Book Review: Close Your Eyes

I seem to be on a thriller kick and I'm not hating it.

Close Your Eyes - Darren O'Sullivan

Close your eyes…and count to ten.

He doesn’t know his name. He doesn’t know his secret.

When Daniel woke up from a coma he had no recollection of the life he lived before. Now, fourteen years later, he’s being forced to remember.

A phone call in the middle of the night demands he return what he stole – but Daniel has no idea what it could be, or who the person on the other end is. He has been given one warning, if he doesn’t find out his family will be murdered.

Rachael needs to protect her son. Trapped with no way out she will do anything to ensure they survive. But sometimes mothers can’t save their children and her only hope is Daniel’s memory.

First off, can we talk about this cover? Because I absolutely love it and it looks so good on my shelf! Second off, this story was SO GREAT. I was completely drawn to this one because I have my own memory loss so any time I see a story about memory loss of any kind, I'm all over it. It's just interesting and also scares the pants off of me because it feels real. On Goodreads it was compared to Gillian Flynn and I would agree with that.

In this one, Daniel has amnesia after a pretty awful accident. That's pretty scary but despite it having a rocking start, he was able to slowly rebuild his life into something normal again. Fast forward 15 or so years and one day it all goes to hell. Someone is demanding that he return something but he has no idea what they are talking about. It leaves him scrambling to figure out everything he doesn't remember because the future of his family depends on it.

You guys. I stayed up WAY too late reading this one because I really felt like I could identify with his fear. It is really hard to piece together things about yourself and your life that you don't know and its hard to trust what people are telling you is the whole truth or the truth at all. Interestingly, the story is a dual narrative between Daniel and Rachel (his ex-wife but they are still friendly), so while normally those aren't my favorite, it played really well with this one. I can't tell you more because I will absolutely spoil it but the ending was GREAT. Even though I thought I had maybe worked it out by the time I got there, there was a great twist that made me question things throughout the book. I felt like I had missed everything like Daniel did.

If you really like thrillers and want to be on the edge of your seat, definitely pick this one up. It did not disappoint.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

   

Thank you to HQ, Harper Collins for sending me a copy of this for review! This post contains affiliate links. 

Book Review: The Second Midnight

I have so many reviews that I need to finish before our big move so be prepared to see quite a few! Fortunately I seem to be all over in genres so there really will be something for everyone here!

The Second Midnight - Andrew Taylor

A secret mission…
1939. As Europe teeters on the brink of war, Alfred Kendall is tasked with carrying out a minor mission for the British Intelligence Service. Travelling to Prague, he takes his troubled young son, Hugh, as cover.

A terrible choice…
When Hitler invades Czechoslovakia, Alfred is given an ultimatum by the Czech Resistance. They will arrange for him to return to England, but only if he leaves his son Hugh behind as collateral.

A young boy stranded in Nazi terrain…
Hugh is soon taken under the wing of a Nazi colonel – Helmuth Scholl. But even though Scholl treats Hugh well, his son, Heinz, is suspicious of this foreigner. And as the war across the continent intensifies, they are set on a path that will ultimately lead towards destruction…

I am not normally a historical fiction fan, but I wanted to read this because having this kind of story told through the eyes of a child sounded really interesting. It absolutely was, but not without a few bumps.

Imagine being a father and having to abandon your son to save your life... most of us would tell someone to pound sand because who knows what would end up happening to them. Not Hugh's dad, Alfred readily hands him over and is basically gone in the wind. (Granted, it isn't like they had some tight bond, Hugh wasn't the easiest kid but still... I can't imagine making that choice, myself) Hugh is now trying to survive in Nazi territory, essentially alone.

So much happens in this story so I can't really give you a whole lot without spoiling some key moments, but here are the pros and cons:

PRO:

• I really enjoyed the author's writing, it felt true to the WWII era and at times I felt like all of this was really happening. I appreciate that it was able to transport me at times. 
• The espionage piece of this was actually really good and kept me interested and that's noteworthy because sometimes that's boring for me and I space out but I genuinely wanted to know what was going to happen with Hugh and all of the other characters that come through. 
• I firmly believe that a good thriller cannot have characters you love, and this one follows that. None of these characters were ones I particularly liked, they all had flaws but it really pulled the story together and made you believe people were just trying to survive this horrific time. 
• If you want a story that is layer after layer of complications, a little bit of romance, family dysfunction, etc. 

