My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward (review)

*I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review, but all thoughts are my own. This post also contains affiliate links that I may make commissions from.*

When I got the opportunity to review this, I actually knocked one of my children over on my way to the computer so I can email immediately back and say, yes! Yes, absolutely get me on this tour, please tell me I'm not too late. I am willing to beg for the opportunity to be on this tour because I'm currently too poor to buy books because everything fun is out of our monthly spending plan but I fear that I am Guilia. That I might be her soon and I am scared of that more than anything. I wanted to know what to expect and this book... I cried. And I am so scared. 

My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward - Mark Lukach

A heart-wrenching, yet hopeful, memoir of a young marriage that is redefined by mental illness and affirms the power of love.

Mark and Giulia’s life together began as a storybook romance. They fell in love at eighteen, married at twenty-four, and were living their dream life in San Francisco. When Giulia was twenty-seven, she suffered a terrifying and unexpected psychotic break that landed her in the psych ward for nearly a month. One day she was vibrant and well-adjusted; the next she was delusional and suicidal, convinced that her loved ones were not safe.

Eventually, Giulia fully recovered, and the couple had a son. But, soon after Jonas was born, Giulia had another breakdown, and then a third a few years after that. Pushed to the edge of the abyss, everything the couple had once taken for granted was upended.

A story of the fragility of the mind, and the tenacity of the human spirit, My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward is, above all, a love story that raises profound questions: How do we care for the people we love? What and who do we live for? Breathtaking in its candor, radiant with compassion, and written with dazzling lyricism, Lukach’s is an intensely personal odyssey through the harrowing years of his wife’s mental illness, anchored by an abiding devotion to family that will affirm readers’ faith in the power of love.

I have always dealt with a bit of depression, my whole life. Right after Olivia it was at its absolute worst, and it was the first time that I felt like I had to medicate myself. I felt shame and absolute humiliation. After about eight months I felt nothing at all so I wanted to get off of them so I just stopped. About a year later our marriage hit a major bump in the road and I thought for sure we were getting a divorce but the day I went to file I found out I was pregnant, so there I was, my husband was jobless, I was pregnant with an almost two year old, and I had divorce papers in hand, cue mental break down. So I was put back on an anti-depressant that was safe for pregnancy. I cried all of the time but I felt nothing at all so I don't know how helpful it was. As soon as I could get off of it, I did. I went several years with no medication, I had bouts of feeling down, but I managed it with diet and exercise. I tried to fill my schedule with fun things so I didn't give myself the time to go into the hole. 

Then we had Lucy. All hell has broken loose. Since then I have struggled with mental health. A lot. Enough that I am seriously considering checking myself into a three month facility, anywhere that will help me, that can focus on trauma and depression. I don't know if I'm fixable but I know I can't live like this forever. I know that there is a real quality versus quantity argument in my head when it comes to me as a mother and the mother my children had before Lucy is gone, she is not ever coming back. The mother they have now is terrible. She's mean, she's not present, and she doesn't want to be here. It's the worst feeling in the world, so I identified with Giulia so much in this book. But it also made me feel guilty because I bet my husband Matt could identify with Mark in the book because I know immediately after Lucy's birth Matt felt helpless and had no idea what to do. I imagine that's the spot he's in now with my depression but I can't help him because I don't know what to do either. 

This book follows the story of Mark and Giulia. The meet in college, fall in love, get married, and start their lives in the most idyllic way we all hope to. It's perfect. They start their careers, they both have plans, they get an awesome dog named Goose, and all is well. Except things start happening with Giulia. It starts with a lack of sleep and ended in a terrifying first psychotic break. Her first hospital stay was confusing, terrifying, They both soon learn that the mental health system in America is essentially is a guessing game, nobody actually knows how to diagnose or treat you, it's all about treating you with medications and messing around with dosages and hoping for the best. Everyone responds differently and what works for you for awhile, might inexplicably stop working and you're right back in the hospitable. I identified with Giulia's frustrations and her anger at losing her independence and her inability to feel heard- that's how I feel so often. But at the same time, I understand Mark's frustration because as a parent your child's safety and well being as to come first. I can understand Giulia not wanting to be on medication long term, a lot of them make you feel absolutely awful and the side effects are no joke. 

