37 weeks - we are READY.

And when I say "we" I really mean I am ready and fetus four needs to just get right with that. I had my 36 week check last Thursday and I was 50% effaced and dilated to 1. Which isn't a whole lot, but any kind of progress at this point feels great because it's confirmation the end is near.

 37 weeks

In general, I feel OK. Not great, but not ridiculously awful. I'm very sore all of the time but that's because she's as low as can possibly be without actually coming out, a good sign. My lower back has started to really hurt all of the time, which isn't normally a complaint I have during pregnancy so I really hope that doesn't mean I'm in for back labor. I've never had it before and I'd like to just as soon skip it if possible. My vagina hurts like a MOTHER. I can't sit, I can't lay, I can't even stand- it all hurts. I would be lying to you if I said I haven't sat with ice packs in my pants because it was the only relief I could get. 

I'm also down a pound from week 36 and I was down four pounds from week 35, which is another sign (if I go by previous pregnancies) that labor is coming soon. People have said it looks like I've dropped but I don't feel any relief- it's just as hard to breathe now as it was the entire time. 

I am a little nervous that I'm actually carrying a boy and not a girl. My doctor said at week 36 she looked at the ultrasound and she's not sure she would have called it so quick. They can't get me in for another ultrasound because they are down a machine and the other one is booked, and they can't bump someone else because I don't have anything wrong with me, which I understand. So now I'm kind of panicking. 

I have my hospital bag packed and on the dining room table- I just need to put my makeup bag and my hair brush in there and go. I have the baby's bag packed (pictured). I treated myself to a new, much more functional, diaper bag (pictured) so I'm excited about that. I have a home made burp cloth my friend made me for Penelope, a muslin swaddle, a regular receiving blanket, NB and 0-3 month outfit for girl (in case she's big like Penelope was), and yes, a boy outfit.

Don't laugh. I bought a few boy outfits for friends who are having boys around when I'm due for gifts and if I need it then... I guess I'll get them something different. Or take all of their clothes I bought and get them a gift card. Ha! But seriously, I would much rather be prepared than not. But that bag is in my van. The car seat is installed. The bassinet in our room is set up. Matt is going to haul the baby swing up from the basement for me so I can wash the seat liner and have that ready to go, too.

I've been walking every day, resting when I can. Eating ice cream and pizza. I'm ready. I feel like I'm as ready as I can be. And you know what's really weird? I told Matt that as much as I am DONE, 100% done being pregnant, having babies, and all of the hard work that comes with babies and toddlers and beyond.... I have this fear that in a few years I'm going to miss it and want more.

AND I FULLY RECOGNIZE HOW INSANE THIS IS.

I really hope that once this baby is born I get that wave of "this is for sure it and you're totally fine with it". I hate feeling like I can't wait to be done because truthfully, feeling the baby move and being pregnant is really incredible and I'm lucky to not only have had one child but soon to be four. I know I'm lucky. I am worried I'm taking these last few weeks for granted because I want to be done so badly. It's a weird emotional, mostly hormonal, spot to be in.

So we'll see. I have my 37 week check on Thursday so we'll see if I have had any more progress. I sure hope so.