CONS:

• At times I would put the book down and have a hard time picking it back up. I felt like you really had to be in the right mindset to read it. 
• The beginning of the book featured some time with Hugh and his sister Meg and that was... uncomfortable at best. It's not quite Flowers in the Attic level but it definitely isn't what I would want my kids doing. 
• I do feel a good chunk of the book could/should have been edited out. It finishes at a little over 400 pages which is over my usual limit of 300 for time sake and some of it was just fluff that we didn't really need and didn't really add to the greater story. It would have been OK without it. 

Overall? I'm going to give this one a 2.5 star, rounded to 3 for Goodreads. It was an OK book but I think if you are a fan of historical fiction or WWII themed books you will enjoy this one far more.

   

A huge thank you to Harper Collins for having me on this tour and sending me an advanced copy! All thoughts are my own and this post contains affiliate links. 

Book Review: Dead to Her

How it is only Wednesday, I'll never know. I woke up thinking for sure it was the weekend. But nope! This week is wiping me  out completely.

Dead to Her - Sarah Pinborough

Being the second wife can be murder . . .

“Once a cheat, always a cheat,” they say. Marcie Maddox has worked hard to get where she is after the illicit affair that started her new life a few years ago. But her world of country clubs, yachts and sumptuous houses in Savannah, Georgia, isn’t easy to maintain, no matter how hard she tries. Nor is keeping her husband, Jason, truly interested.

So, when Jason’s boss brings home a hot new wife from his trip to London, the young Mrs William Radford IV isn’t quite the souvenir everyone expected. Sexy, drop-dead gorgeous and black—Keisha quickly usurps Marcie’s place as the beautiful second wife. But when Marcie sees the extra spark in the room when Keisha and Jason are together and their obvious, magnetic attraction, the gloves come off.

Revenge is best served cold, but in the steamy Savannah heat, blood runs so hot that this summer it might just boil over into murder.

If you remember, I reviewed another book by this author called Cross Her Heart, and I didn't totally love it. It was OK but it wasn't great. I was a little hesitant going into this one and unfortunately a lot of the problems I had with Cross Her Heart were present here, too so it's either me with the issue or its just the author's writing style that isn't meshing well with me.

You know I am a big believer that characters in thrillers really all need flaws to keep them suspect and you really can't like them. While both of those things are in this book, it almost goes too far because I really, really, really didn't like any of these characters and I found myself rooting for a terrible end for all of them.

The book is really bizarre, we have Marcie who is the younger, hot second wife of Jason. We have Keisha, who is the new younger, hot wife of William (Jason's boss). Picture the Real Housewives of Literally Any City and that's what this entire circle is. While Marcie isn't exactly besties with any of the women in the circle, the introduction of Keisha threatens not only that, but Marcie's marriage to Jason, who suddenly centers his attention on Keisha. Jason convinces Marcie to befriend her and while they do become friendly, this ends up being bananas. I mean, bizarre. The little twist of southern voodoo in here surprised me and was a breath of energy into this book that I was having a hard time sticking with.

To be honest, this really isn't a thriller, its more like a strange regular ol' fiction with some steamy sex and supernatural stuff thrown in. I can see how fans of Liane Moriarty would enjoy this one, it should be shelved in that area but it really wasn't a thriller. I'm going to give this one 2.5 stars, rounded up to 3 for Goodreads.

⭐⭐⭐

   

Thank you to William Morrow and TLC Book Tours for having me on this tour and sending me a copy! All thoughts are my own and this post contains affiliate links. 

Move it, move it.

If you were here on Friday you maybe saw my post about us moving. (If you didn't, go catch yourself up.)  Since then I've gotten a ton of support and offers to help and don't think I'm not going to take you up on that because Matt and I are getting old. He's only going to be 40, but he is almost certain he's going to need surgery on his elbow after all of this (its been bothering him awhile, so it's not like this just happened), and I can't lift anything. So don't start ignoring your phone now. HA!

I spent most of my Friday night packing up books. Which... that's actually really daunting. When we moved the last time I thought it was bad but no, this is actually worse. Even Matt agrees. Ha! I purged quite a bit along the way and I have some in piles to donate to specific people. I'm pretty sure I won't have as much room at the new place so I will likely have to purge more and that makes me sad. 

