Vacation, Part 1.

I have to break this down into two parts. Sure, it's because I have a lot of pictures but also because I'm kind of tired and I have some serious reading to do. (Like oh hey... I have 17 review due in the next month and I haven't started anything!)

But here is half of our trip. (OK, that's really a lie. It's the first two days. Apparently I can't upload any more pictures than this so Epcot/day 3 will happen tomorrow.)

 We flew out of the fancy new airport in Duluth. I don't know how they justify this expense when there were literally, only 30 people here. The entire two hours we were there. That must be a really boring job.

 Jackson was a little hesitant until Daddy told him that if our plane crashes, we might get to ride a giant jumpy slide. This made Jackson very excited. Even though I've never seen a plane with this deployed, usually everyone is just dead.

 And Olivia was all excited. Until I told her this was our short flight, we'd have a longer one later.

 Then we made it to Minneapolis where of course we got to run from one gate to the next and had 10 minutes to do it. Only one child (Olivia) slammed her face into the moving walkway. But, no time to cry because we had to run. Only to find out oh hey- the boards were incorrect and we really had an hour to kill. Fuck you, Delta. I ran in flip flops for NOTHING. So we ended up eating weird snacks on the floor and called it lunch.

Once we got to Orlando we found our way to the hotel. Which is a whole OTHER story and I'll include pictures of that fun stay on tomorrow's post. Suffice it to say it's $30/night quality lived up to expectations. At least there were no gunshots. I can't say that for hotel #2 though. (Aw.. you know that'll come on Monday. HA!)

The plan for the night was to go to Downtown Disney to eat and shop. Primarily to eat though at the new T-Rex restaurant which is basically exactly like the Rainforest Cafe except with dinosaurs. Same food, some ambiance, same over priced gift shop. Jackson was a little nervous, OK- he was kind of terrified, but he at least made it through dinner only grabbing my boob once.

 But Olivia totally loved it. And it was kind of different, and a fun way to kick off our vacation.

 No better way to kick off vacation than dropping almost $90 on over priced bar food. But we have to keep the robot dinosaurs employed.

So then we walked around. We went into pretty much every store, bought a few things, and the kids were kind of loving all of the photo op's.

 Olivia insisted on being with the Lego Friend in the store. (Side note: how touristy does my girl look? Love it.)

 Jackson was excited that he was almost as tall as Buzz Lightyear and then wondered why he isn't bigger.

 Jackson then thought these statues were things you could buy and asked if his $20 was enough. Olivia totally hamming it up.

 I was kind of losing Jackson at this point but Olivia would have shopped all night. We ended up going back to the hotel so we could all get up bright and fucking early to go to the happiest place on Earth.

 Oh yes. This mom thought FOR SURE if we got there 2 hours early we'd be ahead of the game and at the front of the line.

WRONG.

Try 2000th in line.

 Almost three hours later, and $400 lighter, we're IN.

Where almost immediately the kids want hats. Olivia picks hers out (you'll see that), Jackson picks this out. Do you think Jackson would wear it? No. Do you think my purse was large enough to hold it? No. Being the good dad that he is, Matt walked around wearing a youth Mickey ears hat looking like an asshole. But kind of adorable.

 We met Snow White almost immediately and Jackson was thrilled that she said he was cute enough to be a dwarf after he said his Grandma Cindi loves Snow White and Olivia said Snow White was her favorite.

 From there we started going on rides. We had big plans to do this park right and we were prepared to go the 9am-11pm park hours. I wore my most comfortable, and unattractive, outfit and thank god everyone wore their stupid sneakers like I insisted.

 Isn't Olivia's hat the fucking cutest? She wore it EVERY DAY on vacation.

 At this point? We are 4 hours into our day and my hair is flat. It was super tight curls. I don't know why I bothered doing anything at all.

Oh- lunch. Let me tell you about this. So, I have read on tons of message boards that character dining is THE thing to do if you want your kids to totally have a really special, memorable experience. I went online, saw ONE available spot at this buffet place on the day we'd be there right around lunch time and it says $15.99/person. Seems high, but I figure, it's Disney so it's marked up but this is still doable.

 This is us outside of the Crystal Palace, waiting for our table to be ready. While waiting, I see the menu so I kind of mosey over. Only to see the price? Is actually $28.99/person.

JIGGA SAY WHAT.

