TA DA! Awesomeness and a contest for YOU.

Today is probably the most fun day ever, mostly because I got to pick up my very brand new car. Like, super new. Like, I am it's first owner and it's GLORIOUS.

But can I just say that I have only one sad let down and it's all because Matt was once again wrong and doesn't know everything he thinks he does. Why? Because when he told me I'd have the fancy ambient lighting? He was wrong. I have no ambient lighting.

It was probably good that he wasn't with me when I discovered that little tidbit AFTER the paperwork and financing went through.

Anyways. Let's talk about the vehicle. It's a 2013 Ford Escape SE. It rides amazing and when you are doing 75 mph in a 25 mph zone? You don't even notice it until other drivers give you the "way to be unsafe in a residential, asshole" face.

 But it's got this snazzy "infortainment" screen and it has Sync. Which, once I got it set up it's kind of creepy. To have bluetooth without having a headset (which I would never use because those people look like assholes who want to look important), is kind of like that show Knight Rider. Remember that? Where David Hasselhoff was talking to the car named Kit? That's basically what it feels like. Except the first time it rang, I will admit to panicking and hanging up on the person because I didn't know what to do.

 I also can get Sirius radio (which, LOVE) and it tells me the song/artist. Which, most of you have in your vehicles but I have not and this is exciting so just shut up and ooh with me.

 But here's what it looks like. It's much shinier now because they washed/waxed it for me this morning. These pictures were taken on Saturday.

 Oh and I have to figure out how to work this screen. Because I don't know what it did but while driving, it started scanning the vehicle and then loudly proclaimed that nothing was wrong. So yeah. Weird.

But here's where you come in: this bitch needs a name. Clearly, it's a girl vehicle. I mean, obviously. But it needs a name so I can talk about it like it's a real person and not a vehicle. So if you want to win a box full of random crazy from me, you need to leave a comment (with your email address, obviously) with a name suggestion. Matt and I will decide which one is the best and I'll send you a box full of random, completely crazy, and pretty awesome stuff. I'll keep this open all week and next Monday we'll decide who the winner is.

But until then, I'll be driving around. Did I mention that it has a really great audio system? And like, volume on 11 is like volume on 30 in most cars? I might be deaf by the end of the week! I do have to get used to having blind spots again and having to use mirrors versus actually turning my head and that's very strange. But, it's not nearly as long as my van so I can back up and not worry about taking out 3 cars in the process. Oh AND it tells me how many miles until my gas runs out. Which isn't a big deal if you drive in town all of the time, but I do a LOT of road trips so this is kind of great.

OK. Enough bragging. Give me your name ideas.

I shouldn't be allowed to drive alone at night. Ever.

For those of you who are late to the game, I went to Lilith 2010 on Sunday with my friend Krysten. The concert was supposed to be a Canterbury but thank god it wasn't because I don't know where that is I don't think. Anyways.

The concert was at the Target Center, which I've been to about a gazillion times. Thankfully I got into the parking garage on my first attempt unlike every other time I've been there and somehow ended up near a men's shelter which you can assume how nice of a neighborhood that is. Anyways. I'm sure Krysten is happy I didn't take us that route either. So getting to the Target Center was pretty uneventful. I had heard that there was a lot of construction and honestly I didn't see any of it, so I figured it was done or at least finished for the season or something. I wasn't worried.

UNTIL.... dun dun dun....

I go to leave. As you leave the Target Center parking thing where I was, you automatically go left and over this little bridge thingy. No problem. And no matter what, my GPS, Maggie, ALWAYS gets confused when I leave the Target Center which means I'm circling until she figures out what the hell she's supposed to do. And usually this isn't an issue because I have other people with me who kind of know where we should go or are capable of reading road signs which I seem to not be able to do at 11pm . Whatever.

So I'm driving and driving and realize that Maggie is WAY confused. Like she's still in the parking ramp. So I make a left turn so I would end up driving towards the Target Center again when ALL OF A SUDDEN she starts DEMANDING that I go right. Fine- I'll go right. Whatever- just get me home hooker.

I drive on the freeway and I'm seeing signs for 35 North and I'm like "Go Maggie!" until.... dun dun dun.... the road is closed. It's taking me a different way telling me there are detours. Cool- so I'm looking for detour signs. Which you would expect when you are on a detour route-- you would like some god damn fucking SIGNS to tell you where you should go next.

Unfortunately, the budget cuts for the State of Minnesota mean that MnDOT can't afford these signs. So people who don't know their way around Minneapolis are left looking like jackasses. And by this I mean driving through the scariest parts of downtown Minneapolis. Near midnight. In a mini van with a "feel your boobies" bumper sticker. I'm like 99% sure I saw a drug deal happen right in front of me at a stop sign. Obviously a stop sign doesn't mean you stop for a full two minutes but I was not about to honk to indicate that I too, would like to go somewhere. Preferably home.

Once I got the complete tour of downtown Minneapolis, I got the tour of the outer circle of Minneapolis. All while trying eight different routes to get onto 35 North. I will say that Maggie tried and she tried hard to get me home. EVENTUALLY, I found a lone 35N detour sign, mostly covered by trees in the corner of somebodies yard, with a left arrow. I took a left and MIRACULOUSLY, 35 North appeared. I soon saw the exit for 694 or whatever and then I saw a big sign that said DULUTH. It was glorious. Had I not been so fucking exhausted from driving almost two hours around Minneapolis I would have made more of an effort to smile.

So I'm driving. I don't really remember my drive between White Bear Lake and Forest Lake because I'm pretty sure I blacked out from exhaustion. Thank god there were no other cars near me otherwise that could have been awful. So from Forest Lake to Hinckley it was an absolute struggle to stay awake. I altered between warm and cold air. I had the windows all down, windows all up. Music as loud as it would go. I had caffeine and I was chugging it non stop, bladder be damned. Nothing was working. After what seemed like forever, I get to Hinckley and have to pull off. I ended up peeing (a lot) while I was there, got some muffins, walked around the parking lot of Tobies. Then I saw that Hardees was open so I thought maybe if I ate something that would help.

Guess what is really disgusting to eat at 1:30 in the morning? Hardees. I took maybe 6 or 7 bites out of my big roast beef and promptly threw that out the window. Maybe deer would like it better? The fries were equally disgusting so those went out the other window. (But don't worry- I threw the wrappers out when I got home.)

And I pulled onto my street at exactly (from my scribbled note in the van) at 2:58 a.m. Whoopsy- I thought it was 2:30. Whatever- I was tired. I texted three people around 2:30 to say I was home, but now I remember that was as I was pulling into Superior- just over the bridge and waiting at the light. So it took me almost 4 hours to get home. I was getting home as Matt was getting ready for work.

The moral of my story? I am not going to be driving home from Minneapolis/St. Paul by myself unless I absolutely have no other possible option. It's too dangerous. I am much better with someone else in the car even though I'm exhausted. I? Am not young anymore. I've officially become an old person.