Monday, February 28, 2011

Weigh In #5... The Birdhouse Winna... teal toes.

Top o' the morn bitches. Actually.. it's like 7:30 at night or some shit but I know some of you are probably just getting up for the day.

Anyways. This is our 5th week of our Weight Loss Challenge and I'm going to be honest. I am feeling a wee bit down about my weight this week. Before I post that, I'm going to list good things about this week:
  • I ran. Folks, I ran for THREE days this week, but got in a walk on the fuckmill 4 days. Two of my runs have been for a full, steady mile. Seriously. I feel like a mother effing rockstar for getting a full mile in when on day one I only did .25 and thought I was going to die. I'm determined to actually run the Hog Jog in August/September with Amy and not walk it.
  • I did my crunches/arm exercises for 4 days.
  • I cut back on my shit food intake. Seriously. I only did fast food twice. I even ate grapes for 5 days as a snack. Bitches, my body had no idea what to do with real fruit versus fruit snacks.
  • I upped my water intake.
  • My "fat girl" knee high boots that I bought a year ago to accommodate my fat girl legs are too big. Like they slip off without unzipping them and feel too loose when I walk.
  • I painted my toes a cute teal color. Win.
These boots? Used to be so tight my toes would go numb.

Onto the less than stellar news... I gained like 6 pounds or some shit over the course of a week. So I'm bummed. Granted I took my weight right after I came in from my run because I was in the bathroom dry heaving and figured I may as well see where I'm at.. so maybe it's not accurate? Although I'd think I'd be less after a stellar performance on the streets of Superior.
So I'm just keep trying. That's all there is to it. I'm going to keep running because even after a week of doing it and not liking it.. I think I can do better. I realize that during every attempt I'm having conversations with myself in my head, continually telling Fat Sara that Skinny Sara wants to keep running and that Fat Sara should shut the fuck up. Seriously. For my entire exercise routine I'm having mental battles with Fat and Skinny Sara. It's horrible. But.. I'm going to keep on trucking as they say.

ALSO... the winner of the signed copy of The Birdhouse is.... (you're gonna have to see to the end of the vlog. Winner is announced... and if YOU are the winner.. you need to email me ASAP to: sarastrand9438(at)hotmail(dot)com.)

Friday, February 25, 2011

Dear Sara... finally.

Dear Lambwhores:

I am sorry I missed last week. You'll get over it.

*kisses, your leader.

So here we go for this week's episode of Dear Sara!

What’s up with Baby Jeebus? Were you raised with religion and what are your beliefs now? Baby Jeebus is my homeboy. We're BFF's. Um.. ok so not really. I wasn't really raised with religion but I am baptized Catholic. (Yes, seriously. Stop laughing.) I went to church when I was in like 10th grade because all of my friends were being saved and shit and I thought maybe it was something I should at least try. But I am naturally a skeptical person and I just don't get it. I really don't understand the whole concept and how people really believe it. I question a lot. Like how do you REALLY KNOW that all this happened? By blind faith? Um, I don't know. I don't really fall for it. The whole evolution and Big Bang and all of that seems more plausible to me than some guy in dire need of a bath and razor decides he's in charge and this is how it's going to be. It just seems wonky to me. And if this was true- then why are there so many versions of religion? Why are they all different? It's like Group A had it's own thing but then some people didn't like the restrictions, so they became Group B and came up with a new religion. And so on, so forth. And then, what a horrible life to know that you are always sinning and are never really good enough. It sounds a bit like an abusive spouse to me. BUT I believe that when you die, you go somewhere. Maybe you get reincarnated. Maybe you go to a weird middle space and just haunt people for fun. Maybe it's a heaven. I don't believe in Hell necessarily even though I tell people to go there frequently. And I believe that everyone has a right to their own beliefs, BUT BUT BUT laws and rules and government should not be run with threads of religion deciding what is right/wrong. As an example, saying that you can't do _____ because God says it's bad. All well and good, but maybe my God says it's ok. Then you start comparing who is more right, and bam! It's like you're living in the Middle East. So, you know. It's not fair.

OK, so I know you're all creative and stuff, and sell gorgeous stuff on Etsy.  So show us your work station!  It is a raging mess and it is totally ok because it has doors on it. So here is where I let my brain spew forth it's awesome:

 in a closet! That's right. My crafty space is a closet in my dining room. You can see I have put as much as I can in here. The drawers are full, the shelves are full, the space on the floor is full, the desk top is full, yeah. I didn't even clean up for you. Sorry. But I am in need of new organization options because not all of this is working for me.
 And when I get stuck I stare at Robert. And you might have noticed that some of the cards you lambwhores have sent me are hanging up. The one next to Robert is from Gini whom I adore. And up top there is a card my friend Tammy altered for my birthday last year. My picture is covering up Kristen Stewart's face. :)
And I am so full in my closet that I have spilled over to a 6 foot folding table.. also in my dining room. It's really annoying and I hate not being contained but I seriously don't have the room. So here are 2 boxes of stamps, a huge box of paper, my Cricut machine (wish I had the bigger one..) and some scrapbooks that are in process.

3. My friend is moving into her first house with her husband and I'm not sure if I am supposed to give a gift? We gave them an engagement and wedding gift... so I don't really know what the etiquette is.  Well... it depends on how giving you are. Typically I try to give house warming gifts because who doesn't like getting presents? I'd ask if there is going to be a housewarming party, if yes then you are pretty much obligated to gift something. If there is no party, I say it's optional. And if it's a really good friend, just get a gift. It's the nice thing to do. But I think for people who are moving, a really good gift is something like a home improvement store gift card. I've done that, a bottle of wine, and a copy of the movie Money Pit (from the 80's with Tom Hanks... hilarious). It's a cute thing to put together, it's practical, it's fun, and super easy.

4. What were the last 3 songs played on your iPod? Fujiya & Miyagi's "Collarbone" (this is a fantastic driving song. I dare you to listen to it and not dance in your chair.), Manchester Orchestra's "I Can Feel A Hot One" and The Fray's "Never Say Never".

5. Do all girls pee in the shower?

so.. now that you know MY answer... what's yours? Do you pee in the shower? :)

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Models, Jesus, High on Life

A couple of weekends ago my friend gave her daughter a birthday party at the aquarium in Duluth. I realized I forgot to share any pictures of that with you, but if we're friends on Facebook you can see them on there. (And if we aren't- be my friend.)

 This is probably my favorite picture of me and the kids ever. We had a super fun time at the aquarium. I think Matt was bummed he didn't come after all because the kids wouldn't stop talking about all the fun they had. The highlight was definitely Jackson during the otter show. We were right up front listening to the lady's presentation on otters and stuff- and there he is, sitting on my lap/lounging with his hand down his pants. *sigh* I know it's a boy thing but seriously. And every time I tell him to get his hand out of his pants he says "feels good". Awesome. So that's proof they are born with the urge to play with their penises. Watching otters or not.

Then I was driving today and yeah. I see this.
 If you can't read it the sticker on the left says "Yes Lord, We Will Ride With You!" and the one on the right says "Pray First Then Vote". And if there is any question at all as to why the country is in the shape we're in, that pretty much sums it up.

Then today I get home to see a guy in our neighbor's yard having the time of his life. First it was him playing air guitar (with no music) in the middle of the street. Then he was sitting on a tree stump playing with the broom. Then he started ice skating in the yard with his work boots or something on. Here he was trying to do a fancy twirl while rocking out to music that wasn't playing and he almost fell. Two hours this went on. At least. So either he found the drug houses in our neighborhood or he's high on life.
In somewhat related news, I actually did my walk/run today. Normally this isn't worth mentioning but I did it outside today because the sunshine made me delusional thinking it was warmer than the 23 degrees it really was. The other thing to note is that I ran .25 mile. Granted, not a big deal. What makes it a big deal is that I did it and A) didn't die B) didn't end up in the fetal position at the end of .25 mile and C) didn't have to stop for dry heaves.

