CT scan from hell.

I don't know how to even sum up what my journey through gastroenterology has been, but you can see some of it on my Instagram where I have a few videos.  To say it has been a nightmare is an understatement. 

The last failure was pain management, and they sent me back to gastroenterology because my immense pain after injections that should eliminate pain was a signal that hey- something else is wrong with me. Thankfully, my gastroenterologist was a little more fired up at trying to figure this out and was actually kind of angry this wasn't cut and dry, which I'm 100% OK with because I am also angry and I am hoping two angry people can come up with a solution. 

We went over everything again. He decides we are going to do an unbelievable amount of lab work to rule out IBS and Crohn's for good. He's positive it isn't either of those but he definitively wants them ruled out. He said I was going to get an abdominal CT done, easy peasy. It's the nausea though that is a hang up for him because nausea doesn't mean a stomach issue. Nausea is a weird thing that is a symptom of everything. Just because you're feeling like you're going to barf in the middle of Target doesn't mean something is up with your digestive system. A lot of the time it can be a neurological thing, so if my labs are alright and my CT scan is alright, HE is going to order an MRI of my brain and we are going to hope that we see something different in it from my MRI from 2018. 

That's where I'm at: I am actively hoping for something glaringly obvious to be glowing on a screen saying I'M THE PROBLEM because at this point I really just need to know what the hell is going on. I mean, am I dying? Do I have cancer? Is it something I can fight/fix? Is it something I take medication for? Special diet? Am I going to do die in six months, because if so I'd like to know so I can plan it out. I mean, these are all the things going through my head as I wait for my labs. 

Spoiler: my labs were mostly fine. Just a couple of things were slightly low but nothing that signals something really going wrong. So my next hope was the CT scan. 

**** STOP HERE IF YOU GET GROSSED OUT BY STUFF. SERIOUSLY, TMI ALERT.****

I did that on Friday and everyone told me it is like a 5 minute thing, which.... technically, the scan itself WAS a 5 minute thing. The scheduler said I had to be there 90 minutes before to "get set up" which, alright. I figured I would bring a book or something. 

Imagine my shock when the lady comes out with this beverage and a straw and says she'll be back in 20 minutes. Alright, weird but I can do this. The drink itself isn't the worst. It really was like flat Sprite that never had fizz and not sugary at all but more... salty? It really reminded me of the glucose drink when you're pregnant. Here I thought I was done with that horror but nope. 

I got it done in 20 minutes and thought THANK GOD I'M DONE just as the lady is coming out with another one. 

Then she informs me I actually have to drink three of them and I get 20 minutes per bottle. 

You guys. I am not someone who can eat or drink things I don't like, I really struggle. I actually managed to get all three down and the others in the waiting room were whispering "chug it" as motivation but I barely got it down. That last sip I thought for sure was going to be thrown up. 

A more pressing issue was my bowels. They said I could pee (which thank god) and I ran for my life and I had never peed that much in my life. Never. Not only did I pee but I realized that, oh yay, I now am going to have a bout of uncontrollable diarrhea. Isn't this grand? This is exactly why I don't eat/drink much at all outside of my house. Or if I know I won't be going home right after, my intestines cannot be trusted. 

Once I feel like I'll be good for a little while, I go back in just as they are calling me. I go in for my scan, they run an IV so they can do contrast which, alright. I don't know what it is about the techs that do scans but they cannot do IV's on me and this guy tried hard but my arm looks like I'm an intravenous drug user right now. Also, some kind of liquid got sprayed all over my sweatshirt and it's in the wash and I hope it came out otherwise I'm going to be angry, it's new and my new favorite. Anyways. We do the scan and I can feel my bowels waging war and I'm getting legitimately nervous. He tells me the contrast will make me feel like I've peed my pants but nobody ever has and in my head I'm wondering how many people have crapped their pants in here because I really don't want to be the first. 

