Summer is winding down.. let's run into fall.

Once of our favorite things to do in the summer is a local event called Wednesday Night at the Races. It's organized by the Grandma's Marathon folks and it's to promote fitness in children, but maybe also to spark a future generation of runners. We always try to go to one or two of the races and the final race and picnic of the year. The kids enjoy it, it's almost always nice out, and who doesn't love an excuse to not cook dinner? 

Before I completely forget, Lucy is an official walker! She's been cruising along furniture for almost two months but just the last week or two she's been walking around without hanging onto anything. Very exciting stuff, here!

Penelope has discovered a love for running free. Olivia and Jackson ran after her for about an hour. When she wants to, Penelope can really haul ass. She takes off like a shot and has boundless energy.

They were both exhausted before their races even started. I almost felt bad for them, but I was eager for an easy bedtime so there's that.

Lucy wanted to run but she's still a little wobbly and the feeling of shoes is new to her, but it's almost winter- time to get used to socks and shoes, kid.

Jackson tried to rest but Penelope wasn't having any of it.

Lucy isn't to be outdone so she also beat her brother up.

Olivia took an actual break because the girls don't beat her up. They love her.

The kids did a great job running! Matt actually ran with Penelope otherwise she may have taken a kid or two out or just made her own course all together. Jackson finished in the top ten of his race, and Olivia came in dead last. (She's convinced there was someone else behind her, but no. Dead last. HA!) The kids all ate and I froze my rear end off because at some point the wind switched and I didn't think to bring a sweatshirt. Rookie move. 

Olivia is signing up for the running club in middle school and I think it'll be good for her. She's not the most athletic kid in general, but I want her to get involved and try new things. Maybe she'll end up loving it. Who knows? 

Author fan girl, glow and color

So last night I went to a book signing at my local Barnes & Noble. Which, you probably already assumed this, but I absolutely love author readings and signings, so every time one pops up, I try to go. Anyways. So this one was for Brian Benson's book Going Somewhere and it's new, but it's like the book Wild, but better and on a bicycle.

I've been wanting to read this ever since I saw it as a "coming soon" book so I obviously bought my copy last night and had him sign it. But the best part about this is that he is actually ridiculously hilarious, humble, amazing and handsome in person. Like, the author picture does him no justice and I'm fairly certain I sat there in the front row with obvious googly eyes. I asked a ton of questions and I left there wanting to purchase a bicycle, a backpack, and a map.

I know really feel like my bucket list item of riding a bike across two states isn't totally ridiculous. I'll just take his advice and go west to east and avoid head wind. So I am now a total fan girl for Brian Benson and if there were shirts, I'd wear one. Just saying.
***
So today I had a second interview for a second part time job. Honestly, we need the money. These medical bills are killing us and until I can be a famous author and earn royalties, I have to slum it like the rest of  us. So I applied at a Kwik Trip job fair on Wednesday and had an hour long interview. Sent in my references and within minutes of the first 5 references filling out their form, I got a call asking for a final interview. So that was today. Which was awful because I woke up with the flu and a fever. But I went anyways because I thought, surely I won't be there long.

Luckily I did because the final interview was actually a job offer right out the bat. I got scheduled for training and orientation and sent on my way to a drug test. Which I'm assuming I passed despite all of the Day Quil I pumped myself with so I could form complete sentences and not appear to be sweating like I was when I woke up, because nobody has called in regards to that.

I'm really bummed out I need a second job but I keep telling myself it's only temporary. Maybe I can pay off Matt's truck, the credit card, the medical bills, and the furniture. That would be kind of amazing. If those were all gone, we'd be doing really well financially so that's the goal here.
***
Tomorrow night though, I'm doing the Glow Run 5K in Duluth. That starts at 9pm, I'm assuming I'll be done around 10 and home by 10:30. Which is good because I have to be up at 5am the next morning so we can all drive two and a half hours to Minneapolis so I can pick up my packet and get in line for the 8:30 wave of the Color Run.

Which girl should stop scheduling things without referring to her calendar?

THIS GIRL.

Professional wogger.