After that I decided I was just going to walk because my lungs were making it clear they had no interest in my running and didn't care to be outside anyways. While on the last stretch of my walk, I hear my neighbor on a walk of his own. Mostly because he was singing really loud (despite the fact I had my iPod on) and was going "ugh, ugh, ugh". Yeah. I didn't see him but I heard him for a couple of blocks. And if we're being honest? I now know why people own face masks. I have been in the house for 2 hours now and my face STILL hurts from being so cold and my thighs are just now feeling normal. They were pretty numb when I came in. So even though I froze my ass off, I got my workout in and it didn't require me to fuckmill it. Score.

Tomorrow is our Dear Sara post BUT if you have a question you'd like to get answered- send me a note at sarastrand9438AThotmailDOTcom.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Bird House (review & GIVEAWAY)

Let's just get right to it.

The Birdhouse by Kelly Simmons
Every family has its secrets. But when you are suddenly the matriarch, tending the dark fires of memory, and your own mind is fading, who do you dare to share them with? Your diary, or your eight-year-old granddaughter?

The Bird House: A NovelInterweaving diaries penned forty years apart, Kelly Simmons’s captivating second novel, The Bird House, blends the fierce voice of Ann Biddle, a woman struggling to bond with her only grandchild, Ellie, while railing against the ravages of early dementia, with her point-of-view as a young wife and mother. We witness the secrets of Ann’s family and her grand-daughter and daughter-in-law’s through every lens — from the clarity of the rearview mirror to the haze of Alzheimer’s. And we see her grappling through the ‘60’s with sleep deprivation, breast cancer, her own mother’s death, a passionate affair, and a tragedy that leaves her stunned until, four decades later, her whip-smart granddaughter unwittingly sheds a burst of light on the family’s shadowy history.

This book was so unbelievably good in a really subtle way. I love how the story line was being played out so quickly but you didn't even know it until you were almost done with the book, which I thought was so cool. I mean, it's like you didn't even know it was happening and then- BAM! It all came to get perfectly.

I really adored the characters. I really felt like Ann could be anybody's Grandma and it makes you appreciate the wisdom and knowledge a person has just from living life. Having worked with seniors previously I know from first hand experience how interesting hearing the life story of another person can be. I mean, it's just an ordinary life but it's so different from the next person.

What I really loved about this book was how the author really described, in a believable way, what it's like to be in the early stages of dementia and how they feel when a family member "checks up" on them. If you have ever had a family member or friend develop dementia this would be an interesting read for you.

What also is interesting is how Ann chooses to tell Ellie (the grand daughter) family "secrets". Which really aren't secrets- they are just events that happen over the course of life, but somehow, people believe that by not talking about it everyone will be better off. Which, families are built on success, tragedy, ups and downs. And I think that younger generations should learn about their family history. Good or bad.

This is such an excellent book and would make a fabulous Mother's Day gift for your mom or Grandma. Truly.

But ONE of my lucky readers is going to win an autographed copy of The Bird House!!! How exciting is that? The winner will be chosen randomly using the comments from this post, and announced on Monday, February 28.

To enter-
- You MUST be a follower via GFC
- Leave a comment on this post telling me what your favorite memory of your grandparent(s) is.

Good luck and happy reading!

Shit I deal with.

Holy man. I have had nothing but freaking drama, frustrations and crazy for two weeks straight coming at me from every angle possible. I seriously feel like locking myself in my room as a hostage. Seriously. There are days where I just feel like throwing my hands up in the air and saying 'fuck yall' and never coming out. So here are some headaches and random I have going on.

First up Matt is totally dragging his feet on home improvement projects. This weekend I noticed that our porch has shifted SO much this winter that the windows are bending. Yes. They are bending. In fact, in one corner you can put your finger outside. The walls are all cracked much worse than before and it looks like my front porch has been through an earthquake. Seriously. Pictures are coming this weekend when I have time. He said it's because he took our gutters down, didn't put them back up (in fact- he threw them out. Awesome.) and so moisture is just hanging out by the foundation and when it freezes and causes everything to move. Honestly? I don't know how much I believe a couple of gutters (or lack thereof) can do that much damage. So I'm a bit pissed off that is going to need to be totally gutted and repaired. Someday. Until then, feel free to jimmy a window out and steal our TV. :/

Then he also says no, I can't get a goat. I also can't get a llama because he says I would not be a good goat parent. Hi. If Tori Spelling can do it, I think I'm more than qualified.  
 And then for Valentines Day Matt and I never do anything. But I decided I was going to buy chocolates. And this is how we do it in our house- I circle what Matt can have because I'm picky.
 And then I had a harrowing day at the mall trying on pants and deciding that the fuckmill needs to be my friend. Like BFF for life. Tattoo it on my ass. But Matt has this thing where he has to pee and/or poop EVERYWHERE we go. So I went to Barnes & Noble to pee because I know they clean their bathroom. And then I see this. Hi. How hard is to to change the roll? And if that's not how this broke.. who gets violent with toilet paper? It's huggable man.
 I then decided I was not paying $50 for pants I don't like so I thought maybe I should just go to Savers and save a few bucks and get a pair of pants that I only need for scrubbing around. And Savers is a used clothing store and I'm a huge fan. Buy lots of stuff there that looks (and sometimes is) new. OK, but used underwear? USED UNDERWEAR (and they had bras). COME ON. I'm all for bargain but getting herpes is not a bargain.
I spent the better part of last week arguing with a friend. All of last week was me arguing with her over something stupid and she's trying to pull everyone in. And nobody falls for it, so again, I become the bad guy. She has since blocked me from Facebook and is no longer returning my calls which is fine. That's just fine. But here's the thing- we're adults. She is a few years older than me so I honestly think she should be operating with more adult experience but apparently not. I have gotten to the point where I refuse to pussy foot around anyone and I don't care who you are. If you want my opinion, the truth, whatever- I'm going to give it to you. If I think you're in the wrong I'll say that, but don't fucking blow up at me because you're being stupid. I mean, she was in the wrong. She should have just apologized and moved on but instead, she's trying to gang everyone up on me and she's mad because everyone else thinks she was wrong too. So she didn't get a birthday party invite and now she's pissed.

I will say that honestly, in all of my adult life I can count on one hand how many times I have fought with a friend over anything and three of those have happened in the last week. I am really over people arguing over something and then they pull others into it. And then they post passive aggressive stuff on Facebook. Facebook is not meant to put updates like "Sometimes I really hate certain friends". No- just fucking say right out that you hate a person and name it. Seriously. If you have the feeling- own it. If you're mad, sad, happy, whatever- you OWN IT otherwise shut the eff up. Really. While driving I just though you know what- say what you mean, and mean what you say. You hate me? Great, now I know to stop investing my time and effort into a friendship with you. And I just want to shake her and say see?? THIS is why you can't keep any of your friends. You notice nobody talks to you when we all hang out? Because you've done it to all of us in the group and we're all kind of over it. I really hope she eventually looks around and thinks "maybe it was me all along" because otherwise it'll be sad for her. And it's a shame because I run into her all of the time in town and if she would have just admitted she made a mistake and was sorry- we could have all avoided this. But she won't own up to it. And it's frustrating to not just me but our other friends. It's a form of self destruction really. So now I don't know if that will every get resolved and it probably won't. We haven't talked in 4 days and I think that's that. She's done and so am I.

Then tonight I'm tucking Olivia into bed (pictures of her short 'do are coming soon) and we have the following convo:

O: I don't say bad words.
Me: Well that's good. You shouldn't say bad words, you're a nice girl.
O: Like, I don't say dumb, stupid, asshole, fucker, or God.
Me: Um... ok? Where did you learn those?
O: From you, mom. I learned them from you.

Ok- anybody remember the "Don't smoke pot" commercials from after school specials?! Because that was almost verbatim! So we continue:

Me: But babes, I don't say any of those things around you.
O: I know. I don't sleep and I can hear everything when you're downstairs.
Me: uh....
O: And one time I heard you saying daddy's name a bunch of times.
Me: oh, uh....
O: And I know daddy doesn't listen but he was probably sleeping mommy. Because it was dark out.
Me: um...
O: You should be more quiet. And then maybe I could sleep.
Me: Um... ok. I'll try to be more quiet for you honey.
End convo. So I'm like PRETTY SURE Olivia heard mommy and daddy having "adult time". And I love how Matt never gets these conversations. She only says these things to me. Or my mom. HA!