I go up and ask if that is the lunch price or dinner because it could be dinner. Nope, it's the lunch price.

FUCK.

I then say, "Oh wow- that's not what the website said. I guess we'll pass and find lunch elsewhere" because who the fuck is trying to pay that per person for LUNCH? Nobody with a brain.

She tells me, in her best southern belle accent, "Well- your credit card gets charged either way."

Oh yes, I had forgotten about having to reserve this lunch with a credit card. I suppose we'll eat here after all. Turns out, it's a terrible buffet. I literally ate some cucumbers, a bread stick, and 4 chicken nuggets. And a piece of pie.

But, characters came to our table.

 And here's the thing- my kids are so god damn adorable you can't help but love them. Do you see them totally love Winnie the Pooh?

Oh god- see the Asians behind them? OK- side story! There were two Asian guys, presumably partners, and they LOST THEIR SHIT over these characters. I'm talking, this guy you see back there? He CRIED when Pooh came. He talked to these characters as if they are real people who came just to see him. I didn't know whether to laugh or publicly mock the guy. Even Matt, who normally has no idea what is happening around him, was like, "Is this really happening? Did he just butt in line in front of children to give Pooh a bear hug??"

Yes.

Yes, he did.

 Jackson loved Tigger a lot.

 Until Piglet came and then you thought he was reunited with his long lost relative. I had no idea he even liked Piglet. Apparently, I am not a mom in the know.

 So after shelling out almost $150 on a LUNCH (I cannot emphasize this enough), we got back on rides. We noticed it got a little cooler (and by that I mean it was 105 and was now 100) and a little cloudier. No big deal. Florida gets weird rain storms for a few minutes and then it's hot as ever, so I wasn't worried.

 Jackson went on a for real merry-go-round and pretended to be a cowboy.

 And Olivia got on it and for the first time EVER, she did not cry on the merry go round. I have many pictures of hysterical children on merry go rounds. My kids are adorable, but they are also dramatic. To say the least.

 We also rode tea cups and Daddy almost made us all puke.

But you'll notice these clouds? This was a sign of DOOM.

 It was kind of sprinkling at this point, so most rides were shut down because someone saw lighting and that's the alert to shut things down  until it passes over. So to stay dry and kill time, we got in the 2 hour line to see Minnie and Daisy.

I have a Daisy picture but I included this one because it's one of the few I got Jackson to wear his expensive fucking Mickey ears in.

Here's the thing about character photos. Just a little bit of etiquette for you. If you come up to the line, you get one picture. One picture and move it the fuck along. Instead, people are doing individuals, couples, then certain siblings together, then the whole family shot, oh now just mom wants her picture. Oh let's get mom and just the baby. People are treating it like a god damn family photo shoot. It's not. It's one and done, whores.

End rant.

 So once we got, not surprisingly, it is down pour. Like, our shoes and clothing are soaked through. We decide it's time to buy ponchos. Mostly so our clothes could dry because at this point? We still had six hours until the park closed. No way in HELL was I spending $400 on tickets and not seeing the god damn Electric Parade. The kids missed it last time, didn't get to see Tinkerbell come down and light the castle, nothing.

Oh, we will buy ponchos.

$40 later... and we're kitted with basically clear Hefty bags with hoods.

 And then Jackson fell asleep. So Matt had to hold him for the next 4 hours.

 While Jackson power napped.

But it was worth it, even though we didn't get to get on half of the rides, because folks? We saw the parade.

 Which was just as amazing as it was when I was a little kid.

 But the best part? Was that both kids turned to Matt and said, "See Dad? You can put Christmas lights on everything!!!"

Matt, not surprisingly, was not impressed.

I was actually exhausted by now but one character we hadn't gotten to see? Mickey. So I found a ridiculously nice employee who told me if I was smart, we'd skip the fireworks and run to the front entrance and see Mickey on our way out before the lines start. And I thought, we can see fireworks anytime- we can't see Mickey all of the time.

So off we went. The kids were only slightly bummed until I told them we were seeing Mickey and we wouldn't be rushed because wouldn't you know it, there was no line.

 And Jackson LOVED Mickey. Jackson's shirt said "Oh Buoy" and had a picture of seagull on it, and Mickey was trying to tell Jackson that he says that all of the time. Jackson thought he was the coolest kid ever that Mickey loved his shirt. And his hat. Olivia thought it was cool that she was meeting (as she put it), "an actual movie star."

