Ely's Peak (attempt one)

Over the weekend we were kid free and I had this idea that because Matt likes nature, I would suck it up and go on a hike. I figured it would count as out exercise, I'll say I've been in nature, I'll have planned something really cool and fun for us, all of this. I have had MANY friends hike to Ely's Peak and say it is a super great hike, perfect for beginners. 

I am a beginner. 

So I find the instructions online. I inform him of our plans. (Disclaimer: this is where I'm going to insert the "Matt should have known better" statement because when a cognitively impaired person tells you they know EXACTLY where they are going but often can't remember where they live, you should do your own research and not listen to them.) 

We find the parking area easily. We get out, and ta-da! There is the wooden boardwalk!

It's a lovely boardwalk. We take it until it stops and notice that hey- there is a kind of steep hill to climb and we see stairs. OBVIOUSLY stairs mean we're in the right spot. 

We start walking and walking and ta-da! We came across the DWP tunnel, and it is at that point that I feel 100% confident we are going the right way. I didn't realize the tunnel was so long and that it would be so dark. It looks like the perfect place to dump a body because I'm not sure anyone would see it and I bet an animal would get to it before a person saw it. I'm just saying. 

We decide to go through the tunnel because of course, we see no other direction to go. There are no other trails. Just like I thought, it was DARK AS HELL. 

We get through the tunnel and we see a couple of maybe trails. There is one to our right that looks like sudden death. Another one that looks like death once you go further down. The ONLY trail that looks like the logical choice is this one. 

It looks like the OBVIOUS choice, right? Nowhere at this point did we see a map. We see people coming back down this. In our first two miles (yeah, you read that right) we saw people coming the opposite direction so we thought we were going the right way. 

Also around mile 1.75 we come across a woman with two dogs. She's alone, and asks us if we know where we are. We say of course not and she says well, she's going to just follow us. 

Oh good, bank your survival on us and that might not go well, consider we had been arguing over if this was right for the last twenty minutes. So she follows us until mile 2.6, which is when Matt and I called it. Our map thingie on our phone show we are going into the middle of nowhere. The information I had read said there would be blue markers and eventually a sign, none of which we saw and I just felt like if we hadn't see them yet it wasn't going to happen. 

So we tell the nice lady with the dogs that we were turning around and going home. She looked kind of bummed we weren't continuing on but honestly, I'm not sure where the hell she was going. 

I mean, we did see nature and periodically there were nice views so I guess it wasn't a complete bust? I will say though, it was HOT. We had water (thank god I remembered that) but I felt like I was going to pass out the last mile. I was pretty damn irritated though. When we got back to the tunnel we were looking around and saw an older couple trying to figure out where the hell to go too, so I didn't feel so stupid. 

This was us at the end. I was dripping wet in all of the wrong places, in definite need of food, my ankles and feet were so swollen, same with my fingers. My knees were also swollen and I hadn't really experienced that yet so that was fun. By the time we got back to the car we had walked 5.14 miles, which is more than double that we do on a nightly walk and those have me throbbing. The day after this little jaunt? My hips felt like they were falling apart. Have you seen that movie COCO? Where the skeleton guy just randomly falls apart? That's what I felt like. Like, I'm sorry, let me just pick up my femur, I seem to have dropped it. 

We got home and I showered, changed my clothes, took some medicine, drank my weight in water, ate a bunch of snacky things and stared at the wall while sitting on the couch. It took us almost two hours to decide if we were going to eat dinner and if so, what we were going to eat. 

After dinner though we did go to one of those ice cream shops that roll your ice cream. He saw it on Facebook a few nights before so I said that's what we'll do for his birthday weekend. 

I got a chocolate brownie, and it was OK. It wasn't anything amazing and it had a bit of an odd taste to it? 

His was definitely prettier, he got a strawberry mango. He said he wanted strawberry on top but got boba, which isn't what he wanted but whatever. We didn't eat in the shop because those tables and chairs hadn't been washed in a long time so we ate outside in the car and people watched. We can say we tried it but I'm not sure if we'd go back. 