And finally. Stumpy has started humping Slinkies (the toy) and Batman eats insulation that he digs out from the threshold of our bedroom (since our floor is unfinished) and then barfs it up. Every morning is a joy up in here.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Ass busting.

 A couple of weekends ago, when it was like 40 degrees and pretending to be spring Matt and I took the kids sledding. Now, there is a "hill" in Superior but only reckless parents would bring their kids there. OK- so that's a bit dramatic but seriously- it's not a good hill and the chances of someone getting hurt are pretty high. So we drive to Cloquet, which is about 20 minutes from here because they have really nice hills that you can sled down. There's 3 actually- a small, medium, and huge which people nicknamed Dead Man's Hill. Mostly because if you don't stop or turn in time, there is a chance you'll slide into traffic.

Olivia has been sledding before but Jackson really hasn't. I thought he did, but upon looking at pictures I realized that he hadn't. Olivia is pretty much afraid of everything and not very adventurous- she's a bit like me in my younger year. Now I am pretty much open to new things. Jackson on the other hand is pretty adventurous and will do anything.

The first run was Matt and Olivia only, but Matt "accidentally" fell off the sled and set Olivia down on her own. Pretty much everyone in Cloquet knew it because she screamed louder than anything I have ever heard in my whole life. And at the bottom she vowed to never sled with Matt ever again.

Which meant that I had to have both kids in my sled. That right there? Is another reason I need to lose weight. Holy fucking man. Do you know how hard it is to drag a sled, carrying a 27 pound toddler (plus whatever weight his clothes were) up a hill is?

It's hard yo.

But once at the top I had to get my bearings and put everyone in my sled. Which meant my legs sitting on top of poor Jackson.
And then convince Jackson to trudge up the hill on his own because mama be out of shape.
 And you'll notice I'm wearing boot cut jeans here. Yah... that's because I have no winter clothing really. Sure, my pea coat is adorable (and fits yet again) and my boots are more fashion than function (true- my feet were numb after 15 minutes), but I don't own snowpants at all. Not even more fashion than function ones. Meanwhile, Matt was decked out in his Carhartt bibs and jacket AND real winter boots. He complained of being too warm while my legs were going numb from having snow blasted up my pant legs.

And guess what happens when snow gets blasted up your pant legs for an hour? Not only do your legs go numb and frostbite starts, but your underwear soaks totally through. And you get angry because there's Matt- stripping off his jacket from heat exhaustion.

So I had to take a break and walk around, try to get feeling back into my legs so I send Matt down the hill with the kids. Matt aims for giant ruts and bumps, which makes Olivia mad, so by the time they got to the bottom? Olivia was bolting out of the sled. You'll see her here grabbing Jackson's head to get out. Poor Jackson just took it.
 So her and I became sledding buddies because Mom is the best sledder EVER.
 And because Blogger sucks, I can't show you the picture of when Matt took Jackson on the medium hill which is twice the size of the small hill. Jackson wasn't scared at all, but he said didn't want to do it again after Matt hit a huge bump, they went airborne, and both landed and then rolled down the last 1/3 of the hill.

That was our last run because after that Jackson was pretty much over the whole sledding thing, Olivia was cold, my legs were numb and Matt was too hot.

Overall, it was a good afternoon. I'd be nice to go more often but seriously- anything under 32 degrees is just not my thing.

Monday, February 21, 2011

The Other Life by Ellen Meister

I don't know that I can really describe this book to do it justice, but I'm certainly going to try.

Quinn Braverman had two secrets she kept from her husband. One was that the real reason she chose him over Eugene, her neurotic, self-loathing, semi-famous ex-boyfriend, was to prove her mother wrong. She could have a relationship with a normal, stable man.
The Other Life
The other was that Quinn knew another life existed in which she had made the other choice. The two lives ran in parallel lines, like highways on opposite sides of a mountain. There, on the other side, the Quinn who had stayed with Eugene was speeding through her high-drama, emotionally exhausting, childless urban life. Here, the Quinn who had married Lewis lived in the suburbs of Long Island, drove a Volvo, and was pregnant with her second child.

But the important part of the secret- the part that terrified and thrilled her- was that she knew it was possible to cross from one life to the other..

I think we can all say that at one point of our life or another, we've all wondered- what if. What if I hadn't gone to that college, what if I had married that first boy, what if I had moved away after school, etc. And while I don't necessarily think it's healthy to really dwell on that because as we all know, you can't change the past you can only shape the future, I do think that occasionally pondering that helps you decide what path to take for your future.

Such as the case in this book. What the preview doesn't say is that Quinn is pregnant with her second child who likely has a serious medical concern- a possibly life threatening disability that may cause the baby to be still born, and if the baby does survive it faces all uphill battles. Now, any of us with children who have gone through a pregnancy anxious about your baby's development can certainly understand Quinn's point of view in this book. You put the brave face on for your other child and try to be supportive of your husband.... while you are devastated, scared, and have no idea what you are going to do. In situations like this you really want your mom to tell you it's going to be ok and you will get through it. Sadly, Quinn's mother committed suicide so it's like she is grieving two things at once- overwhelming for anyone.

I really appreciated how the author portrayed Louis (the husband) because I really got the sense that a lot of husbands and expectant fathers would act similarly. I really like how Quinn's grief is described and how the author makes you feel like you are Quinn's very best friend and you're walking with her through the grief.

I will say that I got frustrated with Quinn because she discovers these portals and is going back and forth between her real life, and life that essentially could have been. I will say that I haven't lost a parent so I can't possibly know the sadness Quinn was feeling, so maybe I don't understand why she would act out selfishly by going back and forth and debating which place to stay in. To me, as a mother, staying where my kids were would be an automatic, so that kind of made me dislike Quinn for a bit.

BUT I absolutely LOVED how the book started, and then how it ended with Quinn's mom. I think it book ended the story as a whole wonderfully and it explained the portal thing perfectly.

I would say this reminds me of a Jodi Picoult story, even though I can't stand Jodi Picoult. So this is like Picoult for the non-whiners. :) I highly recommend this book because it really makes you think about your life. If you could see what your life would have been like, and you had the choice to actually be in it just to try it out... would you go back to the other life? I don't know that I would... but I guess I won't ever know.

Moo with me now.

Before I get on with my Monday Weightloss Checkin.. here's a few things before I forget:

1. YES! I did get a new blog design made just for me by my Canadian lover, Nikolett. She's cute as a damn button, she loves Muse, we both can't stand Kate Hudson and thinks she's ruining Matt Bellamy's life, and she thinks I'm slightly crazy but in a fun and lovable way. So everybody please thank her for listening to my crazy requests and taking the things I say (that sound like non sense) and turning into something awesome.

2. Yesterday I mentioned I got my birthday invitations done and I did. Go me. They go in the mail tomorrow. They didn't come out quite how I pictured in my head, but this was the best I could do with what I had since I can't really afford to buy new supplies for MY party. But... my 29th bday party is March 12, even though my bday is March 10. WOO!
 3. I got a set of cards done for my Etsy shop and they should be live.. sometime tonight. But I am kind of in love with the sparkly ribbon.
So this week as you'll see from my vlog, I didn't get a lot of fuckmill done. I only did it twice and that sucks. I know it. BUT to my credit, I did still do my stair stepper, my Shake weight thingie (which I don't think works), my arm weights, and my crunches. SO.. I feel like I made some progress.

I've given up milk because fuck that shit. I'm going to start on vitamins because visualizing me breastfeeding off of a cow is not worth the calcium. I may change my tune when I break a hip when I'm 40 but until then- vitamins it is.