By the time the scan is done (I did not crap my pants), I literally RAN for the bathroom and spent the next 45 MINUTES typing a strongly worded email over the patient portal to my gastroenterologist that he needs to freaking warn someone that these drinks are basically giant laxatives and MAYBE you should have told me to buy an adult diaper or bring a towel, or SOMETHING. 

After I felt somewhat alright, I go out to my car where again, I wonder if I should go back into the bathroom or try driving and I just want to go home so I decided I would speed home. 

That turns out to be a terrible plan because guess what? Construction. There is a construction project beginning and four lanes of traffic merging into one at the end of the work day on the freeway. 

I actually thought about what my plan would be if I really couldn't hold it, do I get out and just... hope I don't end up on the news? I mean, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? 

After almost 30 minutes barely moving, I get to the Wisconsin exit and literally haul ass. I think I blew a stop sign, for sure a red light, I drove like I stole the car. I got home and I barely made it to the bathroom. And I really mean BARELY. Fast forward twenty minutes of losing my bowels and I go down to get into my pajamas, throw clothes into the wash, and again.... diarrhea. This continues for hours. Oh, but then about two hours into being home I start (wait for it) vomiting! 

Take a guess how great vomiting up flat Sprite is- I'll wait. 

Spoiler: it is awful. It is as awful as you can imagine anything but combine it with diarrhea at the same time. 

This is when I write my second strongly worded email over patient portal because by this point I am angry. I can't remember being this angry in awhile. 

I give up around 8 p.m. and decide the diarrhea is down to like once an hour so I'm going to try to go to bed because now I'm just exhausted. Also, keep in mind that I have Sheehan's Syndrome and secondary adrenal insufficiency so if I start throwing up or have diarrhea I need to take more of my medication because I could easily go into an adrenal crisis and that's bad. So I take more meds and go to bed, hoping I don't crap in the bed. 

I made it through the night but all day Saturday I felt absolutely awful. I was nauseous and I hadn't had stomach pain that bad since the day I had my gall bladder removed. The best part is I got the best call from my doctor's assistant who kind of chuckled at my emails (she is familiar with me, we can laugh together) but then tells me it is usually the IV or the drink, and if it is the drink you only need one. 

ONE, you guys. 

One. 

I had three. 

THREE. 

On the bright side, all of my insides were really expanded or whatever so there is no reason they can't see stuff, right? 

As of right now I have no other information from the scan, but cross your fingers something glaring is on there, OK? I know that sounds odd, but I really need to know what it is because living with pain and nausea all day every day is a bit much at this point. 

Basement Re-do

If you've been following us for awhile, you'll know that we sold our house in April and moved into my parents' home since they've gone to Florida. We're paying rent but while we're here we are paying down our debt and it has been an adjustment downsizing but now that we are a few months into it, we are really loving the smaller space. It isn't tiny home small, but it is about half of what we had and we ARE a family of six so you know, it was tight to start. I feel like we've adjusted well and everyone has their own little space.  

We also got rid of a lot of things and honestly? I don't hate it. It has been so great for my anxiety to be around less stuff. 

In the effort to make it homey, we had to build a bedroom for us and Matt built me an office/craft room/library and it is maybe the best room I have ever had. I love it so much. Both of these rooms are in the basement after we hauled things in, we realized the floor needs to be painted. 

So we started that. It was a BIG job and in hindsight, I wish we had thought to do this before you know, we moved our stuff in because it would have been easier but no- we have a tendency to make everything harder on ourselves. It's just how we roll. 

Instead, this project consisted of doing one section of floor at a time, then moving stuff to do another section of floor. Admittedly, those two shelves in the back are SO heavy and we didn't do under those. We basically gave up but it is in a dark corner and we'll do it eventually. Probably. 

The floor was in great shape, it just hadn't been painted in awhile and who thinks to really paint a basement floor? We did it in our old house as we were selling just so it looked fresher and we were so surprised at how great it looked so we thought it would do the same here. 

