Wednesday, January 26, 2022

Book Review: Fierce Love

I don't know what it's like where you are, but it is absolutely freezing where I am. I hate even complaining because honestly, it could be (and has been) worse, but woo- it's a nippy one. 

Fierce Love - Susan Scott

Often in our romantic relationships, we long for deep connection, but we don't know how to communicate well and sometimes withhold what we're really thinking and feeling. This can lead to fighting, resentment, or, worse, complacency--where you are just going through the motions, more like roommates than two people in love. As Susan writes, "It's as if we've pulled off our own wings." As couples, we don't stop to think how important our conversations are. And we certainly don't understand that what we talk about and how we talk about it determine whether our relationships will thrive, flatline, or fail.

In Fierce LoveNew York Times bestselling author Susan Scott guides couples through eight must-have conversations that lead to deep connection and lasting commitment. Through the use of true stories and hands-on exercises, Susan helps us understand that the conversation is the relationship;
identify and dispel five relationship myths that mislead and derail us;
learn eight conversations that are critical to enriching relationships; and
stop fighting or ignoring issues and start connecting in a deep and meaningful way.

After a season where many relationships were tested and tried, where some relationships thrived and others have exposed cracks couples didn't even realize were there, or realized but didn't acknowledge, now is the best time to learn to communicate well. By having honest, compelling conversations with our partners, we can foster true connection and a fierce love that will withstand the test of time and grow stronger over the years.

I've read a lot of articles about celebrities breaking up and divorcing since the pandemic started, and in real life, I know of a lot of couples who I thought were solid were actually in the middle of a divorce. Many blame the pandemic and basically too much together time, and that feels like an excuse. It's not the pandemic or the time, it's the issues that have been there all along, but were easy to ignore in the day to day life that keeps us all busy. 

Marriage, and relationships, are hard. I heard a song the other day by Spencer Crandall called "Made" and in it he says that soul mates aren't found, they're made, and I thought that was so spot on. I always thought the idea of us finding our soul mate was so impossibly daunting in a world as big as ours, but so was the idea of us really deciding that THIS was the person because what if... what if we're wrong? Well of course that's the basis of most reality TV shows, right? But I really believe the song, our soul mate is made, we make it by putting the work in. We have really great days, really bad days, everything in between days, and we always wonder if we made the right choice, sometimes we wish that person would change instead of us reevaluating our expectations. If there is one thing Matt and I can say about our marriage, its that we have literally gone through every one of our vows. Sickness and health? Yup. Good times and bad? For sure. Death? Um, yeah, we've actually been there and done that. I will say there was a time that I was convinced we were going to get divorced. I had a plan going forward and figured I was young enough, things would work out for me. Of course, life happens and things change. Fast forward 13 years and we've been through even harder things, things that would shake any couple, and I've finally come to a space where I know Matt is it. He's my one. I know that no matter what, Matt has my back and he's going to be there as my rock, and vice versa. I feel my safest with him, I feel like I am home with him. 

Oh but what a road to get there. 

In Fierce Love, author Susan Scott talks about communication and how your communication actually is the relationship. If it's shallow, so is your relationship. If you can get deep into it, so does your relationship. I also love that she gets into the conversation we all need to have (and should) but we know that it could change everything, and really think about that, what is something you need to talk about with your partner but you know that if the answer isn't great, it's going to change the relationship for sure, but maybe even the trajectory of your life? 

My absolute FAVORITE part of this book is part 2 and she goes into the five myths that basically sabotage us. Honestly, look at your social media and you can find a handful of friends who have "met their soul mate" or "the love of their life" a few times now, and truly, you need to throw this entire book at them with this entire section highlighted! To sum all five myths up: nobody else can complete you, true love isn't unconditional, nobody will fulfill your list/meet every requirement, they love you and probably don't know, and love isn't all you need. I was literally screaming at this entire section because it is all so very true. 

No book on love and relationships could end without giving you something to work on or to do, and this one is no different. The last sections are eight conversations you really need to have. It's important going into them knowing you both have to be truthful, and you both have to accept the results of the conversations. I guarantee your partner is going to say something that might hurt, or might sting, but it doesn't mean everything is going to hell and you pack their stuff, it means you've got a springboard to getting into deep communication, and that's what every relationship needs. 

Whether you're already married, or maybe thinking about getting married, this is definitely a worthwhile read. Thank you to TLC Book Tours and Thomas Nelson Publishers for having me on this tour and sending me a copy for review! 

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