This week's weight is...
OK. So clearly not as good as last week. Last week I lost almost five pounds and at the time I knew it was because I had hardly eaten due to The Plague, but still. I'll take even fake accomplishments that are only fleeting. I'm going to be ok with this weight because even though I didn't earn an actual loss by exercise, at least I didn't gain.

ESPECIALLY considering I ate like a fat fucking cow coming back from famine. Seriously. Our date day/night on Saturday was really shameful and I won't even tell you how hard my ass hit the ground after falling off the wagon. I mean, my ass made a dent, folks.

But this week my water intake has GOT to go up. Seriously. I realized I'm only drinking MAYBE one small bottle of water a day. Which, not good for all kinds of reasons. So I'm going to force myself to have water instead of my daily Coke from McDonald's. *sigh* It's going to be sad but I can do it.

Keep trucking along lambwhores. Tell me what kind of exercises you are doing, how long you are exercising, and what is preventing you from exercising every day or every other day?

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Freakish feet, date day/night.. it's the weekend update!

Well. I have had quite a weekend. Let's recap this bullet style baby!
  • For the last month Olivia has been itching her foot on and off. Over the last week it has gotten so bad, as far as itching, and moved to both feet. When I really looked at her foot it looked weird. They are red/purplish and I can't even describe it. It's just weird. So I call to make her an appointment at the doctor on Friday and they tell me just to take her to Urgent Care because they have nothing open for two weeks. So I take Olivia to Urgent Care and we were there for two hours. BORING. Turns out, they have no idea what it is. The guy tells me that.. if it were more "pimple-y" it would be scabies. Hi- I fucking freaked out because A) who knew scabies were real? and B) oh my fucking god i don't want scabies!. But, it's not that but we don't know what it is. So that means tomorrow I have to call and get her an appointment with her doctor. In the meantime she has anti itch stuff and a cream she has to use. It's gross and I'm pretty much afraid to touch her for fear I'll get some freak itch thing on my face or something.
  • Then both kids got a hair cut on Friday. Olivia wanted to cut all of her hair off, which I said no. I told the lady to cut like an inch or two because her hair is mid-back and I love it. I just wanted it trimmed. Olivia is currently sporting a bob cut that is just above her shoulders. So like 4-5 inches were cut. *sigh* Jackson got his hair cut and looks older. I hate it. I hate how he looks so big when we cut his hair.
  • Saturday my inlaws came to get the kids so Matt and I were on our own ALL DAY AND NIGHT. Folks, this is a rarity. We went to lunch, we shopped, we went to dinner, we shopped, we went to a movie and had some quality adult time. ;) It was really good and I'm hoping we can do that more often.
  • Fun part on Saturday was the mall. Matt has wanted a Need for Speed or something game for the Xbox and so one of the stops was GameStop. Whatever. I'm bored so I'm just hanging out. This family of 5 come storming in. Mom is white, mid to late 40s with coke bottle thick glasses, overweight. Dad is black, I'd say mid 40s in denial thinking he's 21, and he's got his iPod going and singing Eminem's "Not Afraid" loud enough for everyone in that wing of the mall to hear. Kids 1-3 all various forms of punk, 2 boys 1 girl. Older boy, maybe 17, is freaking out because the "kicks he be jonesin" (I think this means he wants them?) "ain't on the spot". Um, rightyo. Here's the convo between the parents:
M: yo- YO YO YO! Fucker! Yeah, fucking you! I ain't leavin this joint without a motha fuckin sammich!
D: hey bitch! I ain't about to go up inta da court! Shit bitch. Day gotta b sumpin 100 fucking peepa up in dere!
M: I ain't takin em myself!
D: I gunna go have a beer in da car!
And then he leaves to presumably have a beer in the car. Really? Wow. It was fun. So all day Matt was like, "Bitch, Imma have a beer in the car". Yeah. It was funny for one or two times. By breakfast this morning I was kind of over it.

Later that evening we went and saw that movie "Just Go With It" and it was pretty good. I laughed and Matt did too so that was fun.

Today.. I am battling a massive head cold. It sucks. I got my party invitations done (pictures coming..tomorrow maybe) for my birthday in March. I got a ton of laundry done and the grocery shopping for the week. So that's sweet.

The bummer about this weekend is that we didn't get to do the ice caves because the trail wasn't open due to the major thaw this week. Then we didn't ski yesterday because when we went they had the hill temporarily closed because a little boy died on it (which let's be honest- doesn't thrill me about going. EVER.) Then today it was freezing with 20+ mph winds. So yeah. Not skiing today. BUT I really want to get skiing done this year so Matt and I are hoping in another weekend or two we can sneak away for the day and do it. *crossing fingers*

What was the highlight of your weekend??

Friday, February 18, 2011

Regularly scheduled programming....

... will happen tomorrow. I am just NOW getting home from taking Olivia to urgent care, then her haircut, nobody has eaten since lunch. It's now 7:15 and so bed time is another hour away which I'm sure with two cranky and hungry kids is going to be full of crying.

I may not make it out alive.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I need to stop watching the news.

This has no real direction for a post. This is just a series of crazy ramblings that went through my head over the course of today.

I think that I could be a very dangerous person if I were someone who was say... unemployed or a stay at home mom and watched news all day. Seriously- I would be an enraged vigilante all of the time. I watched the news for about 30 minutes at my mom's house today and by the time I left there I felt like brandishing a weapon and joining a protest.

I don't know if you have noticed but the majority of Wisconsin had their heads lodged all the way up their asses in November when they elected Scott Walker as Governor. Now, I know that voting is part of democracy. I get it. But there should be some baseline qualifications for a person before they can vote. Reading and reading comprehension should be minimum. Common sense, money management skills, logic and theory, etc. All of these things should be skills a person has before they can even register to vote. OK. Because without these skills...

... you vote in someone like... oh let's just use Scott Walker.

If you have seen the news you will notice that Wisconsin is on the brink of turning into Egypt. Seriously. We have picketers with signs such as "Walk Like An Egyptian" and they are not talking about one of those surprise dance mobs. It's really a bad situation up in here. Basically, the quick and dirty is that Walker, along with other Republican state legislators are proposing budget stuff that basically would eliminate all bargaining leverage for state employees. So in dumb speak- unions would be shit out of luck.

Now, I'm not a big union supporter. Not because I don't think police departments, fire departments, nurses, teachers, etc are not worth their salaries. Quite the contrary- most of them aren't being paid enough. But what I DO have a problem with are trades workers who are demanding HIGH salaries for little work. I'm sorry- but try hiring a plumber... and compare union versus non union. Holy fucking hell. Huge difference there. And I don't think it's right that, depending on what trade you are in, you could be making $40/hour. Seriously?? Is that necessary? Um, no. I understand inflation and all that shit but HELLO- look at the rest of Middle America. We're making much less than that and we can pay our bills.

OK, some can't but that's not the point.

So while I'm not pro-Union... I'm against these budget cutting measures. They are so radical that for this to pass would be such a dramatic domino effect not just for Wisconsin, but for the Country. There are already several states watching us closely because if this goes into effect, you bet others will follow. I can't think of one state that isn't facing some kind of budget shortfall so this could be a problem for everyone. And it's not just unions. Oh no. You better bet if this passes with unions, us folk not in a union are going to feel the pinch next.

But it's not just Wisconsin who is having budget problems. I saw today that a legislator from Minnesota proposed that the Pentagon stop advertising on NASCAR cars/billboards/etc because it's a waste of tax payer money. And while EVERYONE is bitching about the deficit and how nobody wants more taxes etc... people are UP IN ARMS that this woman had the balls to say, "hey- let's stop advertising the military on cars". Um, makes perfect fucking sense, people.

Honestly. How many of you who are in the military joined because you saw a National Guard ad on the side of a race car? Anyone?


That's what I thought. I get that we need men and women to serve the country. I GET IT. But send a recruiter to colleges, do your tv campaigns, etc. But let's be realistic- advertising should be done when it's effective. Surely somewhere there is some office in our government who's job it is to track this shit. If you haven't recruited a shit ton of people from race cars, let's stop plugging money (that we surely don't have) into something so stupid. And sorry for the redneck nation of NASCAR lovers, I'm sure Budweiser would love more ad space.

