A Shade of Vampire

Alright, so a week or so ago a friend tagged me in an ad on Facebook about a book that rivals Twilight, and if you've been around this blog long enough you know I had a slight (alright, full blown) Twilight obsession, I was a Twi-hard. I still am. I was Team Edward (because Jacob is a pedophile who licks his own butt) and I had a plethora of Edward Cullen and Robert Pattinson things. Sadly, I had to downsize because everyone was creeped out from my six foot cardboard cut out but don't you worry, no landfill will take my Edward! He's in my closet. Sometimes he keeps me company.

Don't even try to judge me. I'm almost 36, I can do what I want.

So as soon as Tiffany told me about this, I was all in. Book two is on the way because I can't even handle this. I'm going to fly through these!!

A Shade of Vampire - Bella Forrest

On the evening of Sofia Claremont's seventeenth birthday, she is sucked into a nightmare from which she cannot wake.

A quiet evening walk along a beach brings her face to face with a dangerous pale creature that craves much more than her blood.

She is kidnapped to an island where the sun is eternally forbidden to shine.

An island uncharted by any map and ruled by the most powerful vampire coven on the planet. She wakes here as a slave, a captive in chains.

Sofia's life takes a thrilling and terrifying turn when she is the one selected out of hundreds of girls to join the harem of Derek Novak, the dark royal Prince.

Despite his addiction to power and obsessive thirst for her blood, Sofia soon realizes that the safest place on the island is within his quarters, and she must do all within her power to win him over if she is to survive even one more night.

Will she succeed? ...or is she destined to the same fate that all other girls have met at the hands of the Novaks?

I can see right away why people are giving this two, sometimes three stars, it's slow. It doesn't get really great until maybe 3/4 of the way through and it feels like a mad rush to the end and then you're like, REALLY?! You leave me like that?? Well hot damn, let me order book two right now so that I can spend my week doing this instead of you know... cleaning my house, watching my children, adulting type things. I see that books 1-7 are Sofia and Derek's story but that there are an obscene number of books in this series, like 55? More? I have no idea but right now I'm going into it invested in Sofia and Derek.

I'd like to think if I was captured by a coven of vampires I would be like Sofia, cool under pressure. Able to woo the Prince himself and save my damn ass. You know what you do? You comfort the girl next to you before you're all slaughtered and that catches the eye of the Prince, and then you say something ballsy about not being a victim, and that saves you.

Unrealistic? You bet your damn ass. Worth a try? You bet your damn ass.

Assuming it works you become the head of the Prince's harem, his head whore except you aren't having sex, and you kind of start to fall in love (you think) and it feels wrong because he's a vampire and you're not. You realize he is protecting you, he knows you're special but doesn't know why, and everyone is uneasy around you. Except his douchebag of a brother who is just the worst. I can't give more away on that because it ruins a major turning point in the book.

But I know it's slow, you guys. I feel like this book was giving us a lot of base information, setting everything in motion for the rest of the series, so I'm willing to reserve judgement on the series as a whole. Let me get through book two and then I'll see if I feel differently, but right now I'm giving this a solid 3 stars. Not a lot in the way of romance, it's very Beauty and the Beast in a way, but I was trying to absorb information knowing I would need it as we continued the series, and it's almost sweet, the relationship of Sofia and Derek. I'm kind of loving it and I don't hate her as much as I did Bella in Twilight, so there's that.

   

Breaking Dawn- midnight movie, bare feet, cup frenzy, and condom head.

Maybe you didn't know this about me, but I'm a Twi-hard. I am and I am not ashamed of it. I have been counting down to Breaking Dawn since Eclipse came out and it definitely did not disappoint. Was Kristen Stewart amazing? No, but she never is and you just expect that her happy, sad, and constipated face all look the same. Was Robert dreamy? Of course. Is this the movie where Jacob reveals himself to be a pedophile that can lick his own ass (in theory)? Why yes. Yes, it is.