I want to share one of the passages in the book that really spoke to me. I have had a really hard time trying to describe what my AFE and Lucy's birth has done to me and to Matt, but our marriage, too. Everyone keeps telling us how lucky we are to have each other and it's all I can do to roll my eyes and not punch them in the face because I feel so angry. But this. This is what it's like: 

"It's like you've survived a tsunami, Mark. I'm sure you've saw the footage from the tsunami that hit Indonesia. Entire buildings wiped out. People swept away. Horrifying stuff. It's not hard to imagine you and Giulia on one of those beaches. You were in bliss together, and then the wave hit. You grabbed on to a tree and each other and held on as the waved pushed and pulled and tried its damnedest to rip you apart, but you kept holding on. For nine months, you held on."... 

"Exactly!" I said. "Which should feel good, right? So many people don't survive. Families are torn apart by mental illness. Ours wasn't. People kill themselves every day. Giulia didn't. So why don't I feel happy?" 

"Look around you, Mark," my therapist said. "Look at the carnage: the demolished hotels, the uprooted trees, the crumpled cars. The realization that not everyone made it. The worst is over. But the way you once knew it, is gone." She was right. Nothing was the same. Nothing could ever be the same. Our bliss, our puppy love from college, our charmed lives, it was all gone. Giulia's psychosis and depression would color the rest of our relationship. Maybe even my own happiness wouldn't come as easily as it always had. I would have to work for it and have the courage to do the work."

And that is what scares me. That my depression is going to color everyone else's happiness. It's one thing for it to change the rest of my life, one thing for me to be the one to actively have to work at it but for everyone else in my family to have work at being happy every day because of me? To me, that is unacceptable. I am not OK with that and that really upsets me. This book also shows you, in heartbreaking detail, that the vows "in sickness and health" are difficult to adhere to and shouldn't be said flippantly but often are. So often young couples stand at an altar and just say their vows without really thinking about what they mean and give up so easily on marriage. When things get hard, or they don't know what to do, they get divorced and hope the next go round is easier. Mark and Giulia are proving that while it isn't easy, it isn't without rewards. They may have difficult times but they have good times too. 

And just... my heart goes out to you guys. I'm terrified of my own journey because I'm cognizant enough to realize that I'm not getting better. I don't know what's wrong with me but I know I'm not dealing with simple depression anymore and I know I'm not going to be able to be flippant about my medication anymore and I need help and I am terrified to be hospitalized. I'm grateful that Matt hasn't thrown in the damn towel because I know I am a nightmare to deal with right now. But this story is just everything. I devoured it this weekend, I cried. It's no coincidence that it's Mother's Day weekend, I was an emotional hot mess and this book was everything that I needed. Five stars. Easily. You need this in your life. 

If you, or someone you love struggles with mental illness I highly encourage you to read this book. You can purchase your own copy on the Harper Collins website but you can also find it on Amazon. 

Dirt (review)

*This post contains affiliate links that I may make commission from; however, all opinions are my own.*

If you know me in real life you know I'm not just passionate about adults reading, I'm passionate about children's literature as well. I know first hand all it takes to turn a child into a life long reader is finding them the right book at the right time. Oddly enough that was an R.L. Stine book for me. I was a reader before then, but R.L. Stine and his Fear Street series was what turned me into a voracious reader that essentially devoured books faster than my school library could keep up. So I get really excited whenever I have the opportunity to read books geared towards younger readers because I like to share them with my friends at Bryant Elementary, where my children go to school. I know that if I can get just one kiddo as excited about a book as me, I've opened up their entire world.

And this book? This book is a must have.

Dirt - Denise Gosliner Orenstein

Things are hard for eleven-year-old Yonder. Her mother died and her father has sunk into sadness. She doesn't have a friend to her name . . . except for Dirt, the Shetland pony next door. 

Dirt has problems of his own. He's overweight, he's always in trouble, and his owner is the mean Miss Enid, who doesn't have the patience for a pony's natural curiosity. His only friend is Yonder, the scrawny girl next door.  

