Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Don't smoke pot kids, you'll end up looking like Rhianna.

So on Sunday I made the trip to St. Paul for a date night with my friend Amy and we were going to go to the Rhianna concert. I'll just admit I'm not the biggest Rhianna fan. But regardless of that, I wanted to go to this because she has a huge catalog of hits and honestly- I figured I'd dance my ass off.

But I did not.

First up, according to the ticket the show started at 7:30. Her opening act, A$AP Rocky, started at 8. And he was really kind of shitty. Like, unbelievably so. Sure, he is just coming off of an illness so perhaps his game was off, but I cannot take anyone seriously who has a pimp stick, a throne, and tube socks pulled up to his knees. You have lost any street cred you maybe had before.

But he finished at 8:30 and honestly, thank god. And at every other concert I have ever been to in my life, there is at most, a 30 minute stage change over for the headlining act. Which is totally understandable considering how much is involved with a stage act. But 30 minutes is not what we had.

It wasn't even an hour.


Two hours of admittedly decent music playing, two hours of watching women wearing less than most strippers would start their stage act wearing, two hours of men in short shorts, and drunks getting so drunk they think they are Rhianna's back up dancers practicing their moves in the audience.

By the time Rhianna came on it was almost 10:30 and quite frankly, I was over it before it started. She did a lot of her hits which is exactly what you expect for the price of the ticket. She also does not sign live exclusively. Maybe the drunk people and the teenagers didn't notice, but this concert vet did. I hear your backing track, Rhianna.

My other complaint other than that as a stage performer that is charging people to come see you, you should be on time? Well not only should you be on time, but you should also try to be sober. I said this about Chelsea Handler when she was so fucking wasted that she wasn't even funny and couldn't brush her hair and how since then, I can't even watch her show. I'm that turned off. Well in Rhianna's case, it'd be nice if you could just not smoke immense amounts of weed before you come on stage. I wish I could have gotten a picture of it, but she would try to put this "I'm sexy and you want me" face and it comes off more like "angry and confused stoner". When your sexy face borders on Pauly Shore, you have a problem. I'm just saying that anyone who tells you they can function while smoking pot are lying to you.

We didn't even stay for the entire concert. By 11:15 I was so incredibly tired and I had a 2 1/2 hour drive home still, and I didn't even feel safe to drive. I figured it was better to leave now than try to get out of the parking ramp with hundreds of drunk drivers all getting onto the highway the same time.

Am I bummed I didn't love it? Yes. Anytime I go to a show and feel like I could have used that money for something else that would have been better, I'm disappointed. I did have a good time with Amy and we had a great dinner at Burger Moe's and it's fun to spend time with my far away friend. We don't get to hang out as much as you could if we lived closer, so I enjoy any time I get with her. Plus, we now have Beyonce tickets and I know that won't suck. Beyonce has a god damn work ethic.

But tomorrow I'll tell you about the dead body and the almost mugging. Gotta leave you hanging.


Gini said...

Pauly Shore!! HAA!!

Ruth said...

I've had someone tell me that they didn't care if the performer sang live or not because they went for the whole show. Well, than buy a damn DVD and save some money.
Rhianna always struck me as a glorified stripper anyway.
Maybe Beyonce will be better for you.
I am not a fan of hers either, but I'd pick her over Rhianna.