We looked into other flooring options too but it just didn't make sense right now and we're on a budget so paint it is because our Menards rebate covered it. *Bonus*

Because I know someone will ask, this is the paint we used. I really don't know if it is satin or semi-gloss finish, I just know it is that brand, porch & floor paint, and in battleship gray. Which honestly looks more like a blue/gray in person to me, but I think it looks really nice. So this is the after (and no, we didn't sand the floor down because I don't care, I just wanted it painted, don't come after me HGTV) and it already looks SO. MUCH. NICER. 

Seriously, look how much bigger it looks! This is the view if you're standing in my bedroom doorway. We also painted the walls white so it just looked cleaner/brighter in here. 

Matt's little desk area is a million times cleaner now that he organized his shelf (he has baskets, you guys!), computer parts aren't all over the floor in "organized piles", tools are out to the garage, and crap that we don't need is actually gone. 

This is the doorway from my office. Matt said he isn't going to finish those walls so I need to just be OK with half done walls. Which, I honestly don't care at this point. I have a dresser there that stores our kid things I'd like to save, and my new filing cabinet that opens all the way. I know, I'm 38 and I just now got an actual filing cabinet, I feel like a real grown up now. It is just so much nicer down here. We kept the floor swept and mopped regularly but now that it is all one color it just feels cleaner. Is that weird? 

We even have our treadmill and recumbent bike down here in one area. I'm trying to talk Matt into us getting a small home gym thing because we actually have room for a smaller one. Nothing huge, but something a little more compact than the big ones. Maybe in the new year when everyone and their brother is trying to buy one, right? 

So that has been one of the things taking up our time lately. I have a few things I'm working on and Matt is working on making a door (or changing a pre-made one to fit the weird space) for under the basement stairs. One of the things I miss from our old house is the closet in my office. I stored EVERYTHING in there but it was especially great for Christmas gifts. I threw most things in there and then when I had time to wrap, I'd wrap and stack everything nicely in there and Christmas Eve would be all easy peasy. 

We do not have that here and it makes me wonder where the hell my mom store Christmas presents when were kids in this house?!

Anyways. Matt is fixing something up for me. But it'll be nice and double as the place to store mops (is there a good way to store mops?!) and then my wrapping paper containers. I have all of my gift wrap in these two huge containers and they are awesome, but odd size and I'm forever moving them around, so they'll go in this area. I'll share pictures when it's all done, don't worries!

Book Review: Prospects of a Woman

Happy Wednesday! It's hump day, I'm half way through this dumpster fire of a week and I realize I need to get things together for our family photos on Saturday. It's not that we're doing anything fancy, we are literally only going to JC Penney because it's inexpensive and almost no work for me. I have outfits picked and I'm just hoping they all fit. Cross your fingers, folks. 

Prospects of a Woman - Wendy Voorsanger

Elisabeth Parker comes to California from Massachusetts in 1849 with her new husband, Nate, to reunite with her father, who’s struck gold on the American River. But she soon realizes her husband is not the man she thought—and neither is her father, who abandons them shortly after they arrive. As Nate struggles with his sexuality, Elisabeth is forced to confront her preconceived notions of family, love, and opportunity. She finds comfort in corresponding with her childhood friend back home, writer Louisa May Alcott, and spending time in the company of a mysterious California. Armed with Ralph Waldo Emerson’s Self-Reliance, she sets out to determine her role in building the West, even as she comes to terms with the sacrifices she must make to achieve independence and happiness. A gripping and illuminating window into life in the Old West, Prospects of a Woman is the story of one woman’s passionate quest to carve out a place for herself in the liberal and bewildering society that emerged during the California gold rush frenzy. 

I am super excited to talk about this because though I'm not really a fan of historical fiction, every once in awhile I read one that really just piques my interest and that's exactly what this one did. I will tell you I went into this thinking maybe it was a little more romance but it really wasn't. It was still really good and I'm so glad I picked this one up. 