And can I just say... that I think we should stop welfare? Like all of it? I know. It's drastic and awful to think about the people who would legitimately be hit hard with that. But just today, I stopped at the grocery store for a few things, hoping that it doesn't go over $20, and the lady in front of me with a bazillion kids, all decked out in the latest stuff and she's carrying a $500 Prada bag, has her nails done, and Gucci sunglasses whips out her food stamp card.


People like that should not be on food stamps. Hi. Sell your fucking purse. Stop getting your nails done. Get knock off glasses. Something so you aren't such a boil on society. Then I bag my stuff and I'm walking out behind her and here comes the ride- a fucking H2 Hummer with rims and a sound system I can hear from the next town over. Are you serious right now?

I don't think the welfare system (food stamps, heat assistance, daycare assistance, all of it) can be reformed. The loop holes are all over the place, nobody is accountable to check up on people, nobody really cares, and it's a mess. So I say scrap it. I always look at charity (because essentially- this is charity we are all paying for) as something you give when you have it. Our country doesn't have it.

Oh- and I'm so EFFING TIRED of listening to rich people say "Wah- I don't want higher taxes". Aw.. poor baby. I'm sure you're not at the brink of starvation. Sell a condo. Sell a summer house. A boat. Tell your mistress you can't do a date every weekend. Cut back like the rest of us. The problem with the really rich people in this country is that they don't really know what it's like to have to cut coupons. Or turn their heat down so they can feed their kids. Or not pay the phone bill so they can get their daughter new shoes because she grew. Or sell their possessions to fix a window vandals broke for no reason. They don't know that and it's unfortunate. It's unfortunate because until they really understand what that's like the rest of Middle America will just keep taking the hits. And people like Scott Walker and the Wisconsin Republicans don't have a real grip of what the economy is really like for the rest of us.

So yeah. No more CNN or MSNBC for me for awhile. Seriously. My blood pressure was just going through the roof over the span of 30 minutes it's a miracle I didn't have a coronary on my mom's couch. And I'm going to say- I'm not a strict Democrat or Republican. But I consider myself an adult with reasonable social skills and I can work through an issue with others I disagree on. It's called compromise. If you can't compromise like a reasonable adult, you should not be in an elected office. And I'm sick of hearing each party blame the other party as a whole when that's not working, clearly. It's just so depressing. And every time I think things can't possibly get worse, that the economy has to turn around again.... shit like this happens and I think, maybe I should just move to Canada or something. Dang.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Why I'm not an interior designer.

So.. I'm looking at my kitchen. Although we have a dining room.... we don't really eat in there for breakfast. Mostly the kids and I stand around in the kitchen clutching our cereal because we're rushing to get out of the house. But not part of me thinks that perhaps I should get bar stools to sit up near the counter. OR.. I could get rid of my microwave cart and then put a counter and tee-dah.. have a bar. For bar make breakfast easier. Or at least my middle-of-the-night-snack-fest.

In my head this looks and sounds glorious.

But then the stools are a big decision. I need to find some cute ones. So I've been looking on the CSN website for modern bar stools because they have a good selection, they have good customer service and I've always gotten my stuff quickly. I'm super impatient so when I order something I want it the second I click "submit order".

I know from all of my HGTV watching that you should do groups of three.. so that makes the cost go up. But function is worth the price, right?

What do you think? Do you have bar stools in your kitchen? After you put them in did you use them quite a bit or not so much? And then do you think I should have ones that slide under a counter top completely or ones that have a back on them?

My first inclination is to get ones that have no back, slide under the counter, mostly for my OCDness. BUT.. backs are nice. I like backs. I'm not a back hater.

Sometimes being a grown up sucks because I am no good at making these kind of decisions. *sigh*

Danger, danger ranger!

Guess what? I'm not sick anymore. I know! I only have a head cold but shit- that's better than what I had going on Monday and Tuesday so I'll take it lovers!

The downside to being sick the last two days is that I missed out on super fantastic weather. Like spring weather in FEBRUARY. Folks, that shit just isn't normal. It was in the mid 40's and although I couldn't be outside to enjoy that, I did get angry because the sun was all shining up in my eyes when all I wanted to do was sleep and die.

But today?

It was in the mid 50's. You know that is clearly a sign that Mother Nature is going to be on my side this year. I just know it. At least this week she is. So I did what any fat ass, music lover does when you suddenly get the insane thought that maybe, JUST MAYBE spring will come again and free me from the cold dungeon that is Wisconsin for like 7 months of the year.

I went for a walk outside, with my iPod. I wore my light spring jacket, no gloves, sweatpants, my super comfy shoes, and rocked out to my barely charged iPod for two miles.

Homie-oats? It was mah-velous.

But it wasn't all fun and games and singing much too loudly, though I'm sure my neighbors in the ghetto 'burbs missed it. No. It was full of danger.

Danger such as a fuck ton of ice. Now, something you skinny people should note, is that us with a few extra pounds are not stable on ice. Actually, I'm pretty fucking clumsy on dry land, but on ice I'm no good. I'm like a buffalo on ice. It's not pretty and when I go down everyone in a three block radius is going to know about it. Fortunately, I did not fall while on my walk. (That last sentence is key- keep reading).
And then it's not just regular safety (aka: I might break my ankle) kind of danger. Oh no. There is also the I-may-throw-up kind of danger. Especially when you realize a large amount of the snow looks like poop water. You know what I'm talking about- like when you clog a toilet and INSTANTLY all the water turns brown? Yeah. That's what the ghetto burbs are looking like up in here right now.
 Oh- remember how last summer I did a post about graffiti? I would link to it, but let's be honest.. I'm feeling kind of lazy. Well there is NEW graffiti! I feel like those animals in that movie Over the Hedge when they come out after hibernation. All the new things to see! Anyways. I thought the picture looked like a rabbit humping a person? Am I wrong? I mean, really? Is that the new thing? Do we have rabbits just randomly humping people? Jesus. And then I know I mentioned in that post I kept seeing "Scab" and "Scars" spray painted everywhere. Well whoever they Scars are-- they've gone pirate! They are so gangsta by adding that extra R. I mean, dang. They aren't afraid of people humping rabbits AND they speak Pirate. Word.
 Oh, and then not only does every thing smell like dog poop but it is EVERY WHERE. Look. This is one pile. But believe me, there was a lot more.
Can I just say to the dog owners of the world? Clean up your dog's shit. Please. Just because it snows does not mean it will magically disappear. Or disintegrate. Because guess what? Freezing something preserves it. I know from first hand experience this is not the way to tackle your dog's massive poops. Back in the day.. when my parents let my brother and I have a dog, we had a dog named Willie. Willie pooped a lot. Willie had no manners, jumped on people, and tackled my brother and ripped his boots and socks off in the winter. But god damn it if he wasn't adorable. But our job was always to clean up Willie's poop and I'm just not much of a poop person and my brother isn't much of a clean-anything type of person. So we trained Willie to poop on the side of the house thinking that, if you can't see it... it doesn't exist. This goes on all winter. He poops, it snows, our problem is solved.

Until spring.

That spring my parents forced us to go out into what Travis and I have dubbed "Poop Alley" and clean the entire 4 feet by 2 feet strip of yard. It was MOUNDS of poop in various forms of gross. We had shovels and garbage cans. Yes, CANS, plural. After about ten minutes we demanded masks and all we got were the useless painter masks which did nothing to cover the smell. I remember throwing up at least once, dry heaving and gagging for most of the time and crying. In fact, I think we both cried. And then it was a lot of "Shut up! You need to scoop just as much as me or I'm telling mom!" yelling going back and forth. I think it took us an entire day. It was horrible.

So yeah. Spring is coming and my PTSD memories of Poop Alley will be in full effect soon enough. But until then, any day it's a reasonable temperature... I'm going out walking. I said it on my Facebook today that few things make me as happy as walking outside jamming to Manchester Orchestra's Mean Everything to Nothing cd. And it's true. If I had to pick 5 things I want to do.. that is one of them. Consequently, when I walk in the fall I prefer to listen to Death Cab for Cutie's Plans album. Specifically the song "Summer Skin". If you have never heard either of these- hit play on my playlist and rock out.

