Monday, May 13, 2019

Weight Loss (week 27)

I missed last week because I couldn't get myself together, which seems to be a reoccurring theme, doesn't it?

Last week I weighed myself and I came in at 213, which honestly isn't as bad as I thought it was. The lowest I've gotten here is 209, so I'm going to take this. The interesting thing is I feel like I have lost more but the scale says differently. Which also makes me wonder the role hormones play in weight gain/loss because I know my hormone replacement is what is holding me back from losing weight at a faster pace than I am.


The good thing is that this week the weather is going to get warmer (supposedly) so I'm excited about going for walks in the morning. I'll be pushing the stroller with the girls so that's a decent amount of weight I'm pushing because they aren't little toddler/baby anymore, it's preschooler/toddler, and they wiggle which makes the process so much harder than it needs to be. Lucy LOVES going for a walk and Penelope is at the age where she hates it but she also can't walk (or ride her bike) for that kind of distance so there's no choice there for her.

Also, with Lucy's speech therapy I have to work her gross motor skills and then do her exercises to see if she gets better after some activity or if there is no improvement, so that means going to the park to run around and climb so I feel like I'm going to tire out easily. But it'll be good for me, too.

I come back to this photo a lot and my friend Amy sent it to me last week. This is from 2011 and I was doing a lot of walk/running at the time and I thought I was so fat. I really felt fat, like I hadn't made any kind of weight loss progress, and when I see it I'm equal parts angry and proud. Proud because I looked damn good and that would be a dream weight/size to be for me now. But I'm angry because I look at where I am now and I'm so far from that and I think, I should be OK with where I am because it could certainly be worse. What if I was 313 pounds? 413 pounds? That Sara would be pissed off with the 213 pound Sara because that was nothing compared to heavier Sara. Does that make sense? I really hate that I didn't enjoy my weight loss back then, that I didn't feel proud of myself for accomplishing that. I know I wasn't at my goal weight, but I looked really good.

I'd like to get there. Not so much the number on the scale, but looking like that and enjoy getting dressed in the morning because I would have more to choose from. It's a weird place to be in, stuck between hating where you're at but knowing full well it could be worse so I should be grateful it isn't worse.
So when I look at current pictures like this one from yesterday, I think god damn, and I get so angry.

But it's time to do something. Yesterday I went for a one mile walk and I didn't feel like I was going to die at the end. We'll see how I feel later today. The goal today though is to go for a walk and just keep doing this, even if I can only go for a mile at a time.


Beth (Coffee Until Cocktails) said...

It is a daily battle for sure and if the god damn Minnesota weather would cooperate we could be outside for more walks! Here's hoping for good weather. And you are doing an awesome job!

mypixieblog said...

I hope you have some nice weather this week—here in NJ it has rained nonstop for days. So depressing. Also I’m sorry you feel this way. Personally I think you look gorgeous in both pictures but I understand that how we feel about how we look is something only we can rationalize. Remember you are beautiful and you have come a long way and you should feel so very proud of yourself because of it ❤️

Shooting Stars Mag said...

I've pretty much never been skinny/small, but I do look back at some old photos and think "I wasn't that big then" and it sucks. But I just have to focus on the now and do what I can. I think you're doing awesome though - and hey, maybe you've lost inches or gained muscle, but didn't lose weight. It happens!


Kim {Hope Whispers} said...

Yay for getting in a walk! You have to start somewhere right. Its had not to look back and compare but I have to remind myself not to do that all the time. You are a beautiful person and that has nothing to do with weight! Give yourself some grace and give it your all! You got this!!