Lambs, this fitness thing sucks. As it turns out, I'm not actually very good at it. I really am a fat kid at heart but I also don't want to shop at Lane Bryant and that pretty much, is the only reason I'm trying to get all fit. Well, that and I'd like to not have a heart attack. I'm too awesome to die young and all that.

But tonight I went for a quick two mile wog (walking/jogging combination) and I've said this before, but the downside to having a bubble butt via genetics is that it's really a barrier to wogging. Or any physical activity in general. I can always tell how well I'm doing in my exercise based on how quickly my rear end stops moving when I do. Today, it moved for awhile yet. I could have taken out a small child if one were behind me.

The more concerning problem from tonight's wog was perspiration. Well, at the time, I really thought I had actually peed my pants .3 miles in. Which, is pretty awful considering I didn't even feel it happen. So then all of these scenarios play through your head like, why didn't I feel myself peeing my own pants? What kind of medical malady would that be indicative of? I decided to ignore it, despite a rash obviously developing on my thigh, because I had black spandex like pants on and I figured nobody could see so let's stay on side streets and finish it out.

So I did.

As soon as I got home I went to investigate the situation.

As it turns out, I didn't pee myself! Which is super good to know. What I did do was sweat. It was clearly sweat. Normally, just my boobs sweat which is weird, but today? My thighs! I think that's good, right? Maybe that means my very own thunder from down under is slimming up a bit. That's kind of great.

My next mission is to get some shoes that don't make me want to say all of the swears a mile in, some socks that don't blister my feet, and a freaking arm band to put my phone in. Not to mention a serious sports bra that clasps in the front. I have found three really great ones for under $50 but they don't clasp in the front and to get it off after a workout you are essentially dislocating your shoulders. I can't keep asking Matt to come help me get free. Last week I got stuck, which is awful enough, but then he proceeded to come into the bathroom and laugh until he couldn't breathe because he said seeing me with a sports bra half on and half off and my arms all wonky, I looked like one of those seagulls stuck in a six pack ring holder you see in ads telling you not to litter.

Asshole.

Anyways. So that's my mission pretty soon. I have to get crackalackin, because I have quite a few 5K's coming up and I don't want to finish dead last again. It's kind of terrible to do that in case you aren't familiar. I mean, dead last means I still did more than people sitting on the couch, but when you get passed by old people, that's kind of awful.

Harvest Run = Redemption

So, do any of you remember my last two runs? The fun Neon Run and then the one I came in dead fucking last? When I say "dead fucking last", I really mean "long after the old people and small children finished".

Well that was shameful and I knew I had to redeem myself. So I signed up for the Harvest Run. I've done this one before and they have a really amazing course, gorgeous along the shore of Lake Superior, and the finish is at Fitger's Brewhouse which means I'll get a burger and fries at the end. So worth it. Well I signed up for it, but Olivia said she wanted to sign up for the kid run too, which was only 1K, and I thought- awesome mommy and daughter bonding experience!

So I signed us both up. And then did not train. At all. Like a MORON. I seriously felt like not even going to the damn race because I was so grossly unprepared but I thought, no.... I paid fees, I'm getting a shirt, and Olivia wanted to go. So we went.

While waiting for the train to come (because you get to take the train to the start- pretty cool), I saw this lady behind me. She has what appears to be a hand made headband that had "Duck Commander" written on it? I think it's something to do with Duck Dynasty, but she doesn't have a beard so it's odd. Then after I saw the guy dressed as a storm trooper, I think that maybe they are the only two that thought this was a dress up run? Um, no. It is not a dress up run.

While in line for the train, Olivia and I posed in our shirts next to the lake. Freezing. It was freezing.

Then we got on the train. Only I would be getting off, but your family/spectators can ride and watch the start. They get dropped back off at the finish, and Matt said by the time they got there the first people were finishing the race. CRAZY.

As it turns out, I had signed up to walk this race instead of run. Which was fine because oh hell no I was in no shape to run a full 5K. But I only had two goals for this race: do not finish last being the important one, and then finish before the storm trooper. If I got beat by a storm trooper, I should just stop all together. 