As a reminder- email me your questions (any and all baby!) to sarastrand9438(at)hotmail(dot)com. I only have one (sad!) for this week- so get them to me before Friday morning. Have a life issue? Friend problem? Vagina problem? Let me know. I'll do my best. ;)

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

A day late, still sick, and my very unfresh face trying to motivate you.

Well I know I'm late. While yesterday you would have seen me, most likely, barfing through my sad version of a peptalk via vlog... today you get to hear my weirdo half voice that feels like it's going in and out. While a good portion of my day was spent playing with said voice and realizing how WEIRD it is to not have one... I did my best to sustain so I could vlog for you.

And not puke.

And god dammit I came through. (But.. if you want to hear me in better days.. check out my guest vlog over HERE.)

So this week I felt like I wasn't such a fat ass slug. Admittedly, I did not fuckmill. BUT BUT BUT I did exercise. I'll explain in my vlog what I did. I also drank milk twice. And I feel like giving up on that and just taking a stupid vitamin. I drink enough caffeine that my bones probably are deteriorating much faster than they should be so yay. I need me some calcium and vitamin D. Here's my weight for the week: I'm down 4.8 pounds. OK. So I didn't think I had puked that much but maybe I have. I doubt I exercised enough to lose 4.8 pounds. I don't understand weight gain/loss. Ugh. But hey- I painted my toenails on Saturday!

Edit:: Um, so YouTube is having some kind of maintenance... so video will come later. Sorry. :(

Monday, February 14, 2011


Ha! I bet just because I'm sick you would have thought I would have forgotten my book review duties. Oh no, I remembered! (Also as an aside, check out my new award here and come back tomorrow for a link to my guest vlog)

This book is good and I want you to trust me.

Hush by Kate White
Four months after their separation, marketing consultant Lake Warren faces a tough legal battle with her husband, Jack, for custody of their two kids. Though the timing couldn't be worse, she finds herself responding to the flirtations of Dr. Mark Keaton, her handsome colleague at the Advanced Fertility Center. But the morning after their one-night stand, Lake discovers Keaton with his throat slashed.

Afraid of losing her children forever, Lake lies to the police-and begins searching for the truth on her own before she can be charged with the heinous crime. She starts getting hostile treatment from her coworkers, and strange clues start appearing, quite literally, on her doorstep. Soon Lake is pulled dangerously close to the very dark secrets surrounding the slain man and the clinic where they worked. And suddenly the police are not the only ones hunting Lake Warren.

OK. Let me start by telling you that I absolutely COULD NOT put this book down. If you are a fan of the Law & Order shows.. this one is for you. This could easily have been an episode and it was a great thriller. Throughout the book I'm trying to read for clues and was trying to piece it together. Every time I thought that I had it figured out, something else got thrown in and it blew my theory on the crime.

I felt like the characters were easy to relate to- like if this were a real life thing, this was how each character would react. You know how some characters you think, "Oh- you would never say/do that in real life!"? Well I didn't feel that way at all with this book. The stress and the fear that Lake experiences comes through and you feel it with her. And then when everything comes to a head at the end.... it all makes sense. I really thought the author did a fabulous job with not only carrying a thriller but wrapping it up perfectly at the end.

This book is so fantastic and I really think you should read it. In fact, a few of my friends got their own copies as of late because I knew it was something they would love. It's definitely worth the purchase or even a trip to the library!


Hi. I know you're here for your Monday Weight Loss pep talk.. but that will happen tomorrow. I have the flu and feel like death. And I've been puking most of today and trust me when I tell you that you don't want to see what I look right now.

See, even in sickness I'm thinking of you.

But I'll be back tomorrow with that. Promise.

PS) Dear Rancher Mom- go to your reunion. Don't make your friend go alone. Trust me that the fun in a reunion is to go back and think, "Oh my. Thank god I didn't end up like that!". Even if you don't lose all the weight you want- go. Do it for me. ;) And that means I'm going to be really watching you on Weightloss Mondays, lady!

Friday, February 11, 2011

Dear Sara... where I move from the front to the back.

Wow- tonight's Dear Sara is all over the place. But I love it because that makes it fun! So let's get to it..

1. 2012.. end of days or another media hype like Y2K? I'm torn. Obviously, I'd like to it to be a hoax so I can live a lot longer and wreck havoc on the world. But then again... I'd not have to worry about Christmas presents that year. And I will already be 30, finished up with my 30/30 list and yeah. But I'm going to say hoax. Mostly because if National Enquirer stands behind it you know it's bullshit. I mean, you put BatBoy on Oprah and I'll believe you, but until then.. die.

2. Have you always been crafty? Um, no. In fact, the time I had to make a diorama in third grade and had no idea what to do. And, being poor, my supplies were limited to what I could get from the gas station my mom worked at, which meant Elmer's white glue and odds & ends from the food area (straws, plastic spoons, cups, lids, etc). Guess who failed? Me. But, I learned that you can't glue straws together to make a fence. How else would I learn that?

3. Is it Spring yet? Judging by the 10 degrees here today (mother effing HEAT WAVE).. I'd say no.

4. What are your thoughts on spanking? Oooh... controversial! OK. Real talk. Did your parents spank you? Do you think you were abused? Granted, some are going to say yes, they were abused. And that's horrible. I'm willing to bet though that the majority of people in my age group were spanked for things that justified it. Do I believe using spanking as the be all/end all punishment? No. Do I believe that there are times that warrant it? Yes. Do I think it should be used sparingly? Yes. I will tell you that in my life, I can count 3 times where I was spanked and I can tell you EXACTLY what I did to get that. I can give you every single detail of my surroundings. And you can bet I never repeated the behaviors. But I was a relatively good kid. Sure, I was sassy and had attitude. But pretty much every girl does. And as I became a teenager when my parents said no it meant no and that was that. You'll also notice I didn't get knocked up, try drugs, got into any trouble, nothing. Mostly because I knew my parents would have gone BALLISTIC. And I'm sorry, but no amount of popularity was worth the wrath of mom and dad.

I do believe that as a parent it is your job, and your job alone, to discipline your kid. It is your job to teach your child how to behave in public, how to be respectful to everyone, how to be a good citizen, etc. I would say most times when a child misbehaves it's because they don't have the skill set to tell you how they feel otherwise, and it's a learning curve for a parent to know how to redirect that behavior. It's VERY hard and you just learn as you go. Also as a parent you have to make sure your kids respect you, your authority and your rules. The first time you let your kid take advantage of you- you have failed. I'm talking about a kid screaming in a store for a toy and you cave and get them one. Yes, we've all been there but the minute you cave you just taught your kid that "if I cry for ___ minutes.. I get the toy". Sorry, but true. I think the whole "coddle your kids" is a terrible tactic. I think spanking should only be one tool in the toolbox of parenting and it should be used with consideration and sparingly.

I also believe as a parent it's your job to build their self esteem. And that means praising them a lot, be specific with it. Don't just be like "good job". Because.. really? Lame. Say, "good job on that picture you're coloring. I like how many colors you used" or whatever. It sounds hokey but it makes a BIG difference to your child. With my kids before they go to bed we always read a story, but then right after I talk to them about their day. I ask what they liked, what they didn't like, etc. Then I tell them something I'd like to see them do better tomorrow and something I saw them doing that I liked. I always end with praise. And we talk. I think you have to talk to your kids and discipline equally. And do it from day one. Really. Because you can't just assume that starting when they are in school you'll be able to curve the bad behavior. By then forget it. Just hope they don't end up in juvie or worse.

5. Anal. Advice. Please. OK. So last week we talked about sex and that was super. But then I got 12 emails from readers who were bummed I didn't talk about anal. So I'm here to help you out the best I can. I'm sorry it's long- I did this 7 times and this seriously is the fastest I can talk where you can understand me and me get through it all.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

You can't get enough of me. You really can't get enough of me.

