Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Health Update: Rexulti, Eyeballs, Guts

I continue to struggle managing my depression and anger. I will say that a lot of days I can get through just fine, no angry outbursts, no rage feelings, but when it comes? 


I have to assume I'm terrifying to my small children because I scare myself. 

At my recent psychiatry appointment, where we are tweaking my meds so I don't jump off of the bridge, we decided that we would stop the Abilify and in its place start Rexulti. I'm pretty much game for anything at this point, so I was fully on board. I only made it three days on Rexulti when I discovered it was giving me tremors in my hands, arms, and head. 

If you've never had tremors, consider yourself lucky because it's really disconcerting. It's like having Parkinson's, just uncontrollable shaking. 

Guess what you shouldn't do with that? 


Let's just say I lost quite a bit of blood over the weekend just trying to shave my damn legs. 

I sent my doctor a message that I was going to stop the Rexulti and asked if I should restart the Abilify or just wait? Luckily for me I was able to get a sample pack of Rexulti so I wouldn't be left with an entire bottle of something I can't use, a practice more doctors should do because honestly- I've spent hundreds of dollars and have a vast quantity of pills that I can't use. 

I really wanted to ask if I'm going to be dependent on these forever. Will I forever need medication to participate like a normal person in society? Will my depression always be here? I think I asked once before but I want so badly to ask again... I just don't because I'm kind of afraid of the answer.

I also got my annual eye exam, which is the first one I've had in you know... FIVE YEARS. I got the side eye about that but truly, my glasses were fine and nothing had changed.

Then, of course, I had my AFE and stroke and that warrants some checking. In case you missed it, I had my stroke in the left occiptal lobe, which is where your eye sight function is regulated in the brain.

I've noticed that my glasses aren't quite doing it anymore and that I need to wear my glasses more and more. Certainly I need them for driving, 100%. I need them to watch TV now otherwise I can't read anything and pictures are blurry around the edges. Reading is fine so I feel like I'm not totally ruined.

But because of the stroke they gave me a more thorough eye exam, which took almost two hours, and he has seen every part of my eyeball and I had the worst headache after leaving there. But it's confirmed, I need to wear glasses almost exclusively. I have a MUCH stronger prescription and I need to change my drivers license to reflect that I need to wear them while driving.

Next up, my GUTS.

I've been complaining about stomach issues for awhile but only recently has it gotten to the point where I think there may be something wrong with me. It's intense pain, enough to make me double over in pain and take something for pain.

I've tried going gluten free, probiotics, fiber, stool softeners, laxatives, you name it, I've tried it. Nothing helps.

So the thought was maybe it was the methotrexate that I take but my visit yesterday confirms it almost certainly isn't that. So now I'm back to square one with a message into my primary care, who likely is going to pass me off to a gastroenterologist.

Fun times. 


jn said...

You know something darling ?? You have gone thru so much and had so much taken from you, but I know one thing you have not lost is your incredible sense of humor. I personally call mine "snarkiness".....what ever you want to call it, you've still got it! I know none of us can even begin to understand all that you have and will go thru in your life, but God has let you keep your humor and I for one see it in a your posts. Some days, I feel that's all I have, and I know a lot of people don't get it, but it is something that gets me thru so much. I use to wonder when I would be able to go off my meds....20 years later I realize, it might never happen. But, I don't think I would be where I am without them. I pray for you often and hope they will find more relief for you....but keep the humor Sara. It's a huge part of your survival and I hope when you get that book done, I see it on a lot of the pages! Love you.

Life Love & High Heels said...

Sorry to hear about the rage moments :( But JN is right- you still got that sassy humor!