 So off we went. It turns out there were a bunch of walkers. All of which were incredibly slow. Like I got to the half mile mark and I could no longer even see them. So then I thought, I'm just going to do a light jog. It was basically a fast walk with more arm movement. And I didn't die. I felt pretty good and had to really slow down in some spots, but overall I felt like I was booking it. I was actually passing people who were full fledged running who looked like maybe they weren't doing so hot.

And before I knew it, I was done. I thought I had gotten my best time but no, my best time ever for a 5K was 41 minutes and some seconds, but this was a respectable finish for me.

I didn't even feel super exhausted at the end, either. I felt pretty good. The best part? Is that I won. 

I actually won FIRST PLACE for the walkers. Which, you might scoff at that, but I have never won first place in anything athletic, ever. (Unless you could the time I won first place in a baton tossing competition but it was blind luck that I caught that toss and it would never be repeated again.) I didn't know they were giving out prizes for walkers, so when I heard my name called, I may or may not have yelled, "Holy shit! That's ME!" A bunch of guys sitting on the deck of Fitgers laughed at me, but it was a big deal. I got a medal AND a gift card which I'm going to use to buy new shoes. But it was pretty awesome. Oh- AND I passed the storm trooper. But a LOT. Phew.

 After my race, I got Olivia ready for hers. She has done a few running things but a 1K was further than she's gone and because I don't understand the metric system, I told her the wrong distance. Whoops.

 But she is an awesome little kid and she just ran her little heart out. She took off and she said not only did she not fall (she's a bit clumsy) but she only stopped and walked for a few seconds and took off again.

 There's my girl crossing the line.

 And afterwards, she said she felt good and wants to do it again. So every time I'm racing and there's a kid option I'll see if she wants to do it. I'm trying to do things to promote being healthy versus exercising to lose weight with her.

Overall it was a really nice October morning. We both got some exercise in, didn't totally freeze but came close, and had the boys cheering us on. I haven't run since (shocker) but it's days like this that make me wish I'd just stick with it. My next challenge is running in the cold. I know people do it and can handle it but I don't do well with cold and I wish I could afford a gym membership just so I could run indoors during the really long winter here. I was set to go out this morning but it was 38 degrees and raining. No thanks.

Light it up. And wear a tutu for good measure.

Don't worry lambies, I'm still here. Things aren't totally in the shit hole over here. I've been trying to keep going with my normal everyday life, as fucked up as it sometimes can be, because it's all I've really got. So on Saturday I ran the Neon Run with my fellow dance mom and friend, Andrea.

And let me just say, we were the hottest Doodlebops there.

 The challenge was to be illuminated because obviously it's a Neon Run, at night, on the lake walk. I decided that I would wear the glow things they gave us AND I would spend $20 on a Fila shirt that was supposed to glow in the dark. I laid that bitch in the sunlight ALL DAY and it did not glow. Do I look like I have illuminated boobs? No. No I don't because Fila are a bunch of dirty liars.

I borrowed my sister in law's bright pink socks, wore my neon laced running shoes, borrowed a giant purple and blue tutu from Connie and then snagged a blue wig from Andrea. Which didn't work super well with my ponytail but who cares. The fact you can see my actual hair adds to the whole "I'm a mess who can't dress herself" theme.

 And then we walked it. We knew we weren't going to win any prizes for being the fastest, but who cares. We looked like weirdos and we got to chat the entire time which is really great and it was nice to do something that didn't let me sit at home and worry.

 We only saw one official homeless person, no muggers, and no abductions happened. Though towards the end that path was pretty dark so I was worried but it ended up being the turn around point. We kept getting compliments on our outfit so we decided to stick around for the prizes, which best costume was one of them. Know who beat us?

A couple of skinny bitches with leopard print leggings and lace neon leotards.

Next year? Oh next year it is ON.

Here is a shot that the owners of Canal Park Brewery took of Andrea and I with some other random people who did the 5K as well. You see how we stood out? Because we're awesome. I'm definitely doing it next year and I think next year we will have more notice so we'll have a bigger group of ladies. It was a ton of fun, though!

Oh yes, so I got home around 1am and then had to get up at 7 am to get ready for another 5K. Which turned out to be a terrible idea. Back to back 5K's when you aren't a good runner, have no stamina for a 5K, and have almost no sleep and are slightly dehydrated?