So when Miss Enid makes the cruel decision to sell Dirt for horse meat, Yonder knows she has to find a way to rescue him. Even if that means stealing Dirt away and sneaking him into her own house. What follows will make you worry, will make you cry, and will ultimately fill you with hope, love, and an unshakable belief in the power of friendship. Especially the four-legged kind. 

An ARC for this book came to me by surprise and I almost just set it aside into the "maybe I'll get to it" pile but something about the book pulled at me. Maybe it's the obese Shetland pony eating a shoe on the cover, maybe it's the main character's unusual name (Yonder), or maybe it's the story of the little girl desperate to feel love that pulled at me. I'm not sure, but the fact that it came in around 215 pages guaranteed it was going to be a fast read, and I had an afternoon set aside for reading, so I picked it up. 

And could not put it down until I was done. 

The story absolutely pulls at you as a parent because I think if we all look hard enough, we all know a Yonder. At every school there is a child that is in desperate need of love and attention, who is overlooked by the adults who should know better, and the adults who do step in don't recognize the entire situation, only what isn't right. I teared up a few times because I just... I wanted to take this poor girl in. She loses her mother, her father becomes an alcoholic because of it and he really does try to do the best for Yonder. After her mother's passing, Yonder seemingly loses all ability to speak, which her father isn't equipped to deal with and the people at school don't even try to help her, they just get frustrated. She's bullied horrifically and teachers and staff are oblivious so she decides she's not going back. 

Cue the entrance of a one eyed, morbidly obese, and filthy Shetland pony. Yonder is convinced that this pony understands the things she says in her head and they become fast friends. One day Yonder discovers that the pony is up for sale, basically for horse meat, and she is absolutely horrified. He may be a total nuisance but this pony deserves a better fate than this. So Yonder crafts up the idea to not only steal the pony but let it live in her bedroom and safe from slaughter. She eventually names him Dirt, discovers he will eat anything, poops a lot, and is terrified of garden hoses. It's like they are kindred spirits that nobody wants around, which explains their connection. But all good things must end, and when it's discovered she not only has a pony living in her bedroom but that her father is barely taking care of her, is an alcoholic and their living conditions are deplorable, combine that with Yonder missing a lot of school because of the bullying she can't tell anyone about because she doesn't speak, it's decided that Yonder must go to foster care. All Yonder can focus on is Dirt, he's her only friend and she knows that without her, Yonder will be mistreated or worse, slaughtered. 

I can't give you any more because you need to read it for yourself. But I'm telling you- amazing book. This absolutely would make a FANTASTIC book choice for a Battle of the Books competition and it would lead to so many great classroom discussions for students. And as educators, it encourages you to take a deeper look at the children who are "problems" or difficult to get to. There is always a reason, we just have to figure out what that one thing is to get a student to open up. In this case it was animals, Yonder felt a connection with animals she couldn't make with humans but it showed that she is capable of compassion and caring. She has an interest and that interest gets her excited about something and moves her beyond the sadness of her mother's death and her less than ideal home life. 

*I received an ARC in exchange for my honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.*

AFE Day and meeting my birth team

So way back on March 27 was AFE Awareness Day and since it was my first one I really wanted to acknowledge it in a special way with the hospital staff that not only brought Lucy into the world but saved my life. It ends up being a little complicated because I don't actually remember my birth team and I have no actual record and it's not like you get sent home with a list of names. All I have is the name of one nurse I know personally, the name of another floor employee I have since friended on Facebook since having Lucy, and a vague memory of a really nice nurse in the middle of the night helping me with my pee bag, and then a really nice blonde nurse walking me out of the hospital on my last day. And of course, my own McDreamy, who is the best anesthesiologist in the entire world as far as I'm concerned but I remember him because I had him with Penelope. I'm convinced I could have another stroke and recognize that man.

But that's basically the only memories I have of my entire week long stay, so not a whole lot to go on.

I put a lot of thought into what I wanted to do for the hospital and I kept coming back to it being something tangible that could be on display. Amniotic Fluid Embolism is something I had never even heard of, and this was my fourth delivery and I would consider myself to be highly educated when it comes to maternal health. I took ever prenatal class offered during every pregnancy even if the information was redundant, I researched new developments and standards with each pregnancy, I kept up with pregnancy books and magazines, I weighed my options over different types of births, even. If you remember for a hot second I thought about a home birth with Penelope and I even thought about hypnobirthing but then contractions happened and I was like, yeah.... I'll be taking that epidural because modern medicine hasn't come this far for nothing and who am I to piss on science?

