Thursday, May 7, 2015

Week One

Is it weird we start the countdown all over? It kind of feels weird. But Penelope is one week and one day old as of right now. I wanted to get this post out yesterday, which would have been her due date, but I actually didn't leave the couch and I haven't mastered typing with an infant yet.

So let's take a look at what Penelope's first week of life has been like.

We learned that Penelope absolutely, will not, sleep on her back. The closest you can get to that is doing it while holding her slightly inclined or on a boppy or something. Needless to say, most of her naps take place while being held. Thankfully, Matt wins dad and husband of forever because he has done 100% of the night feedings and screaming fits of refusal to sleep in her crib. He's logged in a lot of hours on the recliner in the living room. He goes back to work on Monday, which means I'm basically screwed.
Jackson has taken his role as big brother pretty seriously. He runs when she needs a diaper change, but seems to be fine with crying. Which is weird. He's slightly annoyed that she can't do anything other than lay there.
Olivia is a great big sister as well. She is all about helping and while she's a little hesitant to do anything, she likes to watch and see what I'm doing.
So far, the only family picture we have. It's really bizarre to see so many people in the photo. But by gosh, it's still kind of amazing.
Sometimes, Penelope looks cross eyed and I kind of love it. It usually only happens when she's trying to poop. Which makes it even funnier.
She won't sleep on her back but she's totally OK being completely squished up. Explain THAT, people. Explain it.
She had her first doctor appointment on Monday. She was basically a champ the entire time. She is back up to her birth weight (8 lbs, 15.5 ounces) and she grew 3/4 of an inch.
She also went on her first walk outside. She has no idea since she slept through it.
The pets have all gotten used to Penelope. The only one who seems a little depressed is Twinky. Probably because he's not getting all of the love in the world right now since usually either Matt or I are holding Penelope. But he has now started coming near her and has licked her feet a few times. Yesterday he actually sat by and then started laying down by her. At least until she kicked him in her sleep.
Today I managed to get out of the house by myself with her. Well, I've taken the kids to school each morning on my own with Penelope, so maybe that's not a totally accurate statement. But today I stopped at my old bookstore job to say hello and show Penelope off. I got home just in time for her next feeding, so that worked out really well.

As for me, I'm alright. I'm not great, but I'm also not at my worst. I don't know if I have post-partum depression or if it's just baby blues but I definitely have moments where I feel overwhelmed with life and cry in the bathroom. But then I also told a friend that this is the first time where I ever considered seriously not going back to work. Like I can't get enough of her and I just want to soak up every single second with her. Which is a really strange feeling, to be honest. I was never that mom who wanted to be a stay at home mom and I would dread being home with them for long stretches by myself. But this time... I don't know. It just feels different. Maybe it's my brain mentally preparing me to be totally done with babies and telling me I better enjoy it now? Who knows. But it's definitely something I think about.

Physically I feel like a mess. My back is killing me. I cannot emphasize that enough. The back pain I'm experiencing is really horrible. I don't know if it's from my epidural, if it's from two shit nights of sleep in the hospital on what is the equivalent to a kindergarten nap mat, if I pulled something while delivering her, or all of the above. But it is absolutely horrible. My vagina is now super itchy right where my stitches are. That's super annoying. I also remembered why five days of stool softeners is a dumb idea. My whole intestine system is not back to normal so I kept taking them thinking I should maybe get back on a pooping schedule. Well. Let's just say, there was a critical situation in the middle of an 8 am feeding yesterday and I learned quickly how to go to the bathroom while feeding a baby. Which sounds disgusting but trust me when I tell you it was an emergency. Nonetheless, I feel like I lost maybe five pounds right there. And I am not taking any more stool softeners because that was not a fun situation. Had I been out and about in the world, it could have been just like that scene in Bridesmaids where Mya Rudolph's character craps herself in the middle of the street. Imagine if that happened in Target. Mortifying.


Week two will be hard. Matt goes back to work on Monday. I expect to be a hot mess of tears, boredom, and loneliness. Maybe it won't be so bad. But it's been really great to hand her off to Matt so I can have a good cry in the bathroom. So we'll see. I expect to get more weepy as the weekend progresses knowing I'm on my own on Monday. This is maybe the only time in my life where I'm such a lame ass and dependent on someone. I really need Matt for my mental health sometimes, but I also recognize the bills need to be paid and having one week with no overtime is going to be AWFUL on his next paycheck. So here's hoping we don't starve.


Ruth said...

Some babies just are not back sleepers. Or side sleepers. My mom told me that I would not back sleep even in the hospital. My daughter wouldn't and neither would my nephew. All tummy sleepers.

thotlady said...

You can do it. Matt will be there in spirit.

She is beautiful.

The Flynnigans said...

I love the family photo of all five of you. :)

Glad to hear you're mostly well with some tears here and there. But it's just the beginning. Next week will be super tough on you and I'm sure by the time Matt gets home from work, you'll feel like you wanna skip town.

Thinking of you and your squishy babe! Hopefully your back eases up and your vagina stops itching. LOL


Claire said...

Congratulations, you look great in the picture, not a mess at all! xxxx

Unknown said...

Congratulations! You have a beautiful family. So nice to hear her older siblings are adapting well to her.

Taylor Basilio said...

So sweet- I remember what that first week was like. Enjoy it because it certainly goes by fast!