Poor choice.

I wanted to do it because it was literally a block from my house, it was the first annual, and it was a block party all raising money to feed the hungry in our town. I mean, even if I died- my $15 went to a good cause and as a bonus, maybe my organs could have been donated.

 Matt and the kids came down with me and they were going to wait for me to finish. Honestly, I had been averaging about 40 minutes for 3.1 miles and that was straight walking, so I thought for sure that's what I'd be coming in at.

 And I started strong. I think I ran for the first full mile and felt alright. But then I started going slower, I started cramping up, my knee hurt, then my hip started popping in and out and I had to walk. Then I thought, no big deal. I'll walk for a bit and then run a little bit- if I just do a combination, I'll be fine. But every time I ran it hurt and I felt like I wanted to cheat and turn around. Then I thought, maybe I'll just call Matt to come freaking get me because this sucks and holy crap, but 1.5 miles I was so tired. Like I had expended everything I had. By the time we hit that half way mark I was dead last and over it. Like, legit over it.

But then the guy at the turn around was so damn optimistic, so I figured screw it. I'm just walking this bitch. By mile 2 I really hated it and wanted to go home. Out of nowhere I got so overwhelmed about my mom, and my stress level in general, fed up with being chunky, and I was overly warm, so I started to cry. And there was turn around guy who clearly was waiting for me to hurry so he could pick up the barricades. But he kept telling me he'd follow me and that all I had to do was finish. Poor guy probably thought I was nuts.

By the time I turned and was on the last half mile I was just so mad at myself for sucking so bad and to be honest, I just wanted to shower and go to bed.

 Then my kids started running towards me on the sidewalk. And I thought dammit. I can't give up right in front of my kids. They don't care I'm chunky, or slow, or nonathletic, or dead freaking last. They are just happy to see me and that I'm actually in a race.

 So we finished together.

But most importantly? I finished. I was sweaty, sore, and tired. I was embarrassed to be last but more proud that I finished when I thought about giving it up. And this is the first, and probably only time, I'll ever repeat a Pinterest weightloss mantra because they are crap. Even though I was dead last, I did more than the fat asses who slept in that day.

Dirty Girls Do It Best. Obviously.

Well, the good news is that I did not die during my 5K mud/obstacle run on Saturday. The bad news is that I have seen more vaginas, nipples and ass cracks that I ever thought I would in my life, all in the short span of twenty minutes.

I'm talking about the Dirty Girl Mud Run. Which was hands down, the most fun run I have ever done and I had legs apart, the best group of ladies to run it with. I'm kind of glad it was just us four because we were a good group and it was hilarious. And quite frankly, I don't know if I would have made it without Cassandra telling me to get my ass moving or Connie helping me down obstacles so I didn't bust my ass and have to ride in the medic trailer.

And I have pictures, mostly before/afters, only because Matt refused to walk the trail and fully document everything that happened. I'm working on his show pony skills still. Apparently.

I will say though? This was super organized. We parked in a massive hay field. Chopped down hay fields are not walking friendly and I sliced up my ankles. That was not awesome. We then got on the bus and it took us to the actual race area.

And then they had the check in area blatantly obvious. I have no idea why my arm is just randomly out, but I was texting to see where the other girls were. At check in you get your number and you then go to check your bags and shit. Which is why Matt was there so he took mine. Then you go get your shirt. We were wave 13, which was at 11:00 a.m., but once we realized that oh hey- they aren't checking you at any point here, we decided to go at 10:30. That wave looked kind of empty so we went for it figuring if nothing else, we'd be done a little sooner.

Pre race/before picture of us.

We thought the course safety sign was interesting. Nowhere on the run did I see color flags, but I also wasn't looking. I was trying to not die.

Oh, and before the race they had a zumba warm up. Which yay.

I like me some zumba.

And bam! Time to start!

So the first obstacle is called the Barn Burner. Essentially you climb up this giant inflatable thing, and bounce on your ass all the way down. What you don't want to happen is have a super huge person bounce next to you because they will toss your ass. Let's just say there was a point where I not only got stuck in between two sections, but I landed hard on my ass at the bottom. Way to go chunky girl.