I wanted to ultimately give the hospital something that they can display that would maybe have a woman ask the question, what is an AFE? Could it happen to me? But also to reassure them that yes, St. Luke's Hospital in Duluth, Minnesota is absolutely, 100% ready for you and you are in good hands.

This is what I came up with. I found a company online where you can make customize plaques and I know that while I was giving birth to Lucy they were under going a major remodel, so I wanted to make sure it was something fairly modern looking, so I went with a glass plaque. It's not a wall mount, it came with a little piece to set it into so it could sit on a table or counter, and because I can't read the print and I can't remember what it says, it essentially says that St. Luke's and their excellent providers saved us from an Amniotic Fluid Embolism, that we are one in 40,000.

I have no idea if it's displayed or not, if anyone will ever see it, but the thought was there. And it's pretty. I also included one of the first pictures of me holding Lucy after I was out of the ICU. Not that I remember that moment at all, but Matt said that was pretty much the first time I actually had gotten to hold her myself, even if it was just for a minute.

The really cool thing was that in order for me to present this to the hospital I wanted to meet my birth team. Part of my therapy is working on the PTSD and anxiety I have associated with Lucy's birth and I really felt like I wanted to just take the bull by the horns and see if I could handle being on the floor again. I wasn't even sure if it would trigger anything, considering the remodel, and I wasn't sure if I'd have any kind of feeling about it either way. I didn't want to call the floor and sound like a complete moron so I send a random email through the patient advocate email and figured it might get routed, it might not, but it would be worth a shot.

It actually worked.

A few weeks later, long enough that I had forgotten all about it, I got a call from the Labor and Delivery floor manager (whose name I have forgotten because my memory is that horrific and I cannot find my notebook, which defeats the purpose of taking notes) saying she got my email, she remembers me, and kind of gets the idea of my visit and she'll send an email out to the team. We picked a day and she said she couldn't guarantee everyone could come but she was sure some would.

I went into it thinking maybe one or two would come.

There were more than this but some had to duck out because they were working, but so many came. Some faces I knew, many I didn't. The blond nurse who walked my out (far right) was there, my delivering OB (behind me with glasses) was there, the Occupational Therapist I apparently yelled at and called a quack and told to "get a real job" was there (guy in the way back in the black) and yes, I profusely apologized and explained that I actually had a stroke and I didn't mean what I said and I don't think he's a quack and if it at all makes him feel any better, I absolutely probably should have had OT before I went home and when I came home and he was right and he should feel better because I never admit to being wrong and I was wrong. (It's even on the Internet, now!)

I was fairly emotional and I wish I had asked more questions, but I only managed to get out one and that was, did I say anything before I went for surgery? And I can't remember who answered first, but a couple of people said the same thing, just that I absolutely did not want to go, I was adamant I didn't want a c-section, I didn't think I was going to come back, that I was crying, and I was very scared. But it was emergency, they just rolled me away and I fell asleep with tears on my face.

I did tell them that I had a premonition my entire pregnancy that something was wrong this time around, I didn't know what but just that something was very much off. I also told them that I had seen a psychic afterwards and, not telling her anything of my story, she told me I wasn't supposed to be here and I was meant to die in August. That brought kind of an eerie quiet to the room.

And of course, my rock star McDreamy Anesthesiologist, Dr. Jeffrey Speer, who is amazing. It's really this guy that is the reason I'm still here. If he hadn't paid attention in school, and in the one conference where they talked about AFE and this combination of drugs that might work, and if he wasn't totally paying attention to me and my vitals like a hawk, I would be absolutely dead and gone. All of my friends who came to visit me in the hospital who saw him there have all asked me if he's single, I don't know and I did not ask. But he is just the nicest person ever and I can tell you right now he gives the BEST epidurals ever and he will make sure you don't die should you ever have an AFE.

