Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Adventures with four: month six

I am absolutely horrific when it comes to updating you all on life with Lucy. I know I was pretty great about it with Penelope but I can barely remember when I ate last so the fact I even remember at all is something, lambs. 

I am fully aware that it is currently mid-April, but all of these pictures are from February, which is when Lucy was six months and Penelope was... something. I can't do the math in my head. But let's recap what I have written in my journal about life in February: 
My mom still comes every day  to help me with the babies. She brings the older kids to and from school, comes back and sits with me at least until I get Penelope in for a nap, then she drops the kids off after school. The time she spends with me is a LOT and I know it's an absolute pain. I know it really sucks to basically be caring for your adult daughter and her gaggle of kids. I know it, and it sucks. I don't feel good about it. I feel like my depression is getting worse. I feel like I am never enough.
Lucy is so great. She really is so great. She's adorable and I want to squeeze her all of the time. She is easy and laid back and it's like she knows she has to take it easy with me.
She is so happy. I always think I can't feel awful when I'm around her because she is always smiling.
Penelope is now at the age where she is a beast. Her in-utero nickname of Master P has been officially earned. She rules the roost here and some days it's all I can do to get myself to bedtime. But for every really hard and awful day there are those where she is an absolute love bug and all she wants is to snuggle. And I love it.
I can tell that Penelope and Lucy are going to be great friends. I think Penelope is going to be a bossy comedian, and Lucy will just take it, but it's going to be a cute friendship.
This one sums up life with these two. Penelope is always a comedian and Lucy is always slightly concerned for her safety or questioning if they should be doing this.
I don't have anything about Jackson this month, but Olivia is amazing. She is such a great help and has changed her first diaper. She refuses to change a poop one, which I don't blame her, but pee? This girl has it. And I don't care, I'll take any help I can get.
I'm gaining weight. The medications are wreaking havoc on my body and I feel so disgusting. I'm at my heaviest ever. Lucy doesn't care though. As long as I continue to bounce on the ball for her to fall asleep, she's fine.
Penelope has now become obsessed with hair. She really enjoys trying to brush  my hair. It's only a matter of time before I start running errands with a comb stuck in my hair.
Lucy can officially sit! Every baby has become an independent sitter at six months. I appreciate their collective consistency on this. The poor girl inherited her mother's thunder thighs so sometimes she just falls over simply because she's so damn round. But she's at least happy about the new view of the world .
Days are hard. Days are so long. I dread being alone with the kids. I am really struggling. I don't know if counseling is even working or just making me worse. But I also can't handle not going, it's become a beacon of hope, those appointments.

There it is, folks. My February update. Check back the rest of this week and I'll have a March update and a few other catch up posts. 

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