. Thank you to TLC Book Tours and Entangled Publishing for sending me a copy for review!

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Book Review: How To Be Awkward

Full disclosure, I wanted to read this one 100% because of the cover. Honestly, we're only half way through January and I feel like this is how I will look getting through the entire year so.... I can relate to this author already. 

How to Be Awkward- Amanda Turner

From the New York Times bestselling author of This Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store and Hair of the Corn Dog, Amanda Turner (previously writing as AK Turner) offers up a new collection of hilarity and embarrassment with How to Be Awkward.

Disclaimer: This book is not intended for the super cool. If you begin every day by setting an intention while doing yoga on a paddleboard (and somehow not falling off), you’re out of my league. If you are even semi-fluent in the Urban Dictionary, there’s little chance we’ll connect. And if you use a vaginal steamer, well, I think we’re done here. Especially if you don’t have a vagina. On the other hand… if your spirit animal is the blobfish or you regularly and inexplicably choke on your own saliva, we might be related. If you find intermittent fasting to be both cruel and unusual, I feel your pain. If your athletic abilities could best be described as blundering and oafish, I’m right there with you. It’s possible that we speak the same language. We should talk.

I have not laughed so hard while reading in quite a long time. I've read some funny books but honestly, I'm making a bold statement here.... I liked this better than Jenny Lawson's newest, or even Samantha Irby. Sure, I laughed with those, but I haven't identified harder with an author since Allie Brosh, and I've been with her since the start of her blog back in the damn day. Amanda Turner and I need to be friends. We're probably already friends and I just don't know it. 

She is your friend that you're slightly embarrased by and for, but dammit you invite her to everything anyways because if something is going to happen, it will happen to her. It's free entertainment. I am also that person, how many people do you know have gotten hit in the head with a magazine by a random person in the waiting room of a mental health clinic, you can officially say one... I am that one. 

Some of the essays a little longer, some are just 3 pages or less, and you will find yourself flying through all 26 of them. I finished and honestly, I want a part two. I'm over on the couch snorting and laughing so hard that I had to get up to pee several times because after four children, the ol' bladder ain't what she once was. I'm in denial and once step away from Depends at this rate, and I had no business reading this after drinking copious amounts of water. The book is funny, its thoughtful, it offers poignant life advice and what not to do, which is truly just as valuable. It's well written and an absolute journey. You will enjoy this one. 

I absolutely loved this book and I am actually going to buy a physical copy of it because anytime I feel like life is pulling a prank on me, I can pull this out and remember Amanda Turner has probably had it worse. (And I mean that in the nicest, most loving way a stranger could mean it as without being weird.) A huge, huge thank you to Red Clover Digital and Amanda Turner for having me on this tour and sending me a copy for review, I cannot wait to read whats next!

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Book Review: Cinderella and the Duke

I don't know about anyone else but this was a long ass week. I'm glad we have a long weekend with the kids being home on Monday for the holiday, because I really just need an extra day. My brain was just...overwhelmed with doctor stuff and this week is going to end on a doozy of an appointment and I feel like I need to gear up for it. I'm waiting for a referral to call me, I need to get more labs done, I'm just kind of over it all, you know? 

Sigh. 

In the meantime, let us talk about books because why not. 

Cinderella and the Duke

Miss Julia Beaumont has exactly one night to find herself a husband…

The Weatherford Ball is the last chance Julia Beaumont has to escape the clutches of her horrid stepmother. Any potential husband will do—rich, poor, even a reasonably well-groomed walrus. But all of Julia’s matrimonial chances are completely obliterated…thanks to the actions of an infuriating and utterly rakish duke.

Gregory Carter, Duke of Ashworth, would never risk his cherished bachelorhood by flirting with marriage-starved debutantes. But one look at the luscious and refreshingly clever Julia, and he simply can’t resist a stolen kiss—scandal be damned. Then just as things start getting deliciously interesting, the lady flees…leaving only a slipper behind.