Taking place during the Gold Rush, we have Elisabeth who marries Nate in the hopes to escape poverty (and basically her parents checking out on her). All of those hopes are dashed because she finds herself with a man who is possibly MORE unloving than her parents were to her but even more poverty. They are going west and west at that time was a very different life than anywhere else in the world. In California in that time women actually had more rights than back east and that's an attractive piece of information for Elisabeth. The author does a GREAT job describing the wild west, you really feel the wildness and the general feel of what it was like during this developing time. 

Despite the more modern time out west, Elisabeth doesn't have it easy at all but she's determined and that's what carries her. We learn so much about Elisabeth and her past but we also see her expanding independence and that was the best part of this book for me. I won't tell you this book has no romance because it has some. I can't even really say it's romance so much, more like her sexual awakening... kind of? It is really part of her growing independence but I will tell you that if infidelity (or even the idea of it) is a trigger or deal breaker for you this book might not be for you. I normally don't like to read about that but Elisabeth and Nate were both deeply unhappy and have their own reasons for not divorcing when these things were happening and while I don't agree, I kind of understood it in a really odd way. Nate isn't my favorite but thinking of the time they were in, I understand his struggles but Elisabeth doesn't deserve a life held back because of his truths. 

Overall I really liked this one, definitely a 4 star read for me. The only thing keeping this back from a 5 star is I felt like Elisabeth was unlikeable at times and I struggled with Nate. Every other component of this book was so great and if you are a fan of historical fiction you will love this, but those who are partial to the Gold Rush period will love it even more. 

A huge thank you to PR by the Book and Wendy Voorsanger for having me on this tour and sending me an ARC for review. I highly suggest this, it would make for a great fall or cozy winter read for sure!

Book Review: You're Pulling My Leg

I know you're like me and you're thinking about the holidays, and that means getting together with people. This year is clearly different so maybe you're keeping it to your small family, either way- entertainment is key. I feel like everyone drifting to their phones ruins basically all of the fun. I've got a solution!

You're Pulling My Leg (Junior) - Allen Wolf

Have you ever eaten too much pizza? Gotten gum stuck in your hair? Surprised a friend? You'll laugh out loud as you and your friends and family try to fool each other with hilarious stories from your lives as you play this storytelling game.

After you choose a question, the secret flip of the coin tells you if your answer should be true or made up. When you hear a story, vote points on if you think a player is telling the truth or pulling your leg. You'll win points if you're right but lose them if you're wrong.

Think you can bluff your friends and family? Don't let them fool you! Score enough points, and you win!

This game book features cards with over 600 questions and instructions on how to play this game in person or over a video call with two or more people.

I feel like we ALL have that one family member that has all the jokes, right? They would make a great storyteller to get the game started! In this game you only need two players but you can have as many as you want. You earn points by correctly voting on whether someone is being honest OR if they are pulling your leg. Players can vote on a story by putting fingers down (1, 2, or 3) and the first person who gets to 21 points wins. The fun part about this game is you can even do it online if you're doing a zoom gathering, which would be really fun.  

The book that I have is the junior version but there is an adult version (which would be fun, am I right?!) There are 225 cards to play through but three options on every card so you can play this game many times and it will never get old, especially if you change out your players. 

Example of a card? Card 54 wants you to tell me about a time you thanked someone OR a time when you forgot to do something OR (wild card) players wearing green on their clothing lose 3 points. 

I had a great time playing this a couple of weekends ago (I won because obviously I know everything) but it was so easy and so fun. Someday we'll get to have birthday parties again and this would be GREAT for teens, but since we're living online mostly, you really can play this over Google Hangouts or Zoom. I know school has already started but if you are a high school teacher this might be a fun activity to break up the monotony of information heavy lessons. 

