Hotelles & Elle

YOU GUYS.

I have had some of the best reading I've had in awhile happen this weekend and I'm basically bursting at the seams to tell you all about it. And some of you are going to be all, "Oh man, Sara- these look LONG" and to that I say, shut your mouth and listen to me for once. I always end up being right anyways. This is actually a trilogy but only books one and two are available and that's why this review is only covering those two. Obviously.

HOTELLES - Emma Mars

Paris, a hotel room, the middle of the afternoon . . .

So begins the story of Annabelle, a young escort in Paris who has accepted her final proposition before marrying the powerful and generous man of her dreams, media mogul David Barlet. But the mysterious handwritten notes she has been receiving—notes that detail personal fantasies no one could possibly know—don't prepare her for the fact that her new client is her fiancé's brother, Louie. Through visits to the Hotel des Charmes, where each chamber is dedicated to one of French history's great seductresses, Louie awakens Annabelle's body and her psyche, delivering her to heights of ecstasy and fits of passion.He pushes her beyond her limitations to tap into her deep seductive power—and she discovers that true freedom comes only when you fully surrender to desire.

Funny, sensual, candid, and revealing, Hotelles is a titillating novel of mysteries and surprises by a radiant new voice.

Initial thoughts were absolute intrigue because this trilogy is penned as an Erotic Romance, so right off the bat if that kind of thing scares you, just calm down. To be honest, this first book isn't super erotic, at least not compared to things I have read before. Which admittedly, makes me sound like a total book slut, but that's alright. While there are parts of the story that talk about masturbation, and it gets a little kinky once Elle starts receiving clues for her "assignments", it wasn't as erotic as I thought it was going to be. 

Instead, it's a piece of literary loveliness. It's an entire relationship forming in the slowest way possible. Yes, the book clocks in at 579 pages and I am the first one to tell you that there are some sections that could be completely cut out to at least get this thing down to 400 pages. With that said, please don't give up on the book. Yes, it's wordy. Yes, there are parts of it that you think, "My life is wasting away right now reading this.". Yes, there are points where you wish the author would just get to the damn point already. But in the end, when I got to the last couple of chapters and I'm seeing how all of the sweeping story line, all of the back history, all of the psychological warfare is playing out, I rushed to the end. So much so that I went back and re-read the last three chapters just to be sure it really was everything that I was hoping it was eventually going to be. And it was. And I about died when in the last two pages, Elle discovers she's only gone through room one. 

579 pages = room one?! That's it?! 

Oh yes. Because it is a trilogy and you know that there is so much more for Elle. She'll not get a happily ever after just like that. Nope. 

Another note I want to make is that this book reads very similarly to the book Vox by Nicholson Baker, which I read when I was 16. Totally not appropriate reading material for a 16 year old, let alone a virgin. But the handwritten notes within Hotelles reminded me of Vox, which is essentially a transcript of sorts between two strangers who start out having phone sex but turns into a telling of fantasies and such. It's very strange, but the entire time I'm reading Hotelles, that's what I'm thinking of. Also, it reminded me of L. Marie Adeline's book S.E.C.R.E.T. in which the main character goes on "adventures", each one pertaining to a lesson to further her sexuality. Which is very much what is happening to Elle in this book. So if either of those were good books for you, you'll probably enjoy this book on that alone because it's the same basis, essentially. You can get Hotelles on Amazon and Barnes & Noble right now. 

ELLE - Emma Mars

A spellbinding, erotic, and revealing love story full of drama and poignancy--the sequel to Hotelles-in which a young French woman continues her carnal education in a mysterious Parisian hotel.

In a hotel room in Paris, a young woman named Elle experiences the most exquisite freedom and sensual pleasure she has ever known, thanks to Louis, the man who has conquered her completely.

So many things in life have changed since they first met. Her engagement to Louis's deceptive brother, David, has been broken. Her mother has died. Yet Elle is wholly fulfilled with Louis, the master who heightens her senses and unleashes her deep, seductive power.