Obstacle 2 was the Get A Grip. It was the first of a few rope ones and you climb up a rope wall and ring the bell. That was far harder than I thought because I am not good at ropes. Then the way down was a bit tricky as well.

Utopian Tubes was third and that was where you got muddy and wet for the first time. Warning: the mud smells horrible and it is cold. You will army crawl through it and no amount of training can prepare you for running in sopping wet shoes and socks.

Get Over Yourself- 8 foot wall. Enough said. Thank god Connie was there because she helped me navigate the way down. I didn't want to look down but I also am only 5'3 so my foot did not just land on a step, I needed help finding it. Thankfully for Connie, I did not bust my ass here.

This is us after the first three obstacles. not super dirty, but we also had no idea what was ahead.

PMS. ooh yuck. You run through a mud pit. Also not awesome because by this point, we had kind of dried off and I wasn't feeling as disgusting.

The Monkey. This is the only obstacle I really thought I would skip. I've seen a few YouTube videos of people doing it, I've seen other bloggers talk about it, but it doesn't matter because it is hard. At least for me. And when I climbed up to mount the thing, which is a rope climb except it's horizontal, I looked at Renee who also looked unsure and flat out told her if she wanted to skip it I would skip it with her. But then Connie is flying across it, and Cassandra is going through it telling me to just fucking do it already and I thought you know what? If drunk and hungover 20somethings can do this shit on that Road Rules/Real World Challenge show, then by god I can do this sober. My strategy ended up being to go sideways. I went sideways and dragged my ass. And I made it. I am 99% sure that this obstacle alone is why my back, shoulder blades and arms were sore the next two days.

Amaze Yourself. This is basically a bungee rope maze. What you also cannot prepare for is the sensation of having a bungee slap you in the face or the vagina. That hurts. There is no other way to describe being slapped in the vagina with a bungee.

Dirty Dancing: Hands down, the most fun obstacle. You climb up a HUGE inflatable slide which has water running down it so you will fly down it. A word of advice: close your eyes and your mouth. Also? Try to turn sideways. What happened to me is that I did not turn sideways so my feet hit the bottom and it propelled me forward and I fell almost on my face in a mud pit. Because oh yes, there is a mud pit at the end. I had mud in my ears, nose, mouth, and eyes. We're what? 4 days out from the race and still in the morning I have dirt in the corners of my eyes. Thank god for Renee having a dry spot on her shirt and thank god she is not weirded out by me rubbing my face on her shirt. (Thanks, Renee. I feel closer to you already.)

You Go Girl. This is like high stepping through tires, but it's inflatable. Beware- this is not for short people. Some of us flew through it, others (*cough* ME *cough*) went slower because my legs don't lift that high and I very much did not want to fall on my face. Like the girl behind me. So glad I wasn't here. Dang.

Down & Dirty: What is different about this army crawl through mud is that unlike the first one? This one had a tarp over it. So if you are claustrophobic in any way, this one might be tough. I'm not one to get freaked out but the small space combined with the foul smell of the mud, and trying to not get kicked in the face made this is really hard. I also tried not to kick the person ahead of me. But the mud is also not beach sand, it's like dirt. With rocks and random shit in it so you will scuff up your knees, elbows, hands, etc.

H20MG: This is basically you climbing into a garbage dumpster, walking through waist deep mud and then climbing out.

Runaway Bride: At this point, there were more and more spectators watching because we were getting to the end, but no Matt. This one apparently changes with each venue and you can tell it's like random extra obstacles they have. We climbed over two smallish board things, under a really low bar and something else. I was so winded and just didn't want to make an ass out of myself at the end.

The very last one doesn't have a name, but it's a huge mud pit you army crawl through while people watch.

Pre mud pit.

During mud pit.

More mud pit.

Fortunately, Matt did not get a picture of me when my tank top and bra were hanging down from the weight of the mud and I pretty much flashed the marines handing out water.

Our trek to the shower tents.

No showers before our post picture!

I was covered. It was in my hair, my ears, my nose, basically every crevice and hole in my body. And yes- I mean every hole.