The great news is that I found Edward Cullen's head! If you aren't a long time reader, this is probably just weird to you. But long time readers remember when I had a six foot cardboard cut out of Robert Pattinson, aka Edward Cullen. I used to have it standing next to my side of the bed. Then he lived in my dining room for awhile. No matter where he was he would scare the daylights out of people. Even me sometimes and I knew he was there. In our last move he was "accidentally" damaged so Matt said I should just toss it but nope! I had an idea for a project so I neatly trimmed his head and top of his shoulders off, but I put it in my craft closet because I probably didn't have time. Then I forgot about it. Lo and behold! Edward has returned and he is 100% coming with me. 

On Saturday Matt went over to start building our bedroom, so I had all four kids to bring with me to run errands. I thought we'd be gone an hour tops but it ended up being a huge chunk of my day and I was exhausted. I brought stuff over for Matt and I had to just rest so the girls colored while I almost fell asleep. This is wiping me out. I told Matt my fear is I won't have it in me to move again. We'll see what happens, though.

Sunday I spent more time purging our stuff. So much has already been donated or given to friends/family who want/need it. Its nice to unload so much, its just getting daunting because I know a lot more needs to go, but as a family of six we actually use/need a lot of stuff. So... it is turning out to be a bigger job than I thought it would be.

In other news, it was super nice this weekend and I'm bummed I never really got out there. The kids have a SUPER busy week this week. Things on our agenda:

• Lucy's conferences and 4K registration
• Olivia plays in the University of Minnesota's Honor Band
• Olivia and I are going to a mandatory meeting for our DC/NYC trip (more on that soon)
• Olivia and Jackson are going to the Level II meet for Forensics
• I have therapy (thank god)
• Penelope has conferences and we talk about her kindergarten readiness
• Dance on two nights this week
• A school movie night we're going to try to get to
• Penelope has TWO birthday parties to go to this weekend

That's just evening things. My days are completely jam packed of stuff to do and places to call. Poor Matt is going to be working a ton all week. I'm already exhausted. 

Book Review: Beautiful Broken Control

I really don't love reading on my iPad because my eyes have a harder time getting information to my brain since my stroke (which this can't possibly make sense to you unless you were in this boat) but it helps when I get books I can finish in one sitting. Even if it is in the middle of the night.

Beautiful Broken Control - Catherine Cowles

A woman trying to rebuild her life.

Kennedy is doing all she can to escape, to prove that she’s not the monster her father was. A simple life of peace and service is all she needs.

A man haunted by a past he can’t forget.

Cain has buried his demons under layers of control and success. The only thing he needs is his company and his solitude. Certainly not a woman with captivating green eyes filled with ghosts so similar to his own.

He’s a reminder of the life she’s left behind. And she’s a threat to his tightly guarded control. As sparks fly between them, they discover that what they might need most is each other.

But with pasts like theirs...you never know when darkness might descend.

I am such a fan of romance novels but there are certain ones that just hit me right, and this is one of them.

We have Kennedy, the daughter of a man who went to prison for a Ponzi scheme that swindled people out of millions of dollars. Even though she was the one who sent him to prison, everyone hates her anyways. She hates herself and realizes everything that she's enjoyed in life is from someone else's hard work and it was stolen. It's hard to feel grateful for any of it. She decides to go as far as she can and ultimately ends up in Sutter Lake to start a new, significantly more modest, life. Alone.

Then we have Cain, the CEO of a prominent IT and Security company, who needs some time to clear his head after burying his mother he felt nothing for. She neglected him and his sister to the point his sister was brutally murdered and that has screwed Cain up pretty badly. Even worse, he's confident that someone in his company is selling information to a competitor and that could cause everything he's worked for to go under. He needs time to figure out how to sniff out the culprit and what to do about it, and he needs space away from the city that haunts him worse than he though. So he goes to Sutter Lake where his best friends live and he plans to adjust while in solitude.

But then fate brings Kennedy and Cain together and while Kennedy is terrified for anyone to learn of her true identity, Cain know something isn't quite right with her story so he's going to figure it out before one of his friends gets hurt.

Of course they start to fall for each other and I kind of loved it. A lot. They are both incredibly flawed and while they are working through their own guilt and traumas, they are doing it in two wildly different ways. Kennedy is focusing on her everyday gratitude and Cain is bottling it in and choosing to not discuss his sister and her death.

It apparently is par for the course for Sutter Lake to have some crime and when Kennedy is kidnapped, it challenges Cain in ways he can't comprehend.

