Vacation, Part 1.

I have to break this down into two parts. Sure, it's because I have a lot of pictures but also because I'm kind of tired and I have some serious reading to do. (Like oh hey... I have 17 review due in the next month and I haven't started anything!)

But here is half of our trip. (OK, that's really a lie. It's the first two days. Apparently I can't upload any more pictures than this so Epcot/day 3 will happen tomorrow.)

 We flew out of the fancy new airport in Duluth. I don't know how they justify this expense when there were literally, only 30 people here. The entire two hours we were there. That must be a really boring job.

 Jackson was a little hesitant until Daddy told him that if our plane crashes, we might get to ride a giant jumpy slide. This made Jackson very excited. Even though I've never seen a plane with this deployed, usually everyone is just dead.

 And Olivia was all excited. Until I told her this was our short flight, we'd have a longer one later.

 Then we made it to Minneapolis where of course we got to run from one gate to the next and had 10 minutes to do it. Only one child (Olivia) slammed her face into the moving walkway. But, no time to cry because we had to run. Only to find out oh hey- the boards were incorrect and we really had an hour to kill. Fuck you, Delta. I ran in flip flops for NOTHING. So we ended up eating weird snacks on the floor and called it lunch.

Once we got to Orlando we found our way to the hotel. Which is a whole OTHER story and I'll include pictures of that fun stay on tomorrow's post. Suffice it to say it's $30/night quality lived up to expectations. At least there were no gunshots. I can't say that for hotel #2 though. (Aw.. you know that'll come on Monday. HA!)

The plan for the night was to go to Downtown Disney to eat and shop. Primarily to eat though at the new T-Rex restaurant which is basically exactly like the Rainforest Cafe except with dinosaurs. Same food, some ambiance, same over priced gift shop. Jackson was a little nervous, OK- he was kind of terrified, but he at least made it through dinner only grabbing my boob once.

 But Olivia totally loved it. And it was kind of different, and a fun way to kick off our vacation.

 No better way to kick off vacation than dropping almost $90 on over priced bar food. But we have to keep the robot dinosaurs employed.

So then we walked around. We went into pretty much every store, bought a few things, and the kids were kind of loving all of the photo op's.

 Olivia insisted on being with the Lego Friend in the store. (Side note: how touristy does my girl look? Love it.)

 Jackson was excited that he was almost as tall as Buzz Lightyear and then wondered why he isn't bigger.

 Jackson then thought these statues were things you could buy and asked if his $20 was enough. Olivia totally hamming it up.

 I was kind of losing Jackson at this point but Olivia would have shopped all night. We ended up going back to the hotel so we could all get up bright and fucking early to go to the happiest place on Earth.

 Oh yes. This mom thought FOR SURE if we got there 2 hours early we'd be ahead of the game and at the front of the line.

WRONG.

Try 2000th in line.

 Almost three hours later, and $400 lighter, we're IN.

Where almost immediately the kids want hats. Olivia picks hers out (you'll see that), Jackson picks this out. Do you think Jackson would wear it? No. Do you think my purse was large enough to hold it? No. Being the good dad that he is, Matt walked around wearing a youth Mickey ears hat looking like an asshole. But kind of adorable.

 We met Snow White almost immediately and Jackson was thrilled that she said he was cute enough to be a dwarf after he said his Grandma Cindi loves Snow White and Olivia said Snow White was her favorite.

 From there we started going on rides. We had big plans to do this park right and we were prepared to go the 9am-11pm park hours. I wore my most comfortable, and unattractive, outfit and thank god everyone wore their stupid sneakers like I insisted.

 Isn't Olivia's hat the fucking cutest? She wore it EVERY DAY on vacation.

 At this point? We are 4 hours into our day and my hair is flat. It was super tight curls. I don't know why I bothered doing anything at all.

Oh- lunch. Let me tell you about this. So, I have read on tons of message boards that character dining is THE thing to do if you want your kids to totally have a really special, memorable experience. I went online, saw ONE available spot at this buffet place on the day we'd be there right around lunch time and it says $15.99/person. Seems high, but I figure, it's Disney so it's marked up but this is still doable.

 This is us outside of the Crystal Palace, waiting for our table to be ready. While waiting, I see the menu so I kind of mosey over. Only to see the price? Is actually $28.99/person.

JIGGA SAY WHAT.

I go up and ask if that is the lunch price or dinner because it could be dinner. Nope, it's the lunch price.

FUCK.

I then say, "Oh wow- that's not what the website said. I guess we'll pass and find lunch elsewhere" because who the fuck is trying to pay that per person for LUNCH? Nobody with a brain.