In the alluring Hotel des Charmes, Louis takes Elle beyond her wildest fantasies. Exploring the boudoirs devoted to other courtesans--Mademoiselle Josephine, Deschamps, Kitty Fisher, Cora Pearl, and Valtesse de la Bigne--Elle willingly opens herself further. In sublime self-abandonment she discovers absolute ecstasy, absolute sweetness, absolute desire.

Then David unexpectedly returns, stirring up painful memories and threatening their bliss. Elle fears her education may soon be over. . .

She does not understand that it has only just begun.

If you have not read the first book, Hotelles, do NOT read this book. I repeat, do NOT read this book. It will ruin the first book for you and you won't fully understand this book. Sure, you'll get through it and it's still a great story, but if you don't know the journey Elle had been on leading her to this, a lot of things will be lost on you and you won't understand the importance of a lot of it. So just do yourself a favor and read the first book first. 

Now. 

This book. *sigh* I have to say, even from book one I was Team Louie. I don't know if it's because he seemed like a hot mess looking to be fixed by the charms of a woman, or because he reminded me of things in favorite characters from other novels I've enjoyed and he kind of sums them all up. He's smart, he's engaging, he's mysterious, he's attractive in what I picture to be an unconventional way, I think he's a sucker for romance at heart but doesn't want to be, he's a bit of a black sheep/bad boy. Once Elle comes around and sees all of this in Louie and comes willingly to him, I have to admit I was absolutely thrilled. 

Here's the thing though, while in the first book I kind of liked Elle because she seemed kind of naive, almost to the point of blindingly stupid. Lots of red flags in her relationship with David seemingly go unnoticed and you have to literally hit her with facts before the wheels in her head tell her to look around, all is not what it seems and it's completely freaking obvious. In this book, it's like a totally different person. Again, my comparison to L. Marie Adeline's S.E.C.R.E.T. trilogy is still going strong. In that trilogy, the main character becomes this confident sex pot in book two, has everything going for her, has this great guy giving her what she needs to be satisfied and then she does things that make you think she's self sabotaging. Which kind of makes you wonder, is there a point where a person can be too sexually confident? 

Some unfortunate things happen to Louie in this book which seem... I guess I can understand how they came about given what we know about him, but they still seem like a weird book filler. David is a total asshole in this book and though I saw it in the first book, a lot of his unfavorable characteristics come out in full force in this book. Elle absolutely hates him and I feel like she kind of needs to let that relax. I mean, she's the moron who agreed to get married after a whirlwind courtship, proceeds to do her "adventures" with Louie instead of saying, "Hey- your brother is sending me horribly inappropriate messages", and when she finds out the spider web that had become her life? She places all blame on David instead of saying, "Alright, so I need to do a better job at learning about someone before I get engaged". I'm just saying Elle is kind of irrational and nuts. 

Which makes me worry for book three. I obviously need book three in my life. It makes me think this trilogy will end like L. Marie Adeline's, where everything goes to shit and the relationship I've come to adore goes to hell and I'm left hating the female lead because she's a selfish, terrible person. So I am begging the author to not end this trilogy like that. Absolutely begging. 

Elle can be purchased on Amazon and Barnes & Noble as well. I wish I could give you contact information for the author, Emma Mars, but this is an author who lives in France  writing under this pseudonym. Which adds a bit of mystery, doesn't it?

Night Buddies Go Sky High

It's kind of fun to review kid books because it lets me get Olivia and Jackson's input. Olivia is 9 and an avid reader. She hasn't found a genre that she absolutely loves, she's pretty adventurous in what she'll read. Jackson is 7 and is just at the reading level where he can read easy chapter books on his own. Some words are tricky for him to read but he likes to read as well.... once I make him sit down to do it. He's not the "pick up a book for fun" kid, but if I get him started on a story he'd like, then he will. So anytime a review for a kid book comes up, I jump on it. We have "family reading time" in the evening and I usually read from a chapter book to them and then they work on their silent reading for school.