The greatest part of the visit was learning that they had seen an AFE before at the hospital and that woman had also survived, so that was cool. I also got the name of another local woman who has had one and I friended her on Facebook and our schedules have both been crazy but my hope is to connect soon so we can talk about our experiences and just compare notes. She's nine years out from hers so she can potentially be an invaluable resource for me and I'm excited about that prospect. The other interesting thing was their questions for me. They were pretty interested to hear how I was doing and I guess I didn't really expect that? I felt, in hindsight, kind of bad not to be able to tell them how amazing I was doing because I think ultimately any medical professional wants to see their patients go on and do amazing things and lead great lives. Instead I was pretty honest and I talked about my struggles with mental health as a result of the trauma and brain injury of this, but also just the medical repercussions of the trauma my body sustained from the AFE event itself. They were happy to see Lucy, and hear that she suffered no negative effects from the AFE, because in some cases babies die or have mild to severe impairments. In our case we're lucky that the AFE occurred literally seconds after she was officially delivered so she was just fine.

The other really cool thing I learned? Is that because of Lucy and I, St. Luke's now has this (there's a technical term that I can't remember) box in the labor & delivery rooms ready to go in the event a laboring woman has an AFE. In my case, had I tried to deliver Lucy on my own on the delivery floor, I would have died right there from a hemorrhage and organ failure and there would have been nothing they could have done. It is by an absolute fluke that Lucy turned her face at that last second prompting an emergency c-section, which landed me in the emergency room, and because I was there, I was already in surgery was I able to be saved. In any other scenario, I would have been dead. So now this box is there, ready to be hopefully not be used. It can save a mother's life. Every hospital should have this, but most don't until it's too late. I am so grateful that the hospital that I have always trusted my health, and my children's health, to is ahead of the pack. Their staff is hands down the best, they treat you like family and they give you the best care. One of the strongest memories I have from that week is how much I did not want to leave. I knew I couldn't do it on my own and I felt so safe, and so cared for. I trusted these people implicitly and I was so scared to go home because I knew how impaired I was. And it's not just the Labor and Delivery floor, literally every clinic, every practice, every doctor, every nurse I have encountered on this journey has made me feel like I wasn't crazy and they actually are trying to get me better.

It means a lot. To both of us. Thank you.

The Day I Died (review)

*This post contains affiliate links that I may make commission from; however, all thoughts are my own.*

Since having my AFE in August, I have really done a lot to try to reconcile what it means to die and come back.

The Day I Died - Steve Sjogren

"The cold voice of the anesthesiologist recited the typical 'count backward from 10' cadence. Darkness closed around me before he got to 7. That's when I found out what it's like to die--and to come back from the dead."

It was a beautiful winter's day, showing no signs of what was to come. Steve Sjogren, pastor of one of America's fastest growing churches, went into the hospital for routine gall bladder surgery and died--twice. What began as a tragic medical accident led to Steve's encounter with death, an experience of unimaginable peace and some surprises, with comforting words from God, a meeting with an angel, and seeing those who had died before him.

If you, or someone you know, are fearful of dying, curious about heaven, or simply desiring to live life to its fullest, this encouraging book could change how you view life and death.

I really struggled with this. Since my experience with death and coming back with it I feel almost obsessed with reading about other people's experiences and comparing them with mine- did they have the same premonitions as I did? Do they feel the same way I do afterwards? So I am admittedly purchasing books left and right without really reading reviews beforehand, I want to go into them with an open mind.

When I read this book I was pretty disappointed because this isn't so much about his actual medical experience but more his life lessons for us on what kind of person to be. He's saying he died so he could come back and be the better husband, father, friend, person, etc. Which... I suppose that's all lovely, but tell me about your experience. What did you see? What did you experience in your medical coma, do you have memories of it? Did you have any odd feelings going into surgery? He actually shared so little of the actual event that by the time I got to the end of the book I didn't even remember what the medical event was. I actually wasn't even going to finish the book but then the last chapter is about Terri Schiavo and that... that hits home for me. I had an uncle who was in an almost identical situation at almost the same time not far from where Terri was and I can tell you right now, that is a diminished quality of life. Nobody, absolutely nobody can tell you that anyone would want to live out their last days immobile and unable to communicate, or do anything for themselves. Just shy of a vegetable. That's not life. If you wouldn't leave your family pet to live like that, you shouldn't leave your loved one like that. And I could go on for days about this, I really could. I could also go for days about the authors almost.. anger at his doctors for wanting to declare him brain dead at one point. He makes it clear from the start of the book that he was clearly at a not great hospital and that every box you can check off under the "It's going to go all wrong" list was checked off for him, and honestly? That's on him. We all put our trust that the hospitals and doctors we trust our bodies and health to know what they are doing. When you think of ALL of the information that these simple human beings are required to know at any given second, at the drop of a dime, at the turn of any catastrophic event, look around every corner and predict any number of things that can possibly go wrong and you know what?