Oh and then we took a family picture because they had time to kill and my boob almost popped out of my shirt.

So that was our day at Magic Kingdom. By the time we got back to our hotel is was midnight. We had been on the go that day, nonstop walking, for 16 hours. Oh, and I spent almost $100 in bottled water because holy shit it was hot.

I'm back and still fabulous. And in a new house. WHAT?

Oh yes. Lambies, it is GOOD to be back. It really is. This last month has been insane to say the absolute least but oh the stories I have. But first things first.

We moved.

 This is our last family picture in front of the old house. It was kind of a weird night where we camped on the living room floor and watched the movie The Money Pit, which is easily one of my favorites of all time. We watched it on our first night there and seriously- it was fitting. I don't want to think about the amount of money (and time) we put into that house.

 This was the picture I took of our little house the morning we left. I took the kids to my mom's, came back to help Matt pack up the last of our stuff and did some last minute cleaning. And then I proceeded to cry like a bitch in my car in front of the house. It didn't help that even Matt teared up a little. But time was ticking and we had to meet for our final walk through of new house and then get to the bank to officially sign our house away.

And then sign our lives away for new house. We got to meet the owners who turned out to be the sweetest, nicest couple ever. They had lived here for 22 years and had to leave because the stairs were hard on them as they get older. Which, understandable- I'll explain later. But they were really great, gave us more information we could ever ask for about it, gave us contact information should we have questions later on, and were just so great. Like, I felt like meeting them was meant for me to not feel so sad about leaving the memories of our old house knowing that another family have had great memories and times here and we would too.

But you don't care about any of that, you want to see pictures, don't you?

 We have a gorgeous front porch that is 3 season right now. Someday... it might be more. Well, all 19 windows and one door need to be replaced. No, I'm not joking. So this is what you see when you open the door that is in the dining room.

 Then when you go around the corner- you see the other half of the porch. SO MUCH POTENTIAL.

 This is my kitchen. It's decent sized and a ton of cabinets. An obscene amount, really. I need to get a little kitchen table and chairs to go under the light fixture just out of range of the photo.

 This is the main floor bathroom, right off the kitchen.

 Oh- this is the PANTRY hallway on the way to the bathroom and basement. Seriously- it's glorious.

 So... when I took this pictures (day of move in) (and yes, I'm a fast unpacker/furniture setter upper), everything was a mess. So... look past that. But this is my dining room off the kitchen on the way to the living room.

 Here is my SCRAPBOOK ROOM off the dining room. It's going to be a scrapbooking room/office/spare bedroom once I get a futon in case people come to stay. And I get doors for the room. So come visit me, bitches.

 My living room! It's bigger, a little more spacious, and it feels far more homey.

 I have a huge basement, but most of it is like... storage area that has nothing in it, but this is my laundry area at the bottom of the stairs. It's kind of ugly but it too has lots of potential.

 OK, in the living room are the stairs to go up to the bedrooms. This is the landing area at the top of the stairs- again, a ton more storage.

 This is our bathroom. I'll confess that I took this picture after our vacation because the shower? Had doors, not a curtain. I'll post more about this when I start posting "after" pictures. Which, if you know me at all, is already in full progress.

 Our room. Well, it's currently the most hideous. With it's country blue/Dorothy from Wizard of Oz dress fashioned into curtains, ugly fucking wall paper, and bizarre stains on the walls and oh yes- a GUN CABINET in the closet, it needs a lot of work.

 Another bummer? It's WAY smaller than our old room, obviously. This means that all of my super amazing, finally grown up bedroom furniture? Doesn't all fit. Noticeably, I am without a headboard. The irony here is the only reason we got bedroom furniture was so that we could FINALLY have a headboard. So yes. The biggest disappointment of this house is hands down, our bedroom. It's kind of horrible. I actually kind of hate it.

 Anyways. Next to us is Kate's room. Matt's sister Kate is living with us and I didn't take a picture because I don't know that she wants her room online. But it's a basic room with a massive closet. Down the hall, yes the HALL (see how big this hall is?!) are the kids' rooms. Remember when I said that we had to move because of Olivia's nonstop karaoke singing? I can't even hear her anymore. It's so glorious.

 This is Jackson's room- it's easily double the size of his old room. AND he has a closet.