Night Buddies Go Sky High - Sands Hetherington

When young John Degraffenreidt and his red crocodile buddy,Crosley, show up at the Pineapple Cheesecake Factory and find Big Foot Mae lying on the floor,staring up at her Great Star Puzzle on the ceiling, they expect something's afoot. 

Not surprisingly, Crosley is craving a new supply of pineapple cheesecakes, but what Mae points to on her ceiling will start the Night Buddies on a totally new fantasy adventure, taking them all the way into the stratosphere in their newly modified racing blimp.

You know I'm a fan of a book that gets right into the story, this is no exception. Literally from page one we're in an action scene. Unfortunately, this is book three in a series and we hadn't read books one or two so we literally had zero idea who any of these characters were or what was going on. Or the significance of pineapple cheesecake. I also skipped over the list of uncommon words in the beginning, but that turned out to be dumb because I had to keep referring to the list- the kids had no idea what the story was talking about. The story itself is cute and I understood the synopsis of it. The kids? Not so much. The way the story is written is really difficult for kids to read and understand, let alone me. I had to re-read passages over again because it was a bit nonsensical. An example of text so you have a reference to what I'm talking about: 

(page 117)
Croc looked down through his window: "Don't say 'ain't', an' I do think you're right, buddy. Slow down an' let's see what they're up to." 

I pulled back on THRUST and dropped down. 

"Yukk!" I said. "They're pickin' up a dead possum an' stuffin' 'im in a saddlebag!"

"Yigg!" said Crosley. "Just the thing for them varmints."

He yanked the cord hanging over his head. 

SHRIEK! 

The iguanas jumped when the train whistle went off, and one of their dirt bikes fell over. 

"Yerk! Yerk! Yerk!"

They looked up and shook their fists at us and shot their tongues in and out. 

Cros was grinning like a maniac: "Think I should drop a Fro-Made on'em?"

"Nah," I said. "Just leave 'em alone. They can't do nothin' to us." 

I mean, grammar aside, the word usage is really hard to read. It's really hard to read this book out loud to a couple of kids, let alone have them understand it. Jackson gave up half way through the book and said it was boring. Olivia stuck with me to the end and said she didn't like it. She said it was hard to understand and it made it not very interesting. The book is only 144 pages, and while that would normally only take us maybe three nights of reading together, this took us two weeks because they just weren't interested. That and it was hard for me to get into it when I had to stop and explain what the words meant and what the characters were saying. 

BUT. 

If you have a child who likes to read adventure stories and nonsensical words aren't hard for them, this is a nice little chapter book. It's not too long, the content is totally kid appropriate, and they would likely enjoy it. It has lots of... creative inventions, lots of  food references (which was one thing Jackson did like), and it really is fast paced for readers who maybe would get bored otherwise. Right now it's on Amazon and Barnes & Noble and isn't very expensive at all. 

Vanishing Girls

I know, are you amazed that I'm kicking ass at book reviews this week? I'm slapping you silly all weeks. It's kind of great. Just wait until next week, lambs!

Vanishing Girls - Lauren Oliver

New York Times bestselling author Lauren Oliver delivers a gripping story about two sisters inexorably altered by a terrible accident.

Dara and Nick used to be inseparable, but that was before the accident that left Dara's beautiful face scarred and the two sisters totally estranged. When Dara vanishes on her birthday, Nick thinks Dara is just playing around. But another girl, nine-year-old Madeline Snow, has vanished, too, and Nick becomes increasingly convinced that the two disappearances are linked. Now Nick has to find her sister, before it's too late.

In this edgy and compelling novel, Lauren Oliver creates a world of intrigue, loss, and suspicion as two sisters search to find themselves, and each other.

"Alarming and uplifting, a rare psychological thriller that has a kind heart at its center. Read it with all the lights on." -- E. Lockhart, author of We Were Liars. 