Shit happens. It does. It happens, and it's unfortunate. Mistakes happen to good people. Doctors can make mistakes but all they can do is give us the options based on the information they have on hand at that very second.

Overall? I pretty much hated the book. I felt like the author was angry, a little arrogant, and I can imagine he would be that nightmare asshole patient a doctor would dread having, to be honest. For as much as he claims to be a man of faith, and as full of compassion and love, and how he tries to live life as God intends, this book doesn't come off like he's doing that well. 

The Compassionate Achiever (review)

*I received an ARC in exchange for a fair and honest review. This post also contains affiliate links that I may be compensated for; however, all opinions are my own.*

If you are new to my blog, I invite you to read Lucy's birth story to understand kind of the back story to why I immediately jumped on this book tour.

The Compassionate Achiever: How Helping Others Fuels Success

A powerful, practical guide for cultivating compassion—the scientifically proven foundation for personal achievement and success at work, at home, and in the community.

For decades, we’ve been told the key to prosperity is to look out for number one. But recent science shows that to achieve durable success, we need to be more than just achievers; we need to be compassionate achievers.

New research in biology, neuroscience, and economics have found that compassion—recognizing a problem or caring about another’s pain and making a commitment to help—not only improves others’ lives; it can transform our own. Based on the most recent studies from a wide range of fields, The Compassionate Achiever reveals the profound benefits of practicing compassion including more constructive relationships, improved intelligence, and increased resiliency. To help us achieve these benefits, Christopher L. Kukk, the founding Director of the Center for Compassion, Creativity and Innovation, shares his unique 4-step program for cultivating compassion.

Kukk makes clear that practicing compassion isn’t about being a martyr or a paragon of virtue; it’s about rejecting rage and indifference and choosing instead to be a thoughtful, caring problem-solver. He identifies the skills every compassionate achiever should master—listening, understanding, connecting, and acting—and outlines how to develop each, with clear explanations, easy-to-implement strategies, actionable exercises, and real-world examples.

With the The Compassionate Achiever everyone wins—we can each achieve success in our own lives and create more productive workplaces, and healthier, less violent communities.

Before I had Lucy I had really struggled with people. I was that mom who volunteered at every opportunity at my kids' school, any time a friend needed help with something I immediately offered to help out. I took on far more than I should have onto my plate and there were many nights that I would stay up far later than I should have getting things done for other people. I felt tremendous guilt saying no to someone, even for minor things, because I knew what it took to ask for help so I assumed if someone was asking me it was because they really needed it. I hated to let someone down. I did this for years. I felt so unappreciated, unrecognized, unacknowledged, and frankly- abused. It got to the point where I started actually resenting the very things I used to enjoy doing. I wanted to be helpful and now I hated it. I hated being dependable. I hated being organized. I hated all of these things because now people just expected me to take care of it all. 

Then I died. And the world stopped. And crisis happened. I had no idea any of it was happening, but all around me, people rallied. They rallied small and they rallied big. People I did a lot for, people I did nothing for but who recognized that I had done a lot for others. But they rallied all around me and my family and they helped us get through a really horrific event. 

My act of dying reminded me that compassion is still out there. People still have it. It's maybe not practiced every day, or maybe we just aren't seeing it anymore, but it's still there. Somewhere in all of us compassion sits, waiting to be reached. Which is why when I saw this book I immediately jumped on it because I am absolutely convinced all of the positives that have come to my family in the aftermath of Lucy's birth don't have much to do with a greater power but more so in the fact that I am a good person. Matt and I are good people. We do good things for people as often as we can. We don't ask for repayment or recognition, we just hope that someday if we ever need help you'd be willing to help us- and it actually worked. 

