Thursday, January 2, 2014

Freeze yer balls, and Christmas.

Don't even try to shame me in being this late on Christmas posts. The week of Christmas was insane, I'm up to my boobs in book reviews and I'm in the midst of planning a baby shower and trying to figure out where in the hell Jackson's snow pants are all while I'm pretty sure my eight year old is like pre-puberty because she has burst into tears for basically no reason no less than 6 times since we got home at 5.

It's only 7:30.

It's kind of my life basically.

So here is basically the last week of December:

 We finally went to Bentleyville this year. It's been bitter cold, and by bitter cold I mean like 30 degrees BELOW zero. So we went on a day when it was like 5 degrees ABOVE zero. Which is still ridiculously cold, so you can't really see the children in this terribly dark picture, but you see the lights and you see the bundles that are shaped like my kids. It was particularly terrible for me because I went without a real winter jacket and boots that are more fashion than function.

But more on that later.
 After standing in line for an hour to see Santa, we hustled it through the lights. I basically got no pictures of any lights because I could no longer feel my toes. But the moon looked pretty over the lift bridge, and if you live here you are obligated to take pictures of this bridge. You don't even realize how many you have until you look through.

It took me four hours to thaw out. Even my nipples hurt, they were that cold. I really probably could have cut glass.

So Christmas Eve we go out to Matt's parents' house per usual and that was alright.
 Olivia brought out the sewing machine my blogger friend Jamie gave her because Grandmas knows what to do. Mommy does not. But I kind of love this picture because Olivia looks like such a little lady.
 And to kill time, we take pictures. Olivia and I.
 Not to be outdone by Jackson and his beloved dog.
The obligatory in-front-of-the-tree picture. I always think it's funny their tree is actually tethered to the ceiling but they do have dogs and I've been told the dogs will knock it down otherwise.
 Fun fact. The sweater Matt is wearing? Is old. Like well over 12 years old. He wore this exact sweater to a wedding we went to at a bar when we first started dating 12 years ago. I kind of hate the fact he still fits in it. Jerk.
 Last picture from their house on Christmas Eve. Jackson got this Batman belt from Aunt Kate and he had to put it on right away, obviously. So I made a comment about how he's all dressed up with a Batman tool belt and he declares, "Yah, mom... Batman gets fancy some days." I stand corrected.

So after all of that, we headed home. This is the first year since having kids (so 8 Christmases) that we have not had to wrap all of the presents after they went to bed first year. It felt good. I don't know if it felt good enough to have my shit together next year, but it was nice this year.
 The kids put cookies out for Santa, carrots out for reindeer, I remembered to sprinkle the reindeer food out on the sidewalk which I'm sure some random neighborhood animal ate because it was all gone Christmas morning. Then we put the presents under our wonky shaped tree. Seriously- I don't know what the hell happened to this tree between last  year and this year. It's leaning forward, looks like chunks are missing- it's just sad. But I'm also too broke to replace it so Wonky Tree will see another year.
 I'm that mean mom that makes people get themselves dressed before we open presents. I also make them wait until I'm ready, we've had breakfast, I've peed, the animals had been fed, all the while they are bouncing off of the walls. Parenting = power.
 Olivia got the much anticipated Nintendo 2DS. The best part about this is that she is absolutely amazed at how good I am at Super Mario Bros. Between that and Mario Kart, Tetris, Final Fight 2, and Mortal Kombat 3, those are the only games I can play.
 Story behind the giant fucking turtles. So, my brother got Jackson a Ninja Turtle Van. He informs me no guys come with it. Which, lame. So I figured I'm one gift short for Jackson, I'll buy him the four Ninja Turtles and call it one gift. Except I'm trying to do this the Saturday before Christmas like every other jack ass. So I order them, have to pay expedited shipping to get them here by Monday, and my total is like $90. For FOUR turtles. This is almost more than Olivia's big gift. So I get the package and it's huge. Then I open it to see that the turtles? Are the size of my god damn HEAD. Like, almost a foot tall. Clearly are not going to fit into the van. Fortunately for me, Jackson thought they were kick ass and now wants his own weapons. Like real weapons. He's already put the birthday request in for nun chucks. I'll give you one guess as to what he is not getting for his birthday.
 Christmas madness in motion!
 OH! So Jackson's big gift this year was the Skylanders Swap Force Starter Pack for the Xbox 360. He's been asking for months. We have had months of emotional melt downs at every store that carries these things. His response of hugging the box (repeatedly) has made these meltdowns worth it.
 Olivia's big gift was the American Girl doll that looked like her. Which was sold out online and I am very fortunate to know someone who was not only going to the store right before Christmas, but was willing and able to pick one up for me and I could pay her on payday. Again, totally worth it- she kept saying she was really worried Santa forgot because I made sure it was the last one she opened.
 While I cleaned up the madness, the boys played Skylanders.
 Olivia played on her DS.
 And Twinky tried to hump his new toy while in his Santa suit.
 After all of that, we had my parents, my uncle, my brother, and my grandparents come over for gifts and dinner that consisted of appetizers and desserts. Here's my mommy! You don't see her much on my blog but she's the best.
 Jackson opening a bow and arrow which he's already shot me with, Matt trying to assemble Ninja Turtle Van, and my Uncle Ron watching madness.
 My brother is also the best. The kids adore him.
 My and my little bro who's bigger than me.
 Olivia and her two American Girl dolls. Seriously- she dresses them everyday and carts them around every where.
 At the very end of the night, we watched my favorite movie, Christmas Vacation, and then followed that up with The Great Outdoors. Because honestly, any movie referring to hotdogs as lips and assholes is family friendly.
 Olivia and I. She's wide awake, I was tired. Real tired.
But you're all, "what did Matt get you? Did he fail AGAIN?" And like you, I expected an epic fail. I really did. He not only did NOT take my list, but he waited until the last minute. He ended up getting me that box of chocolates (which I've eaten them all. Except the cherry cordials, coconut and the fruit and nut things. Gross.), a used Wii (that my cats already ate the fucking sensor bar so I need a new one), some underwear (standard, but this year it fits!), and two dirty romance novels and some costume jewelry I took pictures of. The best part is that afterwards he asks me if I knew what those books were about, because he wasn't sure if I really wanted them for me. I was like, "Yeah- they have light BDSM but it's fine- it'll probably be really good." He almost choked on an ice cube. Honestly, he clearly doesn't pay attention to what's on the nightstand.


My parents got me knives and the Coach perfume I wanted, and I got some gift cards from my grandparents and brother. Overall, it was a pretty great Christmas. I feel like we did a lot in the month of December, even though there was some other Christmas things I wanted to do, like ride the train in Duluth, see the reindeer in Fitgers, etc- but it was too fucking cold to do any of that.

So on to New Years. More later. xx


Jen Mc said...

That's a busy Christmas! I'm glad Santa was good.
Have a Happy New Year

SpiritPhoenix said...

Hey, check out your local Hobby Lobby and see if they have any trees left, they go down to 90% off! We got our 8 ft. pre lit slim for $30 a few years ago.

And if they don't have any is having a 66% off sale until the 7th.

Lin said...

What a great Christmas! Sone gift cards, perfume and some light BDSM books...fucking win. Love all the pics. You look fucking amazing, btw.

Julie H said...

I could so devour that chocolate right now. YUM!