****
So I absolutely loved this. I am a self proclaimed Lauren Oliver virgin, and now I feel like I have to go back and read everything she has. This book is classified as Young Adult but it could easily cross over into thriller. Yes, it's about two teenage sisters and we have teenage angst and sibling rivalry, but it's so much more than that. I read a few reviews once I finished this because that ending- not at ALL what I thought it was going to be, and I am really disappointed in people. A common thing I've seen is that it's a slow build up and a disappointing ending. Um, are you kidding me? OK, the build up is slow. But it really built the relationship between Dara and Nick. You see the full dysfunction of this family. Just when you think you know how this is going to end up, the author really does a 180 on you and it's like, WHAT IS HAPPENING?! 

Which is why I call this a psychological thriller because it's all in your head. Everything that you think it is, it isn't, and it's all in your head. You're so used to drawing the logical conclusion but that's not what we have here. I love how there are emails back and forth from the family psychologist to the parents, to other doctors, etc and it really solidifies what you just read. I had to re-read two chapters in particular to make sure I even read it correctly and that I wasn't making this up in my head. 

I absolutely loved this book. I loved the writing, I loved the character development, I loved that we saw just enough of the family dynamic to make it all a bit eerie, and I loved how the author had all of these strings going in seemingly one direction while really leading us a totally different way. Absolutely perfectly done. I wasn't sure how much I would like this book but this is one I would readily recommend to anyone who likes Young Adult, but even anyone who likes a good suspenseful story. 

Lauren has a website that you can browse and/or stalk her, you'll find that HERE. Amazingly, the books are really nicely priced at both Amazon and Barnes & Noble. (Hardcovers, even!!) But if you can't buy it right now, please add it to your GoodReads list so you don't forget! 

Read Bottom Up

YES. For awhile now, my friend Shirley and I firmly believe Ryan Seacrest just needs to discover us and we'll put those Kardashians to shame. Mostly because we're awesome and our bubble butts are real and not comprised of things injected into them. But when I was reading this book, I kept laughing so damn hard because it was like our text messages have been hacked and put into book format. Madeline and Emily are so Shirley and I.

Easily, a really great book that would absolutely make any top 10 list of books I've read this year.

Read Bottom Up - Neel Shah & Skye Chatham

A charming novel about falling in love, or like, in the digital age, told in an inventive, creative style.

Madeline and Elliot meet at a New York City food event. Flirtation, online, ensues. A romance, potentially eternal, possibly doomed, begins.

And, like most things in life today, their early exchanges are very public, available to be scrutinized and interpreted by well-intentioned friends (aka amateur love doctors) who are a mere click away. Of course like all good email trails, this one reads from the bottom up.

Madeline and Elliot's relationship unfolds through a series of thrilling, confounding, and funny exchanges with each other and with their best friends. The result is a brand new kind of modern romantic comedy, both in format and in content. Read Bottom Up is a brilliant, fresh portrait that captures how enchanting, exciting, and downright confusing falling in love twenty-first-century style can be.

Now the book isn't very long, only 239 pages, and the format of the book is such that I got this read in less than two hours. It's a novel, but it's written as a series of texts and emails. The story is basically about Madeline, who begins dating Elliot. Madeline is conferring with Emily, Elliot is conferring with David, and it's what I would assume dating would be like in 2015. You see, back in my day (heh) there was none of this. We didn't have social media and it wasn't hard to find someone to date- it just feels harder now. Anyways. 

I've read some other reviews where they said the dialogue didn't feel genuine and I will tell you - it is. It absolutely IS because this page would be identical to something Shirley and I would send each other, if one of us was dating and the other went on the awkward group date as support to the other. 

I'm telling you right now, if you don't have a friend in your life that you would say this kind of thing to, or would say it to you- your friends suck and you need to do better in your life. Do better. They are out there, I promise. 

But back to the plot. We have Madeline and Elliot, both trying to figure out what the other person really means and instead of asking each other, they rely on their respective friends (Emily and David) to decode the obvious for them and basically hold their hands through the beginnings of a relationship. I want to tell you if things work out between Madeline and Elliot but I can't because that ruins it, but the ending? LOVE. Did not see that coming, and it was great. It's like a second book could come and it would be just as fun. 

Overall I totally loved this book. I feel bad for the people who aren't loving this book because I feel like you need more funny in your life. And it's such a quick read, for those of you who want to read a good book in a short amount of time, this is one you need to pick up. Fortunately for you, it can be purchased at Amazon, Indiebound and Barnes & Noble. 