As I went through this book I was pleased to find that it isn't just business speak that you read, nod your head, and then it sits on the shelf in your office totally useless. It gives you practical uses. How do you pull compassion from people? How can you turn conversations, that could easily be heated and uncivil, to calm and reasonable? How do you get each side to see each other's point of view, not necessarily to agree, but to actually listen to all points. The book talks about how compassion isn't just a great quality to have as a human being but how it actually improves a work place (or a school environment) and the quality of life in a community. I was reading this thinking this would actually make a great textbook in a humanities class in college but why wait? Why not have this as part of a high school curriculum? As part of a social studies class? I know compassion, and empathy, are things we should be teaching at home but let's face it- we're asking parents to teach something they themselves don't have. The book mentions how compassion starts to really dip in the 1990's but that we are at an all time low right now, so that means those kids of the 90's (me, for example) are now parents- no wonder it's at an all time low. We're asking people to teach and pass on something that they themselves don't have. This book gives us a four-step, totally easy, common sense program, to do that. You can do it with your kids, your friends, your co-workers, or the people you supervise. It's really such a great book to read for anyone because there are so many ways to use it in your life.

The book is available on Amazon of course, but you can also find it on the Harper Collins website, as well. If you want more information about the author, Chris Kukk, I encourage you to follow him on Twitter and on his website! 

Hard-Hearted Highlander (review)

*I received an ARC in exchange for a fair and honest review. This post also contains affiliate links that I may make commissions from; however, all thoughts are my own*

I've got quite a few book reviews for you this week but I'm also going to have some fun posts including Penelope's second birthday, Lucy on the move, mama dilemmas, and (what I hope) is a thoughtful piece on my current head space. Which, coincidentally, I keep editing because I don't know if I'm really getting across what I really want to. Anyways. It should be a busy week around these parts, but let's get started with a book review!

Hard-Hearted Highlander by Julia London

An indomitable governess...a brooding Highlander...a forbidden affair... 

An ill-fated elopement cost English-born governess Bernadette Holly her reputation, her unsuitable lover and any chance of a future match. She has nothing left to fear--not even the bitter, dangerously handsome Scot due to marry her young charge. Naive wallflower Avaline is terrified to wed Rabbie Mackenzie, but if he sends her home, she will be ruined. Bernadette's solution: convince Rabbie to get Avaline to cry off...while ignoring her own traitorous attraction to him. 

A forced engagement to an Englishwoman is a hard pill for any Scot to swallow. It's even worse when the fiancee in question is a delicate, foolish young miss--unlike her spirited, quick-witted governess. Sparring with Bernadette brings passion and light back to Rabbie's life after the failed Jacobite uprising. His clan's future depends upon his match to another, but how can any Highlander forsake a love that stirs his heart and soul?

The third in the Highland Grooms series, this is a stand alone and it's OK as a stand alone because I haven't read the two before this and I didn't feel lost at all. The flip side to this is that I read this awhile ago and normally I type my reviews right away and then come back and skim them to add anything after I had a few days to brew about the book. Yeah, I didn't brew about the book at all, I literally just moved on. The book itself was fairly forgettable and that kind of stinks because I think that if I had started with the first book I would have been invested in this as a series. Harlequin Romance authors are usually pretty dependable and there's almost this Harlequin standard and this one kind of fell short for me. 

We have Rabbie, who has a not so great past with the ladies, considering his first fiancee is dead. He's now in a forced engagement to Avaline, who is clearly not interested in marrying him, either. Avaline, for her part, is naive and clueless as can be. Bernadette, her governess, is tasked with making sure Avaline makes it to the altar. Which, easier said than done because she is attracted to Rabbie and he is just as attracted to her. Nothing about that situation is good so it become precarious at best. Just when you think things might work out, Bernadette has some secrets of her own because of her sketch past, women end up shamed and it's just kind of strange. Rabbie's solution for Bernadette's "problem" at the end was ODD (at best) and I kind of felt like the author was literally just tying up loose ends, like the story got away from her and she's like, "Man alive, the wheels are falling completely off this wagon, let's just walk!" and that's what we did. It was just a very lackluster story. Another blogger I follow said book two was amazing and had a really tremendous love story so that makes me want to bite the bullet and read it because you know I'm a sucker for it. But this one was just kind of blah for me. It's not one I'm going to remember, that's for sure. 