She tells me, in her best southern belle accent, "Well- your credit card gets charged either way."

Oh yes, I had forgotten about having to reserve this lunch with a credit card. I suppose we'll eat here after all. Turns out, it's a terrible buffet. I literally ate some cucumbers, a bread stick, and 4 chicken nuggets. And a piece of pie.

But, characters came to our table.

 And here's the thing- my kids are so god damn adorable you can't help but love them. Do you see them totally love Winnie the Pooh?

Oh god- see the Asians behind them? OK- side story! There were two Asian guys, presumably partners, and they LOST THEIR SHIT over these characters. I'm talking, this guy you see back there? He CRIED when Pooh came. He talked to these characters as if they are real people who came just to see him. I didn't know whether to laugh or publicly mock the guy. Even Matt, who normally has no idea what is happening around him, was like, "Is this really happening? Did he just butt in line in front of children to give Pooh a bear hug??"

Yes.

Yes, he did.

 Jackson loved Tigger a lot.

 Until Piglet came and then you thought he was reunited with his long lost relative. I had no idea he even liked Piglet. Apparently, I am not a mom in the know.

 So after shelling out almost $150 on a LUNCH (I cannot emphasize this enough), we got back on rides. We noticed it got a little cooler (and by that I mean it was 105 and was now 100) and a little cloudier. No big deal. Florida gets weird rain storms for a few minutes and then it's hot as ever, so I wasn't worried.

 Jackson went on a for real merry-go-round and pretended to be a cowboy.

 And Olivia got on it and for the first time EVER, she did not cry on the merry go round. I have many pictures of hysterical children on merry go rounds. My kids are adorable, but they are also dramatic. To say the least.

 We also rode tea cups and Daddy almost made us all puke.

But you'll notice these clouds? This was a sign of DOOM.

 It was kind of sprinkling at this point, so most rides were shut down because someone saw lighting and that's the alert to shut things down  until it passes over. So to stay dry and kill time, we got in the 2 hour line to see Minnie and Daisy.

I have a Daisy picture but I included this one because it's one of the few I got Jackson to wear his expensive fucking Mickey ears in.

Here's the thing about character photos. Just a little bit of etiquette for you. If you come up to the line, you get one picture. One picture and move it the fuck along. Instead, people are doing individuals, couples, then certain siblings together, then the whole family shot, oh now just mom wants her picture. Oh let's get mom and just the baby. People are treating it like a god damn family photo shoot. It's not. It's one and done, whores.

End rant.

 So once we got, not surprisingly, it is down pour. Like, our shoes and clothing are soaked through. We decide it's time to buy ponchos. Mostly so our clothes could dry because at this point? We still had six hours until the park closed. No way in HELL was I spending $400 on tickets and not seeing the god damn Electric Parade. The kids missed it last time, didn't get to see Tinkerbell come down and light the castle, nothing.

Oh, we will buy ponchos.

$40 later... and we're kitted with basically clear Hefty bags with hoods.

 And then Jackson fell asleep. So Matt had to hold him for the next 4 hours.

 While Jackson power napped.

But it was worth it, even though we didn't get to get on half of the rides, because folks? We saw the parade.

 Which was just as amazing as it was when I was a little kid.

 But the best part? Was that both kids turned to Matt and said, "See Dad? You can put Christmas lights on everything!!!"

Matt, not surprisingly, was not impressed.

I was actually exhausted by now but one character we hadn't gotten to see? Mickey. So I found a ridiculously nice employee who told me if I was smart, we'd skip the fireworks and run to the front entrance and see Mickey on our way out before the lines start. And I thought, we can see fireworks anytime- we can't see Mickey all of the time.

So off we went. The kids were only slightly bummed until I told them we were seeing Mickey and we wouldn't be rushed because wouldn't you know it, there was no line.

 And Jackson LOVED Mickey. Jackson's shirt said "Oh Buoy" and had a picture of seagull on it, and Mickey was trying to tell Jackson that he says that all of the time. Jackson thought he was the coolest kid ever that Mickey loved his shirt. And his hat. Olivia thought it was cool that she was meeting (as she put it), "an actual movie star."

Oh and then we took a family picture because they had time to kill and my boob almost popped out of my shirt.

So that was our day at Magic Kingdom. By the time we got back to our hotel is was midnight. We had been on the go that day, nonstop walking, for 16 hours. Oh, and I spent almost $100 in bottled water because holy shit it was hot.

I'm back and still fabulous. And in a new house. WHAT?

Oh yes. Lambies, it is GOOD to be back. It really is. This last month has been insane to say the absolute least but oh the stories I have. But first things first.

