Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Workout Wednesday: It's back, lambs.

I have to be honest with you and myself- I am fat. I'm not Mama June fat but if I don't take the reigns soon I'll be there before we know it.

I haven't felt great about myself in awhile but I let it go because I was pregnant with Penelope. And then I got pregnant with Lucy and then I pretty much bounced back from death. I'm still wading my way through those waters, and I'm not doing a great job, but I'm hoping if I did something to get myself back to a better place maybe other things will fall into place. At this point, I'm desperate enough in my depression that not only would I win myself an award for being a great actress but I really need to try something before I lose it all.

So here we are. The brutal truth is that I currently weigh more than I ever have. My highest was 208, and that was the day I gave birth to Lucy. When I went for my follow up appointment after her, about 18 days after I had her, I was 182.


Well today I'm 221.

And when I went for my MRI, not only did I cry while changing into the formless gown, but I ripped the unisex, one size fits all pants. I actually ripped them, you guys.

I can't remember when I have ever felt so low in my life.
So we meet again, Fuckmill. I moved you out of my house for a few years, content at size 12 knowing full well that's a damn good spot for me to be in. But you're back now and then I let you get dusty. But we're going to be friends again whether I like it or not.
And let me be clear, I'm not happy. I want to be skinny. I want to be that mom who bounces back to great shape after having a baby and then they jog around the neighborhood bitching about needing to lose weight. I really want to punch those people. The only upside is that I'm pretty sure I could do it and claim insanity and avoid jail.  I'm fairly certain my weight gain is a combination of my medicine and lack of exercise. Just once I'd like to be prescribed something that makes you lose weight, is that so much to ask?

A large hurdle I'm already facing is just my health. I want to be active but after starting any kind of exercise, I get light-headed, dizzy, and my hips hurt so bad. Then my back hurts, shooting pains down both legs, and a fun bonus? A headache! It's all very exciting. I'm going to ease into t hings and see if that gets better.
No weight loss start up is complete without a "before" photo. I really hope that in a few months I'll see a difference. I'd like to not look pregnant. I feel so self conscious already. It's going to get better. It has to, right?


SpiritPhoenix said...

I'm at my heaviest Non-pregnancy weight myself. And I need to lose about 35-45 pounds. I've been doing better eating wise, but I definitely need to get my fat ass back on the rowing machine and sweating in order to jump start my metabolism.

ShanStevens said...

3 10 minute sessions on the treadmill or any activity is just as good as 1 30 minute session. Ease yourself in. It doesn't help you any if you hurt yourself and can't do anything. Listen to your body. I wish you luck sweet lady.

The Flynnigans said...

Power walking on your treadmill will help and on an incline. Take it easy girl. Always here for you no matter your weight girl.


Julie H said...

I'm sure that nasty non functioning gland isn't helping either :( I hope you can exercise without too much pain.