Thursday, June 29, 2017

On the road again....

I am exhausted. I know I'm forgetting something crucial. I'm scared I can't do this. I'm scared I'm going to regret this mid way there. I'm scared something awful will happen and I'll panic. I have zero desire to be trapped inside of a mini van with four kids and a husband who is always crabby and doesn't enjoy adventure or life in general for two days there and two days back, plus winging it in the middle.

My "packing" for six people consisted of throwing a bunch of random things into bags and hoping it's what we need because New Sara is no longer capable of organizing and making decisions, putting things in order, thinking ahead, processing, everything that's needed in planning a vacation let alone a road trip with four children. Old Sara would have been able to whip this up in an hour and have had destinations, back up ideas, activities in bags, back up activities, boredom busters, and fun facts to learn along the way.

New Sara is pretty sure she brought underwear? But maybe not. I know for sure I have my medication and my credit card and that's about it.

We are going on a road trip to Florida to see my family. We haven't seen them in four years and it's really important to me that my grandparents get a chance to meet Penelope and Lucy. This past fall my Great Auntie Barbara passed away and it's really bothered me that I never made the trip to her side of Florida and introduced her to my children. I feel real guilt about that, and my grandparents are getting older, my other grandma that lives up here has cancer and I just... I feel like I have to start making the rounds. It sounds terrible and morbid but something in me is telling me that I need to make it a priority. If I've learned nothing else in this last year, it's that life is fleeting. Any moment it can be taken from you and the right time to make a visit never comes, that time is always now. I can't afford it, but there isn't going to be a better time. The kids are in school in the fall, and then we get busy with life so we decided that while things have kind of slowed down, activities and school are done- we're going. We're going, we're visiting, to hell with bills and money- we're just going to go and worry about it later.

I'll panic about that stuff later.

We're going to wing it on our trip, nothing is planned, we're going to try to visit with as many people as we can, I'm a little worried about how I'm going to feel. I haven't really been in the heat and I've been warned plenty of times that I can and will dehydrate very easily and even if I don't feel thirsty I have to continuously drink water even if it means I am peeing every half hour. So yay, that should make for enjoyable road trip home. I picked up an extra dose of my emergency injection, just in case. And my psychiatrist upped my dose of medicine to help perk me up to hopefully I am not so exhausted the entire trip, knowing that sun is going to be draining anyways. So... I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful this won't be a bust. Now here's hoping my camera cooperates and I remember to use it!


Julie H said...

Good luck! I hope you have some fun :)

Shann Eva said...

Safe travels! I hope everything goes OK!