Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Bubbles & Books - LUCAS

So this post is going to be two-fold because I'm going to talk about my first box from Bubbles & Books, and then I'm going to review the book I received in that box. Normally I'm not able to do that but this was a really short book so I finished it in just a few hours so you lucked out!

I heard about Bubbles & Books a few months ago as part of a round up of book subscription boxes and it caught my eye because it's focused on romance novels and instead of crappy swag I just throw out, this box mails bath related goods. In my first box I got a handmade bar of soap, which smells so good, a felt bookmark, a weird sponge thing, and then a perfume sample which was terrible. It was definitely how you would think an old lady would smell. But the book... I wasn't sure what to think about it. This box allows you to choose from three different romance genres: bad boy, paranormal, historical. I went with bad boy because I felt like paranormal can be really hit or miss and historical isn't always my jam. It's not that I won't read them, it just has to be a really interesting sounding story for me to commit. Frankly, there are thousands of books that fall into the bad boy romance so I thought for sure we'd get something amazing so when I saw this I was disappointed. I don't mind that it was only 148 pages, but it's clearly a self-published/indie book and I'm going to be a book snob here... but 75% of the books in that category aren't picked up by a major publisher for a reason. Are there exceptions to that? Yes. Absolutely yes and I've read a bunch of them. I'm saying an overwhelming majority is crap. This basically falls into it.

Lucas - Susan Fisher-Davis

Emily Walters needs help fast. Her ex-husband is being released from prison and Adam swore he’d never let her go. She knows he’ll come for her. Her only choice is one of the bad boys of Dry River, Lucas Taggart. Lucas raised a lot of hell when he was younger and never backed down from anyone. It's what Emily needs in a protector and a husband. She offers him half of her ranch in exchange for protection and marriage. Whispering Pines is one of the largest horse ranches in the States. Would it be enough to entice the brooding man? 

Lucas Taggart isn't interested in marriage but he is interested in Whispering Pines and when he looks into Emily’s eyes, he knows it wouldn't be a hardship being married to her, as long as it's a real marriage. 

When Adam shows up to claim the woman he still thinks of as his wife, will Lucas have to do the unthinkable to protect the woman he's come to love with all his heart? What happens if or when Adam is finally out of the picture? Will Emily still want Lucas around and will she ever return his love?

I'm going to start this review by saying this is 100% not a book I would see on a shelf, read the description, and put in my cart. I only read it because it came in my recent Bubbles & Books subscription. Secondly, this book is listed as "erotic romance" on the title page and I'm telling you it absolutely is not. Well, unless you consider the author insinuating the characters are having sex as filthy, then by all means. I've hardly read a more vanilla standard romance, so if you are going into these 148 pages looking for erotic romance you will be disappointed.

The premise of this book is Emily runs a successful ranch but has an ex-husband in prison set to be released soon. Instead of trusting the authorities to help her (because the ex-husband is just so rich, he buys them all off) she decides the best way to protect herself is to get married to a "bad boy". And by "bad boy", I'm talking a guy who was a little punk as a kid but turned into a decent, law abiding citizen. So she asks Lucas if he'd do this (he's not a total stranger, though- he helped her when she was a kid and fell off a horse but that was years prior and she's harbored a crush on him since, of course) and he agrees.

He AGREES on a damn whim. No, I take that back, he agrees knowing he'd own half of the ranch Emily owns.

Because every decent marriage is based on bribery.

So they get married but Lucas decides he wants it to be a real marriage for all intents and purposes, and Emily agrees, but she's no hussy- she wants to get to know him first before having sex. (Are you rolling your eyes yet? Just wait, it gets better!)

But WAIT, you guys! Ex-husband is out (Adam) and he's crazy as a loon, y'all! He's killing people left and right because nobody is going to take his Emily away! Instead of making his character really despicable and have him being physically abusive or something, turns out Adam is just mildly verbally abusive but basically a misogynistic pig. Emily is terrified of him though, hence Lucas. Lucas is a bad ass though, so he's going to save everyone.

I won't ruin it for you but know there's a happy ever after. But can I just talk about something that drove me NUTS when I was reading it? These people take a shit ton of naps. I have chronic fatigue, I understand being tired ALL of the time but this is over the top. Emily has a conversation, needs to lay down. She did payroll, need to lay down. Adam calls, need to lay down. Also, for someone who describes herself as self sufficient, she relies on Lucas a LOT. She can't even take one of her 375 naps without him. It's just too much. This entire book was laughably terrible. I don't even want to donate this book anywhere, I honestly want to toss it in the trash.

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