Overall? 5 stars. I loved this one so much I have the other three in the series in my shopping cart for payday. This was my first book by Catherine Cowles and I really enjoyed it. It was everything I want in a romance novel but she isn't going over the top or trying to hard. I absolutely loved it, stayed up far too late reading it, and would recommend it to you. Though this is book four in the Sutter Lake series, they are all completely stand alone so you won't feel out of place but if you've read the other three, the other characters are in here too so it is a nice "what are they doing now" book.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

   

Thank you to Social Butterfly PR and Catherine Cowles for having me on this tour- I am so lucky to review books because I find authors and books I otherwise may never have found. All thoughts are my own of course, and this post contains affiliate links. 

Revenge of the Digestion System and Changes

When I posted on Facebook that I was going to have my gallbladder removed everyone told me how great I was going to feel. So much better! I have friends who have had it done and they all gave me good post surgery tips and talked about changes they made.

Cool.

I'm like two weeks out from my surgery and you know how I feel?

AWFUL.

I am nauseous ALL of the time. I have had the worst heartburn of my life and my Omeprazole isn't doing squat for it. I ate an entire bottle of Tums over the course of a day and no relief. The idea of food and eating it makes me want to throw up. I have been trying to eat toast, maybe a handful of grapes, some saltine crackers and all of it makes me want to throw up.

Even better?

It doesn't matter what I eat or how very little of it I have, I will have diarrhea. Not just regular, this is inconvenient diarrhea, but it is painful. The cramping is painful, too.

I did go to the surgeon follow up and I didn't meet with him, I met with one of his PA's, and she didn't seem concerned at all. Which... I can't imagine this is normal. Seriously, I cannot live like this. The closest comparison I have to this is morning sickness but EXTREME.

I am so tired and physically weak because I'm not getting enough nutrition but I cannot stomach anything. I messaged my gastroenterologist to ask for help. I see him at the end of March but I am going on that Washington D.C/New York City trip with Olivia (I'll post more about it next week) and I can't imagine going on that trip like this. I can't even run to Target without making several bathroom trips and then breathing and counting randomly so I don't throw up on the floor.

It's bad. So that's how my recovery is going.

***

Really big news that has come (literally) out of left field: we are moving.

I know, didn't see that coming, did you? I haven't talked about it much because I'm still just trying to process it myself, but my parents have moved to Florida to care for my grandparents. It is no secret that since my AFE things have been financially tight. To give you a better idea, when I had my AFE we had less than $5K in debt that wasn't a vehicle or house. It wasn't bad at all and we assumed I'd be going to work so it was manageable. Once it was clear that things weren't going to be the same and I wasn't going to work, we got a little nervous.

We were lucky to have a GoFundMe account and that is what kept us from losing our house because those first six months Matt was working sporadically between helping me at home, taking care of kids, getting me to appointments, etc. If you aren't working, your paychecks aren't covering the bills. We used that money to basically float us for six months. We never planned on me having disabilities, seeing so many specialists and having all kinds of tests, trying new medications and it being a never ending cycle. For the last three years when I say we are barely getting by, I am not kidding. We are in debt up to our eyeballs and the only solution right now is to plug the holes in the boat.

Our house is a hole in the boat.

Not only can we no longer (realistically) afford it right now, but our house is big. I mean, it looks big, but if you walk up and down the stairs all day? Exhausting for a healthy person. I am no longer capable of cleaning it. I can't take care of things. Some mornings I can barely get down the stairs when I wake up. It's just too much.

But let me be clear, I don't love this house. It wasn't going to be our forever home. It was really just to get us through raising the kids and then we would downgrade. Even though I'm not in love with this home, I'm really sad to move. I'm sad because we are moving to a home that is half the size, maybe even less. Six people = one bathroom. I feel like we're all being punished because I got sick. It's all my fault we're in this predicament and I feel guilty as hell. I know it isn't rational and we're here whether I feel guilty or not. I am scared that we're not seeing a larger consequence later on down the road. I trust Matt wholeheartedly and when he says this is what we're doing, this is what we're doing.

So where are we going?

We're moving into my parent's old home. I grew up there from age 14 and up. The house has sentimental value and the thought of someone else living there really bothers me, so I guess on the bright side I won't have to navigate those feelings right now. We will be saving a TON of money each month to apply towards debt. It does feel like a weight is lifted, like we're going to move forward again. We've got five years to get the debt under control and then we can either buy the house or we can move somewhere else. It's all kind of up in the air and if you know me, not having a concrete, permanent home base is terrifying for me. As a kid I really hated moving and it never made me feel secure. I worry that I'm doing this to myself now but also to my kids.