We ARE going to try Ely's Peak again though. I refuse to be defeated. 

Weight Loss Monday: Routine!

I have really struggled with knowing that once I get a routine, it'll get easier. I know this, I completely know this, but it's so hard. The good thing is that I feel like I'm getting into one, I just also really want to be lazy and sleep.

So far, most mornings (like 3-4 a week) I take the little girls on a walk and push the double stroller and we go for about a mile. If you remember my last update (two weeks ago), I mentioned that I was going to try two miles, and I did that twice.

It was pretty horrible.

So I'm back to going one mile and when I feel a little more confident and less like death at the end, I'm going to add more in.

I do think this week I'm going to start adding in work outs from BeachBody because I'm learning through copious research that I need to do more if I want to feel like I don't look pregnant. I'm really struggling with knowing that I look pregnant, I have a huge stomach, and while psychologically I know this isn't my fault, this is completely because I'm on corticosteroids to live, but I really hate it. It reminds me of the trauma I've been through and it just really makes me angry. If I was just fat I'd feel like I would eat better and exercise more and problem solved.

And I'm not saying there is anything wrong with being this size and looking this way. There isn't. I feel like it is a visual representation of everything I struggle with mentally. Does that make sense?

Anyways. 

I saw a thing last week saying we should have 120 minutes of outdoor time a week for optimal health. Combine that with talking to this couple who just finished walking the Superior Hiking Trail and I have this weird goal... to hike the SHT.

Now don't panic, I know, I absolutely KNOW this sounds insane. Can I track 300+ miles on my own? All in one shot?

No.

God, no. I might be super depressed but I'm not delusional.

I'm going to really look into the logistics of this and I just... I just feel like I could do this. So I don't know. Don't even listen to me, I'm clearly nuts.

Copper Falls? Oh you mean the Land of a Lot of Stairs.

While we didn't get to go to Copper Falls on Saturday, we decided Sunday was the day. Even though I was sore from our hike before and my body was still trying to replenish my blood loss from being eaten alive by mosquitoes, I decided to hell with it all- we're going.

But this time we left Twinky home because I'll be damned if I drive over an hour and not see some damn waterfalls.

So off we went. We also took a quick drive through Ashland, Wisconsin and Matt did not let me stop at the local bookstore because he is a fun killer.

But Jackson enthusiastically told me this park looks way better than Pattison because they had an actual playground AND because mom remembered the bug spray this time.

 So we started hiking. It had been years since Matt and I had been here (like ten??) and I remembered it to be a really easy hike. Unfortunately, an easy hike for an active 22 year old is a little different than what an easy hike as a chunky 32 year old would be. Mostly because I really don't remember there being stairs and there actually are a lot.

 I mean, I was wearing shorts and my thighs were sticking together because I was so sweaty. But the kids were kind of loving the waterfalls.

 We took our obligatory one arm shot where Olivia photo bombed us. But right after this my neck was sweaty so I decided the hair had to go up.

 So we walked and walked and then we found a beachy area. The water was actually really warm but I was so sweaty. Like, I cannot explain fully how sweaty I was. It was like I had come out of a pool. I had sweat pooling in my sports bra. I'm not even joking.

 So we kept moving because by this point I was wanted to be done. We were only like 30 minutes in and I basically wish Matt's back would hold out long enough to carry me back to the car. But then we found this cool log that looked like a heart and I made the kids take a picture.

And shortly after that, we found another pretty observation spot. I think the kids were getting sick of me talking about bedrock, granite and lava formations. Maybe I sounded delirious. 

 Even Matt was sweaty. But the best part is that not one of us was bitten by any kind of bug. Take THAT, nature.

 Oh yes. The last part of the trail I kept seeing signs for the wheelchair accessible path. And this was one of them. I'm sorry, but if I was in a wheel chair, there isn't a chance in hell I would go down that path. I'm telling you that that path was overgrown, totally not even in any way and far bumper than the rugged path. It was kind of hilarious.