The real treat are the showers. Nothing could have prepared me for what I have now dubbed the Tent of Horrors. I'm not going to lie, I am not a prude by any means, but I did kind of expect a little privacy. Not a communal tent with hoses. You shower off with hoses that are pumping out freezing water. I put my bag of clean clothes in the middle, only dry area on the floor, and I stood in horror.

Almost everyone was stark naked.

Now I don't like to be dirty either but I also know that nobody wants to see me and my post two kids self. My boobs sag, I have an inner tube around me, and I have a badonkey donk. So instead, I was stubborn and thinking I could just clean myself off clothes on. So Renee and Cassandra got to a hose first so Connie and I stood there waiting for a hose behind two women would were taking their sweet ass time.

And the look on Connie's face as these women are bending over and flashing their stuff is, to this day, hilarious. I will grow old with dementia and I will remember the look on her face. What I also won't forget is the one woman's nipples. I cannot emphasize how cold this water was because it was freezing and she looked like she had pacifiers on her chest. You could not help but stare because my nipples surely do not do that.

But the most horrifying thing? Is that they were washing their vaginas with the hose and the water splashing off their vaginas hit us in the face. And I may have yelled, "OHMYGOD" and while my mouth was open, water went into it.

I am pretty sure I swallowed vagina back splash.

It was disgusting. I was horrified.

Then I got my turn at the hose. I quickly realized washing off with hose water is kind of a joke. I also then decided to fuck it all and I took of my tank top, leaving my bra on. I did not clean my boob area well enough and that turned out to suck later on. I tried my best to get my legs as clean as I could but it's really a futile effort. I'm always torn between getting a job done or hurrying up to deal with the consequences because there was a line of people behind me. I hate being that asshole holding everyone up. So I basically said fuck it.

It was then that I realized I had forgotten a towel. My amazing packing skills failed me. I had to use a sweatshirt. I also decided I could not walk in wet workout pants so I changed into my cotton skirt and got the hell out of there without looking at anything. Eyes to the ground, people.

Outside, mud and water started coming from places and running down my leg so I effectively looked like I had a case of the runs and it was coming down my leg. I don't think I have ever felt so gross in my life. I also decided that riding home 2 1/2 hours in wet underwear was not going to happen, so I did what any girl would do.

Change my underwear next to the merchandise tent. I did have an awkward moment where I started laughing for no reason, while leaning on Matt, holding my filthy underwear. Thankfully I was able to get my shit together before I fell over and look like a drunk with my underwear pulled down.

I'm sure Matt, Cassandra, Renee and Connie were appreciative of this as well.

We didn't hang around because we were all tired and I had a long drive home, so we got on the bus to head home. Once back in the parking lot, we walked so far to the car. I had no idea we had parked that far down. But I decided I was going to go braless on the way home because I was sunburned on my shoulders and neck and it was rubbing. So I get in the car and proceed to take of my bra when I hear a sickening "plop" noise.

Oh yes, because this is why you spend more time rinsing your boob area- otherwise mud will plop in your car. And your car will smell foul from the mud. Life lesson, folks. Life lesson.

So overall? I had a blast. I really did. I thought I would hate it. I thought I would skip an obstacle, but I didn't. It's certainly not my best 5K time (about 90 minutes), but considering I took my time over obstacles so I wouldn't fall and hurt myself and there was a line at some of them so we had to wait for our turn, I feel like this was a good time. I'm proud of myself. I felt like I did a good job and so did the other girls. And I'm not kidding, this would be hard to do alone. If I didn't have those three ladies with me, I would have tossed in the towel and threw deuces because it was hard.

Am I signing up for next year? Absolutely. My advice is to go with friends, wear shoes that are worn down to nothing because they will be ruined (you can donate them at the end), and wear clothing that is as tight to you as possible. Anything less will hang from the weight of mud and you will flash spectators. And be prepared for the showers.

Weight Loss Monday: Harvest Run 5K

I have been fairly slacker on the exercise but I made up for it by running in another 5K on Saturday, specifically the Harvest Run 5K that benefits the local NICU in one of the hospitals in Duluth. Super great cause and it was pretty much the prettiest 5K route to run. Hands down.