36 weeks

You guys, I have four weeks left. That's it. I think now I'm getting more anxious and scared of actual labor. I'm having doubts on my ability to have three kids. It's like all at once, I've suddenly realized I'm in for huge life changes and I totally don't feel ready.

But I'm also totally ready.

It's completely logical, right?

36 weeks: large and in charge, yo

So at week 36, here are the things I feel: 

• I feel massive. The term "beached whale" doesn't even cover what it feels like in the morning when I try to roll over strategically so I don't inadvertently pee my pajamas. 
• My skin feels like it's going to bust open. There is not enough lotion in the world to make this better. 
• Braxten Hicks are serious. I'm not kidding, this is the only pregnancy I have ever had them and holy shit, they are awful. Especially now when everything tightens up and my skin is already stretched, I basically feel like one wrong move and a foot is just going to kick itself right out. 
• The level of exhaustion is unbelievable. I always felt really great towards the end of my other pregnancies and this time I feel like everything is being sucked out of me. I can barely stay awake. Going from the couch, to the bathroom, back to the couch is exhausting- I literally need a nap. 
• Oh, and the pressure. It feels like my vagina has been hammered. With a hammer, not in a fun sexy times way. Also my butt? Totally also hurts. I can't say that I have ever had THAT feeling, even when pushing my other two out. I can tell labor is going to be a treat already. 
• I no longer feel hungry. In my head, I know I should maybe eat something but the act of eating food seems kind of tiring so I have to make myself. But overall I kind of feel like I can take it or leave it at this point. 
• Penelope's movements are almost painful at this point. I'm left wishing she just wouldn't because when she does I'll wince in pain, sometimes I have to lay down when she is really crazy and other times I find myself inadvertently breathing through them while rocking in place because there just is no room and she's kicking and moving things that are not meant to be moved. 

This Friday I go for my 36 week check and I'll get my Group B Strep test and I'll also get a cervical check. I'm very excited about this because every day I get anywhere from one to six period like cramps. Sometimes it's a dull cramp that lasts for a few minutes, sometimes it's just a slight cramp and then I'm good for awhile. They aren't painful, just enough where you would consider taking a Midol if you were expecting your period. So I'm hoping that means something is happening down there. Cross your fingers! 

I miss you, Anberlin.

I was going through a bunch of pictures that were on my phone and I had transferred (finally) over to my computer. (Because you know me, I have to organize those as well. So phone pictures get sorted into folders by event/thing and then put into a "new pictures" folder. Until they get printed, then I move them into the "Printed" folder. It's all very organized, you see.)

Anyways.

But I found the pictures from the Anberlin concert from last September. It was their farewell tour and I knew I absolutely HAD to go because I'm a total nerdy fan girl. But I didn't have a date, so I made Matt come with me even though he hates crowds, doesn't really have a clue who Anberlin is, and he'd have to go to work the next day despite driving us home and us getting home around 1 a.m. And he goes to work at 4 a.m.

That guy, he's a trooper, I tell you.

So anyways. The concert was at the Varsity Theater in the Twin Cities, and I hadn't ever been to a show there so I figured it'll totally be an adventure. And boy was it.

Keep in mind, this was September, so I was pregnant and I made Matt stop in  Hinckley so I could pee and get Pringles. Because obviously.

I'm so glad the show was sold out. I think they are such a great band. I'm also super thankful I just impulsively bought two tickets without having a clue who I would go with because had I missed this, I would have been pretty damn sad.

So before the show, we decided we were going to eat somewhere nearby. This is what is called the Dinkytown neighborhood and U of M is literally right there. So we found some random restaurant that had food I would eat that wasn't obscenely expensive and decided to eat outside because it was a perfect 75 degrees and a slight breeze. Halfway through dinner, which was actually super gross and I'm sorry I can't remember where we even ate, we realized this was the first time we had ever eaten outside on a date. We decided eating outside in our yard doesn't count.