Oh MAN do I have all kinds of stuff to blog about... but that post is going to wait until Monday. I'll need you to weigh in.. so I'm going to take a day or two to think about it, then I'll blog it for Monday. Stay tuned.

But for tonight I was tagged by the lovely and adorable Amber. I am supposed to tell you the five things I never leave home without. Easy cakes.

I bet you're going to be surprised that one of the things in my purse is not a vibrator. I know, I would be too. But alas.. it's not. Sad day.

You'll notice I'm carrying a Coach purse. It's totally a knock off. But it holds SO much and that makes me keep it even though the shoulder strap is stupid and the zipper pull is MIA. Seriously- where would that go? Weird. But I always carry the things in the picture: notebook, cell phone, lotion, wallet, chapstick, a book, and my planner. You'll see I'm a fan of Bath & Body works. And my wallet is ubber cute and small. So sometimes I use a small purse and only carry the phone, lotion, chapstick, and wallet. I could be good for days with those. I don't require much and wouldn't consider myself high maintenance.

But clearly, I never leave home without a bra and obvious clothing. I mean, really. I'm not a hooker. (Although I have gotten that job offer before.)  If my profession should ever change to me being a hooker you all will be the first to know.

And then someone emailed me last night saying they wanted me to do the handwriting meme that is going around. Well I had to find it, so hopefully I haven't screwed this up. Apparently, my little same on one of my vlogs isn't enough. So here we be:

1. Your name/blogging name
2. Your blog URL
3. Type "the quick fox jumps over the lazy dog." (yeah, that's not the right sentence, but I'm copying.)
4. Quote or something you say a lot.
5. Favorite song
6. Favorite bands/singers
7. Something random
8. Tag someone.
um... hope you can read that. It looks a big small. Here's some stupid random things too:

1. I prefer to write with a marker.. specifically the Bic Mark It ultra fine point permanent markers. You buy me those and I will love you long time.

2. I was listening to the Dixie Chicks song "Wide Open Spaces" and remembered it makes me cry. I have no idea why- it's totally humiliating.

3. I really do adore new underwear and socks. If I could afford to wear new stuff every day I totally would. You buy me underwear/socks (or a gift card) I will love you long time.

4. I'm very picky about my handwriting. I can make it look different and sometimes I just do a sloppy cursive because I'm lazy. BUT if I've written something and don't like how it looks... I will do it all over again, no matter how long it is.

5. I am super obsessed with making sure I have smooth legs. I don't like any kind of prickle on them so I shave every day. Even in the winter.
Don't forget.. tomorrow is Dear Sara so get your questions in! I can tell you I have had a LOT of questions about anal sex... so don't send any more about that. I will cover it all tomorrow. Apparently, a lot of people are uneducated. Dang. It feels like Talk Sex with Sue up in here.. except I'm not old nor creepy. I think? I hope not. Oh damn.

But anything else- hit me up lovahs. sarastrand9438AThotmailDOTcom. Night!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Stupid bitches drive me crazy.

FYI... I didn't exercise today. But it's ok, I'll come back strong tomorrow.

Anyways. So are any of you watching Teen Mom 2? I know I have talked about Teen Mom before but holy man.. this new season is out of control. I'm not even kidding. Anybody who says that it glamorizes teen pregnancy clearly hasn't seen an entire episode, let alone an entire season.

Jenelle: Wow. This girl has some serious issues. I will admit, her mom is a certifiable nut job, so I can appreciate the fact she has genetics driving some of this. And for a minute I was proud of her for realizing she isn't able to parent so she signed over temporary custody to her mom. Unfortunately, she still doesn't do anything. I mean, she watches her kid MAYBE one day a week and 99% of the time she shows up hung over or not at all. I'm like, really? You can't even pretend to be a good mom for a DAY? And I just feel like slapping her mom and telling her that screaming at your kid all of the time over every.little.thing isn't going to help. And Jenelle needs to stop acting like a bitch to her mom. God damn. If I ever talked to my mom like that she'd back slap me before I could finish the sentence.

Kailyn: Now, I want to feel bad for her. Her mom is like... awful. She just up and left her kid... what kind of mom does that? So she lives with her ex boyfriend/baby daddy in his parent's house. Now, when a normal person gets free room/board you would think they would act more grateful. But this girl doesn't and she acts like a complete bitch to everyone. Now, I know the ex boyfriend is an overbearing asshole. But come on. Do you think acting like a bitch is going to make it better?

Leah: This girl has twin girls and one of them has what is possible a defect that may inhibit her ability to walk. But she is back with the baby daddy and they moved in together. Now, she seems like a good girl. She's actually trying to take care of her kids and she appears to be doing a good job. My issue is how she talks down to Corey, the baby daddy. I know from having my own kids that it is a huge learning curve. If you aren't doing it all the time it's really hard to know what the cries mean and how to do things. I get it. But Leah doesn't. She flips out on poor Corey because he doesn't do everything the right way. So I feel bad for Corey.

Chelsea: She's stupid. The baby daddy here basically called her a whore and said he wished the baby was never born. So.. that's no good. But in this season he's back around and this girl honestly think he's going to change. But what I don't understand.. is why would you WANT to be with a person who would be so hateful to you AND your baby? Are you a glutton for a punishment? Man alive. I think we all know this guy is going to remain a loser and she's going to be all heart broken all over again. And I just don't feel sorry for people who put themselves in that position over and over again.

I don't understand how teenagers who are going to be sexually active are choosing to not be on birth control. I mean, come on parents. Please educate your children about teen pregnancy, STD's, etc. I don't understand, how this day in age, parents really think the whole "abstain" route is the best. Now, I think we should definitely talk about that and encourage it. Unfortunately, most girls will fall in love and that boy will try talking her into going further. And let's just say, that if your daughter gets in that position... please have her on birth control. You want her to go to college, to go further in life than she could with a baby. And when I think of Olivia.. I think that I want her to go to college. Get married, be a mom. And if that means I have to get her on birth control when she's a teenager.. then I will. My mom started me on birth control and I didn't have sex right away. But when I did, I'll admit I was 17, I was responsible because my mom gave me no choice. And it's probably one of the best things she could have done for me.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Bennie and the Jets, Obesity, and Steppin to the Oldies.

This morning when I went to my mom's house to drop the kids off she tells me that Elton John is coming for a concert in Duluth. To our pathetic new arena that only houses 7500 seats. And the tickets are anywhere from like $40-$150ish. Um, yes fucking please. So Monday morning my mission is to get a ticket for my mom and I. Obviously.. we won't be near the stage because hey- I don't have that kind of money laying around. But I do have a little bit left over from taxes. I am not a huge fan, but I know the songs, can sing along to most everything, and let's face it- he's a fucking legend. I won't have many opportunities to see legends in my lifetime so I'm taking it. So that's exciting.

Then I have to tell you I'm concerned about Stumpy. Stumpy is going to be one in like March or April (I can't remember) and he is fat. Like.. maybe he should be on the fuckmill too. This morning he jumps on me, stinking like the litter box, meowing in my face. This is his "Mom- you can see the bottom of the bowl and we're dying. Literally DYING" tactic.

I go into the kitchen and ok, you can see the bottom. I will give him that. I fill the bowl up (him and Batman have to share it) and put fresh water into the two bowls we have for that. I turned around and notice Stumpy laying on his side and eating the food off the floor, after he scoops it out. Um, WTF? Seriously. You aren't even one and you can't handle standing up to eat your food? Fucking fattie.

My cat will be on that show Heavy. Have you seen that show? I have like no sympathy for the fat people on there. I'm sorry, but I don't. I know that it must be really awful to be so fat. I get it. But I just don't have the sympathy for a person who refuses to do something. Like, put down your 3rd hamburger in one meal? Huh? Try that. Or how about you walk. I know your knees hurt but HEY.. maybe if you exercised.. you'd lose the weight. Hey. Novel idea. This is basically how I feel about it:

So I'm looking at Stumpy in disgust. I have to buy him some more cat toys or something. He doesn't care for balls or fake mice. Not even real mice since we have one in here- I know I saw it even if Matt says I'm nuts, I know I saw it-Stumpy was just sitting there. So I don't know. My mission is to get my cat to do some cardio or something.