The race this year had all of us meet up at the Fitgers Brewery Complex in downtown Duluth (a must see stop if you're in the area) and we boarded a train that took us about 18 minutes away near the new Duluth East High School. Our families got to ride the train too, but obviously only runners and walkers got off.

 And it was a totally gorgeous and perfect fall day in Duluth. It was chilly (in the 50's) but thankfully there was no wind.

 Emily and I pre-race.

 And of course I dragged my kids and husband out of bed so they could come watch me. But they both were happy to ride the train.

 So once Emily and I got off of the train we had to walk to the start line. This race was much more organized than the race at the zoo and we felt super official. Mostly because we got our pin on numbers again but this time? We got fun chips to attach to our shoes to capture our time! Like legit racers.

Anyways. So I have to say I started out strong. I felt really good and despite forgetting my iPod (again) I was cruising along. Emily and I were keeping a good pace together and I wasn't feeling cramped or sore anywhere. Then we get to the one mile mark and it's a bit of a hill and a turn around so we decided to walk the corner and then take off again. Yeah. That's when the side cramp started. So we both walk it off and start up. I'm keeping a pretty steady walk/run pace until the two mile mark when BAM. My right knee completely pops out of it's socket and then almost immediately back in. At this point I figure we must be close to a water station so I decided to keep going. No. The two mile mark was at the Rose Garden and there were plenty of cowbells jingling but no water station. None. So I keep going thinking maybe there is another one just ahead.

I would be wrong yet again and my knee is really hurting. At this point I'm trying to think of my options but truly I have none other than to finish. I could have just walked it and finished but I was really pumped at the two mile mark when they shouted our times so far because I thought I had a decent chance of beating my first 5K time which was 47 minutes. I really felt like I was just going to do it.

So I started a light jog and when I say that I started crying at the .4 mark? I am not even kidding. I had one guy on the side ask if I was OK because I have tears coming down my face and I must have visibly looked like I was hurting and so when I reply "no", I get a "OK! Keep going!" Um, what the fuck? Are you kidding me? At that point I wanted to say screw it, but then I see Matt and my kids and of course my kids start freaking out because they see me. They both start clapping and screaming "Go, Mommy, Go" and so I came across that finish line.

 I had no idea what my time was but Emily was just ahead of me (there was a woman between us) and she was confident that we did better. I pretty much collapsed on a rock and just caught my breath because I was tired, I hurt, and I had to pee. And I was thirsty because hey- they had no water table at all during the race. So after I got my bearings about me I went and looked at the race postings on the wall and my time?

I beat my time by almost six full minutes with a bum knee. Pretty effing awesome and I will take that! But what's pretty cool is that I see that I am about a 13 minute mile and I was kind of happy to at least know that for future.

So that my friends? Concludes my second 5K. Obviously I wish I had gotten under 40 minutes because that was my goal, but I am happy I still beat my time. I am not happy that I obviously hurt myself. My knee is better than it was but my growing concern is my right hip. Which pretty much hurts a lot right now. So I am going to call and make an appointment to find out what the deal is since that is something I've dealt with for awhile and I don't think it's good. So.. happy thoughts there.

But my next 5K is (hopefully) the Gobble Gallop in Duluth on Thanksgiving or maybe even the Jingle Bell run which is the Saturday after that in Duluth too. We'll see. I'd like to do both, but it might only be one because I have to pay to run.. and funds are kind of tight right now. And? My knee and hip might dictate what I end up doing. So I'm going to take it easy this week which means no zumba, no running. I'll get back onto my schedule next week and hopefully not look like a Weeble when I walk.

Weight Loss Monday... or that time I didn't research enough and almost died.

I know you all want a major update on my weight loss and I have no numbers for you. In fact, it's been MONTHS since I've weighed myself, and I'm OK with that. Mostly because I've been eating shit and so I'm sure that will only reaffirm I'm a fat ass. But I *am* exercising. In fact... I ran a 5K bitches.

Yeah, that's right. Your lambwhore leader is a BADASS who ran (almost all) of a 5K. In under an hour.