The author has a LOT of games on the website so if you are looking for gift ideas, you can make a great game night basket for someone. I have to also say thank you to PR by the Book for having me on this tour and also Allen Wolf ensuring I have a copy to play along with! 

Book Review: Lola Koala's Travel Adventures (Children's Literature)

I know I normally don't post on the weekend but I have SO many review books I need to talk about so you might be seeing more of me, even on the weekends. Today (and tomorrow) I am sharing some children's literature, which is a favorite in our house. 

Lola Koala's Travel Adventures 

Join Lola Koala as she travels the globe, teaching your little explorer important language skills along the way. Children will love lifting the flaps to answer questions as they find clues that will help them to figure out where in the world Lola has traveled to this time!

If you have been around the blog for a while you'll know that my Lucy, age four, is in speech therapy for apraxia and possibly other issues. She's been in speech therapy for about a year now and though we've seen some improvement, she is still difficult to understand if you aren't around her regularly. Even I struggle to understand her sometimes. 

We try to use the skills her speech therapist uses when she's at home for consistency and that has been really helpful. It seems like her little brain moves much faster than her mouth can and it will come out as gibberish. A technique we use frequently is to have her slow down and we ask her yes/no questions. Sometimes we'll ask her clarifying questions such as, who is sitting at the table, what color is Jackson's shirt, which fruit would you like? Instead of open ended questions, which are sometimes hard for her, we give her three or four answers to choose from and that helps her stay focused on the question. 

Which is where this book comes into play. I read a LOT with my kids! Olivia and Jackson mostly read on their own (which I love to see) and I am book recommendation central for them. Penelope (5) is an emergent reader so she's learning letter sounds and we're working on sounding out words. Lucy though, she is all about the story. She wants to be engaged and she likes to be involved so a lift the flap book is absolutely perfect for her. 

The story is about Lola Koala going on an adventure and you have to use picture clues to guess where she is going, all the while you are learning about this new and exciting land. 

Each page has a series of four questions, each with it's own flap, and your child picks the answer based on the four pictures on each flap. It's pretty easy, but for children in speech therapy or struggling with reading comprehension, this is teaching them basic beginner context clues. Even if you have a kiddo who isn't struggling on any of this, this is such a great book to keep in the car to keep them entertained, throw it in your purse or diaper bag to look at while running errands, or even use in a gift. 

Lucy had a great time going through this book and she can't wait to bring it to show her speech teacher! I'm glad it is a sturdy board book because she's hauling it around everywhere so at least I know it'll hold up for awhile. It's only 22 pages and great for ages 2-6.

Thank you to PR by the Book and Dr. Tinita Kearney for sharing this book with me for review. Lucy is having the best time with it and I'm so glad to see her so engaged in a new book. You can purchase your own copy of Lola Koala's Travel Adventures (also your child's very own passport booklet or set of postcards) on LolaKoalaExplorer's website. You'll find plenty of FREE resources including grade level resources, games and activties, and ways to connect home and school- perfect for all of the parents currently participating in virtual school looking for new things to do. 

Book Review: The Outlook for Earthlings

Happy Wednesday! I keep thinking it is Thursday or Friday and that is just... depressing. Such a let down. The kids don't have school for the next two days which is nice but... if I don't get a decent nap in either day I'll probably end up crabby. I'm just saying. 

