Monday, April 21, 2014

Almost ten.

It's been awhile since I've reported anything on the marriage front. Someone recently emailed me and asked how things were because I haven't mentioned Matt. You'll all be pleased to know he's alive and well, albeit he does have a cold and he's trying to convince me he is on the verge of dying from it.

What is pretty cool is that in June we will be celebrating our ten year wedding anniversary. I know, ten. It's kind of a big deal. Of all of the people we know who were married around the same time we were, only a few remain married to the same person still. Most checked out around year five or less. We've come close but we keep trudging along things surely the best years are to come.

I will say, hands down, the worst years of a marriage are the first five. I look back on those years for us and I totally understand why people throw the towel in and say just to hell with it already. Those first five years brought the purchase of our first home, the birth of two children, infidelity, job loss, marriage counseling, bankruptcy, mental illness struggles, post-partum depression, family health issues, and another job shake up. When I look back on all of that I wonder, why not? Most of that was not what I had signed up for and I certainly didn't think we'd encounter it but we did. We did because we got lazy.

You may not believe it, but at heart, I'm a lazy person. I have great intentions, I do. But by the end of the day, I am exhausted. I'm sick of mothering, I'm sick of working, I'm sick of cleaning, I'm sick of hearing myself breathe- it's hard for me to give anything else to Matt when I feel like I've got nothing. Not to mention there are times where he makes me so angry I could literally rip my own hair out. I don't fully understand how his mind works and I don't know why after all of this time he doesn't just start the god damn dinner when he knows full well what we're having, instead he just sits there and plays stupid while I'm running around like a lunatic doing seven things at once. Then he wonders why I'm angry.

It's that kind of thing that I'm not sure I'm ever going to understand and it's sometimes hard to reconcile that.

But at the end of the day, he's alright. He's a good guy. He means well and I have to say that in my head a lot because he does try. He will always drop what he's doing and go to the movie theater to get me popcorn just because I want some. He cleans up puke and never makes me feel bad about it as I gag in a different room. He doesn't blink an eye when I need time away from everyone, he is a good sport, he puts up with my humor, he will leave work to bring me lunch if I'm too lazy to get it myself, he does a lot of great things.

Let us not forget how super awesome I am as a wife, either. I mean, I could list the reasons but you'd grow bored and nobody has time for that kind of list. We just know I'm super great and wonderful.

So with our anniversary coming up, I want to do something kind of great to celebrate. Preferably without kids, something fairly inexpensive because I have surgery the week after our anniversary and we are super broke right now, but something kind of awesome and romantic. My hope was to surprise a trip to Key West for him, but since our entire tax refund has gone to medical bills, that's shot. Unless I win the lottery, then it's still an option. I'm just out of ideas. It's hard to plan something awesome for a guy who really only likes to do nothing except watch woodworking shows or Antiques Roadshow. I mean, neither of those scream "super awesome fun times" for me, so that's out. I've got to think of something.

These are from when we first started dating. We both graduated college together, at that point we had been dating five months. The first picture was in the first month we were dating. Look at how skinny I was. And how stinking young we looked. BABIES, I tell you. Aw, those were the days where I always had money to get my hair done and eyebrows waxed, shopped at Pac Sun & Deb, and had seven colors of Adidas shoes. Matt blew his entire paycheck on rent, computer parts and beer.

Those were the days. :)


thotlady said...

Very sweet pics.

Tamara said...

Alfred & I are coming up on our 9 year anniversary in a few months, (we've been together for nearly 13 tho) and a lot of our friends also divorced under the 5 year mark. It was definitely an adjustment to be considerate of another person ALL THE FREAKING TIME and it's so exhausting but I'm glad we both decided to keep working at it because we've had many more wonderful days than we have had bad at this point.
I get lazy too by the end of the day - when you're on go-mode all day for everyone else all I can think of is having 5 minutes to myself with no one talking to me or for that matter, even breathing near me. But I think recognizing the crap shit we do to each other and at least trying to rectify it is always a good place to start.

Also, y'all were totally babies! I feel the same way when I look at our photos from so long ago even though it often feels like it was just yesterday!!