Bow Down.

So basically, my friend and coworker Emily and I are training for a half marathon that happens in June. In order to train for this, we're working on our running skillz and figured it we run a series of smaller races, we'd be better prepared for our half marathon. We'd kind of understand the rules, etiquette, and just general feel of different races so we A) don't make assholes of ourselves or B) hurt ourselves and/or others. We're good girls. The race on Saturday was our first, it was a 5K so that makes it 3.1 miles, and it was the Run Like An Animal race.

 Pre race, just happy to have numbers. We feel super official. And I wore my "Fainting Goat Whisperer" shirt for you, Jen!

When we looked up the race it clearly said it was a run "through the zoo", and having been to the zoo I know it has paved sidewalks that are generously wide. I also know it has some hills that suck ass pushing a double stroller up, but it's not horrible. So when they have us line up facing the forest... I was kind of taken aback. The gun goes off and the runners start, they gave us a 15 minute lead before the walkers got to go. We start off strong thinking we've got this shit.

 Meanwhile, Emily's husband and her sister are lounging in chairs. Matt and my kids are playing in the park.

 Completely unaware Emily and I are getting our asses handed to us. Here are some facts about the race course we did not know:

• It was mostly a TRAIL run. Trail = hard. Trail running really means you should have special shoes with say.... traction on them.
• The race is almost entire uphill.
• Having the ability to hurdle giant areas of mud and/or puddles as well as tree branches is a plus.

I basically felt like this was some kind of sick relay. Emily and I were running and running and running, almost dying as we hurdle over things in the completely ungroomed path. There are steep grassy hills we're going down that are completely slick as shit because it's wet from morning dew, the other steep embankments are just loose gravel so you kind of slide down it. And as we're heading toward the start/finish area, I'm like, "praise baby jeebus" because we thought FOR SURE we were almost done. Um, no. The lady was like, "You're almost half done!" I'm sorry- jigga say what? "Almost" half done? So we decided we were going to get to the half way and then walk a bit.

 So that's us getting to the half way point.

 And me trying to look like I'm not going to die.

 And this is me swearing that I am going to die. But back into the bowels of the forest we go for *yay* another 1.5 miles.

That leg of the race was even worse. I'm not kidding you when I say that a good mile of it was completely uphill a mostly dirt/gravel/mud/uneven surface area. At this point we were doing the run/walk alternating and that was going fairly well. She's a much faster funner than I am, but I was able to keep up pretty well and in all, I'm glad I had her with me because I would have said "fuck this shit" at the half way point.

We got passed by old people. And kids. But we passed the bridal party (yes, there was a bride and her bridesmaids running) and we stayed ahead. We also finished before a bunch of skinny bitches who looked like they knew what they were doing, so that's kind of awesome.

The important thing is that we finished. We finished that bitch in 47 minutes (though Matt believes it may have been closer to 45), and our goal was to finish in under an hour. And considering that the race route was everything we had not trained for I'm thrilled that we did as well as we did. I'll tell you one thing, running in a skort is SO much nicer than shorts. Except this one was spandex-y and I was sweating so bad that I literally could not tell if I was just sweating and it was pooling or if I peed. But I'm like 99% sure it was sweat because I peed a lot when I got home. So.. win. The other awesome thing is that the first people to finish were done at 20 minutes and they were all hard core runners who said the route was brutal, so that made me feel even more badass. Like we should have gotten more than a damn shirt.

So thanks, Emily- for not letting me give up even though I felt like dying. I promise to actually call the race people and specifically ask if we're on 100% paved road or not the next time!

Our next race is the Minnesota Mile in September, and then the Gobble Gallop in November.

But you should know that my badassness was short lived. Mostly because after I got home to shower, we were supposed to go to a family picnic but yeah. I could barely move. Horrible planning. I fell asleep and wasted the ENTIRE day sleeping and being in pain. Yesterday was even WORSE because I felt like my hips were completely out of their sockets. My shins and ankles hurt like bitches today yet. But.. no pain, no gain? The daunting thing is knowing that Saturdays are going to be my long run days and ugh. Am I going to feel like this every single Sunday? Because that kind of blows shit.