Fortunately, the only changes they'll have is a different bus stop. I'm not sure when we'll be IN that house because Matt has to build a bedroom for him and I (the house is only a 3 bedroom) in the basement, and then we'll start moving things over. We'll have a few things to fix here before we can list our house and hope it sells quickly.

I don't know if you are the praying type or just the kind who sends positive thoughts, but we would take any and all of it. I'm really feeling anxious, scared, and uncertain. I know all of it is my own issues and I'm going to do the best I can to make this move not a pain in the ass but also be kind to the kids. Olivia and Jackson really aren't thrilled, and Penelope and Lucy are so worried we won't be bringing their toys, stuffed animals, books, clothes, etc. The concept of moving is totally foreign to them and not Lucy so much but Penelope looks scared and I feel really terrible. That somehow my body has failed us all and its my fault they are sad/mad/scared.

Sigh.

So that's the scoop.

It's going to be OK. It can always be worse. I am thankful we will have a home. I am thankful we have family who help us out. I am thankful to have friends who have already told us they will help us in any way. I am thankful for my therapist who starting next week is going to see me have panic attacks during sessions again. I am sure she has missed them. HA!

Book Review: A Flame Through Eternity

I don't know about you but this week is kicking my rear and I just want to get into bed and wave the white flag because I am over it. Honest to goodness. Stress is going to be what kills me. I wish I could go with the flow and just relax but no. My DNA is not capable of that so here I am, getting almost no sleep every night because I cannot stop worrying. It's horrible. Anyways. I have a book review!

A Flame Through Eternity - Anna Belfrage

Helle may believe in second-chance love, but she sure doesn’t believe in reincarnation. Okay, she didn’t believe in stuff like that until she met Jason Morris a year or so ago. By now, she has accepted that sometimes impossible things are quite, quite possible—like an ancient princess being reborn as an ambitious financial analyst.

Finding Jason was like finding the part of her that had always been missing—a perfect match. But handling Sam Woolf, the reborn version of their ancient nemesis is something of a trial. No sooner do you have him well and surely beat, but up he bounces again. Sheesh, will it take an oak stake to permanently rid their lives of him?

Sam Woolf is a powerful adversary. Too powerful, even. Jason and Helle will need help from unexpected quarters to finally bring this tangled, ancient love-and-hate triangle to some sort of conclusion. Question is, will they survive the experience?

Before we even get started I have to tell you this is book three in The Wanderer series and you absolutely HAVE to read book one (A Torch in His Heart) and book two (Smoke in Her Eyes) because these are very much not stand-alone books. The first book was amazing and I loved every weird second of it. Book two kind of wavered for me a bit but this one?

Holy moly.

First off, this author will pull every single emotion out of you and somehow you find yourself loving and hating the villain, the hero, and even the heroine sometimes all at once. The entire series was a crazy roller coaster but this book took us off the rails.

My conclusions after finishing this:

• I don't like Helle. She was kind of.... bitchy? I mean, that's the best way to describe it. I cannot for the life of me understand why Sam and Jason were fighting for her all of these years when she isn't even the nicest person. What did Justin Bieber once say? "My mama don't like you and she likes everyone?"
• Nefirie is literally the worst mother in law in the history of ever. I mean, she clearly doesn't like Helle (I mean Helle is having sex with her son pretty flagrantly and just giving zero craps about how mom would feel being in the next room.) I'm not excusing her horrific behavior through all of time, because that was really pretty bad, but her ending in this book felt fitting. 
• Jason is a total mama's boy. Sure, the ending of this book happens and some would say that refutes that but no. He loves his mom even at her absolute worst. I He reminds me of the hunky guy would can't save you from a burning building. 
• Sam is in need of significant mental health counseling. He is deranged at best and there are ties where I actually felt sorry for him and I had to stop myself and say- this guy is nuts. He's abusive and not matter how much I don't like Helle she doesn't deserve that. He reminds me of those kids who love their pet so much they squeeze them to death. Basically. 

For awhile I thought maybe I wasn't going to like the ending of this and in a way I didn't LOVE it, but it certainly felt fitting to the series. Overall, I have to give this book (and series) a solid 4 stars. A few bumps along the way but for the most part it was a really entertaining read if you like romantic suspense with a little paranormal thrown in. 

   

A huge thank you to Anna Belfrage and TLC Book Tours for having me on all three of these tours and sending me a copy for review. All thoughts are my own and this post contains affiliate links. Happy reading!