 And Olivia's room. Is easily a 1/4 of what she had and she is crammed in here, but hopefully pretty soon I can convince her to get rid of some of her crap.

 View from the stairs of our living room.

 Oh yes- I have a MUD ROOM. It's kind of great. This is the back door area.

 View of my backyard/patio area from my garage.

 Backdoor/side of the house.

 Front of the house.

So far, the neighborhood is good. We haven't heard gunshots and I am not aware of a pedophile behind us. We have a LOT yet to do in this house but we have time. The great thing is that unlike our first home, nothing broke right away. If you don't count the microwave. The over the range one bit the dust shortly after moving in and that was another $130 expense we didn't plan on. But other than that, no major catastrophes yet.

But you know how we roll- things are bound to show up. Like the birds in the attic. Oh yes, that discovery was made today. But I'll leave you hanging here.

xx

Nine.

On this day, nine years ago, I was walking down the aisle absolutely excited but at the same time terrified. I had no idea if getting married was what I should be doing but at that point, it was kind of the wrong thing to not get married. Money had been spent, people had arrived and I had to just chalk all of my doubt aside to jitters and bite the bullet.

So I did. Thankfully.

And what an adventure it's been.

We've seen good times- house buying, babies, anniversaries, lots of firsts. We've had some bad times too, no doubt. But no matter how bad things have gotten, no matter how many times I have cried to sleep, wanted to give up and move on, I'm glad I didn't. Because when I think about all of the things that will come our way in the future, good and bad, there is nobody else I would want by my side to get through it.

Sure, Matt drives me crazy. He is terrible at decision making. He's a poor organizer, project manager, financial manager, and he had bad habits. He watches too many stupid shows, he's not social, he strongly dislikes doing fun things out in the world and he isn't adventurous.

Basically, we are polar opposites. I don't even joke when I say I have no idea how we thought we were a good match because on paper, we aren't. His shortcomings turned out to be where I excelled. So I guess in that regard... we're a match.

But he knows when to shut up. He knows when to let me be crazy and when to reel me in. He is a really fantastic dad (even if he yells too much). He is a hard worker and a really great provider for our family. He takes his role as dad and husband very seriously. He isn't romantic at all and is terrible at being spontaneous with lovey gestures but when he does make an effort, I always appreciate it. He lets me sleep in when I give him the "Oh hell no jerk- I wake up with these heathens every day, it's your turn" look and doesn't think twice. He knows when I need a break and he has never once complained when I have exercised my right to leave before I lose it. He supports every decision I've wanted to make, good or bad, and never made me feel bad when things didn't go as planned. He lets me be the social butterfly I want to be, even if it means I have to find friends to go with me. (Secretly? I think he's grateful for my friends so he's not having to do all of this stuff.)

Through it all, good and bad, it's been us. At the end of the day, it's always us. Matt is my go-to person for everything. I can't imagine not having him here just to listen to me say outrageously crazy and stupid stuff and he just loves me for it. I really am a difficult person to live with and certainly to be married to, but he does it and I love him for it. I love that no matter how things are, neither of us want to give up and get divorced. We just keep plugging. Even through the worst of everything, I just knew that we'd be an old married couple someday. We'll be that grouchy couple bitching about each other while holding hands. That's just how we roll.

So Matt? Thanks. Thanks for being a good guy more than a jerk guy, thanks for dealing with my crazy and outrageous, almost always last minute demands, thanks for rolling with the punches when I surprise you with things at the last minute, thank you for getting up in the middle of the night when the kids were babies because you knew I was a total bitch when I don't get enough sleep, thank you for giving me freedom to have a night out so I don't become an angry housewife, thank you for being a really great dad and a really great husband. Thank you for how hard you work every day, every week just so our family can have what we have and do what we do. We don't take you for granted, we love you every day. Especially me. And you're still a hot stud just like when we met.

Airport picture before we left for our honeymoon in Madeira Beach, Florida 

End of a chapter.

It's really bittersweet to move. I find that when this process started I was like, "I can't wait to leave and get something nicer and bigger!", but as we get closer I find myself crying thinking about the spot both kids learned to crawl, to walk. All of the hours I spent rocking in the nursery begging baby Jeebus to make the baby stop crying for just a few hours, I would sell my soul for just a few solid hours of sleep. And though this house has some bad memories, it has more good. And probably the coolest thing is to think back to where we were when this started.