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Signs and Seasons: An Astrology Cookbook (review)

*This post contains affiliate links that I may make commission from; however, all thoughts are my own. I also received an ARC in exchange for an honest review.*

I've kind of been on a cooking kick lately, mostly because I'm trying to incorporate healthy, new-to-me foods to my diet but also introducing them to my toddler and baby to hopefully promote a good diet for their futures so when the opportunity presented itself to review this, I jumped right on it!

Signs and Seasons: Feed Your Sign The Food It Craves

Food connects us to our families, history, culture, and to the natural world itself—to the seasons and the cycle of life. Just as our path around the sun—and through the Zodiac—dictates the seasons, the seasons dictate what will flourish, from the tender greens of early spring to late summer’s lush and impossible perfect tomatoes.

In Signs and Seasons, Farber and Zerner—along with chef John Okas—take home cooks through the four seasons and each of their astrological signs in over 95 tantalizing seasonal recipes that include starters; meat, seafood, and vegetarian mains; sides; and desserts for each sign.

Because this book is based around your astrological sign, it's probably best I start my review by telling you I am a Pisces. I am a Pisces through and through and if I could be a fish I probably would be. I love all things astrology, I totally believe in all of it, I actually have a psychic I go to and she is totally legit, real deal, not-messing-around.  I should also tell you that I really love reading cookbooks, the stories in them, the concepts behind them, the notes between recipes, everything in between, so this book was right up my alley.

Unfortunately, I kind of didn't love it.

To be fair, I need to mention I am not a foodie. Anyone who knows me knows I am a chicken nugget, french fry, nacho lovin' gal. I cannot help it, I am a child of the 80's and Pizza Rolls are my jam. I went into this book totally opened minded though thinking that maybe this is what I needed to enlighten me. Maybe I'm trying to eat the wrong dang foods this whole time. According to this book my foods as a Pisces are: pears, flounder, spinach, honey, almonds, eggplant, sweet potatoes, melon.

I'll eat almonds on my ice cream and I'll eat spinach if it's raw and thoroughly coated in French dressing. But that's it.

A lot of the general descriptions of a Pisces person were pretty accurate. And as we get into the actual cookbook, which is divided into seasons, I went right to the winter section which is where Pisces is sorted. (Oddly, I always assumed I was a spring sign being born in March, but no, I guess I'm a winter sign, WEIRD.) In each section we get some starters, salads, pastas, seafood, vegetarian, meat, pasta, sides, and dessert options, which is perfect if you're putting together a dinner party, you could easily pull something from each category and be all fancy.

But here's a hot tip: if I can't pronounce it? I will not eat it. What in the mother is "choucroute garni"? It's some kind of weird meat dish I'm not eating, that's what. Basically the only thing in the entire section of recipes that I would eat would be the cheesecake and cherry sauce, but I would pick the cherries off. As it turns out, I am, and will always be, an absolute child when it comes to eating food. I firmly believe now that there is absolutely zero hope for me to ever be a grown up. Don't take me anywhere nice, don't try to cook me real food, I just can't.

I do have to mention a little piece of nostalgia though- the food photography? The photos throughout the book are taken in such a way that it reminded me instantly of my Grandma's original Betty Crocker cookbook. Almost vintage looking, almost grainy? I don't know if that was the aim of the photos but looking at them brought back memories of sitting on her kitchen floor paging through her cookbooks and it made me smile.

So while I didn't totally love the book, I do have some friends who have been borrowing it and love it. These are my hippie loving life friends who are all about growing vegetables in their yard and having little bits of dirt in their food and being totally OK with it. They, of course, think there is something genetically wrong with me and how I eat, but that's OK. Because I've managed to not die of malnutrition yet so I can't be all that wrong, right? HA! But if you consider yourself a foodie and you are looking for new ways to pair foods and interesting combinations, I highly recommend this book. The reasoning why they paired certain things together is kind of fascinating so it was a neat read either way.