Anyways. We ended up standing outside of the venue for well over an hour waiting to get in. It's becoming glaringly obvious that I am getting really too old for this. Not only did my hips hurt, but I had to pee. And I knew if I got out of line, we'd be dead last in and I'm short so I wouldn't see anything. It was then that I decided that Anberlin is worth a urinary tract infection.

Once we got in, it's kind of a bizarre layout for a venue? I wasn't impressed. I'm also at the point where standing room only is hard on the ol' knees. BUT! We got front row! Well, for about 30 minutes and then I got pushed out of the way by an already highly intoxicated frat guy and a bunch of skanks with skirts barely covering their asses.

And as a side note: WHY get so drunk at a concert you aren't going to remember it? Secondly, WHY come to a concert, and push your way to the front, if all you are going to do is text on your phone about what you're going to do after? Yeah, because when we're inches apart, I can read everything on your phone AND see the NSFW pictures you're sending from what clearly looks like an office cubicle.

End rant.

Anberlin was SO good. I can't even remember who opened for them, but I remember them being pretty good. They played a short set because clearly, it's a farewell tour, we want as much Anberlin as we can get. The really amazing thing? Is that it was almost virtually dead silent before they came in and pretty much everyone had their hand up and fingers crossed like their latest (and last) album cover.

 It kind of felt like a Hunger Games moment, to be honest.

Anberlin played all of their hits and fan favorites. They didn't play much from the new album though, maybe one or two songs? Which was kind of a bummer because the Lowborn album is so solid. 

I sang along to every song. Meanwhile, Matt was making sure I didn't get covered in beer from the guy behind him who was so drunk I think he forgot he wasn't at a Metallica concert. He kept screaming, "Enter Sandman!!" and head banging and sloshing his beer everywhere.

So after the show, I really wanted one of the black t-shirts that just said "Anberlin: Twin Cities" and all of the farewell tour dates on it. So Matt dutifully got in line while I sat on a suspiciously damp couch with my feet propped as much as I could because they had swollen quite a bit. He stood in line for two hours only to find out that they were long gone and he waited all that time for nothing.

Again, such a trooper.

So I left with no memorabilia, and that was a bummer. But it was also then that I realized I very much had to pee. Like, I could not get into the car without peeing. So we walked to a nearby McDonald's and I figured I'd pee, get a soda and some ice cream for the road.

The bathroom? Well the bathroom was absolutely filthy and there were used needles everywhere. And I mean everywhere. The toilet I got to use had what looked like blood sprayed all over the handle and tank lid of the toilet. It was pretty disgusting. So after, when I ordered my things, I mentioned to the cashier that oh by the way, your women's bathroom has blood all over and used needles. She says to me, EXACT WORDS, "So? Half of us are high right now working."

Well then.

I think the lesson I learned that night was unless it's a band I absolutely HAVE to see, I'm not going to go out of my way to go to Varsity. That and the parking garage was kind of sketch and I'm really glad I had Matt with me because I saw two women walking down the street (looked like students) who had pepper spray in their hands ready to use.

I'm just getting too old for this.

*sigh*

But that's the story of the last Anberlin concert I went to. It was kind of a nice surprise to see those photos this morning and remember. Plus, that was our last actual date. So... yeah. You see we're on a twice a year routine, if that. Which is a whole other blog post. But yes, Anberlin- I miss you already.

35 weeks. Holy moly, mony mony.

You guys- does it feel like I've been pregnant forever? Is that just me? I feel like it's been forever. But then when I thought about it, between this pregnancy and my previous miscarriage, I have basically been pregnant for a year solid. So... that's kind of a long time. I guess I didn't put much thought into that until recently.

But 35 weeks!!!

This means that in two weeks, should I go into labor they won't stop it and send me home. Which... that's kind of terrifying. Thinking that I could potentially have a baby sometime this month? That's kind of huge. I feel like it's huge. Equally huge is seeing people on Facebook and Instagram having their babies and me feeling like holy crap.... I'm next.

