Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Shaky legs, urine, and meth addicted zombies.

You all need to be proud of me, bitches. NOT ONLY did I make tonight's dinner when I would normally give up when A) I'm missing ingredients and B) fail to realize that it needs to simmer for 1 1/2 hours and I'm starting to cook at 4:30. It just seems so daunting and usually I'm all, "fuck this, get me some pizza" and that solves that.


I made dinner while simultaneously making tomorrow's dinner which required me to like mix shit and brown some steak in a skillet and then get it all together in a crockpot so it can marinate over night. BAM, bitches. BAM.

Even Matt was all impressed and optimistic I could maybe kick my french fries at 9pm habit. Seeing how it is only 7:40, I'm hungry and I just finished day one of 30 Day Shred? That is yet to be determined. I see him getting all presumptuous and getting his pajamas on. Silly, silly husband.

Which brings me to urine. While doing the 30 Day Shred I remembered that Jillian is a fan of jumping jacks and jumping rope and literally kicking your own ass, which means the whole "my bladder isn't what it once was" comes back as I pee myself.

Yeah, I peed my own pants in my own living room while doing jumping jacks.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I keep doing my fucking Kegels and Matt tells me things are as good, if not better, than they were pre-babies so I know I'm doing those often enough. Like twice every day for the last five years yet I cannot get through 20 jumping jacks without peeing my pants. The doctor basically said before that there isn't anything I can do short of a bladder sling or pelvic mesh which not happening because you always see those lawsuit commercials warning about collapsed bladders and snapped slings. No fucking thank you.

But I need to figure out what the eff to do about this. It's kind of disgusting. I'm just saying.

Oh but guess what I saw today? My first ever legit meth addicted zombie. From the sunken cheekbones, scabs and sores literally covering this person, patchy hair, yellowed and missing teeth and the slumped walk? I wanted to take a picture but that's how they get you- they distract you with your camera phone and then eat your brains.

I saw it on the internet. And the internet does not lie.


Jennifer Kay said...

I think we all have the same problem, I know I do and Katie says she does too...I sometimes have trouble running, Zumba, etc. too so I think it's just something we have to live with?

I mean damn even Kris Jenner is talking about it on the Kardashians and they are famous.

Damn kids!

FinnyKnits said...

My coach in CrossFit warned our class about the jumprope peeing situation AS she was doing double unders (you know like when the rope goes under your feet twice while you're jumping. Yeah. It's as bad as it sounds) and the whole time I was wondering if she was peeing herself RIGHT THEN AND THERE.

Awkward to be staring at a potentially peeing person wearing only spandex.

kimberrleigh said...

The Internet never, ever lies. Like legit. I've been around these here parts since you had to use a CD to get online, aka since like 97-98. So I know about the truth of the webz.

Also, pretty sure I have a pissing problem. Because I ALWAYS have to go. And I'm 22 years old. Sometimes a little sneaks out on me - like my bladder's way of saying "Hey bitch, I'm full. If you aren't going to let this disgusting piss out of me... I'll just do it myself".
Usually when I run this happens, even if I piss 4 times before I head out for a run. Nope, halfway through I've got wet undies. Shit sucks.

carelessly graceful

Ruth said...

I don't have that problem, but it could be since I have only had one kid.
That really sucks. I've heard of several woman having that problem.

Helena said...

The real question is, how can we make peeing our pants sexy? Maybe if Mila Kunis does it, too? As a celebrity cause-awareness thing?

Lin said...

I havent even had kids & I'm constantly peeing myself. Fucking lame. I was driving the other day & I sneeze...out came a few drops & I about cried. Guess it's time for those kegals :/

"I saw it on the internet. And the internet does not lie." <- Hilarious!

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

Maxi pads. They aren't just for periods anymore. :)

Seriously, I use them when I take boot camp at the gym because I have the same jumping jack issue.