The Outlook for Earthlings - Joan Frank

The Outlook for Earthlings traces an unusual, difficult friendship across a lifetime, between women of stunningly opposite natures. Melanie Taper is timid, compelled to obey and venerate authority. Yet in unguarded moments she demonstrates such deadly insight into human foibles as to suggest a strength that has, for dark reasons, deliberately hidden itself. Scarlet Rand, by contrast, is rash, willful, and impatient of reverence of any stripe. Scarlet is shocked by Mel's passive reserve; despite her obvious gifts, Mel is—bafflingly—self-erasing. Mel's saintliness maddens Scarlet—because finally and most troublingly, Scarlet disbelieves it. Their friendship suggests to each a final frontier, a saving sanctuary. Yet at its core, a pained impasse soon becomes evident: each woman takes a secret, moral offense at the other's inmost nature—and choices. Living out these differences—against awareness of the illness which is slowly destroying one of them—proves an ultimate challenge. In each, a reckoning must occur. The Outlook for Earthlings examines what women want, amid conflicting layers of need. It ponders beginnings, endings, and Virginia Woolf's declaration that good angels must be killed. It considers the limits of friendship—and of the act of witnessing. At its heart, it asks how we may finally measure a life—and who should do the measuring. 

Wow, OK, I'm not even sure what to write about this or what to talk about that doesn't really give away the best parts about this book. It is definitely a literary fiction so if that is your jam, this is one you are really going to enjoy. It's not very long (just over 200 pages or so) but it covers a lifetime. I think we are all at the age where we start looking at relationships we've had, and lost, or thought we lost who have come back, and what they meant to our greater life. I know that I have friends that have gone through the good, the bad, and the ugly, but also everything in between. The boring, the shame, the sorrow, the nothing. 

Which is what this book is. 

The author does an amazing job describing everything and everyone, so much so that you can easily visualize this as you go, and I felt like that was important to the story. The story itself is about Scarlet and Mel, and their friendship over the years but it is really about all of us, how we change over time. The idea that friendship is like marriage, albeit a little different. The arc of a marriage is excitement/fun in the beginning, trouble/difficulties arise and people drift apart a bit but come together again, and you settle into a kind of comfortableness. It's the same as friendships, particularly with Scarlet and Mel. 

I feel like this book is PERFECT given the current climate we are in as a country, we're seeing lifelong friendships and even family being torn because of polarizing political views. The story delves deeper into the meaning of not just being a friend but a good friend. It talks about how sometimes we have to look past a person's choices (even if they are completely questionable and you know you are totally right), maybe the relationships they choose, or even the way they move through the world. 

I loved that even though the girls grow up together, go their separate ways and do vastly different things with their lives, and when they come back together they are happy to see each other but.... they do the thing we are all guilty of, they start the mental conversation with ourselves completely judging them instead of asking how you can support them. Which is the moral of the story. The way we get there in this book is beautiful and something so many can identify with in our own lives in some respect. 

I also think this is going to make a wonderful book club selection, especially if your club is all women, because so many conversations will happen around friendship. It might even encourage you to find your best friend from elementary school, who knows? 

A huge thank you to TLC Book Tours for having me on this tour but also Joan Frank for sending me a copy of her book!

 

October (almost) wrap-up

It is really crazy to think October is already half way done. I have done so many things in the last month it was kind of overwhelming to go through it all. I didn't even include all of it here, I'll save that for another day!

Way back in June 2018, I did a boudoir shoot and it was definitely a learning experiences for me. I had a lot of feelings immediately after but also the more time that went by, the more I seemed to have. In 2019 I took part in a little mini group for the session about body positivity and started digging into some of the reasons why I feel the way I do about my body and self. Certainly, lots of it requires more work than something this group could cover and I get that. I've since spent some more time really thinking about it. 

One thing though that I really have a hard time getting past is my abdomen. Never mind that it is totally not functioning the way that it should be and that's frustrating. Everyday though, when I wake up and I get dressed, I see my floppy tummy and I see my c-section scar. It isn't the fact I have a scar that bothers me, instead, it is a visual representation of trauma. I have something on my body that everyday reminds me of the trauma I have been through and it's panic inducing for sure, but it is also really scary. It reminds me that I have no control. 

And control is a big thing for me, I really don't do well if I don't have it in my personal life. 

So when I saw an opportunity to participate in a RAW session for the same studio, I figured what the hell? Why not? You had to apply and worst case scenario, I won't get picked. 