So, this is what 35 weeks looks like. I keep telling people that I am larger than I was when I delivered both Olivia and Jackson and I get the scoffs and the "but you're so cute!". Which, I may be but I'm not kidding when I say I feel like my skin is going to split open and Penelope will just be chilling like, "Oh- my bad." To give you perspective:

This is me at 39 weeks with Olivia, exactly one week before my due date and also the day I went into labor with her. Actually, shortly after this picture was taken (hospital way in the background) I got stuck in a bathroom inside of Grandma's Restaurant in Canal Park and had to get help from two super nice ladies who helped lift my stomach over the toilet paper roll which was where I was getting stuck. But in there, I discovered I had the bloody show that you read about in books and within five hours I was having contractions. An hour into that, my water broke, and off to the hospital for me. My labor for her was really only 10 hours start to finish.  She was 7 pounds, 10 ounces and 21 inches long.

But with Jackson, I was induced right on his due date, so this is me right at 40 weeks. This was at 5 in the morning, we were packing the van to head to the hospital, waiting on Matt's mom to get to our house to watch Olivia. My labor for him was only 5 hours once they started Pitocin. He was my peanut at 7 pounds, 7 ounces, and 19 inches long. 

So clearly, we know two things: 

1. I'm super huge. Like I might actually be growing a super human? I'm not kidding, I have dreams where it's my post baby self is saying "tap out now and schedule a c-section, you don't want to see how huge this baby is, your vagina is going to break". 
2. My labor could be super short. I mean, that would be kind of ideal. I'd like to not drag it out. But then I think, can I really guess at this since I've had one birth where it happened on it's own and one with Pitocin? I don't know. I do know that my body is made for birthing babies so I'm not super worried about any kind of complications. 

Am I still trying to do it naturally? 

You know, I don't know. Sometimes I get this Wonder Woman moment where I'm like, "Hell yes! Yes, I can do this." and I have visions of telling everyone who even cares that I did it naturally and that I actually did it and didn't wuss out like a loser. But then I watch a birthing show or documentary (more on that another day) and I think, NOPE. No, no, no- they make epidurals for a reason, what in the hell is wrong with me?! So the jury is still out on this. 

Symptoms and what it's like being pregnant at 35 weeks: 

• Tired as hell. I am so grateful that I had the sense to start maternity leave. I knew I was tired and run down, but I don't think I fully understood how tired and run down I was because I was constantly busy. But now that I'm on day 3 of leave? Such a smart move. Even if we are broke. My stress level has gone down exponentially, and I feel like I actually can relax a bit. So there's that. 
• Heartburn is OMG. I thought I had it bad with Olivia, and she came out with a full head of hair so I fully believe in that old wive's tale. But with Penelope? Oh lord. The heartburn is so bad. Basically nothing that is safe for me to take is at all helpful. What is helpful is ice cream. Not milk though, milk seems to make it worse and bring me much closer to throwing up. But ice cream? Totally works. So needless to say, ice cream is a new food group around here. I am keeping it to one bowl at night because that at least lets me fall asleep. I wake up with heartburn, but I really only need an hour or two of relief to get sleepy. 
• Speaking of sleep, so I'm doing that again. Except I'm doing it a lot. I can sleep for 12 hours straight and feel like I haven't at all. It's really quite awful. Anything less and I'm dying for a nap during the day, which I have been trying to do anyways. 
• Peeing. I'm peeing a lot. Like more than before, so I guess that's good. 
• She moves a lot. I will wake up in the morning and my crotch hurts so bad and my pelvis feels like it's going to just give up and fall apart. And when I get up, she feels noticeably lower, so I get excited. She's dropped! YES! But then give it an hour or so and she's like, "LOL- NOPE!" and is right back up in my ribcage. She's basically being a turd already. It's like, get in the hole, already. I feel like this: 

 

That's not even an exaggeration. 

But overall? I feel alright. I feel like if I wasn't so incredibly exhausted and worn down, I could do this for much longer. On one hand I feel no sense of urgency to have her be born but then other times I just want to be done. Which I suppose is a sure sign you're getting to the end, right?