When Matt and I got married in 2004, we lived in a one bedroom apartment. We loved that apartment. I cried very hard for a long time leaving that apartment because it was a sign of everything I had become. I literally came into adulthood there and made some huge decisions. But six months after getting married I was pregnant with Olivia and we knew we had to get a house. It was time to be real grown ups.

We went on the search with our sad little $80,000 budget and found exactly two houses that were not in the ghetto and in our range. The first one was in East End and looked rough on the outside. The inside was nice but  the five feet of standing water in the basement was a bit of a deal breaker. We left there feeling a little discouraged, but when we saw this house in South End? I knew. I just knew it was the one. Sure, it looked absolutely ghetto fabulous on the outside with it's "siding" that looked like shingles full pecked by birds and other animals. Sure, the fence was falling down and the bushes were out of control. Sure, the front door didn't even shut all the way nevermind lock. Sure, it was so disgusting, foul, and filthy through and through. Sure, it had a bathtub I could barely get into because it was so tall and a garden house duct taped to the ceiling for a shower.

But I just knew that this was going to be ours. And after a few months, it was. We moved in a little before our first wedding anniversary and my six month pregnancy milestone.

People said we just flushed $75,000 down the toilet. The wondered what we were thinking. But we were determined to make this our home. And we did. 

Then we had Olivia in September. I can't even tell you how many hours of my life I spent in a rocking chair, but it was a lot. I wore a spot on the floor and I can tell you where every squeak is in this house. I would spend hours crying as I'm trying to rock her and stare out her window to the yard and sometimes I would feel a calm come right over me.

 I would spend hours walking the neighborhood with her and from day one, it felt like home. It felt like this was where we were meant to be.

 Even Lenny agreed- this house was IT. He really loved the apple tree.

Matt I learned a lot about ourselves, marriage, parenthood in this house. We fought, we cried, we almost got divorced, and then baby #2 was on his way.

And I spent even more time in the rocking chair. This is the only home our children have ever known. We really struggled with the decision whether to move or not and while I joke it's because of Olivia's atrocious renditions of Taylor Swift songs on her karaoke machine, it's because we've outgrown it. We can't add on, we've filled this house to the brim. And my heart really does break a little when I think about what we will be leaving behind. Sure, our new house is a little nicer, it's a lot bigger, it has more room for growth. But it won't have the memories that have gotten us here.

Awhile ago Jackson and I had a conversation about moving. He's pretty excited to have a closet in his new room, but he's a pretty sensitive little guy. He's very thoughtful and caring. His biggest concern? Leaving Lenny. Yes, he's worried about leaving our dead cat who is buried under our beloved apple tree. We always told our kids that Lenny went to Kitty Heaven and you can talk to him anytime- he hears us and will be there when we get there someday.

Jackson is worried that if we leave this house, Lenny will think we don't love him anymore and maybe we could just bring him with us?I had to creatively think of a way out of this that didn't involve bringing the carcass of a dead animal in a Uhaul so I told him that really, it's just a secret door under there. That once Daddy covered him up, a secret door opens and Lenny went through it... so he's not under there anymore.

(Life lesson- parenting is all about creative lying on demand.)

But here we are. We are literally on the cusp of moving to an unknown. For all of the headaches this house gave us, for all of the countless trips to Home Depot and all night home improvement projects, for nothing ever being the way it should have been tacking extra time and money onto every project (even changing light bulbs),  and for every time I've wanted to walk away because I didn't think we'd get through it- I'm going to miss this house. I really will. I hope we have just as many awesome memories in the new one. I hope I don't regret leaving this house someday. I hope the next person loves this house as much as we have. I hope the next person has even better memories than us.

And I hope they don't ever cut the apple tree down because that will be a really difficult day. I'm just being honest.

So if you don't hear from me for a little while- I'll be without internet, I'll be hauling boxes, and I'll probably be crying. But I'll be back. With pictures and optimism for a new future. But until then, Matt and I will be spending our 9th wedding anniversary loading a Uhaul and cleaning our home for the very last time. It seems almost fitting, really.

And When She Was Good

Oh I am in the throes of moving and that's never a fun spot to be in, but hey- at least I have a book review for you, right? Of course I do.

