Thursday, February 1, 2018

Medical Update: hoopty lungs and Abilify

It's been kind of a while since I've updated you on things happening in my body, which I know is always thrilling. It's nothing crazy, but it's worth talking about.

  • A few weeks ago I participated in a Pulmonary Function Test, PFT, and that basically tests how well my lungs function. You sit in a weird tube and blow into a tube like a breathalyzer and then repeat the tests after you've had a broncodialator to see if your lungs work any better with some medical help. Turns out, mine work 85% better with said medical help so that likelihood that I am going to need a daily inhaler is almost guaranteed. I see my Pulmonologist (the same guy who helped me get a CPAP machine, he's super nice) next week to talk about my options. Of course, being classified as obese doesn't help, but I have enough obstruction or whatever they called it, that I need to see someone. And here I thought my wheezing was just a sign I'm fat but nope, turns out I'm busted. But that gem of a test only costs $924.64 so that's exciting.. I'm on my way to hitting my deductible! HA! 
  • I continue with my Psychiatrist and he's pretty cool. We joked about dead cats this visit so there's that. I was put on Abilify as my "buddy" to Wellbutrin, which is kind of helping. I think the only signs of improvement aren't that I'm not exhausted, but that I have the inclination to do stuff despite being exhausted. Examples like, cleaning my dresser, scrapbooking, exercising, that kind of thing is how I know that it's doing something for me. Since Straterra and NuVigil haven't worked in helping me feel more alert, I am going to try ProVigil, which is a little different and has different dosing capabilities. Is it something I'm going to take every day? Absolutely not, I can't afford that. 
  • Next week I continue with therapy, that's getting expensive. I hope I hit my deductible soon because I'm having a hard time coughing up $100 cash each visit. Honestly, I don't know if I have that for Monday because Matt gets paid Wednesday and my reserves are gone from prescriptions and deductibles for everything else. 
  • Financially, I'm only a year and a half into the medical nightmare and we are drowning. I don't know how people do this forever because I don't know how we are going to manage, to be honest. We did our taxes and yikes... we aren't getting back what we had hoped because of my disability lump sum payment so while that was nice to pay debts off, we still have a lot more and yeah... that sucks. Something is always better than nothing, though so I'm trying to be positive. 
  • Also next week I have a meeting with my primary care doctor and my occupational therapist, and I'm supposed to bring my "support team" with me, so Matt and my mom, I guess? I need to make sure someone can watch the terrors while we're doing that. I don't understand fully what that's for but I hope it's not a "you should lock her up" meeting. Or maybe I do hope for that, I'm not sure anymore. 
  • I went to a string art party and my medication helped me to not have a panic attack with all of the people and not flip out from the noise of 20 people hammering nails all at once. I was sure I was going to go over the edge, but I didn't, and I was really proud of myself. Matt was pretty impressed and asked me as soon as he got home how it went. 
Overall? I'm depressed. I'm getting better at faking it around people now and that helps. But when it's just Matt and I, and the kids, I can't hold up the happy anymore. It's exhausting all on its own. I'm trying really hard to exercise, to get out and socialize, to be on top of my medication, all of it and it seems pointless. 


Shann Eva said...

I hope your new medication works. I had good luck when I combined Wellbutrin with Lexapro. Just another thought. And even though it seems pointless, I’m so happy you’re making an effort. Maybe if you keep faking it, it will eventually get a little real.

Shooting Stars Mag said...

I'm glad your medicine does seem to be helping some, and it makes you more motivated to do things despite being exhausted. I wish I could help with those pesky medical bills. It's ridiculous how much things cost and how insurance doesn't really help all that much...not for awhile at least. Wouldn't free health care just be amazing?!

I'm glad you're trying to do things, and get out more. Sometimes it is a bit "fake it till you make it" - even if it sucks we ever have it fake it all.