And I was contemplating all of that while on my stair stepper. By the time I did 100 steps I thought I was going to die. My knees and thighs BURNED. That's terrible. It's almost embarrassing to put out there. But I've talked about vaginas and such so actually maybe it's not. But the point is- I exercised today. Which is already more than I did last week. So this week I'm up to 2 workouts. Woot. And some of you have emailed and asked what music I've been working out to, and honestly- it's my new Cage the Elephant cd. If you haven't gotten it, I recommend it. Here are two I know all the words to so far. :)

Also.. I need some more questions for Dear Sara this week. Email me at: sarastrand9438(AT)hotmail(DOT)com.

OK. So I'm off to do some laundry (ooh... thrilling) and putting my Martha hat on and making classroom treats for my kids' classrooms. AND putting the finishing touches on a baby gift to get mailed. Exciting shit homies.

Monday, February 7, 2011


Now, before you all panic about my mental state of mind, know that I'm not actually lonely. No. I'm reviewing a book by the name. Talk your fingers off the "Panic!" button.

I'm going to start by telling you I really enjoy memoirs. I like getting an insight into someone else's world and I like trying to see how I could relate. How the information they present could translate to my life.

I learned quickly that this book doesn't really fit either of those categories. If we're being honest- I really struggled through this book. I almost gave up on page 52 out of 326. I mean, at page 52 I felt like I didn't understand the actual point of this book other than the author telling us she's lonely and that it's not depression, it is actually its own illness.

Most memoirs focus on the main character's story; however, this memoir provided a lot of science. A lot of detail into the little things that don't actually matter. I felt overwhelmed because scientific studies are presented and if it's not what you were expecting- it's daunting. It on its own felt like a scientific study and that made it difficult to relate to Emily. I didn't view her as a character anymore by as a bystander maybe describing what it would be like if you were lonely, not as the character suffering through loneliness.

As a person who suffers from depression and anxiety, who has friends, family, etc that are of the same affliction... I know what it's like to deal with mental illness. I'm sympathetic to it and I realize how difficult it is. But even I had a hard time understanding what makes loneliness different from depression.

In all, I would recommend this book if you are interested in scientific facts and that actual analytical side of human nature. If you, or someone you know, suffers from actual loneliness would benefit from this book. I encourage you to look at Emily's website and her blog to get more information about loneliness, the book, and more information about the author.

Weight Loss... Week 2. i'm a loser baby. (not in a good way)

Ok, so it's week two. Last week was hard, homies. And not because I did anything (because I didn't) but because I am good at motivating others and myself...not so much. So I only exercised Monday.

I know.

Bash me now. It's ok.

But I realized that my obstacle is scheduling time to work out. My ideal time is either right before the kids go to bed or right after. Unfortunately, that's when my phone is blowing up, people stop over, kids have meltdowns, and when I clean. So obviously I need to make working out a priority. And this week I will.

I also did not stick to my goal to drink milk. But this week.. I bought chocolate syrup. And shut the fuck up- if it gets me to drink the milk then that's what I'm going to do. The thought of milk makes me gag. I won't even talk about what my mental images are when I drink milk because I'll ruin it for you cow tit juice lovers out there.

So this week my weight is..
Last week I was 158.4. Clearly.. this is a bigger number. And even though you can't see it well, my toe nail polish is chipping so I promise next week I'll have better looking feet. Sads. I have a thing about my feet which is why I paint my toes even in the winter. So in case I die, I will have cute toes. It's the little things.

This week's goals:
  • actually drink milk this week
  • work out 3 times, bonus points if I do 5
  • only eat fast food twice. This will be the hardest. I love me some french fries
OK... so here's your pep talk:

Next week I am going to have something in my sidebar linking to everyone participating. It's not too late to join, and we're doing it all year. That's right-- we're not chumping out after a few weeks fatties! We're doing this shit all year so that we can rock the holiday parties in slut dresses!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Customer Service & Brains = 2 things Best Buy doesn't have.

I think I've mentioned it at least 38 times that my camera is dying. It's pretty much dead and it tries hard. So hard but Mr. Canon just can't get it up anymore. Or.. on. Whatever. It's a problem considering I use my camera EVERY DAY for pretty much everything. Even though we got our tax refunds last week I don't really have the money to be shelling out for a camera.

Pretty much all of the money is reserved for various things that HAVE to get done this year.

But I told Matt it was time to bite the bullet and by another camera. And I don't know about you but the idea of getting a new fancy thing is exciting until I see the receipt and realized how much money I just spent on said fancy fun thing. I knew going in that I had $200 set aside for this camera. We had researched it and decided we were going to go with a Panasonic Lumix camera and after checking Best Buy online, decided it would be cheaper for us to buy through them.

According to their website, they have them in stock. This was Friday.

Saturday we make the trip to Duluth and go to Best Buy. I noticed immediately that they re-arranged their store and it's set up in the most retarded, inefficient way possible. I don't understand why stores have to continue fucking up stuff when it really only makes people angry. And it wasn't just me- this poor couple were trying to find some movie and although you'd expect movies to be alphabetized.. they are... only after they are organized by what network they played on. Because you'd know that if you were DVR'ing shit all the time.

Anyways. So we got to the cameras and we see the one we want is displayed. We get approached by the rudest, most arrogant sales person EVER. First off, we ask about the camera and ask if we indeed have to get a new memory card because of a faster speed or whatever. (Actually, this is all Matt. I'm molesting the display cameras and subsequently fucking them all up because I am technologically challenged and it's a miracle I'm even allowed to have a cell phone.) This guy starts BERATING Matt for asking so many questions and at one point tells him that maybe he should work here instead since he's so qualified, but in a super sarcastic manner.

Here's a fun fact about Matt. He's very non-confrontational (and you can see how it gets boring for me. He just doesn't play into much.) and he let the guy just be rude. Then we tell the guy that's the camera we want and please can you get it out. The guy then LAUGHS and says, "Oh- we don't stock these. We can order it for you and have it shipped to the store." Um, no. This is were I get involved because I don't fuck around. I start telling the guy that we looked online and yeah- it says it's in stock for $149.99 with the battery, charger, some cord thingie, and some other thing and yeah- we want it. The guy then tells me that it's store policy to not stock these things and so he pulls out a form to order it. And I just felt like the red mist of anger and stabbing tendencies go over my eyes. I think Matt saw it because he tells the guy that if we'd do that we'd just have it shipped to our house and the guy THEN starts telling me it's cheaper to ship to store. Um, really? Because online it's FREE SHIPPING asshole.

I look at Matt and tell him we're going and we'll order it ourselves because I'm not confident this asshole is competent enough to not fuck up what we want (all in front of him). The guy was like, "Well, I can sell you the display for the same price." Oh, what a bargain. You mean the one I'm pretty sure I fucked up? No thanks jackweasel. Then I'm like, "Well, does it come with everything the online would?" No. It doesn't.

They also don't have the other components in stock either. Super. No, we're passing, ordering online. This guy then says, "Well you can order online but you won't get customer service." Oh yeah- because it's so effing stellar right now.


Then I went over to the music because I like to see what they have under "up & coming artists" because those cd's are all under $10. Um, yeah. Where did they go? Nobody who works in the music department seems to know. They also are out of stock on anything that is currently in the Billboard 200. So Matt goes over to the Xbox games and yeah..... out of everything that's a best seller. What IS there is just thrown into the racks with no rhyme or reason.

I told Matt I was so over this fucking waste of store. Seriously. When we got home we ordered the camera and it *hopefully* will be here this week. But I sent a rather scathing letter to Best Buy in Duluth because their customer service sucks. And what kind of STORE doesn't stock the things they sell? This camera guy was trying to tell me they never keep any of the cameras in stock. What's the point, then? Seriously? I don't get it. :/