Turns out I was picked. I had a short session with Emily and honestly? I got so much more from that one and I felt beautiful. Sure, all of my lumps and bumps are visible. I've got no makeup, my hair isn't done, I'm wearing a stretched out bra, a tank I wear to bed normally, but also my most comfortable underwear, and I felt more like me. I know my boudoir photos are beautiful... but that isn't me. I don't even own lingerie... or matching bra/panties even. I don't wear much makeup and I never wear heels. But these? These photos were me and I loved it. I'll share more another day, maybe when my photos are live on their end... maybe. I'll share this one though, easily my favorite. 

Let's see.. we went to see alpacas! If you are friends with me on Facebook these aren't new, but I love them anyways. 

I am so glad we finally made the trek to Frosty Ridge Alpacas in Duluth, Minnesota! Easily the nicest husband/wife duo, a very cool little farm, and a pretty nice gift shop area too (I bought a magnet and a little alpaca for my desk). 

I learned a lot about these super furry (and soft) creatures and the baby loved me. As did the white one behind it. Penelope and Lucy LOVED them and would have stood there petting and feeding them all day. We didn't stay long because it was close to the end of their day, so we did leave after about 45 minutes or so. Olivia didn't come because she went with a friend to go apple picking, so we were a group of five that day. After leaving the alpacas, we decided to go to Enger Tower in Duluth because Penelope asks to go see the "castle on the mountain" so we went. 

It was ridiculously busy and I hate traffic, I hate looking for parking, I hate people who just skateboard through parking lots like morons, and I hate when people panic when parking or getting out of their spot so they freak out and stop.... half way out of a spot so now nobody can do anything. If you panic when parking, parallel parking maybe isn't for you. I'm just saying. 

Penelope and Lucy both made it up all five stories of steps and Penelope would have gone more if there was anywhere else to go. I barely made it and I stood up there for maybe a solid minute before I wanted to come down because there were SO MANY people up there and germs. Hard pass. I hustled down a lot faster than I went up. 

I wasn't feeling well that day, physically or mentally, so Jackson kind of hung back with me because he's a good kid like that. 

We decorated the house for Halloween! It is a terrible picture but the upper windows have eyes and the porch have (handmade) teeth. The little girls love it! I also have a spider and a spider web to put up but it has been so windy and I'm afraid it would blow away. I'm also not 100% sure where it is going to go or how I will get it there so... eventually. 

What else? Oh! I participated in a two day virtual conference, the Champions for Change Summit for MoMMA's Voices. I went as a representative for the AFE Foundation and it was great because I got to "meet" other AFE survivors and hear more about their stories and just different things they've done, or would like to do, since their AFE. 

I had a lot of anxiety going into it and I don't really know why? It isn't like I had to talk or anything but maybe it was just the not knowing what to expect? 

I will say that I learned SO MUCH about other post-partum issues and I learned that there is such a thing as bereavement doulas- did you know that was a thing? 

I really had a good time and I'll say by the end of the second day my little brain was feeling fried, I think I went to bed not long after! I hope I can participate in things like that again and I hope I can do more as a maternal mortality and morbidity advocate. 

There's our little AFE group! 

I'll leave you with some statistics and information that has really stuck with me: 

• Each year, 700 women die from pregnancy related causes and 2/3 of those are completely preventable. 
• The CDC has a new Hear Her Campaign (I highly suggest you watch that video) and not going to lie, it really triggered me because I could be in any of those videos. 
• In the Merck for Mothers session we learned that the United States is 1 of only 8 countries where maternal deaths are INCREASING. The United States is also 55th in gender equality. 

So just think about that. We all know someone who is pregnant, trying to be pregnant, or just had a baby, and how many of those women know any of this? We say having a baby is pretty safe but is pretty safe good enough? I feel like the United States could, and should, be doing better than we currently are. I hope someday we do. 

What have you been doing the last few weeks?