And it must have been one dandy of a kiss. Because now Julia has proposed to him. After all, the lady needs a husband, and this roguish duke will certainly do. It’s simply a matter of making him the perfect scandalous offer…

I have already decided that I am reading more historical romance in 2023 and I'm off to a great start. If you love the traditional Disney romances of your childhood, it is definitely time for you to have the grown up version, except... different. And for being a historical romance it's almost scandalous on its own with Julia being the one to do the proposing and taking her future into her own damn hands already. On that alone, Julia is my girl. I also really liked Gregory despite him being just a man whore, if we're being honest, because it was almost humorous with all of this women fawning themselves over him and he's over here, definitely sick of the attention. The commonality between them of each having something in their history that makes them feel unworthy of true love is relatable but also helps them be more likeable. 

I have some high spots and low spots in this one for me. I loved the humor throughout, it really helped it not ended up stuffy and pretentious, something that can easily happen in historical books, especially romances. I loved the characters and I liked the creative take on a classic fairytale. The only real low spot I had was pacing. It felt like it wasn't an even reading pace, and we'd hit some boring spots, then a bunch of faster/exciting things and then slump again. I never wanted to DNF it, I just wish it was a little more even throughout. I think this is Lydia Drake's debut novel and when I keep that in mind, this is a great debut, and a promising peek into more to come. I definitely can't wait. 

Thank you to TLC Book Tours and Entangled Publishing for having me on this tour and sending me a copy for review. 

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Book Review: Mail Order Cowboy

Happy Monday, lambs! I feel like I've got 2023 by the balls, and I know we aren't supposed to call it, but I feel like I am really set up for good things this year. I'm already on a reading roll, I got my budgeting stuff worked out just the way I want it, I found jellybeans already, and I bought a new pack of manila folders and dammit, things are pretty alright. 

I completely realize how lame and old that makes me sound but my therapist says it really is little wins so screw off, nay-sayers. 

Mail Order Cowboy - Victoria James

Hope Roberts has a strict No Cowboys Allowed policy. Between raising her daughter, running her business, and trying to settle into her new ranch, Hope has no room for romance—especially when it comes to cowboys. What she needs is someone to help fix her ranch. But the only person to respond to her ad is the one man Hope still blames for her husband’s death…

In Wishing River, Dr. Dean Stanton is pretty much a legend. Cowboy, doctor, heir to his family’s ranching empire—everyone knows and loves him…with the exception of Hope. But Dean doesn’t trust a complete stranger to keep Hope and her daughter safe. And despite their troubled past, he’s still the best cowboy for her job.

Bit by cautious bit, Hope’s little family of two is making room for the man she once thought of as her enemy. Until one day, Dean looks like the perfect exception to her “no cowboys” rule. But he’s been keeping a secret from her that could destroy their newfound family…

I'm going to start this one off with something I almost never say, but while everyone will tell you these are stand alone books, nay, nay, I say. I haven't read the other three, and maybe the other three truly are stand alones, but I feel like I came into this book mid-way through a story. I had zero back story, I guess they've had some intense, fun banter in the other books and I wish I had that buildup. You also learn at the very beginning that Hope is a widow and her husband died of cancer, but Dean was his doctor. Hope is a more natural doctor and she is convinced Dean could have/should have seen the cancer sooner so she basically blames him for her husband's death. Dean is keeping a pretty big secret and if Hope knew it, Dean know it would devastate her, so he swore to hide it from her. 

Anyone who has watched a Hallmark or Lifetime movie knows that she absolutely would find out and the lesson is always that keeping secrets isn't good for anyone. Nobody wants to deal with hard stuff, or wants to have a broken heart, or be the one to do that to someone, but the alternative can be really awful, sometimes worse. 

As I step off my soap box, let me say I really liked Dean. I really liked Hope and her ambitious desire to take care of herself without the sympathetic help from other. She doesn't want to be dependent on anyone and I can admire that. Dean is a genuinely nice guy, he helps everyone, even at the expense of his sanity/time. Both of them are the kind of people you would set up with each other and you root for them the get it together. His dad is real piece of work, but you know right off the bat his awfulness wasn't passed down, thankfully. I also LOVED their friends but also the dynamic of all of them together. 

If you're a fan of a clean romance, with cowboys, something that could easily become a Hallmark movie to spend a weekend on, this is your book. I really want to go back and read the first three though because I love the other couples so I know I'd love their stories, but I'd also get a little background on Dean and Hope knowing how their story ends. (Also sometimes I just really need a solid, sweet story, you know?) 

Thank you to TLC Book Tours and Entangled Publishing for having me on this tour and sending me a copy for review! 

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