What was not hilarious was college students talking about how they would be millionaires if they made iPhone charging stations in forests. I think I stared at them for too long and they probably thought I was mentally handicapped but come on- I hate nature too but even I can appreciate the value of looking at trees and shit.

 But we made it through the entire Doughboy Trail (no, really- that's what it's called and aptly so) so we played on the playground.

 And played some more.

As I'm chugging water as if I hadn't had any in days, I see a pack of 5 20something, dirty college kids coming out of the forest with backpacks. As it turns out, they had hiked to the backpack campsite area (way off the Doughboy Trail,  like on a real hike) and had spent 2 days out there. Which got me thinking, I wonder if I could handle that? They had a small tent and camp rolls and nothing but what would fit in their backpacks. I looked at Matt who said he'd give me a dollar if I did that.

A dolla make a girl holla is what I say.

So.. maybe.

But within minutes of getting on the road, this was the scene from the back seat. Matt was driving and I decided I'd do my best to belt out every Bryan Adams song my phone had on it. Which ended up being 36 of them. Poor Matt looked like he hated his life which is too bad because from our house to our first hotel on the South Dakota trip? Almost 13 hours, baby!

Blood donation in Pattison.

So this weekend I decided that in order to get ready for hiking my ass off (hopefully) while in South Dakota, I would "train". And by "train" I mean, make my family hike out into the nearest Wisconsin forest for a long time until I think I might die.

That lasted about one hour and thirty seven minutes.

The original plan was to go to Copper Falls State Park which is almost a little less than two hours away in Mellen, Wisconsin. But time got away from us and we had a birthday party to go to in the evening, well Olivia did, so we decided to just go to Pattison State Park which is maybe 20 minutes from our house. We brought Twinky with thinking he could use the exercise since he's kind of a porker.

Except we got there and dogs can basically only go on one trail and it's not anywhere near the waterfall, so that meant we caught up to some random trail just beyond the camp sites. Which, awkward walking down a road past everyone's campsites? But we found it and off we went. 

And because I am such a stellar parent with poor planning skills when it comes to spur of the moment things, I failed to bring bug spray. But I wrongly assumed we would be fine. Actually, we were fine for about 20 minutes. Then you end up being really into the woods and you would have thought those mosquitoes hadn't been fed in days. We were essentially swarmed but I again, wrongly assumed, that if you just hiked faster they would leave you alone. 

Which is wrong because that makes you sweaty and they apparently like that. 

We made it about 45 minutes before everyone started yelling at me that it was time to turn the fuck around (Matt's words) because we were going to die (Olivia's words) and that all of their blood was pretty much gone (Jackson's words). So we turned around. And yes, it was even worse on the way back because if there was such a thing as mosquito head wind? We were in it.  

Finally, once we reached the end where we were back on the road, I asked the kids to show me their "We hiked and it was awesome!" faces. Clearly, Jackson is smiling but he's also giving me the little kid equivalent to the middle finger, which is a thumbs down. Olivia just stood there and let me know her socks were wet. 

Twinky was the best of the bunch, the one who complained the least. He was happy to be back on grass where he could rub his butt on the grass. (He's started this thing where it's like dog masturbation I think, he just rubs his penis and butt hole on the grass. He's tried doing it on the carpet but I think my yelling discourages it.) (I mean, what do you say when people come over? "Welcome to my home. Don't mind him, he's just pleasuring himself on stained carpet. And Stumpy the cat does want you to aggressively spank him. If you just do it, he'll leave you alone.") 

But the one thing I learned on Saturday's adventure was that I have poorly misjudged my abilities when it comes to all day hiking. Basically, I'm going to try to tough it out but I'm legitimately worried about my stamina. This ol' gal is out of shape and the fact that my thunder thighs have made their triumphant return should have appropriately clued me in. 

God help us all.