First off, we got to the theatre at 4:30 like crazy people and proceeded to make friends with the first two girls in line. The strategy here is that they open the first (and largest) theatre at 10 for seating, and if you are in the front you can go sit down in actual chairs, get your pick of seats, and get ramped up to sit for another two hours... just in a different location. But while waiting the just under six hours to do that, we admired the artwork.

 We got into a cup frenzy when we realized for the low price of $6.95, you can get a large soda in a collectible Twilight cup. So I went up and got one. And got a fucking Jacob cup. I hate Jacob. I can't be attracted to someone who, hypothetically, could lick his own ass. So then I decided to make Kate go up and get me an Edward cup. Unfortunately, the theatre people are pretty hard core and would not let you pick... and you guessed it, she comes back with a fucking Bella cup. I don't think KStew has any kind of discernible talent, so I don't want that. I decided at almost 10 that I would suck it up and try for a third time (just tally up what I've spent so far). I got another Jacob cup while my friend Tammy behind me? Got Edward. Not cool, man. Not cool.

But I decided it was either not meant to be or I could hope someone throws theirs away and I would dumpster dive. Don't question my love for Edward or even for Robert Pattinson, because RPatz was my date.

 I even had my "I love Vampires" shirt on. And blood red nails. I thought I grabbed my red lipstick but I apparently didn't.

The other bonus to sitting in a crowded room for two hours is that you notice the people around you. OH! Before I talk about that- let's talk about personal hygiene. The people behind us in the lobby (group of 6 or so) smelled horrible. So horrible that when it was close to 10 and we really had to squeeze in, I could barely breathe. It wasn't just me, Tammy and Lisa also had a hard time breathing while Kate and Angie were OK, but they were dealing with a woman who came drunk. I know. Class it up, right? But here's the thing- daily showering is kind of awesome. Not just for your own cleanliness, but because nobody wants to smell your stank ass. Seriously. Combine that with them chain smoking the entire time? The fact my lungs are still inflated is kind of a miracle.

Anyways.

So once we got in, we noticed some fun people around us. There was of course, your expected teenage couple on a date too nervous to make up but being over the top touchy feely it makes you want to barf. I can say 100% that I was not like the couple in front of us. I think I told Ang that this is how that show Teen Mom came about. That right there.

Then there was the woman with an unfortunately small hat for her head... and it made her head look like a ribbed for her pleasure condom.

 Or the person who thinks it's OK to stick her BARE FEET on some one's head rest. No, it's not ok. First off, it's November and it was damn cold that day- you have no business wearing no socks you freak. Second off, nobody wants your feet grazing their hair. What if you have a fungus? Now the person in front of them has foot fungus in their hair.

Anyways. I had other pictures but they were blurry and you can't really tell what they are meant to be. But the movie was good. It was pretty much what I expected it to be. The only thing I kind of didn't like was the birthing scene- first off, kind of gross and gory for PG 13? I covered my eyes and almost threw up once. I also love it how Edward is all holding the baby as Bella is dying and I'm all, "DUDE! Put the baby down!" and that is so typical guy. A woman pops a baby out and the dad is all, "Wow-- this is awesome" as the mom is all writhing in pain or dealing with a placenta, or having to get a shot in her va-jay-jay for stitches and just you know- completely oblivious. So rude. Anyways. I was also really wanting more sex scene. It better be more graphic in the deleted scenes on the DVD otherwise I'll be stabby. Fucking teenagers ruin everything.

But overall? It was a good time with some great friends. I'm already excited for the final installation of the series... and you know I'll be there at midnight. Or more realistically, at dinner time.

And for those of you who want to know.. did I ever get an Edward cup? Yes. Yes, I did. Because you know my stealthy ninja ways totally grabbed the cup from the schmoopy couple in front of me when it became clear they had more pressing issues to deal with than the cup. Then I also grabbed another one that someone foolishly left behind. So now I have two. And a Jacob cup. I gave my other Jacob cup to Angie because she loves him and I won't fault her for that because she's young and will see the light some day.