Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Day 4: Almost a crisis, and family time

On the fourth day of our trip we planned to see family, specifically my grandparents and hopefully my Uncle Danny, Aunt Ginger, and my cousins who are one and two years older than Olivia. I had promised the kids that we'd go to the beach first thing in the morning and that, this time, we'd be swimming.

I was kind of worried because I haven't had any experience so far with my panhypopituitarism and adrenal insufficiency in the heat/humidity. I made sure to take my medicine early, I took a little more to give me a boost. I ate breakfast, drank lots of water to ensure I was hydrated before I went out. I covered in sunscreen, I had my sun hat, and Matt hauled over an umbrella from our condo. I was sitting in the shade, angled with a breeze hitting me directly, loaded with water. I was good to go.

The kids were SO excited and Penelope kept squealing because she knew she was going to be able to play.
The plan was to play until lunch time, so about four hours, and get the younger girls to nap before going to my grandparent's house.
Lucy eagerly tried to eat sand, crawled to the water with Matt.
I did go into the water for a little bit but the sun was so hot and I knew after just about 15 minutes I had to get back into my shady spot.
The big kids were busy looking for shells and Olivia actually picked up a crab that she thought was a shell! Matt came back because he said I was looking not so great, and I wasn't feeling so great.
Lucy was totally enthralled with the sand. Seriously, I can't tell you enough how much she loved sand. She was doing her cute baby scream while kicking it and it was the greatest thing ever for her.
Matt tried to buy Penelope but she wasn't having it. She didn't even want to bury him, she was all about digging the hole, though.

By the point, only an hour into our beach adventure, I was feeling really ill. I was nauseous, I was shaky, I had a headache, my gut wasn't doing well and I was mentally going through my crisis check list and it was clear- I had to get back and take more of my hydrocortisone tablets because if I didn't, I was going to land in the emergency room. So I told Matt we had to go and I must have not looked well because I've never seen him pack up our stuff so fast and we hustled. I took a freezing cold shower, took my medicine, chugged even more water (by this point, I had only been up for 3 hours and I had 15 bottles of water), and laid down.

I woke up several hours later and I still didn't feel well but the kids were restless and we decided to just go. We stopped for lunch and I couldn't eat because I was so sick and sure I was going to start throwing up (which would have been bad, really bad) so I just stuck to my ice water and hoped for the best.

Seeing my grandparents was great. I am so thankful we were able to do this trip because it was so important to me that they got to meet Penelope and Lucy.
You can tell Penelope runs the show and poor Lucy is the casual victim.
But nothing a snuggle from mom can't fix.

Some of my best childhood memories are with my grandparents. To the time my grandpa tried to wear my nightgown, to my grandma buying me Jem panties at Montgomery Ward, always having treats for us. My grandparents have the best sense of humor, will tell you like it is, and they have always made me feel like they were so proud of me. It was such a comfort for me to just be there, to talk to them, and to get a hug. I didn't realize how much I needed that.
And I had to get a picture with me, all of my kids and Grandma. I have no idea where Grandpa was, but this picture.. I love it so much.

For dinner we headed over to my Uncle Danny and Aunt Ginger's house, which is just down the road. The kids got to swim in the pool and I wasn't feeling great so I just hung back.
I'm glad the kids got to hang out with my cousins, who are basically their age so they are more their cousins than mine.
I got to talk about my journey and answered some questions about what life is like for me. But like everything, I'm pretty guarded and I don't share everything. I've learned in this year that people like the drama and the crisis of the actual moment but that wears off. Once that's gone and you're struggling with long term problems, people quietly shrink back and stop helping. Stop reaching out. I'm lucky in the aspect that I do have friends, near and far, who check in with me and ask what I need help with. Do I need things for the babies? What about the big kids? Can we help with groceries? It's not as often but it's still appreciated. I try to make a joke out of it because if I don't it's just one more thing to bring me down, but we're broke. We are barely getting by and the amount of guilt I feel because I know it's because of me, because of my health problems, is immense. But I try really hard, though it doesn't always seem like it, to not share too much because I know people don't want to hear it. It's depressing. If people knew what my day to day is like inside my head? You'd be suicidal too. But I'm trying every day. If I could just switch it off I absolutely would because I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Not for anything.

But Day 5 was the Fourth of July. We got to bed early because I wanted to feel better to do something. I went to bed absolutely sick to my stomach, which was concerning because I had taken triple my dose of medication, as I would for the next three days as protocol for the situation, and I didn't feel any better. I went to bed kind of scared but also at the same time thinking, if this is how I go, then so be it.


Ruth said...

Heat and humidity can be a killer.
As far as the chronic illness thing, I do know where you are coming from. My husband has chronic kidney disease and things are getting bad. People get tired of hearing about it. Money that I was able to free up is now going toward medical bills. He is also the wage earner for now. He shouldn't even be working, but that is how it is.

Julie H said...

I'm glad you got to see your grandparents. I get heat sick easily so I know a bit of how you felt. Super scary with your condition though! That's a lot of water in 3 hours.