We moved.

 This is our last family picture in front of the old house. It was kind of a weird night where we camped on the living room floor and watched the movie The Money Pit, which is easily one of my favorites of all time. We watched it on our first night there and seriously- it was fitting. I don't want to think about the amount of money (and time) we put into that house.

 This was the picture I took of our little house the morning we left. I took the kids to my mom's, came back to help Matt pack up the last of our stuff and did some last minute cleaning. And then I proceeded to cry like a bitch in my car in front of the house. It didn't help that even Matt teared up a little. But time was ticking and we had to meet for our final walk through of new house and then get to the bank to officially sign our house away.

And then sign our lives away for new house. We got to meet the owners who turned out to be the sweetest, nicest couple ever. They had lived here for 22 years and had to leave because the stairs were hard on them as they get older. Which, understandable- I'll explain later. But they were really great, gave us more information we could ever ask for about it, gave us contact information should we have questions later on, and were just so great. Like, I felt like meeting them was meant for me to not feel so sad about leaving the memories of our old house knowing that another family have had great memories and times here and we would too.

But you don't care about any of that, you want to see pictures, don't you?

 We have a gorgeous front porch that is 3 season right now. Someday... it might be more. Well, all 19 windows and one door need to be replaced. No, I'm not joking. So this is what you see when you open the door that is in the dining room.

 Then when you go around the corner- you see the other half of the porch. SO MUCH POTENTIAL.

 This is my kitchen. It's decent sized and a ton of cabinets. An obscene amount, really. I need to get a little kitchen table and chairs to go under the light fixture just out of range of the photo.

 This is the main floor bathroom, right off the kitchen.

 Oh- this is the PANTRY hallway on the way to the bathroom and basement. Seriously- it's glorious.

 So... when I took this pictures (day of move in) (and yes, I'm a fast unpacker/furniture setter upper), everything was a mess. So... look past that. But this is my dining room off the kitchen on the way to the living room.

 Here is my SCRAPBOOK ROOM off the dining room. It's going to be a scrapbooking room/office/spare bedroom once I get a futon in case people come to stay. And I get doors for the room. So come visit me, bitches.

 My living room! It's bigger, a little more spacious, and it feels far more homey.

 I have a huge basement, but most of it is like... storage area that has nothing in it, but this is my laundry area at the bottom of the stairs. It's kind of ugly but it too has lots of potential.

 OK, in the living room are the stairs to go up to the bedrooms. This is the landing area at the top of the stairs- again, a ton more storage.

 This is our bathroom. I'll confess that I took this picture after our vacation because the shower? Had doors, not a curtain. I'll post more about this when I start posting "after" pictures. Which, if you know me at all, is already in full progress.

 Our room. Well, it's currently the most hideous. With it's country blue/Dorothy from Wizard of Oz dress fashioned into curtains, ugly fucking wall paper, and bizarre stains on the walls and oh yes- a GUN CABINET in the closet, it needs a lot of work.

 Another bummer? It's WAY smaller than our old room, obviously. This means that all of my super amazing, finally grown up bedroom furniture? Doesn't all fit. Noticeably, I am without a headboard. The irony here is the only reason we got bedroom furniture was so that we could FINALLY have a headboard. So yes. The biggest disappointment of this house is hands down, our bedroom. It's kind of horrible. I actually kind of hate it.

 Anyways. Next to us is Kate's room. Matt's sister Kate is living with us and I didn't take a picture because I don't know that she wants her room online. But it's a basic room with a massive closet. Down the hall, yes the HALL (see how big this hall is?!) are the kids' rooms. Remember when I said that we had to move because of Olivia's nonstop karaoke singing? I can't even hear her anymore. It's so glorious.

 This is Jackson's room- it's easily double the size of his old room. AND he has a closet.

 And Olivia's room. Is easily a 1/4 of what she had and she is crammed in here, but hopefully pretty soon I can convince her to get rid of some of her crap.

 View from the stairs of our living room.

 Oh yes- I have a MUD ROOM. It's kind of great. This is the back door area.

 View of my backyard/patio area from my garage.

 Backdoor/side of the house.

 Front of the house.

So far, the neighborhood is good. We haven't heard gunshots and I am not aware of a pedophile behind us. We have a LOT yet to do in this house but we have time. The great thing is that unlike our first home, nothing broke right away. If you don't count the microwave. The over the range one bit the dust shortly after moving in and that was another $130 expense we didn't plan on. But other than that, no major catastrophes yet.

But you know how we roll- things are bound to show up. Like the birds in the attic. Oh yes, that discovery was made today. But I'll leave you hanging here.

xx