And When She Was Good - Laura Lippman

In the comfortable suburb where Heloise Lewis lives, she’s just a mom, the youngish widow with a forgettable job who somehow never misses a soccer game or a school play. In the state capitol, she’s the redheaded lobbyist with a good cause and a mediocre track record.

But in discreet hotel rooms throughout the area, she’s the woman of your dreams—if you can afford her hourly fee.

But now, after a decade, her secret life is under siege. Her once oblivious accountant is asking loaded questions. Her longtime protector is hinting at new dangers. Her employees can’t be trusted. One county over, another so-called suburban madam has been found dead in her car, a suicide. Or is it? And then she learns that her son’s father, a killer and former pimp, might be released from prison. With no formal education, no real family, and no friends, Heloise has to remake her life—again. Disappearing will be the easy part. The trick will be living long enough to start a new life.

I have only read one other book by Laura Lippman and it was one I really didn't like, so I'm glad I decided to give her another whirl because this one was really quite good. Normally I give up on a book when I don't like the main character, and Heloise leaves a lot to be desired, but I kept going because her live is one giant, tangled ball of yarn. Nothing goes easy, nothing is every as cut and dry as she wants it to be and she's really weaved herself into quite a web. What I will say is that the part that is meant to thrill you... is really only meh. It's mediocre. That shouldn't be what keeps you here because you'll only be disappointed. Instead, it's her regular life. She is a suburban madam who for her entire life, consistently makes bad choices that she justifies as her only options. (Side note- I hate when people do that in real life. Make poor life choices and say, "Well my parents were really hard on me" or "I never really knew my dad so.." and the list goes on and on. Shut up- own up the fact you are completely clueless yet refuse to do any better because it's too hard.)

With that said though, I still don't know how I view Heloise. I mean, sure- she made some poor career choices. Got tangled with the wrong people. You can tell the author wants to portray her as this strong, do-it-for-yourself type woman who doesn't let people hold her back, but really? She isn't like that. I don't know. I flip flop on this because she could really go either way. 

Overall, this is a good book. It gives you enough that you keep turning the page wondering how this woman got to the point where she is and you wonder what will happen to her in the end? Does she get killed? Does she learn to forgive and move on? Does she continue on her path? Or is it none of the above? I won't tell, but I will say to add this to your summer reading list. 

The Sixth Power

OOH.. I'm excited that I've been reading some really great books as of late and this one is no exception!

The Sixth Power - Carol Nicolas

Tania Westing, a high school senior, is one of the Gifted Ones, descendants of an ancient family with seven special powers. Some of the powers are common, and some are rare.

Until her geneticist brother Tom was murdered, Tania lived an ordinary life. Now hidden in her mind is a clue that will reveal Tom’s research, including secret formulas to unlock all seven powers. During spring break, Tania meets and falls in love with handsome Dan Maclean. When Tania reveals her rare power to heal, the evil Gifted Ones who killed Tom suspect Tania has his research and formulas and come after her. Tania must learn to use her powers to help save Dan’s sister in time to keep Tom’s secrets safe.

While this is a YA novel, it doesn't fully feel like it. If you are a fan of The Lord of the Rings, you'll probably enjoy this because the secret carried throughout this book is a riddle of sorts from that book. I am also left chanting,"sequel, sequel" because you are left with some loose ends and a big of a cliff hanger at the very end. 

Tania has had a life full of loss- her mother died in an accident and her brother died of an apparent suicide. But all is not as it seems and that goes with everyone around her. She is quickly realizing that she's not really a normal kid and things are happening all around her that puts her life in jeopardy. Her very much in denial father takes her to Arizona where she meets Dan. She pretty much falls for Dan but he also opens her eyes to things she's always suspected but are being confirmed. Danger isn't at bay for too long of course and upon her arrival home- things escalate quickly. She's being hunted for secrets her brother has "hidden" in her mind of his genetic research and even Tania doesn't know what the enemy wants, and she's not fully sure who the enemy is. Tania is "gifted" and she's only beginning to learn what gifts she has, how to use them, and how to know when it's appropriate to use them. She is reunited with her mother's sister who is trying to give her a really crash course training to develop her gifts but it's not quite enough. 

This book is a really fast read because you almost feel like your Tania- you're trying to figure it all out with her and none of it really makes sense. And even in the end? I felt like I was just getting the tip of the larger iceberg. Such a great book and I can't wait to read what's next for Tania and her friends!