36 weeks

You guys, I have four weeks left. That's it. I think now I'm getting more anxious and scared of actual labor. I'm having doubts on my ability to have three kids. It's like all at once, I've suddenly realized I'm in for huge life changes and I totally don't feel ready.

But I'm also totally ready.

It's completely logical, right?

36 weeks: large and in charge, yo

So at week 36, here are the things I feel: 

• I feel massive. The term "beached whale" doesn't even cover what it feels like in the morning when I try to roll over strategically so I don't inadvertently pee my pajamas. 
• My skin feels like it's going to bust open. There is not enough lotion in the world to make this better. 
• Braxten Hicks are serious. I'm not kidding, this is the only pregnancy I have ever had them and holy shit, they are awful. Especially now when everything tightens up and my skin is already stretched, I basically feel like one wrong move and a foot is just going to kick itself right out. 
• The level of exhaustion is unbelievable. I always felt really great towards the end of my other pregnancies and this time I feel like everything is being sucked out of me. I can barely stay awake. Going from the couch, to the bathroom, back to the couch is exhausting- I literally need a nap. 
• Oh, and the pressure. It feels like my vagina has been hammered. With a hammer, not in a fun sexy times way. Also my butt? Totally also hurts. I can't say that I have ever had THAT feeling, even when pushing my other two out. I can tell labor is going to be a treat already. 
• I no longer feel hungry. In my head, I know I should maybe eat something but the act of eating food seems kind of tiring so I have to make myself. But overall I kind of feel like I can take it or leave it at this point. 
• Penelope's movements are almost painful at this point. I'm left wishing she just wouldn't because when she does I'll wince in pain, sometimes I have to lay down when she is really crazy and other times I find myself inadvertently breathing through them while rocking in place because there just is no room and she's kicking and moving things that are not meant to be moved. 

This Friday I go for my 36 week check and I'll get my Group B Strep test and I'll also get a cervical check. I'm very excited about this because every day I get anywhere from one to six period like cramps. Sometimes it's a dull cramp that lasts for a few minutes, sometimes it's just a slight cramp and then I'm good for awhile. They aren't painful, just enough where you would consider taking a Midol if you were expecting your period. So I'm hoping that means something is happening down there. Cross your fingers!